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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/2/2008 10:11:44 PM | | First try sending him to a Counselor / Psychologist ( NOT a school counselor ), giving him someone to talk to. Then go as a family if the counselor thinks it's needed. Dumping him in rehab without making attempts to communicate first may make him really clam up and make things worse. This will let him know in the long run you care, you want to help and make things better for him. Rehab maybe jumping the gun, without really knowing what's going on with him first. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/2/2008 10:30:43 PM | you have to say what boundaries, if child does not abide then child leaves...
Make him leave???? He is 14!! Where would he go? I think kicking a child out of their home is giving up on that child. With no where to go, no food in his belly, you think he is going to straighten up? I don't think so. I for one believe that too many parents have kicked their kids out to the streets only to have them deeper in drugs, hooking for money, stealing, most will not even survive to learn a lesson.
Be there for him as much as you can, make sure he knows your heart, tell him your rules, attempt to make him follow them, don't give up on him. If he goes down the wrong road in the end you can at least be at peace with yourself that you did all you thought you could. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/2/2008 11:42:05 PM | | Hi KarenBisme, just LOVE him my son age 17 went down hill because of peer pressure his uncle is on drugs and drinks every day .I'm sober 21 years . I took my son to a A.A young peoples meeting from that day on he's been clean .I'm not saying it works for every one but he listen to their stories. I know what you mean '' Payback is a B---H .Cumunication is the key. My prays to you and your son. may God watch over him. I live on Long Island. I help people with substance abuse problems feel free to call me maybe I can helpFudge62. God Bless you both. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/3/2008 2:11:45 AM | I agree with Jay. He is 15 year old boy who is growing up and trying to establish his own identity. It has been proven that soft drugs do not lead to hard drugs, and all you can do is have your say on the matter and remind him he has to be responsible for his own actions. He will talk more when he gets past this 'growing up' phase.
Don't stress to much. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:22:21 AM | | Either rehab or take him to Narcotics annoymous a fellowship of recovering drug addicts whom abstain from all drugs and pass on a message that it is possible to stay clean the only desire for membership is the desire to stay clean , but its his journey he makes his choices and desecions in life, he is not a bad person for taking drugs he has just made unhealthy choices, | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/3/2008 6:08:38 AM | Karen,,,,
I am a parent of 4 children.. One boy and 3 girls.
I never lied to my kids and told them the truth about the government and drugs..
They tried pot but stayed away from everything else because of what I told them.
Not a single one of them does drugs.
Now I have 5 grandkids and I know that they too will be raised right with truth, respect and dignity..
I am not a virgin giving advice on sex..
I was married when 18 yrs old. That's how I am a grandparent now..
The oldest grandchild is 14..
 | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:20:49 PM | Dool,
Where did you get that I was a slimey druggie??? did I say that at all? I said I also experimented as a teenager. I was never a druggie. It is apparent that you have no children with how you talk about booting a child out the door. I do have an idea on peer pressure, how????? because I too was once a teenager. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:29:57 PM | Counseling can help... IF he's open to it. Communication is very important too, even though sometimes you might not feel like it. It's a rough era for teens - even more if there are other family problems.
Soooo sorry... this is a tough one! | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:32:41 PM |
you are screwed. lol
first by the son's father, now the son. too bad you can't dump your son.
normal kids dont do drug. there is problem with your family!
good news is, he is still young. i suggest you move your family to different city. so you can isolate your son's friends. thats the only way. if he keeps hanging out with the same group of friends. he will continue to do drug.
i have never have any friends who do drug, and i don't do drug. simple.
Our jackass of a president did coke...
Thanks for your uneducated and non sympathetic pansy ass opinion.
Normal kids try drugs and have since time began, normal kids get over it.
How dare you say such a thing when you obviously have no clue.
I suggest you move your self to the nearest clositered commune. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:39:19 PM | | I have been in your shoes....if you want to talk..you can message me anytime ..................... | |
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Mary1K
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Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 86 | |
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/4/2008 7:04:39 PM | | First , The biggest misstake you can make with a child on drugs is yelling, Screaming and making that child feel guilty about what he is doing when you do these things In there mind well you arfe going to yell at me any way. I am and Recovering alcoholic and Drug addic Every time I was yell at or some made me feel guilty about what I was doing I would get upset but I ran away, The Problem is not the "Drugs" the drugs are the exscape. You need to ask your child how was school today , Go out and do things with your Child that "HE" likes to do. If that don't work I know parents that have followed there children to find out where he is Buying his drugs from and call the Police Right then. Then put your child in "Drug" rehab. there is one in patent rehab in all hospital. Most Parents think this is a desperate move that is what my sister thought her son Left us 6 weeks after his 21. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/4/2008 7:21:15 PM | I have a 17yr old son and I KNOW he has tried pot.Ive had verrrry open communication with him.Its been just him and I for a lonnng time.I have to say I am blessed that he communicates with me! I PURPOSELY give his friends rides after school when I can and I can see and hear whats going on.As a matter of fact,I know of a kid that has lost alot of weight and looks like hell cuz hes doing drugs and his mom is acting like nothing is wrong?!?!WTH! How can a parent sit by and do nothing when ur child is fading and obviously has something wrong.Some parents need to stop being so self involved or worryin about their careers and remember,YOU are responsible for your child!Love them!!Im not saying,YOU have acted like that at all,Im just expressin how I feel about alot of them.Atleast ur seeking advice!!Thank goodness.
First of all,you mentioned not being a hypocrite.ITS OK TO BE ONE!!Your parenting.As much as we want to let our kids make their own choices and learn from experience,but,when it comes to harming themselves........There is a line!! Your son is only 15!!! He do serious harm to himself from drugs.You know this.Dont feel bad bringing on the tough love!!YOU MUST use tough love now!!To help your son!! Hes wayyy too young to be dealin with what he is.
Even though hes showin u hes not interested in hearing you.....guess what??!IF you keep talking,He WILL and DOES hear you!!He just wont admit it!!Trust me!!! I work in the medical field and have first hand seen what ONE bad drug can do to a kid!You dont want that to be your son and regret not having done something sooner.
Sit him down,wether he likes it or not and tell him,what you know and let him know your scared for him!!!! You love him and want him to be happy and healthy.Just sit there.Keep doing it.If you feel he needs counceling ,get it.If you think hes addicted,seek help. maybe he just needs some tough love from mom.Wether he "thinks" he needs it,trust me.......even once our kids are 18...they STILL need our love and discipline!!!
Good luck!& Many blessings!
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/5/2008 7:40:10 PM | | Of course I love my kids sweetexscape............ I would give my life for either one of them, Ya lost me on this one. Like you are surprised that a parent loves their kids???? | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/5/2008 7:56:04 PM |
you are screwed. lol
first by the son's father, now the son. too bad you can't dump your son.
normal kids dont do drug. there is problem with your family!
good news is, he is still young. i suggest you move your family to different city. so you can isolate your son's friends. thats the only way. if he keeps hanging out with the same group of friends. he will continue to do drug.
i have never have any friends who do drug, and i don't do drug. simple.
You think what she is going through is funny?
Also there is this new invention that came out awhile ago, it's called spell check.
Maybe you have never done drug (sp) but your mastery of the English language is horrific. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:08:35 PM | Hi, Sorry to hear that your son is in so much trouble. It seems to me that most people on this forum haven't the slightest idea what it is like to have a child that has an addiction proublem. My daughter is now in rehab in Reno.......yeah it cost an arm and a leg. Check with your insurance company. This Saturday I will be nine years sober. If you have no idea what your dealing with go to Alanon. It will help knowing that you are not alone in this world dealing with this proublem. Yes AA was my answer. It took a bottom to hit and your child will have to do the same before getting clean and sober. no matter how much talking it will not change things. My daughter knows that I go to AA along with my other children. they know the answer and have not hit a bottom. Don't throw him out. Please do a hair sample it shows up everything. Ahhhhhh but pot is in your fat cells and if your chld is smart enough lots of water and a very low fat diet will elimiate the drugs. Do ramdom drug testing.....don't let them know ahead of time. My X wakes the kids up at 6 am and takes them right to the bathroom watching that they do not have clean stuff hidden. You know what I am talking about. You say it is only bad kids doing this .....well your all wrong. It is something that is in your genes.......like it or not .To excape from reality, to hide from the feelings of life. A doctor will help, Psychitrist.......yea I know no spell check but at least I understand where you are coming from and I am sober. If you would like to share with me I am in the same boat and it hurts like hell.
Pray lots and lots God can do things beyond our understanding.......good luck.
bitohhoney | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:19:21 PM |
Call Social Services in your area. They can steer you in the right direction to (hopefully) help your boy. Good luck...
Please don't take this advice. This woman obviously wishes you a nightmare.
There's plenty of good advice here, everywhere on the net, in your community and within family. Not necessarily in that order.
Good luck to you and your family! | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/6/2008 2:15:26 AM | | he's getting the money somewhere. take it away. take his friends away. he goes to school, then comes home. that's it. no friends, no nothing. you want him to stop, make him stop. he's your ****ing son, if you can't do it, who else can. why are you asking for advice? if you want him to stop, MAKE HIM STOP. there's no excuses for your lack of actions. be his PARENT. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/6/2008 2:51:32 AM | if only it was as easy as that eh!! take the money from him .. stop him going out.. no friends nothing .. tough love .. deprive .. get advice ..seek counciling .. my son was 14 when he started... we found out when he was 16 .. we didnt scream shout threaten or demand he stopped, at the time i just said to him in a calm and controlled voice (even though inside i was crying and screaming you f**king idiot child) this is a choice you have made son... these are the consequences of what could happen... we gave him as much information as we could .. then .. the rest was up to him.... its killed part of me to let him do all this ... hes now 22 and last december 07.. all of a sudden he turned up and said he wanted to join the Navy .. he stopped smoking dope .. not over a period of time .. just stopped.. im amazed... hes not gone into the Navy yet .. but at least its one part of his life sorted.. by his own admission 'reality' is far harder than he thought but hes coping ok.
this is a hard thing for you to go through as well .. after all you want the absolute best for your child.... just let him know you love him ... but also let him know you dont approve. ... in no uncertain terms............ my son told me recently ... it would have made no difference what we as parents did ... he would have done what he chose to do anyhow.. no amount of nagging screaming demanding would have made one iota of difference.
i think its true to say .............. the more you say NO the more they want too | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/6/2008 3:50:33 AM | | I just wanted to respond to one comment on here which described marijuana as a "gateway drug". This was a very specious conclusion drawn from studies which asked heavy drug addicts what drug they had started using before moving on to the heavier drugs. In almost all cases the answer was marijuana. The conclusion? Pot use causes heavier drug use. Seems to make sense at first right? Unfortunately they didn't bother to ask the long time pot smokers out there what drugs they had moved on to. If they had very few would have said herion, crack, meth etc. Being a pot smoker I have known literally hundreds of other pot smokers, and less than 1% of them have become addicts of harder things like heroin, crack, or meth. The afforementioned studies which came to the "gateway" conlcusion were biased, partisan (with a particular agenda) and completely specious in nature. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/6/2008 11:25:02 AM |
if only it was as easy as that eh!
people act like its so hard to control their children, as if its somebody else's responsibility, or worse... nobody's. but the reality of the situation is this is a 15 year old boy, and its his parents' responsibility to keep him away from drugs. there's no excuse for his drug use, and theres no excuse for his parents lack of ability to keep him under control. if he was going out and stealing merchandise, would everyone be saying "if only it were so easy to stop him from doing that"? i don't think so. but for some reason, people look at drugs like its taboo, as if they stand to lose more if they fight it. its complete bullshit. he's harming himself, he's breaking the law, and his parents are NOT powerless, they just choose to be.
this is the exact reason why teenagers are so out of control in this nation, and parents need to step up and realize that it is their job to control their children. if i was a teenager, and my mother found me smoking weed, she would have beaten the living shit out of me. she would have done everything in her power to stop me, and she would have succeeded. she wouldn't have cared if she was a nice parent, my friend, or if i even liked her at the end of it all, because none of that is the primary goal of being a parent. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/6/2008 3:20:53 PM | | oh, and about pot being a gateway drug. asking hardcore drug addicts what drug they tried first is only finding hardcore drug users started smoking pot first. that doesn't take into account nonaddicts who smoked weed, and left it at that, whether they quit, or still smoke. its a statistic drawn from a population of drug addicts, not the general public. its safe to say that drug addicts did start with weed first, but if you think that everyone who smokes weed will become a drug addict... then you're skewing the statistics. 75% of high school students of tried pot, but only 2% of all high school students become drug addicts. that's more of a statistic derived from the general public. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/6/2008 3:35:03 PM | | tough love.. set rules, u might even have to omg, beat his ass/better that than wring ur hands cuzz he get arrested or overdoses | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:36:23 PM |
people act like its so hard to control their children
tell me... what do you do when you dont know your children are doing this? and by the time you find out the habit is already formed?
did you tell your parents everything about what you were doing? did you openly do everything you wanted to in front of your parents?
were there no times in your life when you sat in a room by yourself.. having a teenage hormonal overload?
you use the word 'control' like its a weapon .. we ask our children for respect so in order to get that repect we have to give that respect... yes they are children but also young adults .. forming opinions and learning to make decisions.. and they will make some f***ing big mistakes along the way ..
im not in any way shape or form condoning the things my son has done .. i HATE what he has been into .. but he is responsible for his actions .. if he was dealing the stuff .. trust me i would have shopped him to the police myself .. he may have his habit but i would refuse to let him feed anothers by supplying ... no its not a double standard... my son chose his path it was something he did to himself......... his body is his responsibility .
and parents need to step up and realize that it is their job to control their children
and you think that we dont ............. how wrong you are, i just hope your children turn out to be perfect in every way | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:58:04 PM | | I am always amazed at how people that do not have children tell you how to parent your own children......... I second what you said Zen about hoping his children turn out perfect in every way, because if they dont I am pretty sure he will lock them in their rooms their whole childhood in order to "control" them. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:12:30 PM |
tell me... what do you do when you dont know your children are doing this? and by the time you find out the habit is already formed?
if you don't know what your children are doing, then you aren't paying attention to them. you mention that his moods have changed, but you didn't know why. did you choose to speak to him about it? did you meet his friends? did you talk to their parents? he's 15 years old, not 25. there are a lot of questions to be asked, but did you ask any of them? or did you just chalk it up to him just being a teenager. what about before he was 15? did he change his circle of friends recently? what has changed? i'm going to assume that you just weren't paying attention. you did however find out, and because the child is so young, there's still time to correct these habits. how long could this kid have been smoking weed? a few months? a year? the habit is NOT formed, but it can potentially become a habit if you don't do anything now.
did you tell your parents everything about what you were doing? did you openly do everything you wanted to in front of your parents?
i didn't tell my parents anything that i didn't want them to know about, but they had their ways of finding out what i was doing. see above. my father was 1200 miles away, so it was just me and my mother when i was this woman's sons age. and my mother monitored everything that i did, whether i knew about it or not. did it anger me? of course. but that was her job as a parent. don't get me wrong, my mother was emotionally and physically abusive, and if she didn't die when i was 17, i still wouldn't talk to her now. but i can look back on my childhood and know that she was doing all that she could, regardless of how she treated me, to keep me away from drugs and crime.
were there no times in your life when you sat in a room by yourself.. having a teenage hormonal overload?
hormonal overload? i sat in my room comparing my family to my friends' families. i cried sometimes. i was angry. i got through it, and over it, without drugs, and without turning into something that i would be ashamed of now 10 years later. you assume that because i can honestly say that my mother did everything she could to steer me away from drugs and crime, that this somehow made her a good parent, and my childhood happy. you are very mistaken. but even with that being said, i still didn't have access to drugs. i did try weed a few times as a teenager, i won't lie. and my mother didn't know. but it would have been impossible for it to become a habit, because if she thought for one minute that i was doing it, i wouldn't be allowed to leave the house. i wouldn't have had money, i wouldn't have had the freedom to make bad decisions for myself.
you use the word 'control' like its a weapon .. we ask our children for respect so in order to get that repect we have to give that respect... yes they are children but also young adults .. forming opinions and learning to make decisions.. and they will make some f***ing big mistakes along the way ..
as for the word control. a parent's job is to control their children, especially when they are out of control. this is the primary goal of any parent, or should be at least. parents are not there to be the child's friend, they aren't there to be respected by the child. they are there to guide the child into adulthood, so that they can make their own decisions. this CHILD is 15 years old; a minor in every state in this country. it is his mother's job to ensure that her child is not doing drugs. if she can't ensure that a child isn't smoking weed, then there's a problem. while children will make mistakes, they should be punished for them accordingly. the punishment should not only teach them a lesson, but it should also prevent them from doing whatever it was that they did in the first place. there is no point in punishing a child for doing something, and then allowing them to do it regardless. weed costs money. money is given to the child. stop giving the child money. if the weed comes from friends, then those friends should not be his friends. cut the supply, cut the habit, BEFORE it starts. the habit hasn't been formed yet, but it will if you sit back and expect everything to work itself out.
im not in any way shape or form condoning the things my son has done .. i HATE what he has been into .. but he is responsible for his actions .. if he was dealing the stuff .. trust me i would have shopped him to the police myself .. he may have his habit but i would refuse to let him feed anothers by supplying ... no its not a double standard... my son chose his path it was something he did to himself......... his body is his responsibility .
your son is only 15 years old, so the idea that he has done something noble by not dealing is just you missing the point. when he's 18 or 19, and does start dealing, then what? you'll turn him in? well good for you, you let the experimentation turn into a problem, and then you turn on your own son, all because you sat back and watched the patterns develop without any effort of correcting ti before it started. his body is not his until he is 18 years of age, before that, he's still under your control, and your guidance. and right now, he's under your lack of control and guidance. you are allowing your son to make all the wrong mistakes, while lazily sitting back and blaming everything besides your own lack of action. you are responsible for your son's mistakes. do you honestly think that if he gets arrested for smoking or buying weed, the authorities won't look at you as part of the problem? there is no reason for you to be on here asking for advice if all you are going to do is make excuse after excuse. hormonal overload, give me a break. i don't even know what that means exactly. and don't try to explain it to me, because i know what it means, but i don't know how that factors into you allowing your son to start a habit.
i can't believe that parents actually think this way. you are not powerless, and you have every right to stop him from smoking weed. whatever it takes, there are no boundaries when it comes to children using drugs. he's ****ing 15 years old, and you're saying its his body and his decision. its more your decision to not do anything about it than his to smoke it. you may not be putting the joint to his lips, but you are allowing him to, and that's completely unacceptable. | |
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