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| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:17:33 PM | | I'd go for the divorced woman first. She knows how tough it is to have your heart and finances torn to shreads. If you do eventually take the leap and tie the knot I'd hope she wouldn't want to go through all that again. On the other hand a woman who has been single through her 30's to my age is more likely to just toss a good thing to the curb 'cause she has a fit about socks on the floor or something equally stupid. | |
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| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/30/2008 11:36:14 PM | Well considering how many women within 5 years of me that have never been married and want kids on here...kinda screwed lol(joking). It doesn't matter to me though, divorced or never married as I could have married one of three women already (not POF) but can't stand slobs or clubbers.
My saying is "Don't fix it if it ain't broken"....old fashioned is built better, cheaper to repair, and lasts ALOT longer than the new ones do. | |
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| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:24:58 AM | I find it is easier to date women without children though...we can go away for the weekend at the last minute without planning it 3 weeks in advance..ther are no liability factors as I am looking for my Ms Right and I do not wish to pay support for someone else's children.
I have met more single mom's that have financial troubles and looking for someone to help them out of the jam.then those who single without children.
There is less drama with a women without children...but maybe if the right one came along..I might date one seriously. | |
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| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:58:32 AM | I'd go for the divorced woman first. She knows how tough it is to have your heart and finances torn to shreads.
This happens to single people as well. One doesn't necessarily have to experience a divorce to appreciate a loss like this.
If you do eventually take the leap and tie the knot I'd hope she wouldn't want to go through all that again.
Knowing what to expect can make it easier to go through something the second time around. Many of my clients who are divorced and remarry set up their finances differently in the next marriage to protect themselves because they learned their lesson in the first divorce. While they may not want to go through another divorce, they are entering the next marriage with a different mentality and prior arrangements to prepare for the worst.
On the other hand a woman who has been single through her 30's to my age is more likely to just toss a good thing to the curb 'cause she has a fit about socks on the floor or something equally stupid.
Perhaps, perhaps not. That has more to do with maturity then age or marital status.
Sorry OP, but I still stand by my original post. One of the above labels may seem more desireable over the other on the surface but it doesn't tell the whole story. Good people get tossed to the curb regulary because of them. I think people tend to stick to the labels that they identify with but it does not always make for a good match. | |
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| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:37:16 PM | Normally I would not even respond to such a rude message....!
First of all, you have not right to call me any kind of a name, because you do not know me at all.
I dated someone for 3 years that had 5 kids, and I helped him get his business started, and help support him.......so I think that you are in the wrong to assume that I am going to get my claws into any one.
I have never used anyone for money, I have never borrowed money from anyone, so I would say that you would need to personally know someone to say those things.
It sounds to me like you are very bitter about your situation and maybe you are taking it out on this message board.
I think when you post a reply directed to me, you need to only post what I have put in a comment, not from what someone else wrote.
I hope you have a great weekend, because I know I will......and BTW........I can pay my way on a date......and you can be sure it wont be with you. | |
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| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/31/2008 2:00:58 PM | People who marry in their 30's tend to have much longer marriages than couples who marry at a younger age. Second and third marriages are 10%+ more likely to end in divorce than first marriages. Statistically, that answers the question.
But, obviously people have seen the gambit of screwed up never married people, jaded, bitter divorced people, etc. who probably never belong(ed) in a long-term relationship/marriage. The best you are probably going to be able to do is let your age/experience help you to avoid those people. | |
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| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/31/2008 5:05:24 PM | Agreed mandyln2008!
My discussions are not forums for anyone to berate or belittle the postings of others. Its reasonable to question someone's point of view or debate their beliefs, however, IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE to attack, accuse or mistreat a person due t to their opinion or past experience. IF you can't live with that...don't post on my discussions!
Thanks OP and current management of the discussion!
Chris
Mandy2008...I'm sorry you had someone disrespect you on my discussion...its not condoned by the OP. | |
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| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:02:30 PM | Interesting topic for me since I am actually divorced, but really have never been married. I married a guy to keep him in the country when I was in my early 20's. I never know what box to pick, because legally I am divorced yet I have never lived with an ex.
I wish there was a box for people like me, because I know I am not unique. | |
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| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:16:16 PM | Here is an honest question:
I am not bashing I am posting a very common scenario:
Let's say that Someone meets 2 people..similar job, income and both are decent looking and nice people...who do you pick? The one who is divorced paying alimony and/or child support? Or the single person who does not have those issues who has ot had children and has never been married?
Another issue for me when I consider dating is does she have custody of children and how ld are the children? For me it is an issue because in Canada you have to ay child support for ex step children if yu marry and divorce a single parent who has custody of children from a previous relationship.
Would you date someone who was a little less attractive who did not have to pay alimony and or child support? Would you choose the more attractive person who has to pay alimony/child support or who has custody of children from a past relationship? | |
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| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:21:05 PM | Hi,
Marriage is not variable. Its not gray and its not something that you are "kind of" married. You are either married, divorced or never married. You may feel that the nature of your marriage is somehow less real based off your history, but you signed the document....its official, you are divorced. That said...please pick a door...right or left. Your personal circumstances are not the focus of the thread, which continues to get lost for some reason.
Thanks
OP: Chris | |
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| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:27:14 PM | johne102,
This is an interesting issue for the camp you've come down on. Right door....never married, hands down. I find it interesting as an issue, so I'd invite you to create your own discussion on the topic....not hijack mine. I have nothing of real value to add to your thought here...given I do not live under the legal system of Canada. It does strike me as a little more socialist, but thats true in many ways for your culture. Anyway, please don't redirect my discussions....just go ahead an create your own.
Thanks
OP: Chris | |
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| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:15:34 PM | Hi Chris,
I'd just like to know why you would care to find out more on this 'which is better, divorced or never married' topic since it's geared towards people who want to date or looking for long-term while you just want friends and "prefer not to say" about having your own children yet want more children? You don't like smokers , fine, but to withhold 'prefer' info without explaining it is lame. | |
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| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:33:52 PM | BtLan,
Although my profile has nothing to do with this thread, I will take the time to answer your question. I've only been a member of this site for around 2 weeks. I had no previous exposure to its system, so I missed the children question, which I notice yesterday, and your post reminded me to fix. Thanks. (Have No Children/now updated) The other point you make appears to be a choice issue. When I clicked on the options for reason for membership, I get a pull down menu. At the time, I selected the best fit...which is friendship. Although I am not apposed to a LTR or dating, none of that would occur without me becoming friends with a potential partner first. Be that lame or any other way you choose to perceive it. One final point, I have looked at the folks that would be in my socio-demographics in the area I live and I have not connected with anyone I would remotely consider dating at this point. I have made a new friend who I've met. However, the pool is too shallow. (See Social Angst Thread for more detail) That doesn't limit my ability to create interesting discussions and learn from the view points of other. Hence the 3 discussions I've hosted in the last week. Thanks for your input if you have additional questions or thoughts...please consider sending an email directly to me...as apposed to posting personal questions on my discussion next time.
Thanks
Chris | |
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| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:22:40 PM | I really don't care about your answer because you're 35 (in my generation) and very smart, you knew what you selected but didn't care till called out upon it nor about being in the proper thread in the first place(just like the 3 other threads). You took the time to dress up so good to take a picture (I'm not gay but you are a handsome man and thank you for being so for all the single women) and are waiting for the right responses. All I ask is that you be your natural genuine self as you reflect all men in your generation.
Thanks
Wes | |
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| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:34:04 AM | I did not mean to hijack your thread OP.
As I have already stated I would prefer to date someone without the issues of children alimony and all of the other drama that goes with those..she would need to be one terrific lady for me to consider dating a single mom. | |
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Quoot1
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Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 71 | |
| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:56:51 AM |
Behind the door on the left is Mr Right with no marriage in his past, on the right is Mr Right with a divorce in his past; which door to do open to chat with Mr Right?
Ok since I am divorced and it is Mr Perfect behind both doors (therefore I can't lose either way) then I would choose the divorced guy as this would be instant common ground for us both.
By the way, do I get to try the door on the left if the door on the right doesn't work out?? lol | |
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| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:01:46 PM | Not too sure exactly but speaking from experience divorced. I am divorced with kids and 32. It is a litlle harder to date if you have kids yes (so what) but most women I talk to want stability and maturity. They do not see that in a still single 30+year old man it shows commitment issues.
Cheers, | |
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| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:23:25 PM | Soccer,
You bring up a very good point. Does a man who is beyond 30 and who has never married inherently flawed in their ability to make a commitment long term. Does, for instance, a 30 mortgage show an ability to commit? Clearly a long term relationship is different then a finance agreement, but how many marriages last 30 years or more?!? This point you make is worth noting when I do a summary of this thread. Perhaps you are right...the mind of a 30s woman sees the 30 plus unmarried male behind the Right Door, as flawed to the point they would rather pick someone who has failed at a marriage but at least decided to take a chance. This point was drilled into previously, but with the concept that its better to have tried and failed then to have failed to try. I retorted to that statement, that this mentality is fine as a platitude....but in real life is a sophistry and I pointed out sky diving as one of those things you don't want to try and fail at.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Chris | |
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| Divorced or Never Married...Which is Better?
Posted: 6/3/2008 2:38:30 AM | Thanks Chris, excellent points
Yes, sky diving is not something you want to fail at and a bad marriage or divorce is the same! If I may also point out some vaild points for men like me on the Right Door.....
We're not flawed at all. If the right 'old fashioned' woman came along then of course we'd very happily take the chance. We've just seen too many new generations and their bad marriages or divorces and don't care to go through it. Family court makes a man feel as though his private parts are squeeming in a vise while we lose it all and we're not the ones who cheated!
A long term relationship is clearly related to a mortgage because if the marriage fails then so does your kids, house, cars, credit, and your job is that much harder to do...blam there goes the stability and security you've worked very hard to create over the last 10 to 15 years of your life. Who really cares to start over with a woman who has 2 or 3 kids and a bad ex or she's got good kids and a good ex but she wants the excitement that she's been lacking for years with a man who's worked his butt off for her?
I read The Record as well as other Catholic and Christian publications including the one for SECC(sorry, can't remember it's name) and very pleased to see the younger generation getting married and the old fashioned celebrating their 30th-50th wedding anniversaries...makes my heart melt.
Yes, what matters most to me is our precious kids and good love for each other as I'll be 60 with no debt so they can go where they want for a solid college education while we enjoy our golden years.
Thanks for reading,
Wes | |
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