| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/29/2008 1:01:13 PM | | Yes be a man and dump the brazen hussy. With more life experience you will come to know that fantastic mind blowing sex does not automatically mean you belong together....nor does finishing each others sentences. My advice would be to get her out of your life before you have a breakdown too, she is a leech and will bleed you dry, before moving on to her next host. | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/29/2008 1:59:24 PM | i did use protection last time. and have regular checks. I wouldnt dream of giving somebody else an std.
last time? what about time before and time before that?and next time? regular health checks are good, but they alone won't prevent or cure it.
OP, so what is it you want? be her "on-call" guy when she is in the mood for you? be her "knight in the shining armor"? be her listener to hear all about her risky escapades with other guys? Are you content with playing those roles? be cause she didn't cast you in any other. Get it?
BTW.. Friends with benefits that she wants is a misnomer. It implies "friends". Will she be a friend to you if something happened? Or will she go off partying with the next guy? think about it.
Like someone above said.. finishing sentences is not a cornerstone of a relationship. Wish it was, but it's not.
Not saying she's a "bad person", but looks like she's not good for you at this stage of her life. which, by the way, may or may never change. Move on. Be safe. Good luck. | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/29/2008 2:29:45 PM | y would u want a woman who doesnt think ur enuff for her?
sure call her if u wanna be a sucker
kathi | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/29/2008 2:34:31 PM | We were boyfriend and girlfriend..only split a week and a half ago..we had something great and it got a little rocky - shes now offered thes fwb option that i stupidly went along with this weekend.
She hadn't slept around before our break so she wasnt dirty to have unprotexted sex with..i therefore am confident on my sexual health..i'll get checked again soon anyhow
My conundrum is..
I dont want to be taken for second best/or a chump..
So do I wait for her to call agian, which could be days, or months and tell her I cant be just friends, we've got too much chemistry..so its me, or her current life and tell her I'll need some space.
I haven't told her this yet, i think its important to show her I can be strong..which I've failed to do so far. | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/29/2008 2:38:30 PM | Nope, don't wait. Go ahead and call her and tell her how you feel. If she doesn't go along with it, then tell her you can't talk to her or see her anymore.
I thought you wanted to call her just to be calling because she hasn't called you.
Good Luck,
Krys | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/29/2008 2:55:04 PM | OP.........You cant change her or save her. She has to do that on her own and right now she doesnt seem interested in doing that.
All you keep talking about is mind blowing sex. That unfortunately does not make for a relationship.
As for her low self esteem.......what about yours?
Look obviously your not ready to settle for an open relationship. If you were you wouldnt be here. And I hope your using protection.....she has already told you she has slept with other men. How does that make you feel by the way?
She has pretty much let you know what path she wants to travel. Do you want to go down that path with her?
She has you on the hook. You are like her little puppet and when she tires of you, you will be put back in the box so to speak.
Truth be told, I think you have less self esteem than she does.
Not only wouldnt I call her. I wouldnt answer her calls.
But ,as anyone else who thinks they are in love you probably will be there till you have a revelation that you are worthy of more.
WE GET IN THIS LIFE WHAT WE THINK WE DESERVE.................
You are not in love.....you are in lust...........
Good Luck | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/29/2008 2:56:07 PM | we broke up 2 weeks ago. she wanted to hit up the single life, and sleep around...
... part of the reason we clicked so well. Now the thing is, she is adament that she's never had a lover as good as me - she was telling a mutual friend just the other night..
But at the point of break up, she said she would like to be friends with benefits.
This isn't what I want btw.....she contacted me and indicated she wanted sex. I hadn't got to the phone in time though. then, she called me every day,
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A. what do you want and WHAT ARE YOU BOUNDARIES. write it all down asap...
B. Hmm, if you want sex go for it, otherwise, emotions can be painful, at least for me,
C. (see A and B).
If she is really into partying ( I guess I was too 20 years ago)...then you might have to just let her go. Partiers are not very stable, if you get my drift. | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/29/2008 3:21:05 PM |
OP.........You cant change her or save her. She has to do that on her own and right now she doesnt seem interested in doing that.
All you keep talking about is mind blowing sex. That unfortunately does not make for a relationship.
When our paths collided, it was truely magic. It was the most epic timeframe in my life. To be around each other - the room would be charged. People would be drawn around us and when we gazed into each others eyes we could see the universe staring back.
We felt so much through each other, we shared thoughts and dreams. passion and love. I believe we completed each other and still do.
I am currently backin off and letting her get on with her own thing right now. She rang me every day up until about 2 days ago. I think i'll tell her when she calls again that I cannot be just friends. She'll either she that she should come back, or she won't.
I need to try this though, otherwise I'll always regret going all out. | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/29/2008 4:06:40 PM | | I honestly had to pinch myself after reading that you still want this person in your life. She is selfish, immoral, cruel and has a drinking problem. My dear, she referred to you as a piece of cake! You're not even human to her! Ouch indeed! My advice...kick her to the curb and fast! | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/29/2008 5:06:42 PM | My advice is go to a t-shirt store, get a shirt with footprints all over it and put your name on it. unreal.
This girl is a train wreck and you are not secure enough to blow her off. She treats you like dirt and you kick a rock and said ah shucks.
You dont love her; you are addicted to her; you are her mindless slave and you deserve everything you get. This girl doesnt' care about you; likes the sex, and is using you emotionally and physically.
You are asking like an insecure needy little boy. Man wake up? This is so unhealthy.
She doesnt' care about you; wake up, man up, and move on and stop talking with her and having sex. And dont be in a relationship until you are mature enough and secure enough in yourself. | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/29/2008 6:10:00 PM | | I think you should change your name. Uh, no, not the ross part. | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:07:44 AM | Are you not listening to anyone?....You keep going on about the same old same old, wether you should ring her or not and how wonderful the relationship was....she obviously didnt feel the same, she got bored, which players eventually get. When you fall for a player they can make you feel like you have never felt before, exactly like you described above (well maybe not so sickly) they have a knack for it and they enjoy it, they act like they feel the same, they get enjoyment out of manipulating the other person.....Players dont realise they are players, they just have needy, unstable personality traits and feed off other peoples insecurity to inflate their own feeling of self worth....This is what has happened to you unfortunately. Oh and how do you know that she didnt sleep around before she met you....what a load of crock.
....NO....never call her, nor should you answer the phone to her. Go and get some self esteem and stop feeling sorry for her cos she isnt feeling sorry for you is she? Wishing you all the best but somehow I think this will run and run until she has bled you dry.
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:00:59 AM | OK - thank you for the truthful words.
It's just so hard to compute that the way I feel is an illusion brought on by someone I considered my equal..but some form od master manipulator.
Everyones comments are genuinely helping, they are angering me and making me feel a little less cool toward her.
Although it my sound that I do not have much self esteem. I can say confidently she will never meet another like me, none of the scum-bags she is sleeping around in that dive bar she goes to are anywhere close to me..and I think in time she will realise what she has thrown away. | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/30/2008 5:41:11 AM | Look I dont doubt that your a decent guy and have values and morals. And its wonderful if you have goals and ambition, but the fact that you let someone treat you the way she is ,screams of low self esteem to me.
Anyone that would have the nerve to tell me they are sleeping with other people knowing how I feel about them would be out of my life. I value MYSELF more than that.
And it shouldnt matter if she realizes at some point what she lost. What matters is how you feel about yourself.
I know you feel you love her, and feelings arent right or wrong they just are, It's what you do with those feelings that count. Please start knowing that you deserve better than what your getting. She is using you as a lifeline in case her new "life" doesnt work out. Trust me she doesnt deserve your love....go find someone who does.
GO GET A LIFE.....................
Good Luck | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/30/2008 6:50:19 AM | | i'm going through EXACTLY the same thing man. i'm two months into the break up and she's screwing around and drinking like nothing and i always end up hearing about everything and everyone she's done. i can deal with the break up, but worrying and still caring about her and knowing what she is doing makes it alot harder. sometimes i wonder where the nice girl i loved so much has gone and where this new slag had come from. you just have to distant yourself and not contact her. do everything on your terms. if she contacts you, you decide weather or not to reply. avoid her at all costs and if you were ment to be together she will come back to you and then you can decide if you still want her. | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:30:44 AM | RUN, RUN, RUN AWAY! Ex's are ex's for a reason. Once the trust is broken it is very difficult to rebuild if ever. You will always wonder if she is out lying and partying and she sounds like a bit of a nutbar to me. As hard as this is, find yourself someone else. This person has no respect for herself how can she have respect for you or a relationship. She sounds like a person with issues. Rather than trying to get her back I would encourage her to see a therapist and go to AA.
Good luck to you
Mary | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/30/2008 11:09:23 AM |
i'm going through EXACTLY the same thing man. i'm two months into the break up and she's screwing around and drinking like nothing and i always end up hearing about everything and everyone she's done. i can deal with the break up, but worrying and still caring about her and knowing what she is doing makes it alot harder. sometimes i wonder where the nice girl i loved so much has gone and where this new slag had come from. you just have to distant yourself and not contact her. do everything on your terms. if she contacts you, you decide weather or not to reply. avoid her at all costs and if you were ment to be together she will come back to you and then you can decide if you still want her.
Yeah I saw your thread - i hope your getting through it all ok.
Have you been friends with benefits at all? That really messed with my head a bit - I thought I could handle it emotionally..but It was a lot harder than previously thought.
Does she tell you what she's been up to or do you find out from others?
She told me first hand about it last week and hurt a lot.
Did you stop contacting her and then she started contacting you?
I'm hoping that if I can be strong enough to not contact her, she'll realise that the other dudes aren't a patch on me and come back.
I'm in a hard place as I've not been contacting her for the last two weeks - she kept contacting me..but I haven't heard from her since tuesday..I know there is some other dudes on the scene, I just hope she will miss me and start to compare them to me..
It's hard..like when I quite smoking..but i'm hoping that my will power will get her back. | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:20:03 PM | | I'm afraid that all the good advice you have been getting here is being ignored...'i'm hoping that my will power will get her back'....as if any man would want that nasty so and so back...oh boy are you in for it. You might as well wear a sign that says KICK ME | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:35:29 PM | WHY would you want someone like that for a GF?????????? Are you NUTS????? She's not thinking of you at all, where did you get your low self-esteem from? Do you seriously think that this is the best you can do for yourself? My gosh, maybe you need to get some hobbies or something that you can get joy from, like painting, or ANYTHING at this point~
25 -- hmmmmmmm........ my oldest is 24, and if this kind of nonsense was going on in one of my children's lives, I'd absolutely FREAK!!!!!!!
Change your phone number if you don't have any more self-control than you do with this girl.... I won't even use the word 'lady' on her like some other poster did, this girl isn't anywhere near being a lady, she's much more in the "Player" field, and I don't know of anyone who deserves to be played, except other players themselves, which it doesn't sound like you are.
You need to think of yourself and what's good for you, my friend......... and this girl certainly isn't it. Maybe you could go rent some good movies and watch them to see what a good relationship is, something with Sandra Bullock in it! YEAH!!!!!!!!!
Good luck to you~ | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:40:19 PM | Hi,
I have been where you are...and learned from the experience. My husband is now dead. She is an alcoholic, drinking that much will ruin her body and she won't be good for sex in short order. Go to an Alanon meeting and tell this story, you need this believe me. Older and wiser.....with good wishes to you. | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:22:05 PM | Gotta jump in for ya bro....... It is simple to leave.....embrace the anger.....make other plans...and agree you deserve better.....she is waisting your time...enough already!! Go dark...submerge..go off the radar...or how about a restraining order!!!! No reason to waste ur breath on her! Do It!!! Next!!!!javascript:smilie(' ') | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/30/2008 5:07:33 PM | i havn't had the friends with benefits thing because i moved away pretty quickly.
she tells me herself what she's been up to. at first her friend was telling me things, but vaguely, which wasn't really a big deal, i expected most of what i head. but latley she has been contacting me and telling me first hand and does it in such a way that she wants me to feel sorry for her and that she doesn't like what she's doing.
i stoped contacting her completely since i moved, no calls, no emails, no messages, i've never made first contact with her. for a the first two weeks there was no contact between us at all. after that i got i started getting messages from her saying things like "i miss you" and things like that. sometimes i replied and others i didn't. then she started to call me and again sometimes i'd answer and others i wouldn't, depending on how i felt.
i spoke to her yesterday on the phone for about 10 minutes, she just wanted a chat and to tell me how a concert went that i was supposed to be going to with her. it was a nice chat and when we do talk it feels good and she seems genuine but at the same time i know she only talks to me to make her feel better for what she's done to me and herself. but yeah, i guarentee your girl will contact you after a while, just have to wait it out and go from there. | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:05:44 PM | I honestly had to pinch myself after reading that you still want this person in your life. She is selfish, immoral, cruel and has a drinking problem... she referred to you as a piece of cake! ! My advice...kick her to the curb and fast!
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But, didn't you read this ((((When our paths collided, it was truely magic. It was the most epic timeframe in my life. To be around each other - the room would be charged. People would be drawn around us and when we gazed into each others eyes we could see the universe staring back.)))
People were magicaly drawn around them....and the universie collided and stuff, obviously someone had some good mushrooms with dinner. | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:45:09 AM | I can see you sitting there now going "la la la Im not listening" all the way through these posts! I still held out a little hope for you until the time I read a few posts back.....
{{It's hard..like when I quite smoking..but i'm hoping that my will power will get her back.}} ....Now your just making yourself a laughing stock...unfortunately your a lost cause and Im not wasting my time on your thread anymore. Its obvious now that you didnt want any good advice just sympathy. | |
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| Advice on Break up
Posted: 5/31/2008 5:42:11 AM | Re-read through it. My head is listening. My Heart in hurting.
Your right i'm better off without her - i imagine I need some time apart from her and to tell her to stop contacting me. | |
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