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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 6:58:04 PM | I said there are many reasons WHY people cheat and that there is SHARED RESPONSIBLITY between the two in the relationship on the CAUSE of the cheating. You have got to be fucking kidding me.
You, I think have never been cheated on and until you are you will never know the hurt, pain,
shame and every other emotion that goes with it. It takes ONE to make
the decision and ONE to carry it out - NO ONE DRIVES YOU TOO IT - you get out
of the fucking relationship and do your thing- you dont hurt other people and
then BLAME them to justify your BAD BEHAVIOR - "Hey my girl would'nt
blow me so I found someone who would" crap-
Shared responsibility my fucking ass- how do you explain how he promises
you the world and screws someone he works with -is that your
fault- are you responsible for HIS actions ??
Cheating is not a shared resposibility- coming on these forums and blowing
smoke up everybodys ass who has lived this crap is just fucking pissing me
off. | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:01:45 PM | fotw
OP- I tried forgiving an affair once. I will never do it again. After more than three years together, I found evidence of his cheating. I confronted him, he pleaded with me to forgive him and take him back. I never truly trusted him again, and it turns out my instincts were right. Even though we stayed together for another year after that trying to patch things up, it turns out he was having yet another "relationship" with someone else. By the time I found out about her, she was pregnant with his kid. I kicked his butt out and never looked back. She continued to email me once in a while telling me how he was cheating on her, too (surprise, surprise!). Finally, I had to tell her to leave me alone, too. Some people never change. I know most men don't act like my ex did, but I promised myself I would never put up with such behavior again.
so i guess this sort of thing happens everywhere.
i wrote about this in an earlier post: guy cheats on girl 1 with girl 2.. has baby with girl2. cheats on girl 2 with girl 3. girl 2 phones girl 1 to complain about gut cheating... doesn't seem to notice, remember or care she was the girl with whom he cheated on girl 1....as if she didn't know that he had that behaviour ....lol... buddy is now on girl 6 cheated on everyone one of them. he's had babies with at least 4 or 5 women. doesn't pay child support or anything to any of them. he's quite a guy.
the women are choosing him for something other than his good looks, ( fugly ), charm_ about as charming as a telephone pole, or money.. ( dead beat who runs his own lawn care company ) . THat's the sad part. oh well. They know going in what the guy is like, what he does, yet he has what they want and think the rest of it doesn't matter. THen they complain when it all falls apart. My normal response would be ' well, look at the criteria you used to invite the guyinto yourlife. there's plentyof better men out there but no.. you had to pick the weirdo .. you can't complain now..!" but then the punishment for their crime ( so to speak ) is rather severe... their entire life has been turned upside down simply because they made a decision with something other than their brain. quite a penalty to pay really. | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:07:07 PM |
I am not justifying the cheater. I never said that. I am not saying cheating is okay. I said there are many reasons WHY people cheat and that there is SHARED RESPONSIBLITY between the two in the relationship on the CAUSE of the cheating.
OH MY FVCKING GOSH! Please explain just ONE feasible reason that actually makes sense to your theory...because otherwise, I think you are about to be roasted for your opinion/view?!
Hmmm..."The wife has cancer and is not sexual any more?" "She just refuses to fvck me?" "She gained 300 pounds and I am no longer attracted to her?" NOT ONE VALID REASON OR EXCUSE TO CHEAT...because the CHEATER could terminate the relationship BEFORE the cheating occurs.
You know...it is a horrible feeling to discover that your man's d1ck has been somewhere else, and you were RAPED of the choice of knowing before he stuck it in you again! **vomit in throat** Nothing like having to go to your family physician and ask for a complete STD work up and an HIV test...yeah...wonderful. | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:09:30 PM | | forgive yes, forget no. I would cut off all contact with that person and just focus on taking care of the children. | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:10:24 PM | curlygrl - and everyone believing their experience is the only way to experience anything is pissing me off.
my husband slept with other women and i can see how our marriage and my part in our marriage had definitely something to do with what happened.
shit. you get lovely positive threads saying how important it is to see how a relationship is both people creating it - a sort of third relationship by the combination of each person.
but you get a negative post here about a life experience where something really karmic happens and suddenly everyone forgets what they said just the day before and now that same relationship you said you've created together - now each is on his own and **** the one that 'messed it up' and it has nothing to do with you.
as long as everyone is so determined to blame everyone and anyone else completely for the pain in their lives, then what's the point of living them? is it not your life? are you so hypocritical when it comes to responsibility, that you're only responsible for the good stuff you feel, but the minute you hurt it's gotta be someone else's fault entirely?
there are some serious illusions going on here. 
p.s. my husband - the 'type' that's unforgivable and will always cheat? well, in the 18 years since our 9 year marriage, he has never done that since. see, some people actually learn their lessons....but no one here can imagine such a thing.
by the way, instead of saying 'you', could we use usernames, or the message numbers when we respond to a post that has been directed at us? thanks. | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:18:05 PM | I have been cheated on and I do know the pain involved. Don't ever assume, I have never felt that kind of pain, You don't know me or what I have been through. I don't assume what anyone else has been through on this site either. But when I hear some guy cheat because his girlfriend was a crazy psychotic controlling bi-tch, I can't blame him...
Same goes for a guy who is a total a$$hole, an addictive drug and physical abuser who beats the crap out of his wife. Some people are so damn dependant within the damaging relationship they don't leave untill it's too late, but they cheat during the mean time to comfort their pain.
So go ahead and say whatever you want to about what you know is right.. because that is what you choose to think... | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:18:47 PM | I don't have the time to read this whole thread and I am sure this was covered but
OP, YES I could forgive an affair.
NO I could not forgive if she walked out on me and our kids.
DO NOT keep the door open for this guy.
Doesn't want a committed relationship? Too late for that. There are two kids!
What a jerk!
WHAT A JERK!!!!! | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:22:41 PM | | You can forgive - but you cannot forget! Meaning you should move on and never look back - some things can never be repaired - things will never be as you desire them to be! Cheating is a disrespectful act against your relationship - which leaves a huge scar! Take this as a life lesson and make sure you don't allow this to harm your child - by voicing adult problems in her presence. | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:26:30 PM | my husband slept with other women and i can see how our marriage and my part in our marriage had definitely something to do with what happened.
care to share?
just what did you do that lead to hubby dipping into another woman?
Did you set it up ? was it a threesome and then they fell in love?
How is it that you couldn't talk about the problems?
You didn't want to talk about whatever problems exited in your marriage?
This is what the op said; her hubby didn't want to face issues. Were you like this too?
um.. i think what most people have said is that you don't be so greedy as to schtupp another woman while keeping wifey and/or the kid at home.
you are supposed to be honorable and get out of one relationship before you start the other one.
These are serious questions by the way. You brought it up and I am curious as it seems important.
one person posts some very extreme cases where it is alleged to be cool to cheat.
however, most people will say " get out of the marriage if it's that bad!"
controlling bicthes and violent drunken louts... okay..
as for teh usernames.: well.. people will post complaints in the complaint thread as we aren't supposed to talk to each other. " momarks mentioned my name in a thread and it made me feel bad" or " tinyjoe stated billybob's username and this is against the rules blah blah blah. "
most people don't get worked up about this but some people do. it is an infraction and they let us away with it until someone complains or it gets out of hand.
it should be clear who is saying what to whom though. the message number is a good idea.. too late for me to do that tho as it would mean i'd have to go back and check..
okay back..
message 131. no worries and not picking a fight.
if you were to go through some of the posts ( I DON'T SUGGEST THIS... boring... boring boring ) you will find that many people thoroughly excoriate several OP who rather foolishly open themselves up for criticism. These people have been the control freak bithces you have mentioned who complain about how the bf no longer does her bidding. She was torn completely apart.
There have been a couple of very bizarre guys who refuse to accept responsibility- people tore them a new one when they innocently pointed out something that was so nutty that it was unbelievable. then the woman with the time issues who complained about other people when it was really, mostly her fault. Manypeople here don't always let others away with their shttiy attitude/acts.
its a matter of picking out which ones are important.
WE ARE 1. .. so what are you doing that is driving men away from you? and you take part of the blame for the guy cheating on you.
you are either going to get absolutely no calls from here on in.. or you will be flooded with guys eager to go out with you.. you're like a get out of jail free card...
in all seriousness,, what is it? | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:27:26 PM | I have been cheated on and I do know the pain involved. Don't ever assume, I have never felt that kind of pain, You don't know me or what I have been through. I don't assume what anyone else has been through on this site either.
Yeah well you dont know me or anyone else here but YOU assumed from
your very first post that cheating was a shared responsibilty and its not.
Not all of us lived your little list of what is acceptable cheating. You think its
justifiable if the girl is controling he has every right to cheat- she drove him
too it- what about breaking off with her and then doing his thing.
So dont come on here with your little diatribe about the abused woman who
cheats on her husband or the drug addict- I have lived this and it never
drove me to cheat. So dont ASSUME anything.
Bottom line- cheating is never ever justifiable - at least not where I stand.
So go ahead and say whatever you want to about what you know is right.. because that is what you choose to think...
Yes I will choose to think this way becaue I know it is the right way.
I wont even address the other crap up there. | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:32:37 PM | I'm so glad that you worked it out and he is no longer doing anything wrong. But not all men are this way. Ok I heard that mine was cheating, could not believe it, no way, he came home on time, didn't make a reason to go anyplace and was still the husband in bed. Well that one he was doing in the back seat of our car on their lunch hour. Ok, forgave him.
Then there was another one, and I guess even more. I went down to pick up some pix's and the girl seen the name oh do you know Steve? Ya, oh he is so much fun!! He was over the other night and...........you should have seen her face when I told her that I was his wife and those were his son's.
Then finally the neighboor, that did it, at my son's 4th birthday party I went in to get his cake and there they were right on the table nexted to the b cake. You know I don't remember the party after that.
Finally the divorce and I found out about so many more. Now we were each other's first, high school love, getting married young, having the first one young, but you know not once in the 10 yrs. did I ever think about being with someone else.
I know what it is like to have to go to the Dr. to see if you had God's knows what.
Then you met someone else get married, happy time, on Christmas Eve the cop shows up and gives you a paper saying that you owe this bank x amount of money?? Ok, you do Christmas you have to the kids. Then you call the bank yp, there's a loan all right your name is on it?? He is gone so you have to pay it or lose everything , I mean everything like even the boys stuff.
Finally you find out it was to get rid of another woman's baby, and he signed your name on the loan.
Ok, you bet I went through what did I do wrong??? My first love and I mean love.
Now that we are getting old and that was 32 yrs. ago the pain is all gone, no I will never forgive him but that's ok he does now and then see the boys, I have his phone # just in case I need him for a kidney for one of his son's.haha
Now he is on wife #6 so you know I guess I didn't do anything wrong.
It took a long long time before I finally trusted a man again, if he would go out and get some cig. I would time him!!!
Thank God that is now just that, I'm not a bad person, I make a good wife and I'm sorry for all of his ex's. | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:37:29 PM | mess. 135...yes, in an ideal world you are...supposed to be honorable.
you're also supposed to be able to honor your marriage vows and stay together until death....but how many do that? (and that's not any disrespect to widows and widowers at all....i am not talking about that situation.)
you're supposed to be able to talk about the really deep issues of what's missing, of how you're both coping with the pressures of life, of how having children and financial stuff is wearing you down, of how work schedules mean you don't see much of each other, of how the love that you thought you were building is actually slowly but surely draining out of the marriage, or getting buried too deeply under everything else to get lost.
sure, in an ideal world all these should's would be manifesting in reality.....but in my world, what should've and could've and would've does not always happen as one would wish.
how many of our relationships broke down due to these things - whether our partners 'cheated' or not? i imagine many of them....cheating to me seems to be a manifestation of the problem that exists - or it was in my experience. to say i had nothing to do with it is denial, in my mind and in my heart too.
and thankfully, for me, i had whatever it took to admit this stuff so I could learn my lessons too......truly it was necessary for me to really honestly forgive....and then I could start forgiving me too for what I was not happy with, but not able to change in that relationship.
EDIT to add - curlygrl - are you talking to me? if so, can i please clarify that 'list' i wrote of possible reasons one might cheat? that was not at all my saying it is acceptable. i was trying to give the OP (remember her?) what i learned about it, that's all. never did I ever say in that post that it is acceptable.
and, for the poster above this one? i'm sorry, but you misunderstood - we never got back together again after the final split. we live separate lives in separate countries in fact these days - but we are at peace with each other - mind you it took 8 years (we've been apart 18). and, just finished reading your post - and none of us are bad people. i'm sorry for what you went through. my husband was nothing like that - he was hurting, like i was. neither of us felt loved. that was the bottom line. we were not loving and we did not feel loved.
back to mess. 135 - and, to the poster who has asked me these questions and i foolishly decided to answer them? well, what makes you assume i'm driving men away? i have had two major relationships and two minor relationships in the 18 years since my marriage - and, except for one, i left them.....realized I had to do more work on me....for it's all layers, the pain we carry, isn't it? it comes in stages, perhaps in levels as we can see and release it....perhaps.
and i'm sorry i got pissed off curlygrl. i found your closed minded attitude to forgiveness after reading pages of the same stuff most of this thread just put me over the edge for a minute. it's almost like all my work to forgive - what was the point where no one could see the point of it. well, it was a blessing for me - really. | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:45:04 PM | It is so hard to get past... my husband of 26 yrs., a pastor and missionary, cheated on me most of our marriage. I did not know til'99 when we lost our church, because he slept with my friend... the youth pastor's wife.
I did forgive him....but when such betrayal has happened and trust broken...
it's hard to have a trusting, respectful, loving relationship again.
He and I are actually friends....he knows he was a sucky husband....and I am free to find a good, faithful , honest man. I am very grateful for a do over, and this time I will pick more wisely.
Move on, you deserve better. You are obviously a different caliber of person... look for your own kind.... and pray for your daughter, that none of the lies that come with rejection stick. God can heal you both. I promise. | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:58:10 PM | I love these questions...
.. his pattern, he left his first wife the same way
When you marry a person who cheated to have you.....
Karma sucks, especially for the kids. (I'm not a biblical person, but the saying "and the sins of the 'parent' shall be visited on the child" does come to mind) | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:58:23 PM | missmelly180
I have been cheated on and I do know the pain involved.
So have I. I went and found the guy, everybody was expecting the beat down (I'm three times his size). I shook his hand and thanked him. "Thank you for letting me know she's a worthless slut. Thank you that I won't waste any more time on her. She's your problem now".
Don't ever assume, I have never felt that kind of pain, You don't know me or what I have been through. I don't assume what anyone else has been through on this site either. But when I hear some guy cheat because his girlfriend was a crazy psychotic controlling bi-tch, I can't blame him...
Two wrongs don't make a right. Do this, and you've just partially justified his/her bad behaviour with your own. Deal with the problem at hand, not by adding to it! If she's a psychotic crazy biotch and that was the ONLY factor, then the guy would simply dump her and move on. There's obviously SOME reason he's keeping biotch around, and thus when you get right down to it it's the same old "have my cake and eat it too, only I'll claim victimhood as a bonus".
And for every one of those scenarios I've seen, I've seen three times as many that even the most blatant apologist would be hard pressed to rationalize. Some people are just scum, and are best dealt with by removing them from your life. | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:03:36 PM | | I couldnt forgive an affair and i cant forgive a player either. Woman of Dallas beware of Chingrooster from oregon he preys on us and takes advantage convinces you to pay his way and take care of him. He has a pattern and i fell for it the last 8 months. he is currently working on someone in dallas becareful, you will get hurt. | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:15:37 PM |
and, to the poster who has asked me these questions and i foolishly decided to answer them? well, what makes you assume i'm driving men away? i have had two major relationships and two minor relationships in the 18 years since my marriage - and, except for one, i left them.....realized I had to do more work on me....for it's all layers, the pain we carry, isn't it? it comes in stages, perhaps in levels as we can see and release it....perhaps.
where did you answer my questions?
what made me think you were driving men away? thanks for answering that you aren't.
layers? sort of like an onion? or a parfait? 'cause everyone likes parfaits!
I'm a guy so I don't understand much and I am not that quick to think of something to say. ANd you speak all flowery and esoteric like.. even abstractly. sort of.
so you have to spell it out for me.. cause for a second there, I was thinking that this is the first time on POF that a woman came close to admitting that she was one of " dem crazee nasty biothces " that all these men have been complaining about.
you didn't quite jump out of the Btihc Closet but the door opened just enough to get a peek in there..
I am sure that you had your epiphany and decided to try to figure yourself out as to the root cause of your personal demons.
Just about everyone has said that cheating is a choice and that the person should do the right thing and dump the crazee control freak before he decides to stick it in the neighbours wife. Not keep the CCF around " just in case" .
I don't know what sort of world you live in , where honor takes a back seat to selfishness. Strange world. IS that an episode on the Twilight Zone?
I am going to munch popcorn for a bit.
YOu seem to be on a journey towards inner harmony and peace of mind.
BE careful not to fall in when you take a look.. serious and sincere now.
Take care. | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:36:21 PM | i think your question is best answer by you.. can you forgive this affair! no one has to live with what has happen in your life but you. I know when you love someone your desire is to have that relationship! I would never tell you No I could not forgive because each relationship is established by what agreements you two made that form the relationship.. you might revisit the beginning of that relationship. asking your self what agreements did you two make. what agreements did you keep or not keep this would be your starting point. I am certain that this situation caught you off guard and I am certain that you are going through a lot emotionally.. forgivess is necessary, making new agreements is necessary setting new boundries is also necessary. It would be a good if you and your ex could sit down and talk.. he has ask you to leave the door open.. this statement alone can be negative or positive to this statement! no one can state either side no one but your ex can say what is going on with him. you should talk to him. Be willing to listen to what is being said not what you desire to hear. this took me years to learn. only he can answer this question for you.. I think he has! yet you need to understand why things came to this point. if he will talk to you then you two need to take the time to talk and gain a better understanding of each other. there is your perception of that relationship and there is perception funny though no two people see life through the same lenses. I would say try to take your pride out of this situation! and do what you can to have effective communication. do not allow your feeling, anger or emotions to speak for you. be willing to hear what is said not what you desire to hear.. often people try to fix another the reality is that man/woman have to be willing to fix them self. you can only ask of your ex what you desire; he can only ask of you what he desire. both parties have to be willing to give freely of them selves. if both desire to mend that relation only then will it happen. It is possible if both parties desire the same. both you and he, can make new agreements that you both can live with
something I learn in hind sight.. when you go through times like this . there will be events, action, speech, which can and will be upsetting to you! and if you find yourself becoming upset.. make an agreement with your self to stop before you or he add to the problem.. the main control you have in this situation is the control you have over your self and your ability to stop and think before you speak. At any point you can choose to remove yourself from the situation as not to make the situaion worse.. At this point in your ex life.. He will be seeking to find fault in what you do or say.. so that he might justify his act. this is your strongest power over you to choose weather you will take a high road of the lower road.. trust me on the high road you might at a later time rebuild that relationship if this is what you desire. if you take the low road you will possibly not be able to resolve that relationship.
keep in mind no one can enter another life without there being an invitation extended. and an acceptance of that invitation.. people think long and hard before they walk away from their family this is not something that happen over night. and it does not mean it was your fault either.. people do what they want to do..
I think the best approach is self love.. this is a time in your life that you can get reaquainted with you. sometimes we love so hard that we forget about our self
I am speaking to you as I wish someone would have done to me when I was going through it. D | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:37:40 PM |
Some people are just scum
Yes they are.
I'm really tired of try to defend my own opinion. I know what I have experienced in my life concerning abusive relationships and cheating. This is a really hard subject for alot of people (including myself)to read and contribute to. I respect everyones personal P.O.V, but to be told I don't know what I'm talking about or know because I haven't experienced what you have experienced on that level is complete b.s.
A very close person to me cheated on her husband who is an alcoholic and previously a recreational drug user. Married over 3o years together. He used her SS# to rack up thousands upon thousands of dollars in debt. Upon practically losing their life savings, house, everything because he had control of their checking acct, her father and subsequent step father died within 3 months of eachother...she had a nervous breakdown. How could she turn to her husband for support , a user who was drunk all the time? A man who while drunk tried to rape her during her sleep. Not knowing where to turn to she turned to a co-worker out of good faith and ended up sleeping with him out of pure emotion. Not because she was in love, but it just happened. It wasn't intended and never thought herself a cheater.
She was remorsefull and guilt ridden. I sympathize with her to this day and it breaks my heart she went through all this because her marriage was a shambles. This woman couldn't go anywhere, get any funds becasue he screwed with her credit because they were married, so if she filed for divorce she inhereted his debt.
The OP has already addressed my original post and I appreciate her reply. I wish her the best that her new life can offer her. | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:39:56 PM | | There are issues me and my husband have had.... we're seperated now but hopefully going to work on that, but another woman I would NOT FORGIVE EVER. If he had even been with someone while we were seperated I wouldn't take him back, once he basically goes as far as sex with another woman, there is no forgiveness. | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 9:00:30 PM | My personal opinion is once a cheater, always a cheater. To me trust and honesty are 2 of the most important things in a relationship. It's what I give and what I expect.
He doesn't sound like he will ever change, you should thank him, and down the road, once you have dealt with the hurt and all of the other emotions you will see you are better off without him. I agree with some of the other posts, he could have walked away BEFORE he decided to cheat, but seems like he is just a weak selfish jerk with no balls, he had to make sure someone else was there before he left, and wants to make sure you will be there if it doesn't work out (his comment leave the door open) Love your kids, work on your self esteem because you deserve someone better than him!
You can't change other people - so why bother? | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 9:12:26 PM | i think your question is best answer by you.. can you forgive this affair! no one has to live with what has happen in your life but you. I know when you love someone your desire is to have that relationship! I would never tell you No I could not forgive because each relationship is established by what agreements you two made that form the relationship.. you might revisit the beginning of that relationship. asking your self what agreements did you two make. what agreements did you keep or not keep this would be your starting point. I am certain that this situation caught you off guard and I am certain that you are going through a lot emotionally.. forgivess is necessary, making new agreements is necessary setting new boundries is also necessary. It would be a good if you and your ex could sit down and talk.. he has ask you to leave the door open.. this statement alone can be negative or positive to this statement! no one can state either side no one but your ex can say what is going on with him. you should talk to him. Be willing to listen to what is being said not what you desire to hear. this took me years to learn. only he can answer this question for you.. I think he has! yet you need to understand why things came to this point. if he will talk to you then you two need to take the time to talk and gain a better understanding of each other. there is your perception of that relationship and there is perception funny though no two people see life through the same lenses. I would say try to take your pride out of this situation! and do what you can to have effective communication. do not allow your feeling, anger or emotions to speak for you. be willing to hear what is said not what you desire to hear.. often people try to fix another the reality is that man/woman have to be willing to fix them self. you can only ask of your ex what you desire; he can only ask of you what he desire. both parties have to be willing to give freely of them selves. if both desire to mend that relation only then will it happen. It is possible if both parties desire the same. both you and he, can make new agreements that you both can live with
something I learn in hind sight.. when you go through times like this . there will be events, action, speech, which can and will be upsetting to you! and if you find yourself becoming upset.. make an agreement with your self to stop before you or he add to the problem.. the main control you have in this situation is the control you have over your self and your ability to stop and think before you speak. At any point you can choose to remove yourself from the situation as not to make the situaion worse.. At this point in your ex life.. He will be seeking to find fault in what you do or say.. so that he might justify his act. this is your strongest power over you to choose weather you will take a high road of the lower road.. trust me on the high road you might at a later time rebuild that relationship if this is what you desire. if you take the low road you will possibly not be able to resolve that relationship.
keep in mind no one can enter another life without there being an invitation extended. and an acceptance of that invitation.. people think long and hard before they walk away from their family this is not something that happen over night. and it does not mean it was your fault either.. people do what they want to do..
I think the best approach is self love.. this is a time in your life that you can get reaquainted with you. sometimes we love so hard that we forget about our self
I am speaking to you as I wish someone would have done to me when I was going through it. D | |
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| Could you ever forgive an affair
Posted: 5/28/2008 9:32:53 PM | [quote}When you marry a person who cheated to have you.....[quote}
He didn't cheat with me, I was never the Other Woman. They were divorced 4 years before I met him. He was single when I met him and had just moved here a few months prior to my meeting him and was staying with his best friend and his family.
There is no way I drove him to cheat, if he wanted fine, if we had been seperated a few months and he met someone fine, but to have an AFFAIR while still married to me, and the whole time telling me he loved me, and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, that's what hurts, and pisses me off. HE and HE alone made the decision to CHEAT. | |
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