| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/27/2008 6:13:10 PM | It's all part of the mating dance. And it really is a dance. Knowing when to lead, how to read the other person, and what to do next.
Like a lot of people, I used to hate this, too. I spouted the same cliché, "Why can't people just be straight forward with each other?" drivel. But once you understand how it works, you realize how boring the whole thing would actually be if everybody just went around telling each other everything.
The whole thing that makes male/female interaction exciting in the first place is sexual tension. Not exactly knowing what the other person is thinking. Talking everything out might be more practical, but it takes all the fun out of it. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/27/2008 7:09:55 PM | It does kill attraction...NEVER ask this question. It takes the mystery and magic out of it. If a guy is interested in you, he will drop his plans to spend time with you (work and family do not apply to this rule at first).
You can tell by the way he's looking at you. Common you are not new to the game. A good-looking female like you. You know the look :) Generally speaking if you arent having sex with the guy after the third date and he's still calling...he likes you. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:03:04 PM |
If a guy asked me "Do you like me?" my level of attraction would just nosedive. It just seems so elementary school. And insecure.
I admit if it was phrased that way I'd feel a bit put on the spot. Frankly, I'd think it a bit creepy and, as you say, insecure.
If someone is going to be proactive about it, then they should just go all the way and say that they're interested in the other person. It doesn't put anyone on the spot. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:54:01 PM | It's OK to ask him if you just met.
It's OK to ask him again if you've only been on a few dates. (Not on EVERY SINGLE date.)
It's NOT OK to ask him every time you meet.
It's NOT OK to ask him every week.
It's NOT OK to ask his friends, family, co-workers and people on PoF if he likes you more than once.
ONCE = OK
More than once = OK if weeks/months apart
FREQUENTLY = He's gonna dump you for being insecure. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:15:00 PM | I'm not into the bullshit games. If you aren't sure, then ask. What's the big deal?
I don't see why you would be trying to be sexy or worrying about being 'unsexy' by asking (how the hell does that happen anyway). Just because one person thinks they give obvious clues that they like someone doesn't mean it's obvious to the other person. If that's a problem then whatever, but some people like to be sure and asking makes someone sure.
have him just assume yes, I like him, rather than hear him ask me.
If that happens and it's not the case then the guy is a creep or freak or something. I guess it's a losing situation all around here.
I'm not getting the insecure thing either... it's insecure to want to be sure of someone's stance? News to me... | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:28:30 PM |
I don't see why you would be trying to be sexy or worrying about being 'unsexy' by asking (how the hell does that happen anyway).
Because sexy people don't ask. They take. If you were awesome, you would understand that by now.
If that happens and it's not the case then the guy is a creep or freak or something. I guess it's a losing situation all around here.
That depends on the extent you go to, to show that you're interested. Either way, most broads will automatically assume a single man is a creep, a freak, or Howard Hughes coming out of the private theater. So on the contrary, you really have nothing to lose except your self-esteem, and only you effect that. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:41:41 PM |
Girls tend to advise each other - "if you want to know if a guy likes you, just ask him." To me, there is nothing more UNSEXY than asking! If a guy asked me "Do you like me?" my level of attraction would just nosedive. It just seems so elementary school. And insecure. how long are we talking about here? actions denote showing some interest, if none is shown but hinted at, i would think most guys, either
a. lose interest
b.assume.
c. ask
nothing insecure,,
from my thoughts, if i am unsure of what a lady is thinking or her feelings, you bet i am going to ask, why make a fool out of yourself if she doesnt feel the same or show it. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/27/2008 10:59:39 PM |
Because sexy people don't ask. They take. If you were awesome, you would understand that by now.
Good point. Sadly enough, I have never been able to experience this from the other side of the fence.
That depends on the extent you go to, to show that you're interested.
I can see even trying to make physical contact as being seen as creepy. You know, you're supposed to assume she's interested, so what could that hurt? It really does seem like you can't win no matter what you do. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:04:19 PM |
It really does seem like you can't win no matter what you do.
It's all about underlying contradictions and how you bait the trap. Just like in movies, women often are attracted to men with conflicted interests. Show interest, back off, reel in if you are appealing to mass markets. Granted, the majority of the "watch how I get women" tips are often based on environment alone and past with the target.
I'll be misogynistic for a second, though. Getting women is simple. Find the one with the least self-esteem, the most vulnerable one, isolate her from her friends, pump her full of BS. Throw in a hefty tab with the restaurant or bar, bring her home. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/28/2008 1:20:41 AM | Why jump the gun? Just tell us you like us. You don't have to ask if we like you.
It's so 1950's to assume the guy has to do the chasing. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/28/2008 5:55:09 AM |
Men asking Women? Women asking Men?
to clarify...
what i'm asking here is, guys, if i'm not sure if YOU like ME, should i ask you?
but all the other answers the other way are really interesting too!!  | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/28/2008 2:23:17 PM |
I have been advised time and time again by men I know, that the best way to figure out if a man likes you, is to gauge his level of interest by how he acts.
Is he calling? Does he look at you directly when he is speaking or just at your chest? Does he seem genuinely interested, or is he scanning the landscape around you for something more interesting? Is this any different than how he treats everyone else around you at the same time?
Men are fairly easy to read if you are an observant person.
We know this, well those of us who are reasonably intelligent know this. I throw out mixed signals just to be difficult sometimes. Why? It generates interest, puts them on a less predictable system of punishment and reward so they feel like they have accompolished something gaining my approval while being mystified as to what it is that makes me tick. It's really effective. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/28/2008 2:25:13 PM |
to clarify...
what i'm asking here is, guys, if i'm not sure if YOU like ME, should i ask you?
but all the other answers the other way are really interesting too!!
I think you will find it unhelpfull to do so. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/28/2008 3:11:37 PM | If someone thinks their partner is keeping their options open, and continuing to date them only to fill some lonliness void, then they should probably communicate that. Some people are insecure, some people do what I described above.
Both those types of people existing, help to generate probably 50% of the topics on these forums, because many people aren't tackling their uncertainties directly.
Maybe it's best people continue not to do so.
The entertainment value of these forums would suffer dramatically. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/28/2008 3:51:45 PM | | just be adult about it; It doesnt' bother me in the least. It's not about being sexy or sensual; its about honesty. Also, there are no rules. Everyone is different. I would rather have a woman say,"I really enjoy you and want to spend more time with you and see if anything can happen between us." I would hate to just have someone not communicate and keep it inside and me trying to figure out how they feel. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:45:02 PM | I would rather have a woman say,"I really enjoy you and want to spend more time with you and see if anything can happen between us."
see, this is helpful! this is not "do you like me" as women advise each other to ask.
this is saying "we have something good going on here...let's keep it up!"
i like! maybe i'll try this...especially if this works in guy-land!
on the other hand...i SO agree with this:
The whole thing that makes male/female interaction exciting in the first place is sexual tension. Not exactly knowing what the other person is thinking. Talking everything out might be more practical, but it takes all the fun out of it.
...which is why i don't ever advise my friends to ask. mystery is an aphrodisiac. at least - sometimes. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/28/2008 11:07:14 PM |
Girls tend to advise each other - "if you want to know if a guy likes you, just ask him."
Yes, i am sure that happens. I am also sure that sometimes when it happens the girl giving the advice
is sick to death of the other wondering out loud for 5 or 6 weeks “ Do you think Joey likes me ???”
To ask or not to ask. That is question...
THE answer is simple: It Depends.
Every guys will answer this question differently.
Every Guy will answer it differently than they themselves answered
it 24 hours earlier IF they imagine Glen Close one day, Hillary Clinton the next , and
________ ( insert whomever YOU consider “HOT” here) asking on the third day.
It Depends on what you are wearing . Saran Wrap works IF they do, not so much if they do not.
It Depends on who else is around when you ask.
It Depends on how close to Closing time you ask.
It Depends on what they were thinking about when you asked.
It Depends on whether they like to chase and not be chased.
It Depends on what they think you think they should think you meant by it.
Clear yet OP ?
Ask 100 different people on 100 different days and you will get ....ummm
LOTTSA different answers, all of them correct.... at least for a short while.
Sooooo.. OP, did you like my answer ? | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/29/2008 2:22:10 AM | But - in a man's world, what is the real scoop on this?
To ask or not to ask. That is question...
It won't influence whether or not I am attracted to her if it's a one time question. If I am interested I'd be a little more aggressive in my pursuit from that point onward, because I'm obviously not being clear enough in my actions. If I am not interested then that is that.
I tend to believe that words are a clearer form of communication than actions alone. When words and actions are put together in unison to send the same message you can't get any clearer than that. I don't find assumptions attractive. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/29/2008 3:49:23 AM | | Not for a man. I agree that actions are a good way to show, but making assumptions is a total turn off! | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/29/2008 9:58:51 AM | | So, OP, if I see you somewhere and perhaps you instinctively smile, I should just assume, 'she want's me'?? and kiss you? After all, that is what you wrote. I should just assume, yes, that you like me. Sounds like an invitation to disaster, if you ask me. Women constantly expect men to read their minds. This is just another example. Indirect communication is vague and a pain in the ass. Speak your mind. If you don't, and don't get what you want out of life, then you only have yourself to blame. Working on 'subtle nuances' and 'hints' of behavior is just ridiculous. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/29/2008 11:23:06 AM |
'she want's me'?? and kiss you? After all, that is what you wrote.
absolutely. the sexiest kisses i ever had were complete surprises where the guy just went for it.
of course i was smiling at him too...
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/29/2008 3:17:36 PM | We just like it straight forward. But we are just simple guys.
I am a Christian lady but your above reply is pure BS! There is nothing 'simple' about hardly any man! (exept in some cases his mentality!) You think woman are mind readers, you don't say what is REALLY on your mind or what you are REALLY thinking, express your TRUE feelings, nor show your TRUE emotions!
NOW, I know this DOES NOT apply to all men but what you said inferred it did. WRONG! DIRECTNESS, my foot! Men, for the most part, are all playing mind games, closely followed by "how soon can I get this gal in bed"! (and I am finding out that there are plenty of woman out there who are ready and willing to accomodate them)! My Lord girls! What happened to your dignity?
YOUR Quote: "For men," unquote! Your first two words!
And, while I cannot speak for the entire female population; I am one lady WHO does "tell it like it is"! Life is far to short for this nonsense. Makes me wonder how ANYONE ever gets together in this day and age! | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:09:45 PM | Krasivaya zhenshchina, your intuition served your right. Never ask a guy if he likes you. It's the little brother (brat') to the other mistake of asking a guy to ask you to marry you.
If you want to know, you can take him to task, and see if he follows through. I can't think of any of them, because my women never took me to task. If they did, then I did not notice. There must be a general way of doing this that women are all aware of, and there may be enough individuality put into the method so that guys never notice when it's done, because it's camouflaged by the delivery and by differentness of details from case to case.
I know one woman left her glasses in the cab that took to the opera (Yevgenyiy Anyegin) and I gave her mine and I looked at nothing the whole time. Perhaps that gave her the idea that I liked her. Aside from paying for her education and her condo, and paying alimony to her seven previous husbands who got custody of their respective children with her. She could have won the Anna Nicole Smith look-a-like contest in both looks or brainscans, equally. Oh, her education: That's what she called the twelve-step program. Oh, and she also took one of my kidneys, she said she needed one urgently. Next time in bed I said, honey, you hain't got a scar, she said, no, you're right, darling, I changed my mind and sold it on eBay instead. | |
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