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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/29/2008 6:18:07 PM |
The only person I feel sorry for is his poor wife. I feel incredibly sorry for her. Her entire marriage has been a farce because he's been screwing around with you. Wow, what a stellar guy he is - not. He claims his marriage isn't good, to make you feel sorry for him ..... OR....it may be crappy because he's a dog who clearly doesn't know what it means to be a husband and be committed to your wife/marriage. She's the innocent party here. I hope for her sake she finds out what a worthless tool he is and she takes his a$$ to the cleaners. You think your heart is broken? Imagine what her heart is going to feel like, think about her for a moment.
Well said!
Also remember OP, if he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you... Next time leave the married ones alone regardless how long you've known them for. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:00:21 PM |
I was single but he was dating. At the time he gave me his email address so we could stay in touch. We emailed each other regularly and got together a couple of times a year for lunch. In 2001 he married his girlfriend. In 2004 I married someone as well. In 2006 my husband left me (health reasons and age difference) and I took it as a sign that perhaps my friend would leave his wife and we could try again. However about 2 or 3 years into his relationship with his girlfriend/wife we started sleeping together and have been ever since.
If he loved you, he would have been with you when he was just dating. Dating is one thing, marriage is another. But he married her, in 2001, and 2-3 years into his relationship, you started sleeping together, and have been ever since. Which puts you at the same time you got married, 2004, when you started sleeping with him, which means the whole time you were married, you were screwing another guy. A pregnancy scare in 2004, did not stop you. Think maybe your marriage broke up over infidelity, not health and age. How did you get a sign, that just because your marriage broke up, that maybe his would too? Smart thinking there! The answer is really simple, he does not want you for anything other than a little strange on the side.
I love it when people come on here whining, oh, poor me, I screwed around with someone that's married, and they hurt me soooo much, because they have decided to stay with the person that they have taken vows with, and that is the person they really love. Boo f ucking hoo. You're only getting what you deserve. The wife on the other hand, is not getting anything she deserves, so my pity, empathy, and sympathy lie with her.
Sorry, not really, but I have no sympathy for you. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:05:30 PM | | If a man loves you, nothing can keep him away; if he doesn't, nothing can make him stay. Just cut him loose once and for all. You're worth much more than that and this is obviously taking a toll on your self esteem. Don't wait for him sweetheart, he's not worth it. Love should be equal. If he doesn't value his marriage, then what hope is there? Trust me, you won't be happy. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:09:14 PM | God forgive u for sleepin with someone elses husband
this union will NEVA be blessed
kathi | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:11:56 PM | | Sorry, OP, but haven't you lost enough years waiting for him? | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:23:58 PM | From the wife's point of view............He is a con artist any way you turn it.........he is a player.........WIFEY and SLUT are both being conned. SORRY. This man is breaking your heart along with his wife. He is deceiving his family. Why would you lower yourself to be with a pathetic excuse of a man??? Stop being a whore! Find your own man-with no girlfriend or wife. Repent.
Pray to God that this does not happen to you someday. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:04:06 PM | I was the other woman at one time also but a little different experience. He was separated from his wife when we met . We fell in love and had plans on getting married. No two people could have been happier. But he had children and his wife who had an illness came out of remission and everything changed. Neither one of us could go through with the relationship when he was now needed by his family more than we needed each other. My life would never had been the same had I pressured him into staying with me. His conscience would never have allowed him to be happy with me. He and his wife made it. Their sons are in college and he was there to see it happen. She is a good wife and a great mother. They are still together and they are happy and when you truly love someone that is what you want for that person. Yes it hurt like hell but to know I did the right thing makes it all better. And knowing that he did the right thing makes me appreciate how close I came to getting a wonderful man.
And as a result of our mutual decision we have remained the best of friends!
So my suggestion is to leave him alone. Let him try to make it work with his wife without your interference. And move on with your own life. It won't be easy and I speak from experience but my conscience is clear. Can you say the same? | |
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Cazimi
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Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 33 | |
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:10:01 PM |
I recently wrote him a love letter stating how much and for how long I have loved him but didnt hear back from him at all about it
He knew you loved him.
My last email stated that I wanted him to stop calling me and seeing me unless he was single (at least separated) as it was emotionally killing me. Any advice on how to deal with my feelings...for him....and my feelings of loneliness???
He does not love you .
I do believe that one day he will contact me and tell me that they are finished and he has come back to be with me
He will contact you, but not because he loves you , he takes you for granted and he used you .
You wasted years on a man who never cared about your feelings.
He married the woman he wanted and loved , was not YOU.
Stop giving yourself to someone who don't deserve your love.
Waiting for him to love you, after all this time, will never happen.
You are living in a romantic fantasy, you need to come down to earth and face reality
.Meet some guys , go out have a good time, try not to think of him, it's hard, but you need to be strong and start caring about yourself.
Even if he does come back , he will never love you the way you want him to .
Life is short, you already wasted too much time .
Think karma, what goes around, comes around.
Good luck | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:42:17 PM | OP,
A few things I noticed in your profile and in your original post.....
You list your religion as Christian......ummm pretty sure ADULTERY is still considered a sin. And for the record, just because YOU aren't married, doesn't mean that it isn't adultery. You are very aware that HE is married. How much of a "Christian" are you?
Your profile then begins with " I'm an intelligent.......blah blah blah" You got involved with a married man....not that smart hunny.
THEN you say, "looking for an intelligent sensitive man with lots of charm and integrity." How much charm and integrity can a married man who is cheating on his wife have? To me the fact that he is a cheating prick would be an indicator that he is a classless dumbass.....but what do I know?
You wrap up by saying "I'm not looking for a player....." You are/were knowingly involved with a married man......what the hell is your definition of a player?
People like you make me sick. Take a look at all the profiles here on POF of people who have been lied to and cheated on. People who have been hurt by scumwhores just like you who don't have any regard for anyone but themselves. Do you not have any compassion or empathy at all? Do you have any morals or values?
I don't care that you were with this guy before....you said yourself you went your separate ways. He is married now. SO WHAT if you still have "feelings" for him. When you are a grown up you don't have to act on every little "feeling" you get. I FEEL like finding the guy my last girlfriend was cheating on me with and kicking in his F'ing head......but I'm not going to act on it. It's called self control. GROW UP......SHUT UP....ROT. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/29/2008 9:20:26 PM | Hunny a breath of fresh air is someone who is honest, thoughtful, caring, respectful, considerate, faithful, and full of intigrity...
Do you honestly believe that describes you?
Of course a pregnancy scare didn't stop him, OR YOU, because you hoped it would ruin his marriage, and he has little care about some easy woman that he can say it was just a one nite mistake...
I have to admit it either took a lot of courage to come on here telling your story of whoa, or you really don't get that a lot of people on here have been hurt by cheaters. There is no more respect for the one who cheats, then there is the one who KNOWINGLY participates and hopes that YOU get the guy no matter who gets hurt...
Do they have children?
If so do you think if YOU were to "win", his children would have anything to do with the home wrecker?
He has come back to you...Really he never seemed to be all that with you... Except perhaps that 18 yrs ago when the two of you dated for 4 yrs...
How to deal with things?
Take off the rose colored glasses, and stop thinking the world revolves around you... Honestly, do you really see yourself as that special to him, that he would up and leave his wife, when he has NOW been with her for what 7 yrs?
Do you honestly think you are that special that he would get together with you, and marry you, since he didn't back when?
The best you can hope for is to be his option... If that is the place you feel most comfortable, so be it...
However if not, then get some counseling, get some self respect, and really look at yourself, and think today on out I want to do the right thing by other people...
Then at the very least you can take what ever rest of your life you have, and find dignity, and maybe perhaps someone who really loves you as much as YOU love them, and there is no other person that is involved.... | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:38:20 PM | Msg: 1, I join in with all of the negative comments directed at you for your behavior. I direct your attention to Msg: 35, which I won't quote in this reply, BUT READ IT, AND READ IT CAREFULLY!!!
HE has suffered heartbreak from infidelity as I have. He offers no sympathy and NEITHER DO I. I won't presume to read his thoughts on this matter, so just simply re-read Msg: 35 AS IF I SAID IT MYSELF!!!! You participated in an action that very well COULD end the marriage between "your man" and his wife. In my mind, you VICIOUSLY and SELFISHLY **ATTACKED** his wife with him as your accomplice.
Oh, and did I mention that I have also been victimized by adultery? Yep, I sure did, and I can't let that slide. Some states used to have a "discovery law" in which that law ALLOWED the EXECUTION of BOTH adulterous parties IF both are caught in the ACT. Unfortunately, I think such laws have been repealed in all states, with the possible exception of Texas, but, alas, I believe that even in Texas the law has been repealed. Not that it matters to ME. I have never caught anyone in the ACT at the MOMENT, but if I did, I WOULD WASTE THEM BOTH **WITHOUT** A SECOND THOUGHT. I have had enough heartbreak in my life, and a deliberate ASSAULT on my prized TRUST **WILL** be greeted with **EXTREME** PREJUDICE!!!! | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:46:58 PM | | welcome to my world.....i have just one word for you to answer your question......NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! plain and simple.....they dont leave if its that bad he would of left to begin with.....sorry | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:52:43 PM | He is only giving you portions of him....that's why you love him. You will always be the other woman....and if he ever did leave her and come to him, how could you ever trust him. Your possessiveness will eventually tear you apart anyway. Save yourself some heartache now, and find yourself your own man.
Start something new and fresh, without lies and deceptions. Something that at least has a chance of surviving. Relationships are hard enough, why would you even want one that is doomed right from the beginning.
There is nothing solid about what you two have. If you want an adrenaline rush try mountain climbing or parachuting, or maybe buy yourself a brand new motorcycle that's all yours. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:06:45 PM | OP this is a standard situation for someone who doesn't understand the need in life for moral behaviour.
Never mind him or her - you need to get your life, as an individual, right. You've got to be brave enough to do the right thing.
Never mind what he might feel or what they might do or whatever ... even if you get him HE ISN'T WORTH HAVING. He has sex with women he isn't in a relationship with and has no real feelings for.
And, frankly, at the moment you're the same kind of person. You're a person who's contributing to the destruction of someone else's relationship - what on Earth are you playing at? Go for counselling; go for support; but get yourself straightened out. You need to value your sexuality - not treat it as though it's something to use to 'grab' someone from another. It's not succeeding, is it?
In regard to the loneliness - nothing is more lonely than having a partner in your life but isn't actually your partner - they take the rights and benefits of a partner but they're not actually take the responsibilities of one.
And will you trust him once you get him? What if he wants her or someone else on the side too?
It's your life to waste if you like. Life is short - only you can give your life it's value and meaning. Are you going to spend waiting and lurking in hope of getting the snippets someone else lets you have or are you going to take the risk of getting something more worthwhile?
It's better to be single than it is to be in your situation. You know where you are for a start. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/31/2008 4:00:20 AM | I would like to see OP come back to defend herself.
OP?
Or would it be a "You don't know ME" kind of defense? | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/31/2008 4:31:21 AM | Infidelity is nothing new,its always occured and it always will.
The part i struggle with is when somebody claims innocence because they themselves are single WRONG if somebody willingly gets sexually involved with a married person then they are as guilty of infidelity as the other party.
OP in answer to you question of will he come back to me?..Yes of course he will because just like the numerous times before,you will allow him to.
Is he likely to stay faithful to you?...Hell no he will just yo-yo between women because you will allow him to.
Enjoy the knowledge that though he may have feelings for you,they were not strong enough for him to commit fully to you and enjoy the knowledge that this is always likely to be the case.
So continue in this circle of self destruction or breakfree and allow yourself the opportunity of finding real love,the type that involves two equals. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/31/2008 4:47:57 AM | Sad really that you would devote your heart to this man for 18 years, even though you went on with your life in many other ways. Also ,sad that you could not give 100% of yourself to another man while waiting.
You have this man so built up in your head that I am afraid you are in for a big fall if you ever do get together, but perhaps thats what you need to finally realize there is a big difference between reality and fantacy.
When you come to the end of this long road with this man please seek the counseling that you so desparately need. This man has been there simply because you made yourself available to soothe his ego whenever things dont go right with his other women (and yes, I said other women as I'm sure your probably not the only one) Please know that I dont judge you other than for the life you have wasted. It's all just so sad that you cant see the forrest for the trees.
PEACE.................
Your user name is an oxymoron................go FIND a breath of fresh air.............. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/31/2008 5:08:18 AM | | I wasnt going to chip in on this post as it had all been said basically but then out of curiosity read one of your other posts called "when do you ask him to delete his profile" Your a charming woman arent you!! You claim you were raped on date 3 with a man but he talked you round saying it was making love. You continued seeing him for 3 months, he deleted his profile for you, then when you found out he was cheating on you you filed a charge of rape against him and are going to court!! If Carlsberg made self centred hags they`d probably look a lot like you.... | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:11:08 AM | | ^^^^ I read that too. She only filed rape, after she found out he was cheating. How ironic!!!! What kind of person keeps seeing someone that they think raped them? Sad. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:36:49 AM | I, too, was an "other woman" for many years, so I have some experience of where you are coming from. But the difference in our situations is that you have been wanting him to leave his wife so that he can be with you; for me, I was willing to just accept that he was with his wife for a reason, and that she needed him for what he could provide for her and he was very attached to her. His relationship with me with just totally separate from that and he I were best friends, colleagues, passionate lovers. I think that in some ways our relationship enhanced his marriage rather than taking away from it. We treasured our times together, and when we were apart we carried that love and inspiration into everything else we did in life, including our relationships with others. When we parted it was with regrets but on the best of terms and we are still friends.
I'm not saying that I think extramarital affairs are OK, but anyone who starts one, and continues one, with the specific intent of breaking up a marriage, is pretty much setting themselves and everyone else involved for heartbreak and pain. Loving someone in one thing, but grasping to have them all to yourself when it means hurt for other is quite another thing. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:48:25 AM | Msg 46
I think your talking apples and oranges here ,both a fruit, different tree. You sound like you are trying to justify an affair. As with the OP I am not here to judge. Everyone must live with their own actions. This woman gave her heart for 18 years to a man that will not , in my estimation, ever be with her. Wasted time and energy,and emotion.
And no matter how you cut it, an affair is not justified. Every time this man was with you it was time he was taking away from his family. Every emotion he gave to you was an emotion denied to his wife.
I dont deny you both gained something from each other. Would his wife agree?
PEACE | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:53:32 AM | "The only person I feel sorry for is his poor wife. I feel incredibly sorry for her. Her entire marriage has been a farce because he's been screwing around with you. Wow, what a stellar guy he is - not. He claims his marriage isn't good, to make you feel sorry for him ..... OR....it may be crappy because he's a dog who clearly doesn't know what it means to be a husband and be committed to your wife/marriage. She's the innocent party here. I hope for her sake she finds out what a worthless tool he is and she takes his a$$ to the cleaners. You think your heart is broken? Imagine what her heart is going to feel like, think about her for a moment."
Right on.
I just love it how people try to justify what they have done wrong.
I'm not trying to attack you Op, but your just as bad as he is. You went into it with your eyes wide open, and now this is where you have ended up.
I notice you said he didn't respond when you told him how you felt, why do you think that is? He's not a good man so quit wasting your time and heal yourself and learn about what it is you want out of life. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:55:14 AM | | The sad thing about all of this is the op probably would take a decent man and trash him...a piece of crap that's just beyond her grasp is better. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:15:25 AM | | I wasn't goimg to post but looked at your profile and other posts you have made in other forums. OP no two ways about it YOU ARE SICK IN THE HEAD. Get help right away. Your life goes from bad to worse with each encounter. Were you raped once or twice? I couldn't tell from info on posts, you must have a mental disorder to disrespect your self sooo much. I shudder to think if you are normal and your values are just this screwed up. You go away for a weekend with one guy on first meet, a guy has sex with you and 4 months later allegdedly "cheats" on you and you file rape charges? Other posts relate to other ideas of intamcy, honey your a mess. You have zero self esteem and no conscience when this thread and other posts are taken into account. Unless this is all a fantasy life your writing about, then that would be other issues. You need to stop the madness, stop dating and get into therapy, alot of therapy. Think how many other people's lives you will affect if you continue to date. UUGGHHH!!, Bob | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:59:49 PM | I need to chime in here.
You are a selfish selfish awful person. You never even thought to see what pain and heartbreak this can cause his wife. You are not the victim here. His wife is. I just don't get it. You knew he was married and yet you chose to pursue the relationship in hopes that he would leave his wife for you. My GF went thru this. Her husband cheated on her and the other woman knew he was married. They divorced and her husband is now with the other woman, and now the other woman have lots of problems about trusting him...go figure.
You have no right to interject yourself into their marriage. You have no right in sleeping with her husband. You have no right to tell him to leave his wife for you. You have no morals. You need to leave him alone. He was never yours to begin with. Poor choices have repercussions. Don't be a homewrecker. | |
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