| Asking for a last name before a first date: Reasonable or faux pas?
Posted: 5/28/2008 12:43:47 AM | You know, back in the old days, when the earth was still a cooling orb.... I think that was around the turn of the twentieth century or so.... if a guy was interested in 'courting' a girl, he went to her house, knocked on the door, and presented a calling card. Hey, whaddya know...it had his last name on it. He had to physically SHOW himself too. Before cell phones and computers were around, people actually had to physically come up to you and ask you for a phone number to call to see if you wanted to go out.
Simply because we have entered this new century and millenium where everybody ASSUMES that anonymity is the proper way, doesn't mean it's so... If one is not careful, the inmates TRYING to run the asylum will eventually convince the SANE ones that THEY are crazy.....and the sane one's will believe them.
If this guy thinks his chit doesn't stink enough simply to be a gentleman and give ya his damn last name.....then tell him to go toss one off by himself.....
Start taking back what is right... and what is RIGHT, is some common etiquette... | |
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| Asking for a last name before a first date: Reasonable or faux pas?
Posted: 5/28/2008 3:12:19 AM | I don't think you were out of line, but a last name won't give you much if it is a common name.
I've tried doing a background check on mine, and the most up to date information is from several years ago in a completely different part of the U.S. There are a handful of "local" men around my age with my name, but none of them are me. Basically, if you don't have more than my name and age you may as well not have anything if you really want to find any information on me. | |
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| Asking for a last name before a first date: Reasonable or faux pas?
Posted: 5/28/2008 9:01:45 AM | | I have never asked for a person's last name before a date. However if a man asked for my last name, I wouldn't stop talking to him because of that. I can see this both ways. It's a reasonable question, but I can also understand why some people are hesistant to tell the other person their last mane before meeting. | |
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| Asking for a last name before a first date: Reasonable or faux pas?
Posted: 5/28/2008 9:46:08 AM | It's not paranoid or irrational though.
You probably know little details about him, enough that if you were a scammer you could trick information out of the system by knowing his last name as well.
I think he is perfectly reasonable this is a dangerous world and if you had no reason to know it, what does that look like on his side? | |
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| Asking for a last name before a first date: Reasonable or faux pas?
Posted: 5/28/2008 2:13:58 PM | I think it sounds like he had something to hide or fear from you telling him, so his responses and attitude would have made me thank God I did not meet him. No telling what kind of freak he was. He was definitely odd to me and overreacted. He could have given you a fake name anyway. You never know who is on the net, and it CAN be dangerous! Be careful girl!  | |
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| Asking for a last name before a first date: Reasonable or faux pas?
Posted: 5/28/2008 2:32:40 PM |
It's not paranoid or irrational though.
You probably know little details about him, enough that if you were a scammer you could trick information out of the system by knowing his last name as well.
I think he is perfectly reasonable this is a dangerous world and if you had no reason to know it, what does that look like on his side?
Um...maybe not irrational to not give out his last name...but it was most definitely paranoid. I quoted what you said Lamp light...read it again...definitely sounds like paranoia to me. | |
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| Asking for a last name before a first date: Reasonable or faux pas?
Posted: 5/28/2008 5:54:18 PM | | A guy I talked to online had a real problem with me not giving my phone number before we met. We had chatted a couple of times, and had decided to meet in a public place for a cup of coffee. He wanted my phone number in case one of us couldn't make it on short notice. I will not give either of my phone numbers before meeting a person, because caller ID shows your last name (from my cell phone, too) and it is all too easy for someone to get your address from the internet. The worst thing that could have happened was that one of us sat at Timmy's for a half hour, due to not getting an e-mail prior to any last minute change of plans. That is a chance I am willing to take, whereas giving any personal info to a total STRANGER isn't. The guy in question got pissy about it and we ended up not meeting. Everyone has his or her own comfort level; you need to do what is right for you, and if someone is not agreeable, then he/she is likely not a match for you. | |
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| Asking for a last name before a first date: Reasonable or faux pas?
Posted: 5/28/2008 6:41:36 PM | | first of all OP do not apologize for protecting yourself - you are on-line dating. Whatever you need to do to feel comfortable to meet someone then do it and don't apologize for it! Buy what you have stated on page 1 (not having read all the posts) his reaction seemed very strong. Better off before you meet you get a reaction like that. Toss it up to this fish bowl and online world and move on. Your friends are right to be protective! | |
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| Asking for a last name before a first date: Reasonable or faux pas?
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:04:28 AM | Question: how would knowing the person's last name protect you before a first date? Sure you can check the sexual assault registries for the state that you live in, but that represents an insignificant portion of society.
I just don't get it. Do you ask for id in the real world when somebody asks you out? If not, then you must ask yourself why is it so important in the virtual world? Personally - I think this sends a big red flag as to the person having deep seated trust issues (ie. psycho). | |
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| Asking for a last name before a first date: Reasonable or faux pas?
Posted: 5/29/2008 1:25:32 PM | This is just silly,
Asking for a last name, while not an outlandish request, doesn't do a single thing to protect you in the end before meeting, because all you have is their WORD, unless you're suddenly in the habit of asking your dates to fax you three forms of photographed government I.D. (but then of course you'd have to give up your fax number, and if you're paranoid enough to ask for a last name, you most certainly aren't going to give away a number...lol) 
The OP mentioned that she asked anyway to allay her protective room-mates. Call me unusually quick-witted if you must, but if you were in such a moral pinch between making an uncomfortable request and facing the inquisition of your friends, couldn't you have simply made up a last name on the fly and told them you know it already? It wouldn't make the slightest difference, and you could have seamlessly dodged both bullets... 
However the guy had no real justification for calling everything off so abruptly, that is PROVIDED we are to believe that this is the only hurdle the OP made him jump through to get the first date... If she's that worried about last names, I can only imagine what other progression of online hurdles he MAY have had to go through in the courtship process, at which point this may simply have been the straw that broke the camel's back... She didn't really say, so we don't really know... Either way, they're both "colorful characters"...
As for posters who introduce themselves in the "Real World" with their full name: Maybe this is an age/generation thing but when I meet someone at a party/bar/club/social I smile warmly, give them a hearty handshake and say my FIRST NAME clearly. When I pick up a girl and get her number, either on a piece of paper or her punching it into my cell phone, they enter their FIRST NAME ONLY. Never have I picked up a woman that has given me /asked for both names before we've even gone out a couple of times, at which point it usually just comes up naturally during the course of get-to-know-you conversation (like trying to discern their family background/ethnicity, etc.)
Online dating should be no different, as there is no more guarantee in the real world that you aren't being fed a load of BS than there is from interacting with someone on a PC (aside from physical appearance of course).  | |
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