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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:52:22 PM |
I think you have a very deep seated anger towards your own mother and lash out at every other parent out there
lol, yeah.. that's gotta be it. it has nothing to do with your inability to control your 15 year old son's drug abuse. i praise parents who control their children, but i can't stand seeing parents allow their children to use drugs, and who act like they have no course of action. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/7/2008 9:10:34 PM | I left home at the age of 16 to get away from other kids who were going down a drug ridden path to an ugly future. Yes, there were serious challenges going on in my home life so I kept running away. One of the things my Mom did for me, because of the repeated running away from home, was to get me in counseling with a therapist. I got lucky & got a good one. I openly walked away at 16 to make sure I didn't get involved in the drug scene that was unfolding around me everywhere. A therapist who can help this young man work through some of the teen angst & whatever else he's having trouble reconciling within himself might just go a long way. I also agree with a previous post that recommended getting down & getting real with your son & having a real talk with him on more than one occasion is important. I did at least have that with my Mom even if she was fairly crippled with co-dependant behaviour patterns.
Find a way to help this young man learn to discern how the choices he makes in his life will have a profound impact on how his life turns out. I find that very few people make the connection from the condition their life is in today, to the choices they made previously. Yet they wonder why their life sucks so badly..... It's sort of like basic physics; the laws of cause & effect. You do this & this happens, but if you do that, that will happen instead. Which do you want to happen in the end & let that be what you use to decide how you want your future to look like. It sounds so simple & it is. It's the implementation that's the real bit*h.
Best wishes to you & your son.
PS> I turned out to be a person who barely even drinks enough to claim I drink at all & I don't do drugs at all. I am barely even willing to take prescribed drugs & only then if I can't find something natural to use in its stead. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/7/2008 9:17:10 PM | Parent Support Associations.....usually run by parents who have lived through it with parenting classes to help assist.....education and suport through your local Addiction resource agency may also be really helpful....for both of you.
There is always hope.
Peace and love | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/7/2008 9:19:03 PM | Being a mother of a grown son...my heart goes out to you! Although I have been so very blessed to never have had to deal with what you're going through, I want to tell you it was my constant concern during his youth. My ex is a warden on one of the biggest prisons here in Texas. Back when he was Major he used to tell me about a program they had called "scared straight". They actually took these kids through the prison and showed them what could happen to them if they ended up on drugs, dealing drugs, stealing for drugs and so forth. I know it was an eye opener for alot of these kids! In some cases, they even had some inmates talking to them. They are escorted through with top security and never in harms way!
You may call around..and see if they offer it still. I hope this may help! | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/9/2008 5:11:56 PM | | I'm just curious but how many of the anti drug posters drink alcohol or smoke cigs here? Just curious feel free to chime in. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/9/2008 5:13:53 PM | | Wowsad, while I'm deeply sorry for what happened to you (that should never happen to anyone) what does that have to do with a 15 year old smoking pot? | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/9/2008 7:33:32 PM | | somebody accused me of coming from some sort of perfect home, and i wanted to clarify exactly what kind of home i did come from. of course, then i was accused of hating all parents because of it, so i guess you can never win. my main point has been restated many times though. i've done drugs, and i'm not entirely against them. i do drink, and i do smoke cigarettes also. i am however against parents who have 15 year olds who are smoking weed, and have already given up on trying to raise them. i find it pathetic. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:01:13 PM | | Where did you get that I am giving up on raising my son??? I will never give up on him, no matter what he does. So you never tried any of this at 15 wowsad? and you dont expect that when you have children one day that they wont experiment? When that happens, let me know how you handle it. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:12:33 PM | You poor thing.
I know exactly whay you are going through.
I am going through it too.
"Of course the worst will go through your head. Is it meth? Crack? Needles? What is he doing???" This is what I obsess over ever night when he is not at home.
Then it's wondering who he deals with and what possible danger he is in.
It is a rough, hoorible spot to be in.
i feel for you.
I beieve it will get better. I have to. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:15:13 PM | Addiction is an illness. IF you still have parental authority over him get him to a counselor for referral evaluation. He may be as you say experimenting, but, as I mention addictions are a medical issue and just as you can't diagnose diabetes on your own you can't diagnose addiction. There is help for you also, as the parent. http://nar-anon.org/index.html and http://www.al-anonfamilygroups.org. Even though the latter url is for family and friends of alcoholics if there is no Nar-anon group in your area the support you would get from them would be invaluable.
Good luck on your journey through this and if you feel you need someone to talk to about what you're going through please feel free to email me @GoodJoe@sc.rr.com | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:44:48 PM | I felt I had to ad some info to this topic and I hope it helps.
While many kids experiment, those that feel they have to hide and escape from something, often an emotional issue, will begin to rely on their drug of choice to escape the reality. Unfortunately, I know only to well the hurt and frustration of drug addiction when I took over the care of my teenage brother. Nursing him through cold turkey was the easy bit and I did this countless times.
Other times, we spent many a night with a pack of ciggies and a bottle of scotch just talking so that he would open up and give me some insight to what the problem is. However, this is not enough. He needed counselling with an independent professional so that the underlying problems causing the addiction could be addressed and resolved. While our talking was a great help and it built a fantastic bond between us, it couldn't resolve the pain and hurt he had inside. In the end, I lost my brother, burying him at the young age of only 20. To this day. I always think about him and wish I could have done more.
The fact is, you can't force an addict to help unless they want it. Build a relationship with him where he can open up and talk to you. If he is comfortable with you without the fear of recrimination or being judged, you can build an open and honest relationship. Organise a counsellor to talk everything through with. Most importantly, let him know, you love him no matter what and that will never change - family is for life and a mothers love is unconditional. If you can get him to talk to you without fear, you are on your way to beating the addiction. But you can never do it for him, he has to do it himself - you are the first step in his support network.
All the best, I hope this helps. If my experience can help someone else, then my brothers death was not in vain. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:40:10 AM | I too am the mother of a child addicted to drugs. My oldest daughter started using at the age of 16, the summer after she tore her ACL playing soccer in high school. All of the upper classmen she had been looking up to were graduating. They were a close group, went to church together, really relied on each other. Then that summer laid up at home, nothing to do, friends off going to college, friends out in the sun for the summer, and she was doing nothing but physical therapy 4 days a week. Some of her "old" friends started coming around again to the house while I was at work (single parent). She started losing weight, became moody, started dropping the "f" bomb every other word. Her Jr. year in high school, that fall, she was not able to play soccer as she was not released yet from physical therapy to play. In the Spring, she was drug tested at school twice and they found pot both times in her system and also cocaine. I was informed about it by the school and they gave her mandatory drug counseling at the school. That next summer between her Jr. and Sr. year, she started using more, as I'd start coming home from work during the day and find she was smoking out on pot, 3 to 4 blunts a day, every day. I also found she was using cocaine still. I would drug test her, cry, plead with her to stop. Being a single parent, HAVING to work to support the family with NO child support helping out, no insurance for my kids so that I could put her in rehab, I was unable to really do much more than just try to talk to her. That fall I found out I could get my kids on the Texas Chips program to get them insurance. It was her Sr. year now, 2 weeks into school, they drug tested her again, random, and it was her 3rd time (2 carry overs from her Jr. year). Again, I was notified and she was officially kicked off the soccer team, 3 strikes you are out. I cried, she cried. Soccer had been her dream but I also saw how the drugs were changing her. I spoke to my parents about putting her in rehab since I now had the insurance, but I kept getting told by them to NOT ruin her life and her Sr. year of high school. It was the whole make you feel guilty syndrome. I watched as a kid as my parents idly sat by and did nothing about my oldest sisters addiction themselves. My daughter turned 18 in Feb. of this year and her drug use has only escalated. Finally I had enough when I gave her the 12 drug, drug kit and found 10 of 12 drugs in her system. I finally had to kicked her out of the house because I still had my 14 year old daughter I was trying to protect from all of this. My parents ended up taking her into their home, we only live a mile apart. Since living with my parents, she and her friends have stolen nearly $800 from them, she lies to them and me constantly, she screams at us at the top of her lungs when she doesn't get HER way about things. I've had to learn the tough love very quickly, I've cried my eyes out over this. My daughter keeps telling me "trust me" nothing's going to happen to me, I'll be fine. It's only a phase I"m going through, I'm just growing as a person.
WAKE UP PARENTS! Take control NOW, before it's too late. Get THEM help and get YOURSELVES help! Yes....Narcotics Anonymous meetings are FREE and in nearly every town out there. POT "IS" the gateway drug to other drug use, no exceptions. ALCOHOL only intensifies the use of the other drugs and it also distorts ones judgement when offered drugs by someone else.
My daughter uses cocaine, pot, meth, mushrooms, ice, zanax aka t-bars (downers), XTC (both speed and meth base) and who knows what else.
She's not shooting up YET that I know of, but I have sat here and watched her life go down hill. I have watched her love for things in her past go by the way side. She has chosen her addiction and so called "friends" over her family. She won't work, she lies, she steals, she's living with "friends" now because my parents have kicked her out of their house as well. There are only "3" options for her at this point to hit that brick wall that will HOPEFULLY wake her up and those are 1. DEATH, 2. JAIL, 3. MANDATORY REHAB BY A JUDGE. I'm hoping the latter is what it comes down to. There is no option at this point other than I will NOT enable her nor will my parents. She's chosing to make decisions for herself now as an adult of 18 and those decisions are drug. My heart and door are open to her when she's ready for help, but she's going to have to decide for herself now when she's ready for help.
These are my 2 cents worth from a parents perspective. Please do not rebuttle me or berade me in an email or online here, I've had enough of that from my parents, friends, etc. I am just here offering my support to other parents out there who are going through what I'm dealing with also. Perhaps together we can come together and help each other out. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:58:07 AM | Hi Karen.
My son was 21 when I found out he was on Meth. I learned as much as I could about the drug, then went to a local parent support group that was just forming. Since he was 21 I could not forcibly get him into rehab. The founder of the parent support group was my anchor and helped me step by step to save my son's life. First he helped me get a warrant issued for his arrest. My son for forging his name on blanks checks that someone had thrown away, the when my son was breaking windows out of my house, I called the sheriff and had him arrested. (On Christmas Day) He spent 90 days in jail then went to treatment. That was in 2001. Since then he has made me a grandma and has kept off the meth. I could not have gone through this alone. When I found out he was on meth in 2000 until he was in treatment in 2001 was the hardest time of my life. Try to call a chemical dependency agency or the local law enforcement to see if there is a support group near you. It helps to have a support group. I still worry about him and when he broke up with his wife 2 years ago and filed for joint custody I was really afraid that stressful time for him might trigger a meth relapse. He said he had lost so much during the time he was on the drugs he never wanted to go back to those dark times. The years he was on the drugs he had contemplated suicide several times. He also told me if I hadn't had him arrested when I did that he would probably be dead by now. He said what helped him the most is that I never gave up on him. It was a long hard struggle, but he is alive today and we are very close. He is 28 now. My only grandson is 3. I am so proud of him for turning is life around.
PS I could not afford the expensive treatment centers so my son went to the one run by the state. After treatment he did not come back to this area, but started a new life in another town, near his brother and made new friends. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:20:23 PM | my son was almost like yours although my son (at that age) wasn`t into doing drugs of any kind.. he had a problem w/drinking (that was over a yr ago).. i finally had enough of what he was doing to himself & to us as a family.. i took control over him & let him know the long term effects alcohol has on a person & their family members & how he could end up loosing everything he has worked so hard for.. it was a long journey down that road.. but 6 months after that.. my son changed & for the better!.. my son doesn`t drink anymore (told him when he moves out.. he can).. i know where he is when he goes out (every time) & he has let go of the 'friends' who had been bringing him down.. he also got himself a job (which he absolutely loves!) a few months back.. i often remind my son that he`s come a long way in such a short time & i`m so proud of him!.. he`s more responsible now then ever before..
just remind your son, karen everyday that you love him but will [n]not tolerate what he`s doing to his life.. i would also suggest you take him into ER & see how many young people are there b/c they have OD`d on drugs/alcohol.. that might wake him up!..
also check out the link for the show 'intervention' (on A&E).. it lists all kinds of drugs & what the short & long term effects have on young adults.. print it off & hand it to your son.. have him read it in front of you.. its a real eye opener!.. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:35:22 PM | No. NO. NO!!!!! do not call the police...my goodness, you have no idea what a can of worms you will open..... once the judicial system gets involved you will lose whatever control or influence you do have..... you will not have a say and he may resent you for life...you as a parent have to be the one in control now, and it has to be with LOVE...not the cold cruel arm of the law, not now. not yet. that is the last resort you turn to when nothing else works.
I have scanned thru the comments, didn't read all of them...but it seems no one has addressed the very basic, most important facet...... YOU.
YOU must become educated, get support and find out how NOT to feed into the illness of drug/alcohol abuse..... these addictions are diseases of denial, and you have to learn now not to FEED into them, even with the best of your intentions, you might just do that.
I URGE YOU TO CONTACT AL-ANON or NAR-ANON.... they are the support groups for family or friends of people who are struggling with drugs/alcohol... heck, i do not see any distinction between alcohol and drugs, but some people do.... I mention both groups because sometimes if you live in a rural area, good program might be hard to find, so if there is no Nar-Anon, do please go to Al-Anon, the same principles apply. Try more than one meeting if possible, not all meetings are run the same way or have the same people...reach out...if only for your sanity, your health, you making sure you are doing nothing that will add fuel to the fire right now. god bless. i know what you are going thru and this will be the biggest battle of your life, trying to steer him back on the proper course, addressing the issues which has him turning to drugs in the first place. all the very best to you , him and your entire family (make sure family members also get educated....you all have to make sure you do no enabling) | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:40:44 PM | | I've never had that specific problem. I can just relate to how it is agony when your child changes and you no longer recognize that person. It's dreadful. Hugs and prayers. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:40:46 PM | Experimenting?! God...I only wish my own mother would have taken my "experimenting" a tad more seriously...might have changed my life in some major ways! Not to mention, the drugs today are far more lethal than the drugs in my time...~Fact.
Long story...condensed...there is a family who used to live in my subdivision. Three boys living with their father. Every one of these boys had the ability and the desire to be something in life. Dad started trying to be the "cool parent" and poo-poohed their "experimenting" with drugs. The eldest...died of a heroin overdose. The middle one...got hooked on heroin and is now in prison on a life sentence for killing his girlfriends son. The youngest...thank God...went into the service and is making something of himself, but he was actually the worse of the trio at one time.
Point is..."Experimentation" can and does lead to full blown drug use. The pot becomes coke becomes meth becomes shooting up...etc...
Nip it NOW. I took my daughter to the ER and requested a drug test...then had her admitted to our psych/drug ward for further evaluation. What she saw there, was enough to make her realize it was not a lifestyle she wanted. This was, by the way, after I learned she had tried pot.
Tough love is only called such because it is TOUGH on the parents to dole out. Big deal...try losing a child...and then you will know TOUGH. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/16/2008 1:25:34 PM | | my son is 19, and my daughter is 17, one thing i found is to get your neighbors involved.... every time he knows someone is watching.... not the entire solution, but it slowed him down till he quit | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/24/2008 7:07:01 AM | | Drugs and alcohol is heriditary .you cant control what is in your genes.its not always because you have something bad in your life going on when you start.but it can be a trigger for you not to stop .when u began to use young especially people think its a phase which ends up becoming a lifetime of addiction issues.Stop the early cycle of addiction now.Educate yourself. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/24/2008 1:51:04 PM | | For what it is worth KarenBisme I lost my 23 yr old son in December. He was into drugs and shacked up with a nasty abusive crackwhore. He had been snorting everything up his nose. But thats not what killed him he died of a gastric hemorrage and drug use. It is a horrible thing when you child is on drugs you worry every day. But let me tell you they have to want to get off the drugs. My son told me 4 days prior to his death mom I'm coming home to be with my family, wife and boys. I'm getting clean... I know in my heart he was. This was on Wed I was at my boyfriends house when I got the call he was dead. The crack whore told them it was drug overdose and she did CPR. Not so I got the autopsy report and no attempt was made to revive him and only pot was in his system. please share this with your child. My son was worried I was going to meet some nut case on here who would cut my throat. Instead I met the nicest man and I wish he could have met him. I lost my best friend, my baby and my world. I am a strong woman my boyfriend and friends will tell you. I go on I miss him so much but I knew deep down he would never live to be 30 and I told him this 2 weeks before he died. I pray you have better luck then I have had.... He started using at 17 and was hiding it from me graduated top 10 in his class. And no one in our family has ever abused drugs. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/24/2008 2:34:13 PM |
if you do anything less than your best effort to keep your son off of drugs, you're a failure as a parent. i don't need to have kids to realize this. what's shocking is that you do have kids, yet don't realize it.
 
I'm just curious but how many of the anti drug posters drink alcohol or smoke cigs here? Just curious feel free to chime in.
I'm a social drinker. I don't smoke. I also don't care if an adult wants to do drugs in their spare time. I do care when a child who is in the care of an adult, a PARENT nonetheless, is excused because it's just "experimenting." Let them experiment when they are their own authority and can answer for their own actions. There's no excuse for minors to be involved in illegal activities, whether it's drugs, crime, or anything else. PARENTS still have a responsibility to PARENT. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/24/2008 2:48:02 PM | | I was not a bad parent and it's not a parents fault when thier child is on drugs. Trust me I had the drug dog in my house searching and in my late sons car when he was 16. I took him out of class one day and gave him a piss test also took him to the hospital for blood. So as a parent I did everything I could to scare him. But once he got 18 it was no longer pot it was oxy's , zannies, and vicodens was his drug of choice to snort. he told me had tried meth, crack, and herione and didn't like it. Everyone is quick to blame the parents but let me tell you when your child can walk out on the street or get on the net and buy drugs whose fault is it then? It starts out as pot then they don't like that buzz so it's off to the harder shit. I tried everything to get my child off drugs and trust me I didn't do drugs. if a parent allows their child to do drugs or does it with them then yes they are a bad parent! | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/24/2008 2:59:03 PM | | I understand your sorrow, my son is 15 and he has lived with me four 5 years and i love him very much.Imyself hurt my parents as a teenager .my son,has been schooled on drugs by me,he is aware if he picks up hard drugs ,he may never have too much in material assets in his life..and have shown him many solid examples,we must try our best to educate our young children honestly.even with that said and many long talks he still picked up pot.It hurts alot.i know he will make mistakes but he is still a better teenager than me and he is trying to find himself in a very changing world.if you give the knowledge of the bad possibilities drug can have on their lives and love them even when it hurts.they make the choices after we warn and dicuss.they must learn from hurt ..he will carry shame as i have all my life.that is why i tell him i love him and forgive him.but i still don t like that he took the wrong turn..at 15 they know what they are doing....don t blame yourself.. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/24/2008 3:07:29 PM | "at 15 they know what they are doing....don t blame yourself.."
Maybe but your still the parent and they are still a minor. Take action now that you aren't going to be able to take once he's older.
YOU be a parent and put him in rehab.
A very good friend of mine went through this with her son, he came close to dying 2 times now and he is only 25 (clean now too)
Her one regret is that she didn't find out about it for sure before he hit 18, because if she had she could have taken the steps to get him help.
No matter what people say he is not an adult and he obviousy can't help him self at the moment. It is your job as a mom, You do what you can and what is possible and beyond that..... you need to put the effort there though.
I also do know what I am talking about regardless that I do not have kids, I have a sister who was on that path for a bit.
Wowsad, Good for yoou for making it out. And I do see where your coming from on this completely, ignore those that don't because they are just not going to understand no matter how much you try to explain it to them. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/25/2008 1:36:52 PM | My brother put our family thru hell with drugs and thefts and all sorts of crap before he took his own life.
Back then, the 'vogue' way of handling the situation was Tough Love. Let me tell you, that works on SOME kids...but not all. My family's biggest regret was following that therapist's advice.
You are the only one who knows your child well enough to know if that will work. If it does not sit well with you, then get educated on other means of handling this issue.
There are tons of support groups out there to help family deal with addictions. Read as much materials as you can get your hands on. Take bits of info you uncover, and use the pieces that are applicable to you and your childs situation.
The theory behind Tough Love is good-and like I said, it can work on some kids. My brother, it pushed him further away from us. He felt alienated at a time when he was sinking fast into a depression. He hung himself. I feel terrible that his last thoughts on earth were that we did not love him.
We did not know he had been diagnosed with depression at the time. He was seeing a court appointed therapist, while the family was seeing a family therapist. We found out with the autopsy results that he was on psychiatric drugs...and mixed them with street drugs, spiralling his depression out of control. Info recieved too late.
I will always wonder if we had gone the rehab route...what the outcome would have been. We will never know now.
Good luck OP. This is surely a difficult time for you. | |
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