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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:51:15 PM |
mystery is an aphrodisiac. at least - sometimes.
Like anything, it depends on the person. I personally find mystery to be stupid and most definitely not any sort of intrigue resulting from it. I would much rather know flat out where things stand, wondering makes me go into shut down mode. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:12:18 AM | | Why does a guy asking if you like him kill your attraction? I don't understand that at all. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:50:45 AM | | I've asked guys if they've liked me if I was REALLY interested in them, just for confirmation. So far, that isn't what determined what allowed the relationships to work for a while or be completely doomed. It seemed to be an irrelevant factor. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 5/31/2008 7:19:30 PM |
to clarify...
what i'm asking here is, guys, if i'm not sure if YOU like ME, should i ask you?
Yes. I like you, Devushka.
I hope you can sleep now. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 6/1/2008 12:49:13 AM | | I prefer a women to tell me to my face,...Though I would want her to do it when she's the only one around. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 6/1/2008 3:25:18 PM |
So, OP, if I see you somewhere and perhaps you instinctively smile, I should just assume, 'she want's me'?? and kiss you? After all, that is what you wrote. I should just assume, yes, that you like me. Sounds like an invitation to disaster, if you ask me. Women constantly expect men to read their minds. This is just another example. Indirect communication is vague and a pain in the ass. Speak your mind. If you don't, and don't get what you want out of life, then you only have yourself to blame. Working on 'subtle nuances' and 'hints' of behavior is just ridiculous.
Man, you're looking at this completely the wrong way. Don't look at it as a pain in the ass. Look at it as an exciting opportunity.
The mating dance isn't supposed to be a chore. It's supposed to be fun.
Say you play out the scenario you laid out. You just walk up and kiss her after she smiles at you. What's the worst that could possibly happen? You might get slapped. And even that's not that bad really. On the other hand, what's the best that could possibly happen? She might just nail you right there.
Now if that's not exciting, I don't know what is. That's fun!
Like anything, it depends on the person. I personally find mystery to be stupid and most definitely not any sort of intrigue resulting from it. I would much rather know flat out where things stand, wondering makes me go into shut down mode.
I want to ask you something, man. And you don't have to answer this on here. Just answer it to yourself.
What is it about the concept of mystery that you don't like? Is it truly unappealing, or is it the fear of not knowing and possibly not being able to handle what might come of it?
I ask this because a lot of what you've said in this thread reminds me of the old me. And I know now where I used to stand. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 6/1/2008 3:27:33 PM | I think it depends on the individual circumstances. Boring, I know. But to generalize would be, well, more boring. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 6/1/2008 3:37:57 PM | It's funny how often women post how they're uninterested in mind games and so forth in their profiles yet refuse to flatly ask a question. If you want to know if he likes you, ask. I can't imagine a guy honestly being disgusted over that question.
Of course, be ready for rejection.
If you can't tell if he likes you and have to ask, there's a fair likelihood that the answer you're going to get is going to be negative. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:10:17 PM |
Men, for the most part, are all playing mind games, closely followed by "how soon can I get this gal in bed"! (and I am finding out that there are plenty of woman out there who are ready and willing to accomodate them)! My Lord girls! What happened to your dignity?
I am sorry, but I don't see how dignity is part of this equation. A man likes a woman, he wants to bed her as quickly as possible, because you never know when the Judgement Day is coming, maybe in the next thirty seconds; ("Are you prepared?") and if the woman likes the man, and trusts him, then she'll consent, for much the same reasons that the man approached her. Including, and I kid you not, fair lady, her feelings of lust, as much unlady-like as it is. Shocking, but it's there nevertheless. And the Good Lord put it in women's hearts, too! If that were not true, then every heterosexual man who has lost his virginity would be serving a sentence for statutory rape.
But it's refreshing to see this opinion of yours more than forty years after the sexual revolution, more than sixty years after women's lib, and more than 500 years after Savonarola's unsuccessful attempts to purify sinful Florence. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:21:52 PM | | I have asked women or people in general do you like me????? Why not?? Many times i can read people body language. So, usually if i have to ask someone, then it means they must not be showing me much warmth. Now, if this drives them away and they see it as a weakness, then that tells me they have a life without communication. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:22:35 PM | | if she is asking, she must have some interest in me. I would tell her if I did or did not. I think it is a turn on, less thinking the better. I think enough as is. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:27:35 PM | | depends on the guy, but generally we are pretty thick and if we don't get a clear signal we will assume you're not interested. But yes, it can definitely kill the attraction. Like would you rather be kissed passionately or would you rather a guy ask permission first? | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 6/3/2008 10:48:15 PM | THANK YOU! I'm having the same problem!
It's a damned if you do damned if you don't situation. I just want to know where I stand so there is no confusion at whatever stage of the relationship about the nature of the relationship, what I can expect from the relationship and what is expected from me. You can't play the game if you don't know the rules. Communication is so important and the lack of it destroys so many otherwise promising relationships. If you don't ask then you are assuming (we all know that error).
If you don't ask you are letting him (or her) script the relationship. If something goes wrong they can say "well I thought you understood we were _____ (just friends, just f**k buddies, just having fun, dating other people......). You aren't a mind reader so you have one view of the relationship while the other person has a totally different view and that never works out. Isn't it better to just ask for clarification and go from there? Seems to me that a lot of hurt can be avoided with a simple question.
If you do ask though you are risking everything. If you do ask ask where you stand the red flags start flying and they act like it is the inquisition. Suddenly the whole nature of the beast changes; you are pushy, needy, insecure, demanding a commitment, whatever. Really, no, I just want to know what we're doing and what the rules are. Is that so wrong? | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:40:52 AM | look we are just happy you are paying attention to us.
that being said, don't ask. we want to know you like us too but we aren't going to ask. just play the matting dance for a while and things will come to light. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:07:09 AM | | best solution is to just make it as obvious as possible that you are interested in him. Don't drop hints like you might normally do that are vague and noncommittal, but actually touch him, keep close to him, compliment him on his looks, etc. That way, you're not actually putting him on the spot of saying yes or no to a bad question but he still understands where you're coming from. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:28:17 AM | Don't ever assume anything!
That's the biggest mistake women do!
You're 40yrs old. You should know the
benefits of communication...bah! | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:55:25 AM | i am NOT 40 years old.
eh, at least apparently i know the benefits of communication enough to state my age properly, while you apparently can't read & like to use your good communication skills to insult women.
thank goodness i can communicate better than that, at least!
bah right back atcha.
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 6/19/2008 12:13:55 PM | that's ok, i forgive you.
i'm guessing you are young & haven't yet learned that you always underestimate people's ages, as a matter of courtesy.
not that you were trying to be courteous or anything.
you are actually the first guy ever that insulted me because of my age. generally guys think i'm way younger than i am, so i'm way not used to derision.
always a first. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 6/19/2008 12:26:35 PM | Insult? That wasn't my intention.
I just like to slap people back into reality.
I wouldn't expect a woman your age, ask a silly question like this. That's all..
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 6/19/2008 1:08:14 PM | "like" is an easy one
"love " is a whole lot more difficult
you shouldn't have to be told, (or ask). either the attraction is there or not -and a smart girl already knows his level of attraction without asking | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 6/19/2008 1:11:32 PM | Don't ask. Get him to ask you.
You need to initiate conversation and skillfully bring it round ... don't ask me how! Only you can judge on individual merit - use your feminine intuition. | |
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| If asking kills attraction...
Posted: 6/19/2008 2:51:53 PM | That is exceptionally irritating to try and read somebody's body language. Unlike the spoken word, it's neither clear nor easy to interpret anyway.
I much prefer a direct question to which I can give a direct answer. None of this ****-footing around what's on both our minds. Unfortunately, women don't like to ask the question in the first place, and the only way to answer it is to put it in more uh....'feminine' language . Can't just say "Yup. I like you alright" because the minute you do that you haven't actually answered the REAL question. The real question is "Do you like me enough to drop everything else you might have going on and focus on me ?" which is what both men and women actually want to know in that situation.
Lol...okay, maybe those aren't the exact words to describe the real question but it goes something like that anyway.
Given that there's a significant portion of the male population that apparently doesn't like the directness of the question, you're probably better to just stick with the old method. It drives me nuts but meh...oh well for me I guess. | |
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