| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 7:36:48 AM | | Toxic? It depends on what he's doing, sure there are some that could be described that way but they all shouldn't be lumped into that category. And yes intoxication is a natural activity, its been a natural activity since before civilization started. The only reason you called my answer stupid is because you know that you have no idea what your talking about. And someone who uses isn't always an addict. And how many pharmacists or biochemists do you know? Frankly everyone I've known has been someone who uses, and not always the light stuff. Also the pharmacist and biochemist while they may have an idea what the drug does to your mind, they frankly don't really know what actually happens during intoxication (as far as damage and brain chemistry). Tell me spitfire are you a baptist by any chance? | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:18:48 AM | | My heart goes out to you. I lost three sibs to this. First one a stepsister at 17, burned alive in a drinkin and drivin accident, my brother blew his head off Christmas eve drinkin and my baby sister at 26 in a car accident drinkin and drugs. I know of many more. Experimentation is just the first step. For you - go to alanon for help. For him, honey do you want to save his life? So what if he doesn't like you right now, better him be mad then dead. Please, from someone who's dealt with hard hard losses cause of this - there isn't any extreme I wouldn't do to save my kids from death and that is exactly what that crap is. DEATH. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:53:12 AM | JayX, I just read your post(mess #25) and I don't believe anyone else could say anything more to help this mom. What you wrote not only came from experience, but from the heart. Your post was full of wisdom, common sense and actally useful information she can use to help her, help her son. I"m a mom of a 17yr old daughter and although we haven't encountered this kind of problem, we have had others where i've felt helpless and scared for her and at my wits end. I didn't think we'd ever get past it and when we did, there was something new and exhausting right around the corner. I was so scared for her future and felt I had let her down. However, we did get past all of it and she's graduating in June and going to college. Anything that threatens your childs future is a nightmare to any parent but I feel under no circumstances should a parent desert their child. We need to try our hardest to remember how horrible those teen yrs were and that our child is not who we were back then. Times have changed and parents need to adjust and not be afraid to reach out for help from anyone. Thank you for such a truthful, helpful and sincere post. I hope she'll take your words to heart.
Amy | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:50:32 AM | I was talking with a co-worker once on a similar subject. He told me about a fellow he knew who became a foster parent of sorts to a teenaged relative. He took him in as his own son, and explained to him that he would have to obey the house rules as his own son would.
One day he caught the teenager with marijuana. He told him, "this is your one warning. There will be no more warnings," and proceeded to take everything except the bed out of the kid's bedroom and put it in a locked closet for which he alone had the key. He would even decide what the child was going to wear and laid it out on his bed for him.
Harsh? Maybe. But that kid straightened up PDQ. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 4:09:17 PM | | if you're interested, i can speak as a teenager that used to do drugs and got over it.. i can tell you what i would have liked my mother to do for me.. with me. it's complicated but i'm willing to explain if you'd like. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 4:26:15 PM |
Frankly everyone I've known has been someone who uses, and not always the light stuff. Also the pharmacist and biochemist while they may have an idea what the drug does to your mind, they frankly don't really know what actually happens during intoxication (as far as damage and brain chemistry). Tell me spitfire are you a baptist by any chance?
Darrent: Go for the gusto and use drugs.  You're an adult, so you can do what you want. No one gives a shít what you think, since the forum topic concerns a woman who is dealing with this in her son. I already gave my answer to her concerning that. It's a problem for her, or she wouldn't have created this thread. When it comes to kids, anyone rational wants them to have a shot at succeeding in life. Using drugs makes that more unlikely.
Yes, I do know a couple of pharmacists. In addition to that, my brother-in-law is an M.D. who got his undergrad degree in biochemistry. One of my best buds is also an M.D. (endocrinologist). They can tell you exactly what any of the popular, illicit drugs do to the brain and body, and why those drugs are destructive (whether you become an addict or not). The average user can't tell you shít about what the drugs they are taking do to them internally. Yeah, I've asked plenty of drug users about their drug use, and have never found a user who understands drug metabolism. No, I'm not a Baptist (I don't know where that thought came from).
Drug use is not really defensible. If you're an adult and you're gonna use, just do it. Don't try to defend drug use with some crap about how you have to try them to know how they work. Yeah, we're all gonna try meth or heroin so we can get the subjective experience......NOT. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 4:39:44 PM | | You know, there are a lot of us that experimented with drugs when we were younger. The big difference from then and today though is the calibar of drugs out there. I'm sorry but Meth is a ****. We might have experimented with drugs but we didn't have anything on the level of crystal meth. It is just a devastating drug. Get beyond blaming yourself. Doesn't matter now. Get him off drugs. Now. Deal with your guilt later - it's not about you anymore. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 4:50:48 PM | | Dear OP, I have not read all the posts but I would encourage you to heed ToMetaMars' advice and carefully review his comments and observations. As a mother of 2 young men, with a masters in developmental counseling and experience in both teaching and counseling adolescents, I'd say that ToMetaMars is right on. Good luck. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 5:01:43 PM | Google the T.V show "intervention" and then click on the tab "cable in the classroom". There are stories about children/youth who were "just experimenting".
I hope you were able to help your child - keep in mind that his brain has not finished developing so synthetic substances can really damage his developing brain (more so than someone over the age of 25 when the brain has finished developing).
http://www.aetv.com/intervention/video/index.jsp?bcpid=1452197451&bclid=1564555973&bctid=1566364011
(cable in the classroom is on the tab to the right) | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 5:04:35 PM | whats he taking? drugs are a sighn of boredem or attension seeking been there got the medals ... you got to be ruthless...my mom even sent me to prison but respect her now | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 5:07:34 PM |
normal kids dont do drug. there is problem with your family!/\[/quote/
People like you make me want to puke !!!!!!!!!!
You have no kids so what the hell do you know about it.
I just went through something like this a few month ago.I took him for a drug test and told him if he comes up dirty his life will never be the same again.He was tested for 5 different substances and he came up clean.I know for a fact that he smoked pot but since he`s an athlete and is out running and sweating every day he was lucky .He knows I am serious and the one thing I will not tolerate is drugs or living with someone that does drugs.I now search his room and other areas of the house on a regular basis and I let him know after I did it.Other then that we get along great. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:26:15 PM | | Op..The best thing to do is to just be a mom. Talk openly about your concerns with your son. Teens are painfully aware that they have very little status. They want freedom but can't really do anything about it. Teenagers sometimes think using drugs, or alcohol is a way of showing they are grown up. They tend to believe their invincible which is likely to minmize the dangers that drugs present. Communicate, communicate, communicate. If it doesn't work then you may find yourself using "tough love" and trying rehab. Whatever it takes, do it. You could possibly be saving his life. I was very lucky my children never got involved with drugs but the number seems to be growing these days. I have seen so many teens who have over dosed because they don't have a clue of what damage drugs can do. My heart and prayers are with you. Be strong! | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:36:03 PM | Oh Gosh, thank God I don't have kids. I wouldn't have known what to do. If I had a husband, I would let him handle. Or professionals that know what they are doing.
Sorry to hear about your pain but I can't help,just empathize. My feeling is that making him reflecting on why he is doing it would be the key. But, again, I have no experience in regard. I was raised by the Nuns....nobody did drugs where I lived. This thing of experimenting is totally new to me. Honestly, to say that you want to experiment, is like saying that you enjoy playing with the fire. Good Lord! My ex husband used to say that I have been too sheltered....I guess I am grateful for that discipline and for that shelter: this is all I have to say.
Love must co-exist with discipline, in my opinion, otherwise young people don't know where to stop and where the boundary is. Had I been married with kids, I would have wanted to be the loving one, the husband can be the disciplinarian. I would have not been able to be "the bad one", therefore I completely understand how you must feel. Where are men when we need them?
Could you have a responsible and strong male talk to him? If he is a boy, he might not listen to a woman, especially if the woman wants to be the loving, kind and understanding mother. Find a male mentor for him, I would tend to suggest.
In a situation like that I would be totally hopeless. Single women should find fatherly figures for their sons. At least this is what I would do in your position. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:55:22 PM | | I guess it is good you're not a parent then forumbloom. You simply can't sit back and expect someone else, even if it's your husband, raise your kids or get them out of trouble. Playing good parent, bad parent isn't wise either. You have to be a strong parent and a strong individual and in being so does not make you the less loving parent. Dishing out discipline to your child does not make you less loving. In fact, quite the opposite. Think about it, if you were the "kind, loving parent" and your husband the disciplinarian, your child would know who he could get the most over on and believe me, they try everything and anything to get what they want. You would become part of the problem and I know as a parent, we do everything in our power to make sure we are not the blame but the safety net. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:57:07 PM | | Yes, yes, I understand, but I couldn't do it. I can't even discipline a puppy, can you imagine what I would do with a kid? Give him an ultimatum? I don't like ultimatums. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:58:02 PM |
Yes, I do know a couple of pharmacists. In addition to that, my brother-in-law is an M.D. who got his undergrad degree in biochemistry. One of my best buds is also an M.D. (endocrinologist). They can tell you exactly what any of the popular, illicit drugs do to the brain and body, and why those drugs are destructive (whether you become an addict or not). The average user can't tell you shít about what the drugs they are taking do to them internally.
Heck, I'm just a toxicologist and even I can tell you a hell of a lot more about drug metabolism and pharmacodynamics than about 99.9% of users can. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:18:35 PM | | what kind of drugs are we talking about .. like prescription drugs or street...? | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:30:46 AM | i think it is hard to you to keep him away from drugs ...
when a person grow up and mature he knows it is time to stop taking drugs..
i dont have much idea for you .. as i am 21 i am a daughter of my mum i do drugs mum doesnt know at all .. but my sisters they know i take drugs .. my sister's boyfriend takes drugs too ..some of my best friends take drugs too .they are around 23 years old - 35 years old .but nobody lost in it and we dont do heavy drugs yup we have tried but no more heavy drugs coz we are not kida anymore ..we do drugs sometimes when we go to parties and on holidays
good luck.. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:35:33 AM | the current generation needs drugs to party  I am going back to he nuns...at that time we used prayers and old good books. Give me history back ...... | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:40:06 AM | I want to thank everyone for their advice and for the great emails I have received. I am trying to reply to them all when time allows. Thank you all again.
Karen | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/2/2008 1:58:17 PM | | He is doing marijuana , dare I say for now? My main concern is that this will lead to experimenting with potentially lethal drugs down the road. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/2/2008 5:48:04 PM | Karen, he'll be fine. If you talked to him until this point and were friends with him, it'll pass. I would not do anything too drastic. I'm in the same boat, both of my older teenagers smoke weed. Spend time with him once in a while, don't blame him, let him feel that you are his friend who loves him, not judgmental punishing machine.
My kids didn't move to anything stronger than weed, unfortunately almost everyone smokes in their high school, often they are being picked up by a cute lil polite asian girl in a jeep with hawaiian flowers all over it to smoke some weed in the park, often they call up their friends and sneak out.
Don't distance yourself from him, don't lecture him profusely, just keep an eye on him and be there when he needs you. The less drama the better. Just pray and don't lose self-respect, never blame and beat yourself up. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:17:13 PM | Your relationship was not what you thought it was
part of being a parent is to guide and direct - - - This means spending time thinking and planning - - - - be ready with comments - - no lectures - - - -
In this, be able to respond before now - - be honest that you used drugs - - - and let him know before now that the effect of them - - yea, they were good, they made me feel nice but then there is this other side of the drugs - - - - before he got to this point - - - -
lots of things can be done to set thoughts in process in young minds - - if you handle it properly - - before now - - you set things into their minds - - they are going to make mistakes. - - - but give them the tools to realize and understand - - - - - -
I have dealt with kids with problems - - my own from what the mother has done, to a lady that I saw for a while and helped the kids for a while afterwards - - - one day she called me up and said - - what the hell did I do to her kid? I asked in shock what she meant - - - she said he has changed - - he is even backing me against his older sister and telling her to behave - - (instead of both of them ganging up on her) Said, I just talked with him - - You can not make these changes over night - - it takes time and patience - - - it takes thinking about him while driving down the road, or while falling asleep. - - - - what he said, and when the next time the situation is such that you can have a talk with him - - calmly respond and point things out - - - -
One of the major things to do is get him into sports or karate or other activity. Group activity that requires thinking, team work, and being active - - - before - - - that you did not do - - till after you lost him - - - - and now are not able to talk to him
and remember a bored kid is a kid looking for trouble - - - keep their brain active - - - and realize they are simply young people and not just kids any more - - -
be this sports, friends, sharing with them - - and what they want to do - - Boy Scouts. YMCA activities,
my parents, set up and activity room for us kids and always wanted our friends to come over - - - one reason - - they could see who our friends are - - - and that is a reflection upon who we are - - - that is if the friends are into drugs - - - what do you expect the son to be - - - - if the friends are into school, have lots of activities, what does that say about your son. - - - - - - did you do this for your son - - - to see what was happening - - the signs before this happened - - - - did you?
Jim P. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/2/2008 7:31:26 PM | I am glad most of you weren't my parents, I would have ended up booted out on the street. Thank god my parents were down to earth and just told me to call if I needed a ride, and to not get into heavy drugs. I am not sure what advice to give you regarding your son, the key is everyone is different. Tough love that worked for one person is not going to work for others meanwhile Intellectual discourse and enlightening your son to the risks of over indulgence vs moderation won't work for others.
It is a slippery slope, only thing I do want to add is the guy that said tobacco was the gate way is right. Everyone I know smoked a cigarette before moving to pot. Yet pot is labelled the gateway because it is illegal..... Maybe the legal gateway should be illegal? | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/2/2008 8:07:47 PM | | He has to really see all the dangers and drawbacks of intoxicants before he will stop. How to get him to see that is the problem. If talking about this with him just makes him mad, it will just make him want to use again. | |
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