| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 9:16:28 AM | Hi there,
I'm an 18 year old female and I went through what your son is going through. When I was 15 - 16 I was into experimenting with drugs like he is right now. I was always moody, always disrespectful, always yelling and I pushed my mother away. We also had an abusive step-father (moms husband) which played a big part, but once my mom got rid of him... we moved, I decided for a new lifestyle and my mom and I have NEVER been more close.
A change of environment, realization of something bad (shock him somehow) or let him know that you know he is experimenting and that you are not okay with it. Sooner or later his conscience will kick him and he will realize that he's hurting you.
Everything will work out, and you will have the greatest bond with your son. It may be hard right now, but really try to remember what it was like when you were that age.
;) good luck! | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 9:22:06 AM | A teenager is too young to understand the degrees of danger between different drugs. What he needs to know right now is that ALL drugs are bad, pot, nicotene, alcohol, as well as the "harder" drugs. Happy, content kids DO NOT do drugs. Find out what's wrong. Be there for him but don't waiver on your stand against drugs. It's easier to start when they're very young but you are where you are, so start TODAY. Know that it will be very hard and accept that your son might even seem to hate you at times (but he really doesn't-drug use is a cry for help.... so help him!)
Ignore the people who believe religion and God are useless. God is the strongest power in the universe. Prayer is so much more powerful than you'll ever know. If you don't have a church home in which you're comfortable, find one and encourage your son to come with you. Accept the support from others that you find there. You might also look at this site: http://teenchallengeusa.com/
Good luck. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 9:35:56 AM | Karen, I'm going to come at this from a different perspective than most people on the thread. I respect you for being honest about your challenge, and I hope the best for you and your son. My perspective is that people are way too casual in their views about drug/alcohol use. Drugs and alcohol wreck lives. I don't come at this from any moral perspective----just from a practical one. Drugs are toxic to the body even in small amounts. In addition to that, there's just no way to know who is going to have an addictive nature and who isn't ahead of time.
There is no such thing as safe experimentation with drugs. None at all. It's basically Russian roulette. Some get lucky and can experiment without lasting problems. Others will bite the bullet of addiction or personality changes. My question on all of these drug threads is: What is it that keeps people from having fun without being high to do it? People need to question why they can't party, dance, fùck, shout, laugh, and have a good time without being high first. Learn to lower the inhibitions and have a good time without the cowardly use of drugs....
Anyway, when it comes to kids, it's too much to risk being "casual" about it. Any drug use is risky and stupid. The best thing in the world is for kids to stay busy with sports, jobs, or good hobbies, and not to hang around friends who are going to use drugs with them. That's the only way to go. Don't convey that it's ever OK to try any of them. As soon as you indicate that "experimentation" is OK, you're putting that six-shooter (with one bullet in the chamber) into your son's hands. You're conveying that it's OK to pull the trigger because there's an 83% chance he won't blow his head off. Would any parent do that? That's what a casual attitude with drugs is doing to one's kids.......
Good luck, Karen. Obviously, some counseling and rehab is in order. I'm sure there are some resources in your area which could help. I wish you and your son the best!  | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 9:43:31 AM | Well that is pretty much the normal age to start rebelling against any and all authority figures for no reason. Its also the age where you think you know everything, so getting your son to listen to you is going to be hard. As far as scaring him straight like some of these people mentioned, thats not going to work. To much of that involves telling him lies about what the drugs do to you and kids these days know what those lies are, I did. Sending him to rehab if he doesn't have a serious problem will just make him distance himself more from you and make him really rebel when he gets out. Do you know what drugs he's doing? If he's just smoking herb thats pretty harmless if not done in excess. The best thing I can think of sit down and talk with him and tell him the truth about things. Right now he wants to be independent and sees you as a roadblock to that. Talking to him about what you did and your experiences and how you saw drugs affect people may make you feel like a hypocrite if you punish him but at least it will build trust between you.
Personally I did this same thing, and luckily I never really developed a problem with any drugs and by 18 I had tried everything and just decided to smoke and drink. However the constant need to sneak around because of my mom and how much she snooped to catch me damaged our relationship for years because I stopped trusting her. If you can gain his trust where he can talk to you about this stuff, tell you where he's going and whats he's doing without fear of punishment then he will stop lying. He's lying because he thinks he'll get in trouble and he's moody because he feels his privacy is being invaded. This will also let you guage how serious of a problem he has by comparing it too your own use. I realize I gave a different answer then your looking for and a different answer then all of the rehab and scare him straight people (who most likely never did any drugs, so really shouldn't be talking) but this may be the best way for him. And if you want some tips on how to tell what he's doing just message me. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 9:48:25 AM | the rehab and scare him straight people (who most likely never did any drugs, so really shouldn't be talking)
arg, wrong , gong
most treatment centres and rehab are being run by former addicts
most scared straight people did heavy jail or pen time
sorry Darren you're off base man | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 10:25:40 AM | We are also talking about a 15 year old kid who's rebelling not a crack head or a heroin addict. And for the record while some of them are former addicts, (not most) they are also people who buy into completely all the bull**** ands lies surrounding this subject. Lets compare this to something else here and see if I can get through to you. If you wanted advice about sex would you go to:
A. a virgin (someone who hasn't done drugs)
B. a born again christian who is for abstinence only (scared straight)
C. a former sex addict who now thinks its evil ( scared straight and former addict)
D. someone who has had sex and is knows whats going on and has done everything in a responsible manner. (me and about 20 million other americans) | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 11:03:37 AM | | He needs to be in long term rehab; he's a kid and you have to be the bad cop and not the enabler. do it today. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 11:31:52 AM | At 15 you have every right to set boundaries and absolutely should - it's your responsibility, your home and your rules. (Though I'm glad I'm not a parent of a 21st century 15 year old).
Cannabis cost money - how about putting his pocket money straight into a building society account. ?
But please don't perpetuate the old lies we were told in the 60s and 70s when our relatives were all dying in ignorance from their cigarette smoking and drinking.
Telling lies to "good" children might work. But in the age of the Internet it will lose you respect - as it will our hypocritical politicians.
What telling lies might well do is establish a rationalisation that if you've been told lies about cannabis, maybe other things aren't so bad. (though as someone who faints at the doctor's, I can't get my head around people choosing to inject themselves).
I suppose I smoked my first cannabis at 17 - but it cost half a week's wages and mixing it with tobacco (we knew no better then) put me off for years. In fact I would worry far more about the tobacco - I have encountered endless people who are clearly actually addicted to the tobacco.
As for being a grumpy teenager - I managed that without the aid even of alcohol. (which is the main substance of abuse at that age).
I know nothing about drug addiction, but from other people it seems to be about trying to use substances to fix your life rather than as an occaisional treat. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:45:38 PM |
We are also talking about a 15 year old kid who's rebelling not a crack head or a heroin addict.
First of all, taking drugs is not any sort of rebellion anymore. Every idiot who wants to fit in with his friends is doing them. It shows conformity, not rebellion. When I had someone approach me with drugs at that age, I told him to go fùck himself. THAT was the rebellion. This is the message that should be going out to all kids: Anyone who needs to get high to face any part of life is acting like a coward. Period. It's an escape. It's a cop-out. Wanna be a bad-ass? Do whatever you're going to do sober. You wanna get with some hottie? Approach her sober. You wanna cut loose on some big adventure? Do it sober. You want to get in someone's face who's pissing you off? Do it sober. Don't succumb to the need to get high in order to live life.
Second, no one starts their drug use with crack, meth, or heroin. People start out with alcohol and pot, and some progress to the harder drugs. Pot is the gateway drug. Since no one knows who is going to progress to hard drugs and who isn't going to ahead of time, it's a crapshoot for every new drug user. Adults can do what they want, but anyone who is decent wouldn't want kids taking those stupid chances. The message to kids should be to find constructive things to do and avoid drug use altogether. Kids, trying to be young men, should sack up and do whatever they're going to do completely sober. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:29:37 PM |
Pot is the gateway drug. Since no one knows who is going to progress to hard drugs and who isn't going to ahead of time, it's a crapshoot for every new drug user.
Sorry, but exactly what do you suppose is the pathway ?
Would you still say that if it wasn't illegal ?
It was dismissed recently by the UK's ACMD.
Pretty well every heroin addict started on tobacco, alcohol, coffee.
I have an idea for an experiment whereby every kind of drug is made freely available at a party. No cost, no legal sanctions - alcohol, tobacco, cannabis, cocaine, LSD, ecstasy.
Which would be the most popular. ?
I reckon tobacco is a gateway drug - or at least a predictor. It's crap - does sod all, makes you stink, poisons you slowly - pretty well the most addictive substance there is. Anyone who can develop that as a habit is ripe for other addictions.
I've just realised some of you are from America / Canada.
In which case you may not be aware of the Lancet study of the relative harms of the main recreational drugs - including alcohol and tobacco.
Worth checking out - you might also find the BBC "Horizon" TV programme about it somewhere on the web.
I'm not advocating drug use - I would love to see everyone adopting a lettuce and tofu lifestyle, but unfortunately everything that has been done so far and the billions spent on it has made things far worse. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:51:39 PM | jayx and his mother went threw what i'm going threw with my 15 yearold son.i'm not sure if he does drugs but he changed he was in all kinds of sports droped out.he hangs out with the wrong kids he got kicked out of school twice now and we have him in counceling for anger seems to be working.but we fight about things like when i say no but at times we are close.its so hard raiseing teens you just got to do your best if they fall then they learn.if you push the kid hes going to just do more you need to talk about it with him tell him how its hurting you take him to counceling my son did't want to go we made him go.kids change so fast my15 yearold was the sweetest kid until last year he started hanging with differant friends.one thing he went from is this kid that wore his jeans so low his boxers showed now hes into country music tight jeans boots and has a really nice girlfriend but i worry when hes going to do somthing stupid.you just got to let them learn not much you can do when he turns 18.we got my son his own fixer up car to work on its not much but its his and he loves working on cars.i hope he turns out ok i pray that i'm doing the right thing my not pushing to hard thats what his councler said the more you push the further they push back.good luck with your son i think you need counceling for both of you it helps. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:14:14 PM | Hey Karen;
I know I may not be a parent, but I thought I might be able to shed some light coming from the other side of this, speaking as an ex-pot smoker who didn't care about life and had a bad relationship with my parents growing up.
Let me remind you that hormones play a significant part of his moods and actions right now- parents seem to forget how hard puberty affected them. He may not even realize he has changed so much, or realize how brash he's being. I know I look back to a few years ago and think "Holy Sh*t, I was rude!!"
I can't really offer you a solution, I know little to nothing about parenting, all I can offer is a different perspective.
Your son is experimenting and right now, nothing you try seems to work. Depending on your relationship and dynamic, you go go one of three ways: You could ignore it and wait to see how long he continues with this behaviour [some of us grow up and make better choices for ourselves]; You could give him tough love and send him to rehab, boot camp, test him, etc [do them randomly, if you do- they have drinks to clean THC out of the system that are sold at drug paraphenalia stores]; or you could simply have an open and honest [and non judgemental!!!] talk with him.
You could let him know that you experimented at his age, too. Relate to him, tell him some stories. He's alienating you because he's trying to figure himself out. This can be a good thing!!! He's showing signs that he's independent- that's great!! You could let him know that you love him very much, want the best for him, but TRUST HIM ENOUGH TO MAKE THE DECISION FOR HIMSELF. This is soooo important.
When you empower your child and let them know you trust and support them, they will WANT to come to you when they need help. Trust me on that!!
I hope this helps a little bit, and gives you better insight. Best of luck to you and your son :) | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:47:33 PM | | I shouldn't have to repeat myself on here but once again spitfire6844, do you ask a virgin for advice on sex? | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:00:40 PM | One thing is certain - he will not change until HE wants to.
Been there - got the t-shirt. Lots of 'em!
Got a 17 yo son in the same boat.
There IS a way to live alcohol/drug free AND be truly happy and grateful if you're an alcoholic/addict - AA - gotta be sick and tired of being sick and tired first, though.
I wish your family the very best.
Rehab is for spending money - unless the alcoholic/addict wants to live sober and is willing to do the work it takes to live a sober, happy, productive life. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:10:18 PM | | I completly agree with you TateHS. No one has ever gone to rehab against their will and gotten sober and no one will ever quit doing anything that they don't want to do. I know quite a few people who live sober because thats what they have to do. And until the day that they realized that they used. Nobody is powerless against using, thats just a cop out. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:32:01 PM | Hmmm enabling him each day to continue down his path of "experiementing" is only setting him up for disaster. each day he "experiements" is one more day he is getting closer to addiction/trying harder stuff. To say you are afraid of being a hypocrite is complete and udder crap! you are an adult and your child needs you, no matter how much you screwed up at that age. As far as hysterical? What do you think that portrays to your child, when you just look the other way...as if its ok, or you dont notice??? I would hope my parents would be absolutely irrate with me, ready to ship me off to boot camp the next day! Kids dont need you to be their "best friends", they need you to be a parent...and that often means tough love. Move his ass to another school or city if you have to. I think the effort put forth now to nip this in the ass is far more rewarding in the end, than perhaps planning funeral arrangements or waiting for him to get out of prision... Your son is young! And has his whole life ahead of him, although he may hate you for it now....he WILL thank you as he gets older.
I had a patient today who did 2 lines of coke and his friends called 911 because they got scared...that patient was 11 years old! and his parents knew he was playing around with drugs, but just didnt know what to do with him because he was just so unrulely. Its sad that parents toss in the towel when things get tough, don't be one of those parents!
Many people have very addicting personalities, and although for you it was only experimenting...all it takes for some is just one time, and they are beating themselves down an ugly road.
I am reading the book The Chris Farley Show. It is an amazing read in my opinion. It starts off with a speech Chris gave at a rehab center, one he had been in and out of many times before eventually overdosing. In that speech he mentions that at age 17 he had his first experience drinking alcohol, he hated how it made him feel....but it felt like people liked him that much more while under the influence, so he continued. That was the beginning of the end. One drink, that was his gateway! | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:34:22 PM |
I shouldn't have to repeat myself on here but once again spitfire6844, do you ask a virgin for advice on sex?
Taking illegal, toxic drugs isn't like having sex. Sex is a natural, healthy activity. And yes, I would ask a pharmacist or biochemist about a drug he's never actually ingested himself before I would ask an addict about the same drug. Stupid question. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:44:07 PM | | You've gotten alot of advice here, how much of it works I couldn't tell you. I have one question though. Where is he getting the money for pot? Or better still where is he getting the pot? If there is a mother out there that thinks it's cool to smoke pot with kids, stop her, NO matter what it takes stop her. Step where he steps walk where he walks don't be shy, go to school with him, walk in on those parties, go where kids go. Make him unpopular with kids who use drugs. It's only for awhile. There is NO professional help unless he wants it. Show him life without drugs. Show him just how much you care.... | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 4:49:03 PM | your too soft with your kid, too soft with yourself. you should feel incredibly guilty about what you have done, the pain you caused your parents when they found out you were a druggie. now your sons a druggie you dont know what to do.
sorry to have to break this into your bitter selfish dependant mind, but you too have a lot of growing up to do lady. if it were my son there would be no drugs in my house including those in his bloodstream. he would be out of the door and stay there.
you've no idea the lengths kids go to go get respect from their peers. they dont go their parents. because nine times out of ten the parents are as dependant on others as the kids are.
ACTION PLAN FOR PARENT
ignore the situation. study something at college. set an example. leave the kid to his own things. socialise. ignore the attention seeking kid. dont whatever you do admit you were a slimey druggie when you were a kid. get over yourself your kid will thank you in years to come! being a past smackhead/phethead dosent allow you to justify it to your own kid. do charity work, even acknowledge that the kid is a druggie dont praise it or different it in any way. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/30/2008 5:41:44 PM | | dool your to young to give advice grow up first and try to raise a teen see how easy it is i love my kids i would rather help them then kick them out hes only 15 | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:54:42 AM | You are definitely in a tough situation.
He is past the point where tough love and laying down the rules will will change him from going down this path, and instead drive him further away. Laying down the rules should've happened years ago, and it didn't help with his father doing pot. Kicking him out won't solve his problems, and will only affect you, as you want to help him. Although I haven't read the book mentioned early in the thread, it sounds like it might be a good option, although as you mention, he probably won't read it.
Allowing the behavior to continue though won't help matters any. As unfortunate as it is, he may have to hit rock bottom before realizing he needs to and wants to change. Only then will he be open to getting help.
I've not been involved in a situation like this, but I'm trying to imagine what I would do if I had to deal with it. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 7:28:00 AM | My son went through the same thing. There was a bit more involved. he stole cars also. He was never caught by the police but he was by ME. I took him there and made him confess. Once he was in the courts I laid down rules through them. he still didnt stop. So i had to use tougher love. I put him in a 4 month boot camp. Oh god how he hated me when he left. It broke my heart over and over. BUT... he came home after 2 months and instantly I saw his change. Not only was he not raging anymore or blaming he was standing up and taking responsibility. He was badly bullied in school. Wasnt with the popular group etc. He used to run home every day which i never knew about. Chased because the kids wanted to fight him. 4 months he came a new boy... Standing tall, very fit, back to being the staight A student he was. He learnt how to communicate when he was there. He still has hiccups he is now 16, BUT he tells me every thing, we talk, i show him how when he makes the RIGHT decision it effects everyone around him not just him. He doesnt hate me for sending because he now sees where he was , knows it wasnt the right place.
This boot camp was religious or rehab or jail. It was out in the sticks . They broke them down mentally, and then built them back up to be respectful, true, honest people that are able to communicate.
Good luck, I myself as a parent know how you sit there at night and pray . I have two other sons that could go through the same thing. BUT with this boot camp it also prepared me to deal with it again. TOUGH... no tolerance lots of love consideration and TRUTH. I am brutally honest with my kids now and show them everything i can on the internet and TV about drugs sex and crime when ever I can.I make sure they know the consequences to any illegal acts, drug use etc. They know going in what can and will happen.
Good luck... maybe look up some camps. | |
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