| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/26/2008 6:56:22 PM | I stand corrected..Listen to (swspice)...Id still ask them, "hey the f##k man"...Jus joking
Woman know how to better handle these situations better than men, I suppose...
Jus joking AGAIN...sorry...... | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:03:06 PM | I've had the same experience OP, long ago with my ex's friends.
He brought me to a different state where I knew no one, brought me to a house and went to practice with his band for hours and left me with the roommates- these people carried on the whole time talking about their local friends or people they worked with, and didn't ask me a question, try to include me or even LOOK at me. Sure, I could have broken into their conversation and started talking about myself, but since that is rude (and they probably would have been stunned at my rudeness) I didn't.
Then we went to a party and he left me on my own the entire time while I desperately tried to find someone who would give me the time of day (no one would for more than 5 minutes).
These people had NO social skills whatsoever. Zero. Of course, the ex blamed me for my not having a great time and making lots of friends. When I broke up with him, this party was still on my mind.
Those girls are jealous for whatever reason, or are just insecure and ****y, and like to make someone else the odd girl out, just like in junior high (makes them feel better about themselves and more secure). Just be nice and casual with them, and they'll tire of the game and get used to having you around. | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:07:20 PM |
Hard core feminist will excuse anything a woman does and demonize the man in the situation. Old men lusting after young women will excuse anything a young woman does just to score some brownie points with her.
Tsk tsk.......generalizations don't get you far
I believe the OP is getting a raw deal......and was genuinely asking for advice...and i gave her some.
But, some posters take a more analytical view and pull apart her post and profile and pass judgement on her.
They all assume she is cheating because you are on plenty of fish and upload photos and don't keep a tab on your profile settings.. | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:13:27 PM | Hmm, sounds to me like your boyfriend has been neutered since he doesn't have a pair of balls. Do you really feel that you could have a life with a man who will not even stand up for you in the most offensive of situations? I know you care about him and yes you're shy, but are you shy with him? You should talk to him and tell him how uncomfortable you really are with them. If he's any kind of a stand up man, he'll either tell his female friends to slack off and at least be respectful of you or he will miss quite a few friend get togethers. If you're not welcome, he should stand up for you or not go. You said you would be spending a lot of alone time when they went out. Well, that will be your own fault, not his. If he chooses to go out with them instead of his girlfriend (and knowing what they said about you) then you need to do something with your own friends or be on the look out for a new man with a backbone.
I hope he stands up for you soon.
Liz | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:25:09 PM | Hard core feminist will excuse anything a woman does and demonize the man in the situation. Old men lusting after young women will excuse anything a young woman does just to score some brownie points with her.
Tuckerjo hit the nail on the head..."the OP's sponsors" are only validating this.
How is telling anyone that they are some kind of victim in a situation helpful in any way? It is very likely that both sides of this relationship, as well as the girlfriends of his friends, have all contributed to this.
Telling the OP that the only reason this is happening is because she has "superior looks and personality", "some sort of threat to the other girls", that the other girls are "dumb mean girls", that her boyfriend is just "insensitive and immature"...regardless of the accuracy or inaccuracy of the statements, these statements are merely excusing and validating, and not suggesting any responsibility of her own in this situation.
Do I really need to say this one, people? There are "two sides to every story". Truly, how many OPs has everyone seen on here that are of this nature where the poster was playing the victim role in a situation that was just as much of their making as the other people in the situation? Much like everything in life, actually, one is responsible for their own actions and what is in their life. | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:25:27 PM | Your boyfriend needs to tell them that you are really, really shy, and have a really hard time with new people. He needs to tell them to help you feel welcome, that you are NOT stuck up or ignorant.
If he's not willing to stick up for you, I can tell you now that your relationship isn't going to work. If he does stick up for you, and these girls still don't let up, but he's not willing to stop hanging out with them, your relationship isn't going to work in that case either.
I hope it works out for you...but really, your bf needs to be the one initially sticking up for you...if they do understand, and give you a chance, then it's up to you to show them your charming self and make the best of it. | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:27:28 PM | | Snake_charmer, your problem wasn't your bf's friends, it was your bf himself! Talk about having no social skills! | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:33:00 PM |
Do you really feel that you could have a life with a man who will not even stand up for you in the most offensive of situations?
No, no, no.
Why is it his job to stand up for anyone? If she wants to stand up for herself, great!
But, no one is going to like the OP because her boyfriend says they should.
If he cares about her enough, he'll be there for her and not let his friends determine his relationship with the OP, but, what is going to do? Fight for her? Tell his buddies and their girlfriends to like the OP because HE does?
That's just silly. | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:33:34 PM | Messages 43 & 45:
I concede I went too far in my previous post about other posters being jealous and catty.
Rather, I think a few older women who have suffered from cheating see it everywhere, when logically it doesn't necessarily exist. My apologies to the posters on this thread about whom I might have jumped to conclusions, but my thoughts about the OP's situation stand. It's mind-boggling to think that the girls/women described in her OP would be cold-shouldering her because of her POF profile status. If, in fact, they're actually disrespecting her by telling the boyfriend she's "ignorant" and that she thinks she's "better" than others, they'd obviously be dancing in glee and and calling her a cheating slut if the POF profile was in the picture.
And, further, I think a few older people don't understand the dynamics of the Internet for the generation which is in CONSTANT connection and updating and attention mode, on one or many sites. I'm only an unrepentant, unapologetic, middle-aged slut (I embrace & CLAIM the word, by the way), and even I update my photos every few months, just be fair and honest, and also just for fun. The Facebook, etc., demographic is even more likely to flip into a site, post a new photo, and then go about their real-life business. For those who don't GET that, you simply won't GET that.
At least one poster attempted to shame the OP re: her photos. Please. How can an attractive 19-year-old NOT look sexy, no matter what the "pose"? Impossible.
That was my point. It bothers some women, plain and simple. I believe, from the OP's original post, the women/girls she's talking about are jealous and feel threatened, because 1) they MIGHT be less physically attractive; and 2) their boyfriends are noticing and admiring and sympathizing with a pretty, pleasant girl who's being emotionally roughed up by their own unpleasant girlfriends.
That's what is happening, more likely than not. | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:34:16 PM |
That's just silly. What's silly, Capitano, is that red nose. | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:57:58 PM |
Messages 43 & 45:
I concede I went too far in my previous post about other posters being jealous and catty.
Nah.......the forum police won't take offence...
They thrive on picking on someone....who posts to seek advice.
Then validate their reasons by pulling her apart.....by attacking her reasons for been on POF and having a profile.....when they assume she's is cheating....and they can't back up their claims....but take cheap shots at the OP....IMO | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/26/2008 8:02:22 PM | No, no, no.
Why is it his job to stand up for anyone? If she wants to stand up for herself, great!
But, no one is going to like the OP because her boyfriend says they should.
If he cares about her enough, he'll be there for her and not let his friends determine his relationship with the OP, but, what is going to do? Fight for her? Tell his buddies and their girlfriends to like the OP because HE does?
That's just silly.
Ok, I didn't clarify what "standing up for her" in my opinion is. Why is it his job to stand up for anyone? I didn't say that. I said stand up for her. Big difference. These are his friends and he knows them better than she and would have a much better chance at getting these girls to back off a bit.
He either has a sincere bond/trust with her or wanted to hurt her feelings by telling her what these girls said. The boyfriend should have, at the very least, told them op was sticking around and get used to it. It is caring for your significant other to tell his friends he doesn't approve of how they talk about her. I can guarantee if they only told him they didn't like or something simple like that, then they are having the biggest biotch party. Some girls in that age bracket (and yes, some older women do it too) are just catty and like a pack mentality will go after the weakest in the pack. Especially when it is someone new in the pack.
I couldn't be with someone who wouldn't stand up for me. Then again, I'm 40 and can stand up to anyone if the need be. We have to remember these people are a lot younger and handle things differently. Remember back to your college days. That's the age range they're in.
I stand by my statement that he needs to stand up for her to his friends.
Liz | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:16:11 AM | i know it doesnt matter but i should add that i am the youngest out of them all by far im 19 my bf is 22 and everyone else is between the ages of 23 and 26
and i dont care if you guys think im out to cheat cuz im not and i know im not i dont even read msgs that i get unless they are someone i know so think what you want but my conscience is clear | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:43:32 AM | HEY...READ THIS REPLY.....
ok, I'm just gonna say it like it is, and not dress it up....
You are more comfortable around men...yes? .....ok, with that in mind....
You have a much easier time talking to men, than women...you feel like you don't fit in, and you're a shy Pisces on top of that...
My advice...just start talking.....whatever they're talking about, join in....if they're talking about "cliquey" stuff, add in your two cents from your own experience, just change the names.....soon, you'll be starting the conversations.
I used to be exactly like you, and I got sick of my boyfriends taking off and leaving me with strange girlfriends, so I decided to enjoy myself.
Now, I talk to everybody....doesn't matter who it is, I can have a conversation with them.
Good luck.... | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:52:59 AM | The only people who matter are you and him. I had this problem with my Ex but I never let it get in the way.
I'll say it again.
The only people who matter here, is you, and him, and how happy you guys are. Ignore the friends. | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/27/2008 10:03:43 AM |
Attacked? No that is disagreeing with someone and calling them on the inconsistencies of their story. Her story does not add up plain and simple.
Umm, who cares, she asked for our opinion on the matter not what we thought of her story. Even if she said that she was letting a touring group of circus midgets run the train on her while hiding it from her boyfriend would that somehow negate the fact she asked a question. Last I checked you follow a question with an answer, we're not politicians here. | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:13:14 AM | I think we all know why tuckerjo is single. She's mean-spirited, thoughtless, and lacks the most basic reading comprehension skills
And I think we all know why you are divorced. You fall for stories with blatant inconsistencies. Perhaps you should learn better reading comprehension. 5 months ago is when she was still with her boyfriend and when she opened up her profile looking for hangout with men. Just a few days ago she was still with her boyfriend and yet she still had down "hang out" with men in a specific age range , within 75 miles.
Now if you are truly here just looking for friends or for the forums then why would you restrict would could contact you? If all you were looking for were friends wouldn't age , distance or gender not matter? I wonder how many of these men in here would like that fact and be comfortable with their girlfriends having a profile that said looking for hangout with men within 75 miles and in between a certain age range.
Looking at someones profile can give you a better view of an op and the story they are telling. As I said if this was a man in here who was saying something like " my girlfriends friends all ignore me and treat me coldly and I don't know why" , and you were to go look at his profile and see that he has down "looking for hangout" ,which means intimate encounter, with a woman between 18 to 28 , would anyone have any sympathy for how he was being treated? I think we all know the answer is no.
Having your profile on a dating site for all to see looking for hangout with men could very well be the reason why her boyfriends friends don't treat her very nicely. It's very easy to check up on someone to see if they are pulling the wool over a friends eyes. I would say it's likely these friends found out about her looking for some action on the side. She did ask the question of why her boyfriends friends hate her so that fact that she has up a profile on a dating site looking for men was extremely relevant to bring up. | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:24:12 AM | | This is all very juvenile, either stay in the drama and let them disrespect you or dump them all and find a man to date who treats you well. I don't know if they have good reasons to dislike you or if they are in the wrong, but why would you stay to find out? Dump him, dump them, find someone more suitable. | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:26:06 AM | if that was me i would trt to get alone with them, because i know the true me and if that meant being around them to hang out with bf then, i would have to suffer , but let him know how you feel, so maybe he could make things easy..... if he understand but now you are the mean one and they are not sure what to do but make problem for you two. that is a chance you take when you are trying to fit in with others. but he should your be the reason to take the - shit from other and hopefully he will see the true you | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:48:03 AM |
She did ask the question of why her boyfriends friends hate her so that fact that she has up a profile on a dating site looking for men was extremely relevant to bring up.
You're going off the assumption that her bf's friends know about her having a profile, even if it was relevant. Plus from what I can tell, this group of female friends didn't like her before she even had her profile up. So unless they saw into the future to see she was going to make a profile while her and her boyfriend were on a break I still don't see how your argument has any substance.
So they may or may not have their own issues, thats great. If thats the reasoning you think his friends have issues with her then we're in agreement, just try not to come off so mean about it next time. | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:53:13 AM | I suspect that you put up a bit of a defense mechanism in this type of situation. I tend to do it without realizing it when I am uncomfortable or unsure of myself and feel the odd man out. Ask your boyfriend to hook you up with one of the girls so that you can get to know her one on one. If she then figures out that you aren't a snobby biatch, she will pave the way with the others, assuming that they are not being collectively biatchy on purpose.
What was your boyfriend's response to what they said about you? Did he tell them that you are not like that, that they have misunderstood your shyness? As much as it may hurt, if he cannot take up for you and ask them to give you a chance, there is not much you are breaking up from. Within the context of things you will face long-term if your relationship does stand the test of time, this is minor.
While you don't want to throw away the girlfriend because of the friends or the friends because of the girlfriend, he should be willing to try to find a compromise and then if there is none, to discover whether it is the friends or the girlfriend that is the problem. You cannot make that decision for him but you should also not be made to feel miserable by a pack of girls that sound like they are jealous that you two have a good thing.
Wow, turned into quite a little thread. You are in a tough spot if he wishes to spend more time with them because of the season and their lifestyles and he is doing nothing to try to help you fit in, which, as HE brought her into the group, he is somewhat obligated to do, meh. My X on our first real date left me in the kitchen with his mother and sisters, whom I had never met, while he was outside for HOURS doing manly things with his dad. The only reason that I survived is that I will be the rude one and interject into a conversation and they of course, assumed we had been together for some time and were grilling me for information.
If I am bringing a man into a group of my friends I will do the best I can to facilitate his being included in the group, it is common courtesy, duh. If my friends are being d*ckheads and not giving a man I care about a chance, I would either speak to them about it or really consider whether the friendship or group membership was worth it to me. The OP's profile now reflects that she is living with her boyfriend and it is no one's business but hers why she is on the site, now stfu already. | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/27/2008 12:04:00 PM | They are just jealous cause your hot and they aren't. Sucks to be the pretty one, I'm guessing? Hope that makes you feel better.  | |
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| his friends hate me
Posted: 5/27/2008 12:07:55 PM | This same thing happened to a friend of mine but she was only a friend who didn't feel she was liked by my other girl friends. I would say part of it is perception. There is a clique with his friends and at least one person(likely one) is the cause for the problem. If you can isolate members of the group somehow and/or talk with them inidividually it may help. I am sure that not all of them will harbor the same bad feelings.
Good wishes. I hope things are going to turn out alright. | |
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