| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:32:52 AM | In 'miashakti ''s defence - not that she needs it... she isn't a swinger far from it, she is just someone who has experienced enough to refuse to be bound by conventional thinking and is presenting a logic that is pure rationale.
It isn't based solely on the interpretation that many have which is Mary Magdalene had to be stoned to death... but that that there can be understanding and alternative approaches. Instead of just beating the OP down, we can review the situation and look for some postive self-affirming solutions to her self-building a more assertive 'ego', one that then can see more perspectives - often hard when you are lying on the sidewalk in pain rejected by your fellow man.
Sometimes if you have a change in brain waves it can redefine your case scenario so that you see a more real situation that shows the emotional costs to all involved and then you get a more balanced view of what you can do to take steps away from being the 'victim', or an active participant that is hurting yourself and others as well as allowing them to do the same to you. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 10:48:08 AM | I have thought to say so much but most of it has been said. One thing I do want to point out... Please stay in your pond with the dirty fishes of cheaters so we mermaids, starfish and seahorsess (Good women) can have the rest of the ocean of single, deserving men!   | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:18:06 AM | iam sure that iam not the only person to tell you this , but you have to move on , chances are that they have resolved there love for one another , i know that if i could have my ex back i would jump at the chance and never look back , so maybe he realised that she was the one for him and that you where not ... [ they resolved all before it was to late ] not saying that he was using you [ probly not ] but you never know what gose on behind closed doors and if he has not conntacted you by now [ been a man ] he will never contact you , belive me i know ... i wish you all the best in your future and hope you never have to go through what i did , there is always hope ...... yours brian  | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:30:23 AM | | Find someone else, someone to be with who doesn't cheat on his wife. If he cheated on her, he'll cheat on you. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:32:12 AM | Well I personally do not feel sorry for you...I lost my husband to my best friend with many lies and desception...I lost 2 of my older children due to his lies...but they do not like her at all for being my friend and sleeping with their father....
BUT A BIG BUT......it was a very bad marriage with all the abuse, took me a long time to realize it...
Today I would love to send her a bottle of the good stuff and a dozen roses she did do me a favor....I was always stuck at home, now I go out with my POF friends and go to the events....and have met many wonderful people , I still deal with trust issues and know the right person in my life, will see me through it.....that I will go onto the next part of my life with confidence and true love....
Too many people , families, and children get hurt from people like you...grow up and get over yourself...
GO GET HELP AND MAKE YOURSELF HEALTHIER....
Ladykimberj | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:46:50 AM | He cheats, that's horrible. You helped him cheat, and that's not?
While you don't have a legal obligation to his wife, I am of the belief that each of us has a moral obligation to anyone whose life we touch. Is he responsible for his actions? Absolutely. Are you responsible for encouraging him to cheat on his wife? Absolutely. Your actions touch her life.
You have taken an active part in interfering and potentially destroying his marriage. He sounds like he can do it all by himself, but we'll really never know because at least one outsider has interfered in his marriage.
I am amazed how many of the comments paint you as the victim, or the innocent bystander who has merely wasted time. You took an active role. If you ever do get him back, and he cheats on you, you can't argue that you believe cheating is wrong... You will have reaped what you sowed.
You don't need him, you need self-respect and self-love. If you had that, I doubt you would have gotten into this type of situation. You'll also deal with reality a lot better. Almost getting pregnant should have turned a light bulb on. Thinking of this man for all those years and then believing you can get into a "no strings attached" affair is hardly dealing with reality either.
I genuinely wish you the best and hope you find yourself, before you find a man. I believe that's the only way you'll have a healthy relationship. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:50:11 AM | I think your pain is your own fault and you deserve every single bit of it.
Both of you do deserve to be with each other. You are both un-loyal and dishonest and karma has come back to haunt you.
I have no pity for you what so ever. You are nothing more than a home wrecker.
The person I feel bad for is his poor wife who has been lied to, and treated with a lack of tact and respect by the two of you.
You made your own bed, now lay in it and suffer.
I do hope you find someone who wants to be with you, and you want to be with as well....but then again I truly hope they do the things he is doing to his wife behind your back so you can get a dose of the impact of how she is going to feel when she finds this out.
Maybe then you will actually respect people and realize that sometimes we have to stop thinking about our own needs and wants. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 12:05:01 PM | This is exactly why I am against men and women hanging out together as "friends" especially if they have a history. Once my guy friends have a girlfriend, I back the hell off because I have respect for the new relationship and the new girlfriend. It's only right. It does not mean that anything would ever happen between us, but why should I make another woman feel that way?
I have been in the wife's situation a few times. My question for men and women who do these things is "why would you put yourself in the situation where you would cheat or be dishonest in the first place?" It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what's going to happen when you are hanging out with a guy exclusively all the time. If it happened while you were amongst a group, maybe a different story but if you are putting yourself in a place to have private emails and private outings?! C'mon who do you think you are kidding?!
Most of the longest lasting relationships I know don't have the participants hanging out with members of the opposite sex. They hang out with each other or with a group. My mom or brother don't have "friends" of the opposite sex.
We all have the capacity to cheat, some find it easier than others, but some find it easier to think of themselves first.
Yes, the OP deserves love, but at what expense? I think you should back the hell off OP and let him and his wife figure things out. Find a new man who will love you without all this drama.
I would like to also say that I do not believe the "once a cheater, always a cheater". Sometimes it only happens once, but is that once worth the pain it inflicts on others? | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 12:35:38 PM | It's true that 'he's been having his cake and eating it too,' but it reminds me of an old Homer & Jethro (Grand Ole Opry stars) that says " You can't have your Kate and Edith too." I don't mean to make light of a very serious situation, but my mind kind of wandered that way.
In each of our hearts, though, we know the difference between right and wrong. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 12:40:36 PM | | M O R A L I T Y Please look this word up in the dictionary. It is something you are lacking. (I hate to pass judgement - but you asked!) | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 12:57:21 PM | Dear Breath:
I have been there and have certainly done that. In simpler words, I do feel your anguish. I was recently involved with a man who lived with his girlfriend. No they were not married but the man treated her as if he was. Long story short, I broke it off with him for the reason that I could not deal with his ambivalence toward both me and her. I want simple things like "I want you not her." I did not get that, and I chose to move forward and thank goodness I did because I went to counseling aftwerwards, saw this great website that was recommended by a great co-worker pal, and met a terrific guy so far.
My advice to you is to GRIEVE YOUR LOSS but keep living. I am not going to tell you "get over it" because you WON'T just like that. It is a process. The first thing to remember although you will not believe it is that one day will come that you will look at this experience as "damn, I'm glad that I broke it off, I deserve BETTER."
BELIEVE ME, I cussed folks out. I got sick of hearing that this guy was not worth my tears. But you know something? He was NOT.
PLEASE do not wait by the phone, my friend. PLEASE do not stop living. Go out with friends. Join that club. Go somewhere and CRY, but keep living. Keep on doing whatever it takes to relieve your pain. PLEASE GO TO THERAPY, it helped me tremendously.
PTgirl | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 1:59:08 PM | OP.....I have not been in your shoes,I was the one cheated on.....Forgive yourself and him and then continue on your journey to be pain free. We all make mistakes learn from yours and trust that you wont go there again.
Peace to you as you continue to get well!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you think you need it, there is no shame in seeking out couseling. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 2:03:51 PM | | You know the answer to that as well as anyone. Stop kidding yourself and demeaning yourself as well. Just say goodbye and MEAN it! | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 3:48:12 PM |
You may like to check out the post on Open Relationships thread, from Noirpourblanche
Ya think?
 | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 4:39:30 PM | A really beautiful treatise for survival above...
I JUST DON'T KNOW... I simply can't slap the OP down. I cannot find the venom, the bitterness the judgement or the simple self-loathing that makes people want to get up on a high horse and trample over someone else who is clearly behaving foolishly. I don't suffer fools gladly, but I also don't try to beat up those weaker than me.
I have been cheated on and even though the women who 'interfered', in my relationship(s) (it happened twice) were misguided by half-promises, I never looked beyond myself or my partner.
I felt that therein lay the source of weak commitment or lack of due process in managing our relationship - whatever was wrong was before me.
I moved on from each relationship never focussing on the triangle itself but on 'us', and what we had lacked together to make it work and learning from the experience.
I agree that there is a lack of 'morality', I agree that this is to be discouraged. I think we all have to forgive ourselves so that we can be kinder to the OP, and I feel that somehow there is a lot blaming going on here, that reminds us quickly that not everyone has the strength to forgive, and grow... some just point and shoot at the next person that appears suspect, and use a cannon if the person is caught with blood on their hands. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 4:49:19 PM | | whatever yes don't date married men but sometime you don't know they are married HELLO HE LIED. DUHH | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/21/2008 5:21:37 PM |
I have never caught anyone in the ACT at the MOMENT, but if I did, I WOULD WASTE THEM BOTH **WITHOUT** A SECOND THOUGHT.
I haven't even gotten through a portion of the messages in this thread but I had to stop and respond to this one. Holy crap dude. I think this is a bit extreme here. Granted I agree with every post I've read so far regarding the OP. I myself was cheated on relentlessly by a man who was 7 years older than I was and while in my early twenties I will admit I was trusting and nieve and believe you me, when I finally discovered that the love of my life had been cheating on me for years (including during my pregnancy with our son and while I stayed home from work to raise him sans daycare for his first year on this earth) my entire world COLLAPSED.
I was hurt beyond words. Crushed. Destroyed. Everything I had believed in for years turned out to be a sham. I think what hurts the most is the lies. They look you in the face and tell you that you're crazy. Nothing is going on and it's just your imagination, you're simply being paranoid, etc. etc. ad nauseum. In my opinion a DOG shouldn't go through the type of pain a person suffers when they discover their significant other has been unfaithful to them. The pain of betrayal is literally overwhelming but in no way does it justify murder!!!
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and after a couple of years of healing.... try, try again.
JMHO
~Darlene~ | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/23/2008 2:39:21 PM | Sphinx fire I hope your life goes great and I wish nothing but the best for you but your elitist philosophy reminds me of the "cool mom" in that one teenage girls movie; I think it was bad girls. "I'm not like all the other mom's that get mad at you; do anything you want; I'm cool mom". lol; I'm sorry but its what you do that defines you. There is still right from wrong.
To be honest I dont care about the OP. I'll never meet her or talk to her so it doesnt bother me what she does. But others are getting mad because this is what society has become. A land of self absorbed victims.
It's like a robber stealing from a house, and the owner shoots him and then the robber gets angry because he got shot. The OP is trying to break up a marriage at any cost just because she wants a guy. She doesn't care about the wife, or the kids, or anyone but herself.
Judge Judy said it best. If you do the wrong thing and then expect to get sympathy from me for its outcome, you are crazy. Being the other woman while cheating, without having a conscious is mind boggling. The worlds going to pot if people think this is adult and responsible behavior. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/23/2008 6:37:16 PM |
but your elitist philosophy reminds me of the "cool mom" in that one teenage girls movie; I think it was bad girls. "I'm not like all the other mom's that get mad at you; do anything you want; I'm cool mom". lol; I'm sorry but its what you do that defines you. There is still right from wrong.
To be honest I dont care about the OP. I'll never meet her or talk to her so it doesnt bother me what she does. But others are getting mad because this is what society has become. A land of self absorbed victims.
It's like a robber stealing from a house, and the owner shoots him and then the robber gets angry because he got shot. The OP is trying to break up a marriage at any cost just because she wants a guy. She doesn't care about the wife, or the kids, or anyone but herself.
OMG, I could never agree with you more!
It's bad enough that mia has to post these super long weirdo crap comments, that are sooo long I don't even read but a couple of lines, and not even that at times, but now she has 2 groupies following her. I'm sure if we were enlightened enough, we could also forgive the serial killer. But you know, us that are not elitist, or as intelligent as the others, or as enlightened as some, just can't understand. Give me a f ucking break. If you can make it sound good, then it's just okay to do the wrong thing!!!! Riiighht! | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/23/2008 7:12:23 PM | Did you ever notice that the women who don't fcuk around with married men don't have these pathetic delimas in their lives??
Any advice on how to deal with my feelings...for him.... Quit sleeping with him.
Quit writing him love letters.
Quit emailing him.
and my feelings of loneliness??? Take up hobbies.
Exercise.
Travel.
Join an activity club.
Meet new people.
Try dating somebody who is single.
I do believe that one day he will contact me and tell me that they are finished Whatever. 
He hasn't conacted you yet, in all these years to let you know that he really wants to be with you. Yet you still hope that day is coming?
and he has come back to be with me Was he ever really with you??? Or were you just the dirty little secret which he enjoyed having behind his wife's back.
You're going to feel like shit, and have feelings of lonliness as long as you maintain feelings for a guy who only uses you as a convenient piece of ass behind his wife's back.
If you want to get over those feelings, find some self respect and find yourself a single, un-attached man. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/23/2008 7:34:57 PM |
Think of it this way jhn456, the frustration may just stretch you...
Obviously it gets you hopping...
I'd say that's a good thing, right
No, really it's not. It doesn't change my way of thinking about cheaters. Nothing ever will. Sorry. I am a realist, so people just can't bullshit me, I'm also a very logical person, and my logic tells me, everyone knows right from wrong, and that if you are cheating on your mate, you are going to hurt them, if you are the other man or woman, you are hurting someone that does not deserve that. If you don't want that kind of committment, don't make it. Simple, reality, and logic. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/24/2008 3:02:47 PM | | He's with the one he wants to be with. If he didn't want to be with her, he wouldn't be. Move on. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/25/2008 3:47:52 PM | | Don't hold your breathe men and women can be fickle. But don't give up hope jsut dn't make him all you hope for. | |
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| The Other Woman speaks
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:47:35 PM | U are in for a HUGE heartbreak!!
I learned this the HARD way.
Time and experience has taught me that cheating is a O tolerance habit.
I also went down this road... he was telling me that the relationship went bad.. I fell for it.. yada yada yada.... I later found out from his BEST friend that he cheated on his GF of 4 years with an INFINITE number of women!! And all this time I thought I was the only oneee.... WTF?? That situation had HEARTBREAK written all over it tho... It was my own fault, stupidity and lack of experience.
And NOW, i have completely changed my point of view in cheating. Cheating is BAD. SPECIALLY if u know he is in a "commited relationship" , in this case MARRIAGE.
Besides... u met a man who SAW that u had NO RESPECT whatsoever in yourself, since u agreed to be the OTHER ONE.. do u REALLY expect a healthy relationship to come out of this??
I HATE cheating men.. and if I were you I'd let his wife know what an A**HOLE as a husband she has AND end it with him ASAP. | |
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| WAKE UP!!!
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:10:05 PM | This is not a game people,,Breath of fresh air?what air have you bin breathing?Why would anyone want to be with anyone that has a clear problem with comitment?Would you want to spend the rest or any part of your life with a cheat?your life has to be worth more than that,all I'm saying is that if it was meant to be it would hav happen already.Here's a news flash for you,,(you can't go back)I can see that you hav bin hurt by this guy,and it is likly that he will continue to hurt you because he doesn't hav a soul.this guy is what makes me sorry for being of the same gender..Move on Girl,he's not worth it. | |
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