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| | My son is on drugs.......Page 10 of 12 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12) | karenbisme, most kids who smoke pot are going to stick up for pot use. Most adults who use will too. It is up to you as a mother to put your foot down and tell him this is unacceptable behavior. A lot of teen parents stick up for kids having kids. Kids who drink stick up for their underage drinking. A lot of Intervention episodes may not be about kicking marijuana but I can assure you many if not most of those addictions started out as pot smoking. A lot of them say on the show that they started smoking pot as young teens and then moved up to harder and harder drugs.
You're the parent. It is up to you to teach your son that doing drugs is wrong. Not giving up on him is one thing but going on as if this is acceptable behavior is a whole other thing. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/19/2008 9:31:50 PM | If you do not want the young aldut smoking pot/doing any kind of drugs in your home (no matter if it is his home too) you as an parent should stand up for YOURSELF and watch out for you N your son but alot of people now days, think pot is just as bad as any other drug maybe their right who knows but YOU as an parent have to make THAT call and believe me down the road your son will still love you just as much as he ever has.
Good luck on your situration!....I'm not downing pot nor am i defending pot people need to be SMART when it comes to pot/any other kind of drug the drug life is NOT an "piece of cake" i should know i had to watch my sister (on hard hard drugs) every day/night and then, had an friend that was just about on same drug she was on and it took away EVERYTHING they loved and cared about even the freedom expect for my sister she NEVER lost anything because she always gotten away with it. | |
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wowsad
| | Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 228 | |
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/20/2008 3:52:07 AM | i'm confused.
you didn't ask where he gets it? how he gets it? you haven't made any attempt to prevent it, other than "educating" him? what is this education exactly... i had a logic teacher once say that if you want to argue science, you better bring a scientist. people who don't want to listen aren't going to believe second hand knowledge. his father is a degenerate, but does that give you any right to allow your son to become his father? i don't think so, but maybe you feel differently. as i said before...weed cost money. cut the money, cut the weed. if it is given to him, cut his friends off from him. if they are giving your son weed, call the police. its a very simple thing. you prevent the weed from getting to your son, however possible. if you do anything less, you are giving up. the touchy feely parenting that the liberals have pushed on us isn't working, obviously. drug use is on the rise, and has been for a very long time. do something about it. don't **** about being powerless, and don't feel as though you've "won" because you haven't kicked him out. you haven't prevented your son from doing drugs, so you have failed as a parent. correct that mistake before you don't have the legal authority to. the window is closing and its up to you to control your child's drug use. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/20/2008 10:32:49 AM | | As a concerned parent you have to go to any means necessary to understand what is going on in your household. I have a 19 year old that I found smoking weed when he was 17. I absolutely am against any kinds of drugs so I have invaded his privacy by reading his text messages, searched his room, took him to drug counseling and random drug tested him. He is now 19 on a college scholarship and I think not using. He grew up around kids with access to a lot of money and the new drugs that these kids are involved with are prescription drugs. It is not the weed you need to be as concerned about but the pain pills. I had no idea how young people use these drugs today but by being nosey and in my son's business I learned what was going on around him with him and his friends. As long as I am supporting him and he is living in my house he has to live by my rules. I talked to a local police officer about the prescription drug use and he said it is very difficult to do anything about but he agreed with me on watching your kid very closely for the signs of drug use. The weed is a little more obvious then the pain pills., they have access to the narcoticss when they get their wisdom teeth pulled out and possibly from old perscripitons in your own house. One parent to another you may have a lot of arguments and conflicts with your son but if you suspect he is using, he probably is and in my case I took it upon myself to understand what was going on and have a zero tolerance to the drug use, experimental or not. My son is now a sophmore in college, made the deans list last semester and he knows exactly where I stand on drugs and for that matter drinking and driving. That is all I can do, the rest is up to him but we had a few heated battles where he was very angry at me for invading his privacy and I told him I don't care. If I suspect he is using I am going to all ends to find out. I also have a 15 year old son and while I have no suspicion that there is any problems right now I have told him if he gives me reason then I will random drug test him as well. So far, he is a good kid playing video games with his friend and I always no where he is and what he is doing. The real give away when a child is using is their personality changes and they become belligerent and possible lethargic and sleeping a lot. Continue to watch your son very closely and do not feel bad about getting in his face and confronting him if you think he is still using, he will thank you when he matures and understands that you are right. Good Luck as I know what you mean when you say it breaks your heart and he is so young that you have a chance to guide him in the right direction now. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/20/2008 1:06:19 PM | | wowsad had an very TRUE statement...no parent should just give up on the child no matter what age if your child needs help than you as an a parent SHOULD try EVERYTHING you can to help your child, overcome these "addictions" and trust me it may take longer than you think it will but it IS worth it in the end your child does NOT need you given up on him he needs to know you love him and will help him overcome this! | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/21/2008 5:29:22 AM | | Yes I really think she should try what I said in my post on page 9. She should talk with a specialist in addiction who is not a religious figure. Someone who actually understands the issue both medically and psychologically. They could actually talk with her first and then formulate a plan that will actually work. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/21/2008 5:33:07 AM | Also, sorry for the double post, but people talking to a police officer or whatever is alright I guess. But you've got to understand that most people on POF, and in general, do not truly have a grasp on addiction and what causes it both medically and psychologically. A Police Officer may have seen a lot of addicts, but he/she has not gone to school to understand how and why people become addicted to drugs and how to help them get off of them. A Police Officer's job isn't to work with addicts all day everyday trying to help them recover.
Go talk to someone who has done this and does it for a living! They will be the best source of information, but please don't go to someone with a religious bias. If your son is not religious that could simply backfire. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/21/2008 7:08:47 AM | I have been where you now stand...It all started in my world ten yrs ago!
And I remember thinking like you...its just a phase!
I spent 10 yrs trying anything/ everything to fight the drugs....
The drugs will lead to other things, crime, trouble with the law, addictions,..
The list is endless...
I cant tell any parent what to do,..its really an invidual choice...I know in my case, I gave up everything to help him, spent any amount it required, gave of myself, my time..but in the end the drugs still had power over him!
Ive spent hundereds of hours in a court house, thousands of dollars on rehab and lawyers...but he only progressed from being a kid experimenting to a full blown addict, on the street and into crime. For 10 yrs I lived my life in silence...no one to turn to, no one understood...The law only wanted to persecute...Rehab can only help if they want help...It seemed he was destined to destroy his life and Nothing I did would deter him..
Sometimes I think ,..The only thing I did was enable him! If I could go back to when it first began,..I would take my son and run...put him into rehab and keep him there till he was cleansed mentally and physically!...See prob was I was doing anything to help him get better but once clean he went right back to the same friends life...nothing I could do or say made a diff...I threatened his friends to stay away, I chased them down, I raided their clubs, you name it ..I did it!...I even tore down a pot operation because I learnt my son was involved, 500 plants!..Trust me these kids did not like me!
I was like SATEN to them!..Ive been In more crack houses than any mother should ever bare seeing looking for my Boy, Ive went up against bikers ( something I would not reccomend), I begged, pleaded, and screamed to let the grip go they had on my son b4 it was too late...but again..Everything I did..fell on deaf ears! I was one person fighting a huge war and the feeling of hopelessness consumed my life but giving up was never an option!....I did have many stints where my son would be clean,..normal again, loving...his old self...where he would hold down a full time job, and live a normal life...But I was never without fear of that life creeping back into his...And it did!..After 2 yrs clean, my boy messed up again..this time he not only screwed up on drugs but he committed crimes that were beyond my fixing...I had no choice but to wash my hands and let him go. I had to tough love him which for a mom is like cutting out her lungs!
There are days I can hardly breathe , I miss him so much. But hes a man now, making choices that he as to be responsible for... Its not as simple anymore as getting him help.
or being there to wipe his tears when he falls! I gave my boy amazing tools to better himself as a person and a man...I only hope that when his life hits his low point where he knows its time to make a difference that he chooses to utilize the many things I taught him in his life and heal himself from the destructive path he created in his life!
I will always be here for him...diffference is now,..I can no longer walk beside him, enable him . He as to learn that respect is earned and being responsible, loving yourself is the number one goal in life!...
If I could hug you...I would...
My heart bleeds for you..
They often talk about the child..the drugs..the addiction..
But what lays clothed in silence is the ache that a parent feels, that suffereing in silence.
Do what you have to do to protect your child!
Only thing I would do diff is I would of turned all his druggie friends in, his dealers, reported all the crack houses, etc.
I would of made my sons life really hard to find the drugs...that is something I didnt do till it was by far ...too late!
Good luck my friend,..never lose faith,..our boyz will come back to us one day!
much love and respect!
Yvonne | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/23/2008 1:19:34 PM | I not checked this thread for awhile so I had some catching up to do! Howbigisyourlove is dead on right about not being able to fix the child immediately. Taking the kid to the police station is not however tough love it's reality check sweetie! Kicking him out of the house....that's tough love and a last resort! This kid is going to have to trust that his mom loves him and is only doing what is in his best interest. Whatever mom needs to do to relay that to him she will have to correct and do while trying to help him get over this 'experimentation phase'
The problem right now though is that the OP has several issues to deal with here
1) The lack of an apparent good father figure (if I remember right dad was into drugs) and not really involved with the child
2) She lost control of her child and is just now realizing it and it's a case of drastic actions need to be taken to get this under control NOW!
3) Making sure the kid does not turn his experimentation into full blown all out addictions to this and any other drug!
4) Repairing what is apparently a strained relationship to the point they can both trust each other!
Both OP and child are going to have to heal together because there's a lot more going on with both of them than any of us know! Kids turn to drugs and friends on drugs when needs are not being met at home. Because they don't know how to deal with the issues they are facing! | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/25/2008 2:02:54 PM | Good God , is this thread still going ?
A 16 year old smoking the odd spliff is not on the highway to hell.
(unless there's tobacco in it)
It brings back to me why leaving home at 18 was one of my very best life choices.
What was it Philip Larkin said ?
OK, far better that we all make such choices later in life, but for crying out loud, who amongst us didn't drink to the point of social embarassment a few times when we were 15 or 16 ?
Curiously, most of us didn't turn into alcoholics.
There seems to be a particular, disproportionate attention devoted to psychedelics - to the point of reinventing "reefer madness" over and over again .. fiddling while Rome burns. The solution is not Narconon, but enforced reading of Huxley and Coleridge.
Well there are so many vested interests in perpetuating the drug treatment industry - and alcohol is so profitable ... even tobacco - the most stupid drug of all - is only slowly being eliminated as an "acceptable" source of revenue. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/25/2008 2:20:48 PM | | Hi,ive read these messages and quite frankly im appalled,lock him up .give him up grass on him ,at 15 what child would ever stop to listen and understand why you would do that , I am a mother of four children and i always gave them one simple talk ,i used to say ,if anyone offers you drugs ,come and tell me what they are ,ill tell you what they can and will do and then you decide if you want to take them ,maybe i was just lucky or maybe it worked but one daughter had one puff of a joint ,the others didnt ,and they have never wanted to ,your son is 15 ,a difficult age i know ,maybe it would make more sense to try and find out why he takes them ,what he gets from them and where he thinks it may lead ,im no supermum ,my kids are not perfect ,(well maybe in my eyes)but all i can say is i can remember being a teenager ,and all the stuff that went with it ,surely its better for him to be able to talk to you rather than clam up ,at least you will know if the drug taking changes ,i hope it all works out for you both x | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/25/2008 2:47:09 PM | Lady I am sorry but I cannot read all of these replies to your situation because opinions are like ***holes, and #1 I think that you are asking the wrong group of people about your problem.
I am not an expert by any means but I will respond to some of the answers that you have received here.
Lock him up and throw away the key.....whoever said that is an ***hole.
One said take him to rehab....just like that? What a moron.
One said have him read a book to scare him straight...bullshit! At the same time why don't you take him to prison and scare him where a lot of people are spending unjust time for smoking pot along with killers, child molesters, and real criminals.
Another one says that it is your home and you should make him leave if he does not abide by your rules. He is a kid for Christ's sake, don't put him on the street for that.
Another said that you should use home drug tests. How pathetic! You might as well strip search him 5 times a day, intercept all of his mail, and just throw him in prison like that other moron suggested.
I am sure that some gave you some good advice along the lines that this is your son and you should try to talk to him as a caring parent, so I will not bore you with my advice, but for all of you other ***holes......why don't you just send your kids to Afghanistan or Iraq and convince then that they are fighting for this country, and for all of you that have children in the military I am very proud of them and you for supporting them.
If all he is doing is smoking pot be very glad because he is probably just chilling out and you don't have to worry about him robbing a bank or worse.
You are a good Mom and he will be alright. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/25/2008 4:51:43 PM | | Ok I know they have like tea rooms for smoking pot in Canada, so what are the laws on it. I was just wondering working at the border it seems it would be a job that you would have to have a clearance for. Seems like if it is illegal to posses it, then you really need to crack down on him having it or your butt is on the line when it is your house. I also wondered where he got the money to buy it. I know that being a single parent usually means that you know where your money goes and extra money to buy pot doesn't happen. Pot makes lots happen you don't want to and little happen that you want to. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/25/2008 9:23:06 PM | | People keep asking me where he gets the money to smoke pot......... He is a teenager, he gets it from friends for the most part, no, I do not give him money and say, here kid.....go buy pot and smoke it. I do not condone him smoking pot, nor am I happy about it, but, I do believe deep down he is a good kid and he is going to get through this phase of his life. I will not kick him out, will not call the police and I will not force him in rehab unless what he is doing escalates to stronger drug use. We have talked alot lately, he is more open with me, and I have told him that I am not happy about the pot and that if he decides that is not enough and that stronger drug use enters the picture and believe me, I have talked to him about all of the effects of different drugs affect the body. I will not watch him destroy himself in that way, that there is consequences with every choice he makes. I appreciate all of the feedback I have gotten, I really do, but, some......... well, I wonder what parents of teenagers think......... My sister was totally shocked that her 14 yr old kid got caught drunk, myself, I try to remember being their age, remember the experimenting, remember growing up and getting through those stages and I hope that my kids always know that they may disappoint me, but that I love them and that we can get through anything!!!!!!!!!! I will neverrrr give up on either of my kids, will never throw them to the wolves, will never call the cops on them for being teenagers and finding their way. Does that make me a bad parent???? I dont think so. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/25/2008 10:11:34 PM | pot is pot im sorry to tell yall that but it is NO big deal....so why all the fuss about weed so some of yall parents do NOT aprove of weed its NO big deal and some parents see no harm in it, i mean weed does NOT always lead to harder drugs....first of all you have to let children MAKE mistakes NO child/teenager can grow up PERFECT because this world is NOT perfect. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/25/2008 10:12:36 PM | who amongst us didn't drink to the point of social embarassment a few times when we were 15 or 16 ?
pot is pot im sorry to tell yall that but it is NO big deal....so why all the fuss about weed so some of yall parents do NOT aprove of weed its NO big deal
I'd take issue with the fact that my minor child was smoking anything. Adults can do whatever the hell they want. When they are minors, YOU are responsible for what they do and what they don't do. A good parent is not going to let their CHILD smoke anything, whether it's legal for 18 and older or illegal for everyone. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/25/2008 10:14:49 PM | i am and was NOT perfect and im sure we have ALL maybe once in our lives drink/smoke pot but its not the end of the world and MOST teens are NOT going to tell their parents their personal life or business with their buddys, i'm 25yrs old and i still do NOT tell everything I do to my mom.  | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/25/2008 10:19:48 PM | im sure we have ALL maybe once in our lives [...]smoke pot
Yet again.. Nope. And when I read through this thread and see the posts from those who think this woman should be ok with letting her child smoke weed...and I have to get out my decoder ring to figure out what the hell half of you are saying.. i'm quite glad I never got into it.
edited to add: Let's not send me private messages regarding this issue. If you have something to say, say it here. K, thanks, kids. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/25/2008 10:54:55 PM | | After Daddy & I split, I had a heck of a time with my teen-age son. He drank so much he had blackouts. I had to call in not only the cops, but every counsellor, school official, pastor, adult mentor, and finally the Marines to get some male role modeling. They had a junior Marine program called the Devil Pups. I thought it would be like a punishment, but he loved it. My son came back saying "Yes Ma'am" I was amazed. They did teach respect for their mom. It helped, but soon slipped back into his old pattern. He struggled with his family disease for a few more years. There were some late night emergency room visits that became embarrassingly colorful. I made him pay for the hospital, and every court fine he got himself into. I never bought him a car. I am convinced he would be dead, had I kicked him out. Besides, I had a legal responsibility to provide for him. Thank God I brought him up in the church, or he might have been alot worse. He bonded with the Pastor's kids & they had a good influence. Plus we had a prayer warrior team praying for my son for years(they still do).Today he is a young adult, clean driving record, good job, sober and goes to church. I couldn't be more proud of him. Through it all I just loved him & would never abandon him no matter what. Then he comes to me & says the only real criticizm he had of me as a mother, was that I didn't kick him out. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/25/2008 11:32:29 PM | | That is true onebeachlvr, God is the only one who you and you son should turn too. Find a church in your area with a GOOD youth group believe me it will help him.My prayer's are with you. | |
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| My SON IS OFF DRUGS..
Posted: 7/25/2008 11:51:26 PM | I AGREE 100% LADY CHIX .........IM RECOVERING AND I THINK LIFE IS TO SHORT TO BE WAISTED ON TEMPTATIONS FROM DRUGS..........ME AND MY SONS HOPEFULLY ARE CLEAN NOW AND HAPPIER THAN EVER ..........IM LONLEY I HAD TO LEAVE A 13 YEAR MARRIAGE BUT IM BETTER OFF HAPPY PEOPLE ARE HOPEFUL PEOPLE AND HELPING PRODUCTIVE PEOPLE......THANK YOU CHARTER HOSPITAL OF GREENVILLE ................OR THEY WERE THERE FOR ME THANKS TO AMY COLEMAN WHOM IS A GOOD FRIEND IN CHRIST WHICH I DONT SEE BUT NEED TO BUT IF YOU GUYS SEE HER TELL HER GIDGETS CLEAN ILL BE TESTED ANYTIME AND I WONT MY TWO SONS TESTED ALSO........GOOD NIGHT ..........
HARLEY G
HARLEY G.....
GIDGET G. EDWARDS | |
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Tipla
| | Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 248 | |
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/26/2008 12:18:18 AM | Hi Karen,
I can relate to your situation. When I left my ex over 4 yrs ago, my daughter was turning 13. We were so close, she was so beautiful, danced for a dance school, performed, loved it, she was in her first yr of pointe. After about 3 mths in our new place she began to see how far she could push me. Needless to say she went to live with my ex. After 6 mths, a cal from her in tears, she's back with me, but she had no rules, curfew, alcohol in the fridge for her & friends, stayed out with friends all the time. My daughter is almost 17 now, she's a addict/alcoholic. She's been to detox twice for crystal meth. She is a binge drinker, smokes pot all the time, at 1 point I found out she was selling E. When I found this out I went to the police station and gave them a picture of her. They didn't get her as she went to detox that weekend. I have had her arrested, the police drop the charges because there are more important cases then a kid who physically abuse thier mom, or shoplifting charges.
Society has taken our rights to parent our kids.I have tried everything, you can't ground them, that's confinement, you can't kick them out, we can be charged, tuogh love doesn't always work with these kids today. You can't force them into councilling, they have to want to do it.
She hasn't done meth since January. She has a good job but still parties, drinks and smokes pot and doesn't come home most weekends. I have many sleepless nights. I call her cell, ask her if I can please come pick her up, when she answers it. I won't give up on her, I will always be here for her just as I am for my other 2 kids(18&12). It's getting better, but I don't think she loves me, I never get a hug or kiss or an I love you. One day, but not know. I just tell her I love her, buy her a silly card or a few carnations and put them on her dresser, I do it for my oldest daughter too who is a great responsible young lady. I do special little things for my son too.
Don't give up, let them know you're there for them, let them know they always have a home, when he comes home the next day, tell him you're so happy he made it home and give him a hug. One day, they will feel sorry for all that they have done re drugs ect. and they will say they are sorry.
Go to McGruff Safeguard website, it's free for so many months. I pd about $55. for this after the free one expired. You can check on his msn chat and see what he's doing, who he's hanging with, so much. I recommend ot to every parent, kids don't always talk to us, but they always talk to their friends.
All the best, if you ever want to talk more, I'm here. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/26/2008 8:13:57 PM | | note to pisescida....Never did i say that SMOKING pot is THE RIGHT THING i guess we all have different views and this world is so screw up anyways and the way most moms are letting their children act...Like for example the kids across the street....3yrs old and walking on EVERYONEs porch PISSING and SHITTING on the peoples porch, and walking around the area SHOWING people/children his "private parts" now that IS poor PARENTING...so whats yalls opion on that???? | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/26/2008 8:27:28 PM | | Ok, so no one can tell me what the laws are in Canada regarding possession of any amount of pot? That is my concern. I am glad to read that he isn't bumming money off of you to buy it. It gets very expensive. Last I heard about $60 for 1/4 around here, but that has been awhile and am so glad that I don't have anyone in my life that does it that would give me any reason to know the cost. I don't mean cost just for the reefer, I really mean cost if you are caught with any amount. Job, court, legal fees, etc. That is why I asked about the laws in Canada. If they don't bust you for having it in your home, that is great. I just know in the US, Tommy Chong was busted just for having his name on bongs. Yeah, buy the movie that the Gov't didn't want sold. But back on topic. Really, trying pot is one thing, having it in your home if it is a crime is dangerous, the police don't look to see who owns the weed, they look to see who owns the home. | |
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