| Creepy over-persistant strange men, and how to get rid of them
Posted: 5/27/2008 10:35:05 PM | Wait? A 65-year-old guy looking to score with a 36-year-old, thinking you were actually 25? That's just creepy.
I think you were too polite. I would have made it very clear, right from the outset, that there is no way, shape or form that you would be interested in a man nearly twice your age!
If a woman nudging 65 came up to me at a nightclub and started making obvious overtures that indicated she'd found her 'soulmate', I would politely, but firmly tell her we were NOT a good match and, as nice as she no-doubt is, I would not be taking this conversation further.
If she wouldn't take a hint and cut me out of a herd of my friends, I would then get a little less polite and gentlemanly.
Nobody has the right to impose themselves on somebody else, in a nightclub or anywhere else. | |
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| Creepy over-persistant strange men, and how to get rid of them
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:00:43 PM | You say that when these creeps approach you, somehow you feel that it's your fault and that there is something wrong with you.
Please don't ever think that.
The reason they do so is because they are highly incompatible with and the opposite of you and this is what causes the one sided attraction.
The right guy for you is nothing like these men and when you get together with him you'll be the envy of all your friends.
In the meantime just tell these jerks to get lost, shoo or MOVE and don't worry about being polite. They already know they are doing the wrong thing by approaching you,
but they are too selfish to care about how this makes you feel.
Put your comfort first.
Good luck! | |
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| Creepy over-persistant strange men, and how to get rid of them
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:08:12 PM |
They already know they are doing the wrong thing by approaching you,
Can't a pauper can look at a prince Rouba? Although I agree these blokes should have taken the hint in the first instance.
I only ever approach women I think I might have a shot with, I certainly don't approach 20-year-olds, my lowest age-range would be high-30's.
If a lady is clearly not interested it doesn't take me long to 'take the hint', but I still have the right to approach her in the first instance. | |
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| Simple solution
Posted: 5/28/2008 1:38:00 AM | | Tell them you are gay. "I'm sorry, I'm not interested you aren't my type" Most guys will disappear quickly knowing they haven't got a chance. | |
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| nic36
Posted: 5/28/2008 1:39:37 AM | | Tell them you are gay. "I'm sorry, I'm not interested you aren't my type" Most guys will disappear quickly knowing they haven't got a chance. | |
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| Creepy over-persistant strange men, and how to get rid of them
Posted: 5/28/2008 4:08:37 AM | I'm with willwork4cookies on the comment about taking that magnet off your back nic. 
Sitting alone in a club=Nothing wrong there.
Making eye contact with a lone stranger=Nothing wrong there.
Smiling briefly=Nothing wrong there.
Quickly looking away after smiling=Nothing wrong there.
Doing all the above together, when not interested=Priceless | |
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| Creepy over-persistant strange men, and how to get rid of them
Posted: 5/28/2008 5:22:26 AM | This is such a simple and easy thing for you to deal with it might come as a shock to your system when you do...
As soon as you are are not comfortable with the attentions of a man... just look him straight in the eye and say....
"sorry to be impolite, but i have had a lot of unwanted attention from strange men recently.. and so really i just want to be left alone by everyone at the moment...
You thus give him the option of hanging around and immediately becoming "unwanted and strange" or the choice of leaving you alone.... You are no longer flypaper..
Lesbian option is witty but potentially not good at all... it puts you in position of weakness cos you are lying... and also could be fascinating to the sort of men that you are trying to avoid...
There are less polite options that you could consider... like "i really respect a man who respects a woman's wish to be left alone... could you leave me alone please." | |
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| Creepy over-persistant strange men, and how to get rid of them
Posted: 5/28/2008 5:35:05 AM | | Tell him to buy your pet plant a drink and make sure to let him know your pet plant is very thirsty, what with global warming and all. Make sure it's the most expensive drink, too. Your pet plant has expensive tastes and is VERY thirsty. And that you have a bunch more at your dad's house that looked thirsty, too. | |
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Nic36
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Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 35 | |
| Creepy over-persistant strange men, and how to get rid of them
Posted: 5/28/2008 6:05:03 AM |
Tell them you are gay. "I'm sorry, I'm not interested you aren't my type" Most guys will disappear quickly knowing they haven't got a chance.
Trust me, that one does NOT work! 
I've tried the lying thing, and not just about which team I play for. First, it doesn't sit well with me. Second, it doesn't work. Although I have on occasion mentioned the, ahem, rescue work I do with abused rottweilers.
You say that when these creeps approach you, somehow you feel that it's your fault and that there is something wrong with you.
I don't think that something is wrong with me, per se, but there's a common denominator here, and I'd be foolish to ignore that it's me.
There's lots of good advice here. I just need to figure out how to put it into practice in a way that works for me. I like meeting and talking to new people, so for me the problem is not than men approach me, it's when the conversation takes a that creepy turn or he overstays his welcome.
Maybe I should treat them like I do when I interview people -- stand up, shake their hand, thank them for their time and tell them I'll call them if we're interested. | |
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| Creepy over-persistant strange men, and how to get rid of them
Posted: 5/28/2008 6:13:46 AM | I have the exact same problem, and I haven't figured out a way to get these men away from me without looking like a b*tch. Problem is, no matter what I've tried I still get the "you're not as good as you think you are lady", and a slew of profanity. Even "Leave me alone" gets the "C'mon now, you don't really mean that" response. I think it may be because of the misconception that women play hard to get, and that we really don't mean what we say.
To me, it's about respect. If they're not respecting you, then there is really no reason to respect them. I've gotten to the point where I have to threaten them in some way.... even the other day at the mall I had to say to a guy "Look there's a security guard over there and I have no problem asking him for help"
I used to smile and say "hi" back to anyone who said hello or "nice day". I've learned that it's a bad idea most of the time. Then you have guys complaining that women are "stuck-up b*tches"... well, for some of us it's because it's the easiest way to avoid unwanted attention. Take it up with the guys who've messed it up for the rest of you. | |
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| Creepy over-persistant strange men, and how to get rid of them
Posted: 5/28/2008 7:38:42 AM | I still like the out Sandra Bullock created for herself in "Speed" when an annoying schlep sat next to her on the bus and wouldn't shut up. She prompty removed the gum from her mouth, acted like she'd sat on it, said, "Oh look there's gum on my seat...I'm gonna have to move" and got up and changed seats.
OP, I think the most important thing is having the tools in your bag, and you've been offered some great ones here (I might borrow them too). When a situation presents itself, just pull out the one that feels right and use it. Practice saying some of these things until they flow naturally. Boundaries...something some of us have to practice more than others.
I just remembered a trick I learned at a place I worked a couple of years ago. I'm in the health care field and deal closely with patients and their families on a daily basis. Sometimes you can't get away from them, no matter what you try to do or say, and being rude to them is not an option. A colleague told me he just pushes the button on his pager that makes it beep as if someone is paging him, then says, "Ooops, gotta answer that" and beats cheeks out the door.
It can be really hard sometimes to be what some call "direct" when you feel like you're being mean. So for some of us, creating an out that doesn't do that is more comfortable. As long as you get away from them, it's all good, right? | |
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| Creepy over-persistant strange men, and how to get rid of them
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:05:01 AM |
I don't think that something is wrong with me, per se, but there's a common denominator here, and I'd be foolish to ignore that it's me.
Right, male behavior is the result of a breeding experiment run by females. So long as 99.9% of women are passive y'all require men to be 'confident' and persistent and risk-taking initiators, because that's what you're selecting for: operators, seducers, players, casanovas, lotharios, compulsive womanizers, expert salesmen, the most sexually aggressive, pushy extroverts, etc. It's not their fault you find them "creepy" -- at least you're paying them some attention. In other words, you're not likely to get much sympathy from very many men because we don't have this problem, we have the opposite problem.
To take an exaggerated example, a 20-something curvaceous blonde in public wearing a skimpy top and blue jeans that are so low as to reveal her underwear will draw the attention of men - ALL men. To that woman, though, a 60-year-old unshaven man ogling her exposed midsection is a pervert, whereas a 20-year old Tom Cruise look-alike ogling in EXACTLY THE SAME WAY is a dreamboat. ...The only distinction here between "pervert" and "dreamboat" is in her interpretation and what she wants to attract. If you think you will (or should) arouse and attract only "dreamboats," think again. And if you think the pervert's response as described here is sick and demented, think again. The responsibility for, and control of, these men's immediate visual sexual responses is entirely womens.
In other words, if you don't like the results, change the parameters of the experiment.
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Nic36
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Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 40 | |
| Creepy over-persistant strange men, and how to get rid of them
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:51:09 AM | Well, I did expect the accusations to start about this point in the thread, and here they are, right on time.
While I am open to the idea that there is something in my body language or demeanor which attracts pathetic little puppy dogs who follow me around for hours, I think I'll pass on taking responsibility for every man who acts like as ***hole because his peter is asking for attention. | |
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| Creepy over-persistant strange men, and how to get rid of them
Posted: 5/28/2008 8:52:01 AM |
Now, if these guys cross a line and get physical or become verbally abusive, I have no problem.
So you don't like guys being annoying around you but have no problem if a guy tries to beat the shit out of you. Huh, thats a new one.
Alright guys, where did I screw up? It happens a lot, so it's gotta be me.
As for your actual question. Not sure whats up with it, your example is pretty crazy. Maybe you're just too nice to these guys. If you're already giving all the signs that you're not interested and they don't pick up on it then you have full right to be as mean as you want (within reason of course). If they can't pick up those signs it's their fault not yours. | |
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| Creepy over-persistant strange men, and how to get rid of them
Posted: 5/28/2008 9:13:06 AM | You screwed up when you made eye contact. Don't make eye contact.
^ Huh?
Riiiiiiiiight! Eye contact!!!!! Now why didn't I think of that???
OP...did you actually go out without your burka AND dark sunglasses???
Eye contact...of course!! It's all in the eye contact OP...never NEVER look a man in the eye OP.
Good advice you're getting on here!!!!
I'm glad you posted this...thank you. And good luck to you OP.
And remember...under NO circumstances must you ever have eye contact with anyone, SPECIALLY someone from the opposite sex.
What were you thinking??
And if you ever find yourself going out without your burka OR sunglasses again, learn how to lower your gaze
like a PROPER woman should.
Sheesh...
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| Creepy over-persistant strange men, and how to get rid of them
Posted: 5/28/2008 9:55:44 AM |
(nic36) Well, I did expect the accusations to start about this point in the thread, and here they are, right on time.
While I am open to the idea that there is something in my body language or demeanor which attracts pathetic little puppy dogs who follow me around for hours, I think I'll pass on taking responsibility for every man who acts like as ***hole because his peter is asking for attention.
Now, now... no need to get testy.
There are some good suggestions being offered here, but they all boil down to this: if what you're doing is not giving you the results you want, TRY SOMETHING ELSE! I'll admit, the guy in your scenario sounds like a clueless goombah, but YOU want HIM to go away, and your hints (subtle, then not-so-subtle) didn't register. So, you needed to step things up.
The danger, though, is that not EVERY guy is gonna either require, OR DESERVE, an atomic bomb. Some might get the message at the firecracker stage; but, the temptation to cruelly smack down EVERY guy's gonna be there...
Arlo | |
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| Creepy over-persistant strange men, and how to get rid of them
Posted: 5/28/2008 10:04:55 AM | There are some guys who just won't back off UNLESS you become extremely rude to them. Then, they get upset with you and start to verbally abuse you.
If a guy won't back off, when you've already indicated (especially in many ways) that you don't want them around, just pick up your cell phone (pretending it was on vibrate) and start talking, while walking away! Don't say anything to the guy when you leave! Unfortunatly, you'll probably have to find somewhere else to sit.
If he comes back....just yell at him to "leave you the fu*k alone!" Why be nice, when being nice doesn't work? Who cares if they think you're being a b*t*h? Foul language (loud) is a big turn off to almost anyone....but the point will get across! Plus, since you were sitting alone at the bar (or whereever), the other people around you can help you if it goes any further.
I only go to one place (restaraunt/bar) alone, but I know the owners & a lot of the regulars that go there. I've had guys hit on me, not taking NO for an answer. If I raise my voice telling the guy to back off....I've got a lot of support there for me.
Safety comes first! | |
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Nic36
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Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 47 | |
| Creepy over-persistant strange men, and how to get rid of them
Posted: 5/28/2008 10:16:47 AM |
So you don't like guys being annoying around you but have no problem if a guy tries to beat the shit out of you. Huh, thats a new one.
I meant that if he gets abusive I have no problem ripping his nuts off and stuffing them down his throat. It's before one actually crosses that line that's the problem.
Now, now... no need to get testy.
But I thought I was supposed to be getting in touch with my inner b1tch?
OP...did you actually go out without your burka AND dark sunglasses???
Damn, I knew I forget something! | |
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| Creepy over-persistant strange men, and how to get rid of them
Posted: 5/28/2008 10:33:53 AM | I think you need to practice the following sentence in the mirror until you can say it without smiling. " Hey you and f*ck off need to go have a party together somewhere else." Seriously if someone is making you feel uncomfortable, you have every right to drop the southern charm and tell them to beat it.
All the niceties in the world can and will be misconstrued by some lounge lizard, perv, creep into an opening. In their mind you didn't tell them to eat sh*t or f*ck off. She must be totally into me. | |
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| Creepy over-persistant strange men, and how to get rid of them
Posted: 5/28/2008 1:14:19 PM | Since it happens a lot it must be a vibe you give off, subconsciously or not. Guys will flock to friendly women. And some women are consciously friendly around the wrong people so they can complain to their friends about all the creeps. This is where we need to see the video to make the right call.
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