|
|
|
|
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:10:43 AM | Quite an interesting thread...I must chime in.
Marriage is not just about unconditional love. It is a societal convention that provides for much more, for example, health care, taxes, child-rearing rights, etc. In essence, marriage is also a business deal.
It is one thing to take a trip back to the 60's and idealize "free love" and quite another to function and thrive in a society in which we cannot avoid living.
When you knowingly cheat with a married man, especially with the intention or hope he will end his marriage, not only are you a part of damaging another woman and possibly children, you are interfering with a business deal.
There are ways to deal with discontent in the marriage that hold both parties responsible. However, when one partner in the marriage defrauds the other by cheating, they take away their partners ability to make things better and therefore become the sole deal-breakers.
So, for the cheaters, I guess I hold the archaic belief that although you are entitled to live your life as you choose, your partner is also entitled to live the life she chose when she agreed to marry you. Cheat if you will, but walk away from all that the marriage provided. Your "share" of half equals nothing. | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:32:06 AM | You deserve better OP...go for it..letyour past GO and spread your wings...find out who you are for a change,,,don't you think you deserve happiness?? He has the best of BOTH WORLDS,why should he LEAVE?? WHY SHOULD HE GO??? I know emotionally you will always have strings attached...like sojmeone else said..he cheated on his wife/gf for you...what makes you think he will not do the same darn thing to you?? YOU DESERVE better!!! Go for it honey...and chat when you can,let us know how it is going!!   | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:44:48 AM | | Maishakti ...In reply to your opinion that men or indeed women have got themselves into something they can no longer honour, ie their marraige vows (forms) and are really unhappy, whats to stop them getting themselves out of the relationship before they become unfaithful with another person. At the end of the day its the betrayal thats hurts the most. | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:41:20 PM |
Quote: Your "share" of half equals nothing. I'm really bad at math, so I cannot compute this at all?
Then let me explain it to you like you were in kindergarten. The quotation is used to indicate that I am not referring to a share at all. It isn't really math at all. It is sarcasm.
Judging by the response to your "wisdom" (quotes again, stay with me here), write your memoirs for your kin, because I am not sure anyone else is going to be very interested. | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/16/2008 1:25:44 PM | | Thank you for your message. The reply before yours from Miashakti made me rather annoyed to say the least so it was heartwarming to then read your message. It's good to know there are some people around that know the difference from right and wrong. | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/16/2008 2:14:38 PM | In reply to your post on 6/14/08 I would like to say to you that I am aware we do not live in an ideal world but should that be an excuse to condone the actions of people that cheat ?
I think not! If someone is unhappy or bored in their relationship they can get themselves out of it by telling their partner the way they feel. It is easier to get over a lost love if they are straight with you and say 'It's not working for me anymore' Easy.
That is a part of life, people fall out of love with their partner etc and you can't make someone love you so you heal but to find out that someone has lied over and over again to have a sexual relationship with another person is a different thing. Do you think I like feeling hurt and that I am wallowing in it ? You are From another planet if you think that I do. Who would?
People that cheat do it because they want the best of both worlds and at the end of the day that is completely selfish.
And just to clarify, our relationship in the bedroom was as good as its ever been, better in fact in some ways so i can't see why he would be bored and if he was put some effort into spicing things up instead of channeling his energy into creating lie after lie so that he could bang someone else.
In reply to ''create yourself wiser and stronger and better able to love someone who CAN commit to you in body mind and spirit'' I would like to know how to do this ????
Maybe you can tell me the answer, also i thought my ex WAS commited to me in body mind and spirit and that is why I said I will never be the same person and that my next relationship will suffer because I will always be wondering if the oyher person is genuine. | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/16/2008 2:31:16 PM | | You are away in the clouds. Of course there is right and wrong,people are normally taught MORALS when they are growing up. That is the problem today, people like you talking crap about healing and stuff and making excuses for peoples bad treatment of other people.Feelings are just that Feelings, they are part of being human and I feel as if they should be respected by the people who choose to share your life with you because not one of has the right to mess someone elses head up and that is exactly what happens when you cheat. | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/16/2008 3:18:06 PM | Hard to believe someone is actually paying Miswhatshername to listen to her dribble.
She is indeed the stuff of which cult leaders are made.
In truth, it is she for whom we should pity. Those little voices in her head must be driving her crazy! | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:01:48 PM | I'm going to explain why , for me, there's a difference in ending a marriage, and someone cheating. My "ex" husband, on mother's day, no less, (this was a long time ago), told me he didn't "think" he loved me anymore, and didn't want to live "this" kind of life anymore, (after 21 years), I was willing to accept that, and was okay with getting a divorce, went through a lot of pain, and was really hard on myself. And then when I found out, it all came down to another woman, it changed the whole scenario for me. That's when the anger kicked in, the resentment, and bitterness. It took a lot of work on my part to get past it. But I did get past it, and live a pretty happy life, and even though I'm alone now, it's been by my own choice. So when I see other people hurting from a similar situation, all I can feel is pain for them. This bullshit of people going, oh it's just how it is, just makes me want to kick their stupid asses. What it really is, is selfishness, self-centeredness, narcissism. It's okay to end a marriage you are unhappy in, but you don't have to cheat. I was in a relationship and ended it, and he was like, who are you seeing? I don't have to have someone else in my life to end a relationship. Either I want it or I don't. If I don't I just say so. You don't have to cheat. And all the excuses in the world, does not excuse it!!!  | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:16:15 PM | Trying hard to find some sense of pity for you and I just can't. You're no better than the "woman" (I will be nice and not use the term I normally do) that my husband left me for. You knew he was with someone and you took your marriage falling apart as a sign you and he should be together? Neither of you get any gold stars. I feel sorry for his wife, who, it seems, has done nothing but stay married to a man who cheats on her.
If you get together, I doubt it would last. He cheated on his wife with you. Why wouldn't he cheat on you with someone more interesting once he gets bored of you? | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:08:12 PM | It was good to read your views and it is some comfort to know that the rage I feel inside me is something that other people have felt too and even though I know that one day i will get over this I am at a loss as to how to start moving in the right direction. We have an 8 year old son and i don't want to stop contact between him and his dad,he sees him more or less every day for an hour or two in the evening , he comes to the house to pick him up and then brings him back, this is not working well for me at all. I feel so much anger towards him that I feel as if I just want to smash everything up in the house after i've closed the door and they've gone. I have asked my ex if he would ask his mum to collect our son and bring him back as I have no family living close enough to do it for me but he just keeps on coming here himself. I have asked his mum myself she just tells me that she has tried to talk to him but he won't listen.
He has no idea or doesnt care whatsoever about the hurt and pain he is putting me through
and I don't really know how to get things going the way I want them I mean it's normal to not want to see my ex surely, at least until I have had time to come to terms with what he has done.
To make it worse I moved to where he was from and have no real friends of my own only people I meet through him and although the few that I have spoke to about it all are very supportive i feel that when i am around them it reminds me of him and I don't think thats helping. As if that wasn't enough, the girl (she is early 20's and he is 38)that he has been seeing on and off for 6 years,used to babysit for his sisters kids for her to go out, lives around the corner from my house, I have to pass there to take my son to school, pick him up, go to the shop, basically to go any where out of my street . | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:25:11 PM | Sugar,
This may be a little off topic from the post, but I wanted to suggest that perhaps you and your sons dad try exchanging at school. Dad could pick him up every other Friday and drop him off on Monday. You could have a couple of weekends a month to yourself that you deserve and might give you time for dating, etc.
Here in California that type of visitation for an 8 year old would most likely be mandated by the court. I can imagine it might be hard for you at first, but in the long run, so much better for everyone.
Just a thought, I hope it gives you something to think about. | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/17/2008 4:58:36 AM | | First i would like to apologise for changing the topic of this post somewhat and I would just like to thank wannakakalina for her advice. I suppose a visit to the solicitor would be the right thing to do as my ex refuses to state days times etc.. Thank You. | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/20/2008 5:31:01 PM | Miashakti..It's easy to sit here and theorize in forums in your ivory tower of self proclaimed enlightenment that sets you apart from the rest of us, people constrained by outdated rules of humankind, stuck in the old energy, and benevolently "expand people's consciousness". All good and dandy WHILE it is not YOU who is in that situation.. Not that I'd wish you that experience, but if you happen to have it - being cheated on by someone you really LOVE.. I wonder if you would have enough integrity to admit (to yourself, let alone to the world) that when tables turn.. Suddenly, it's not OK anymore. Suddenly, the hurt is real..Suddenly, you wish that he had those outdated morals to break it off with you before going on to be with someone else.. Suddenly, there is right and wrong - when wrong is done to YOU. The lesson is difficult...Suddenly, old 'rules' that have been around for millenia start to mean something. Even to enlightened people.
Just my 2 c. | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 3:59:42 AM | | you would really want a relationship with someone who is a cheater? what makes you better than his wife now? why would he not cheat on you as well? interesting | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 8:56:09 AM |
I have a very wide circle of friends and an extended community of people, many hundred, and I cannot think of anyone who would feel the need to 'cheat'.
The people I know are way too interested in and responsible for love to happen on this planet to have any need or desire to behave in that way...
Would you be surprised if someone in your circle did cheat?
I think we all 'know people who cheat'. Some of them are very clever about hiding this aspect of their personality. Whether they're 'awakened' or not, they manipulate and use other people, causing a world of hurt.
When you've been lied to, cheated on, betrayed by someone, it takes a lot of courage to trust again. Not only has your faith in your partner been destroyed, but your faith in your own judgement takes a beating. Like skating on a frozen lake - once you've gone through the ice into the frigid water - you take more time to test things out forever after.
I think we all have to be more understanding of people that have been burned. Give them their time and space to watch for signs of thin ice. And if they spot thin ice and back off, then don't hassle them about it. It's like taking someone who nearly drowned out on a boat without lifejackets and telling them " don't worry so much.... we'll try not to capsize... and if we do, well I didn't mean it, it just happened.... honest" | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:28:56 AM | miashakti - thanks for your reply, I feel validated that you read my post.
It does seem nice in your world where people have no need to cheat but you're right, I don't get it. In my world, there are cheaters and they disguise themselves as non-cheaters.
Quote: Not only has your faith in your partner been destroyed, but your faith in your own judgement takes a beating. Like skating on a frozen lake - once you've gone through the ice into the frigid water - you take more time to test things out forever after.
And this is a bad thing? !
No, I don't think this is a bad thing at all - I was trying to explain why some people are hesitant to dive straight in to a relationship (so to speak:). | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:46:37 AM | | OP, why would you want to be with this man? Putting aside the morals of the situation. I quote "about 2 or 3 years into his relationship with his girlfriend/wife we started sleeping together " This man was never faithful to his wife, what makes you think that he will be faithful to you? You can't get into bed with the devil and then complain because you don't like the deal. | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:04:21 AM | | What you have done is horrendous...I have no sympathy for you whatsoever. Shame on you | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:08:02 AM | Sometime I read 'miashakti 's comments and find them unusually systematic, maybe new-age is itself sometimes a weird delivery of****ail understanding of eastern promises of pleasure, or roll my eyes thinking acid is kinder, than bottles of superior blarny. Then other times she gets it right, she steps back and shows the universe the sharp delineated intelligence that cuts through the standards that have been imposed by culture and society and chooses to go her own way and present views which are wholly logical even if seemingly misplaced when read in context of the wider view.
I am fascinated and impressed at the brilliance of her postings in this particular gold vein that flows through this forum posting.
OP, you have a great opportunity to consider the poll which is that basically Karma will punish you even after you have been stoned to death by the majority here. Alternatively, the kinder ones will comprehend and empathise with the thrust of your loneliness and insecurities and also fascination with a man who is elusive to you and also his wife, and who appears to fuel the complications here with his involvement with you in miss-timed events. I mean the opportunity was there and it wasn't grasped - had it been with open eyes and commitment you would not be in this manic hell hole of despair.
What is sad is that he has someone (even if his wife doesn't know of the rock of sand she has lived on), to divert his attention to and also fail to resolve all three of your joint dilemma with.
When you have finished being battered by some of the crueller perfect people on here who never make mistakes and are able to control their hearts and minds to avoid any involvement with anyone who is attached...
Then here is an idea: - why not give yourself 6 months of personal development and a sabbatical from the pain. If you can find the inner strength and resilience, just try it... a day at a time.
It may be enough time to heal, think, dream again... | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:12:35 AM | I reiterate - One of the beautiful women here miashakti, can irritate the part of us that wants to sit in a comfortable place and not have to think about the thought process that she encourages here. But let's face it, if we legitimate adultery, then everyone gets a free pie slice and probably no guilt!
But we have the usual society protection services (the voice of good reason?) and of course we forget that sometimes such complex relationships have beautiful, sensitivity and sadness that is inherent because rules are used against the star crossed lovers and if there are children involved and it is real love then it is even more fatal.
We take the best of us and we mix it with the worst and we discover a pattern that emerges which is the human discomfort of realising that nothing is perfect, and sometimes we think it is and it has layers of intrigue and complicity is the only way that it remains alive.
You can stop nourishing the pain by withdrawing from battle and licking your wounds OP and wait to see what or who comes next, it may be someone who has a battle scarred face, and great jawline and doesn't judge you on your past but offers a hand that helps you up, and you can share the period you spent reflecting (alone) without the burden of a man who couldn't commit to either of the women who believed in him. | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:20:04 AM | Hi, No matter how much a married man says he loves you,the most you can ever get is half a man. Is that all you think that you deserve? Are you willing to give up all your self respect for a few hours now and then for this man? Do you think so little of yourself that all you can expect in life is to share?
A lot of marriages don't work,I know,I've been divorced twice,but I think the only way to move on is to finish one relationship before you start another. Doing anything else is showing an enormous amount of selfishness,because you are prepared to waste someone else's life just so that you can have a few hours of lust.
Tell this man that you want him,but ONLY after he has finished with his wife. If that ultimatun doesn't work,then he doesn't care about you the way you care about him,and it's time to move on,and do NOT let him into your life ever again. | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:22:19 AM | Well
It seems like a sex disease that disappear and come back again!
I think the problem between you both it isn't love!
I think your life is without rules and without any concept of the great values.
You making a promiscuous life sleeping with a married man and him being unfaithful to his wife.
Just can prove what it is!
You need sex and as your husband broke up with you. (health reasons and age difference) !!!! ¬not your unfaithful¬.
The easy thing you have to handle it, is find a person to do it with and you previously know. Him!
Your appetite it is that and as you know males are always ready to have sex.
Some men if they are bad on their maturity don't lose any opportunity to have sex out their marriage and that guy it is just what he is!
And you know, him is good for your purposes. Unfortunately for you he have wife and you need another male to close gap.
Hope you find out what you looking for. | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:23:38 AM | | WEL AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED , U ARE GETTING EXACTLY WHAT YOU DESERVE. WHEN YOU KNOW A MAN IS MARRIED, IT IS WRONG TO ENTER A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM, EVEN IF HE STATES THEY ARE HAVING PROBLEMS, OR HE NO LONGER LOVES HER. YOU ARE REALLY CAUSING MORE OF A PROBLEM BECAUSE YOU DO NOT REALLY KNOW FOR SURE THE STATUS OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP, AND HE COULD JUST BE THE TYPE THAT WANTS TO PLAY ON THE SIDE AND KEEP HIS FAMILY INTACT. THE WIFE AND THE FAMILY ARE THE INNOCENT ONES WHO EVENTUALLY GET HURT BECAUSE OF THINGS LIKE THIS. THE OTHER WOMAN AND MARRIED MAN ARE ONLY THINKING OF THEMSELVES. HE MAY LEAVE HIS WIFE FOR YOU ONE DAY..AND IF SHE FINDS OUT ABOUT YOU..SHE WILL BE THE SMART ONE AND THROW HIM YOUR WAY...YOU WILL DESERVE THE BOOBY PRIZE THEN...ALSO..YOU NEED TO REMEMBER.......IF HE WILL DO IT WITH YOU....GOOD POSSIBILITY HE WILL DO IT TO YOU...SO R U PREPARED TO ALWAYS BE WONDERING IF HE IS CHEATING ON YOU..IF HIS WIFE DOES THROW HIM YOUR WAY? | |
|
| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:23:41 AM |
Again and again and again
"there is nothing that is right or wrong, but thinking makes it so"
Truelly enlightened persons have no need to repeatedly repeat their own dribble. They are aware of the FACT that we all evolve at Our Own Pace. We grow at our own pace and "some of us" regress at our own pace.
Swingers may think whatever they choose in order to justify screwing someone other than their "Significant Other". Seems to be the angle ms.M is trying to come from ..
Most of us are enlightened and aware enough to know it IS wrong to knowingly cause another harm. The line about "when there is no need to cheat" suggests one of those "open" relationships. Personally I find it hard to figure out why those who want multiple partners feel the need to lie and pretend that the "partner" they have chosen is "significant".
We're all entitled to our Opinions. Ms M you come across as if you aren't so enlightened as to realize that You are Not always right and therefore you are sometimes wrong.
"I Think - therefore You are .. Wrong." .. just my opinion. In my opinion I also have to agree with the poster who suggested your ramblings of higher consciousness and enlightenment are reminiscent of another Wacko .. Texas I think wasn't it?
Cheaters are jerks, liars and thieves. Cheating IS wrong. But then I don't belong to a swingers group (nor would I!) . .. ick
A.S.is
 | |
|
|
| Page 5 of 17
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 |
|
Home
login 
