| | My son is on drugs.......Page 7 of 12 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12) | | I have been through what you are going through. This is a good site for support, information and help if POF will let me put it here: dailystrength.org | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/25/2008 1:57:00 PM | Hi
I have never replied before to a message, but you caught my eye. I work for a drug charity called turning point. We deal with all drug problems, but this is mainly for over 18's. It does not say what area you are in. Please look them up and give them a call. It sounds like it is also you that need support. They may have details of a drug organisation for young people in your area. I am in Milton Keynes and ours is Compass. The types of work we do, are keyworking, councelling, and theraputic therapies,
I hope this helps, and things go well for the future | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/25/2008 1:59:15 PM | Keeping him to the point you think he's so booked up and busy while it will occupy his time...if he really wants to do the drugs he will find a time and a place which may not always be appropriate to do them! You can't blame the unhealthy relationship you had with your ex on your SONS decision to try drugs. It was not your decision it was his. You don't know the reason why because you haven't sat him down to ask him why he chooses this lifestyle. But the kid needs a reality check!
If this was my kid... I'd be calling the Chief of Police in my town and set up an appointment with him tell him you know your son is doing drugs and you want him scared straight! Then I'd tell my son I just want you to see a few things... no big deal just have a learning experience so he's completely unsuspecting..... then march him into the CoP's office and tell him first. This is my son (blah, blah) whatever his name is. He is experimenting with drugs. I want you to see his face, know him, remember him and if you see him anywhere near drug dealers or places where drugs are available I want him arrested and then turn to your son and say I WILL NOT bail you out of jail if you get arrested for this!!
Then I'd have the CoP take your son on a tour through the process he would experience if he was arrested. Let him see the other druggies in the cells, talk with them and find out where their future could have been had they stayed off drugs! Give him a dose of reality!
I have a brother and his now wife who USED to be meth addicts they have now been clean 4 1/2 years, because I threatened to throw them both in jail and take away their kids if they didn't get clean! They thank me whenever we talk about it for having the guts to scare them enough that they would clean up! If you love your son....find the trigger point for him that will make him want to be clean! | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/25/2008 2:36:12 PM | | Okay, everbody has an opinion, some good, some not so hot. Sorry if you are 19 and giving advice to not call the cops on your own kid, we know which side your looking from, the kid's, of course. The point is to get the kid to stop, period, he lives in her house, he's breaking her rules, that's the point here. He's not respecting his mother's or society's rules and he's indulging in sefish behavior. It's not the occasional joint at a party on the weekend, he's stoned at home, probably at school too. He's 15, his job is school, how can he learn if he's ripped? Anyway he's too young even for the occasional joint. Last I looked the law is 18 even for legal substances. Karen, it's your house, your rules, you love your son and you know what's best for him, you do what ever it takes. First you get professional helo to figure out HOW to do it. Call the Ontario Alchohlol and Drug Abuse councelling or commission (if there's one )first. and look in the yellowpages. It should all be free .Good Luck. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/25/2008 2:47:59 PM | BINGO!!! The winna is ICEGODDESSFOREVER!!
You can't be a parent and be a wimp, otherwise you loose the kid to stupid crap. Drop the hammer on him. Unless you want a life-long stoner...and we've all seen how that works out..."Want fries with that?"
People have forgotten how to PARENT. That's why we have all this silly-arse BS going on with kids committing crimes, getting knocked up at 12, getting stoned out of their minds...it's led to a society where most folks don't even help a person who gets hit by a car and is lying bleeding in the road...because people let the TV do the parenting instead of setting rules, sticking to them, and PUNISHING them HARSHLY when they screw up. If you give serious punishments, they're more worried about YOU than they are anything else. The Law will make 'em worry, but a Parent should make a kid SWEAT when they even THINK about doing anything bad.
I enjoy giving my lil fella questions about life...choices...and guiding him gently NOW by asking him "Ok, if you make this choice, What are the Benefits/Costs & How do you think I'll react?" He's picked up that if there are No Benefits and Dad will be Evil...he doesn't want to make Bad Decisions. When he was 9 I took him out to the Rifle Range and set up some 2-liter bottles at 300 yard for targets, then proceeded to shoot every bottle without missing. I then turned to him and said, "You know how seriously I take being good & living honorably?? If you ever do anything to screw up your family name, I'll be there, and you'll be the bottle...you can worry about jail, but you definitely better worry about ME." My grandfather pulled that on me, and it worked...I've got no felonies ;) | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/26/2008 1:09:23 PM | Thanks Shrek! *takes a bow*
Being a parent is not a game and I think most parents today think of it as a chore as opposed to a privilege. They want to be their kids buddy or best pal or the coolest mom/dad instead of the strictest parent who teaches in instills discipline and teaches correct decision making skills. There is a great lack of follow through and fear that if a parent disciplines with say a physical punishment the kids will scream abuse. I discipline without spanking, without physical violence and I have the best behaved kids ever! I watch parents and friends of mine get manipulated by their children all the time! Parents today don't see the value of consistency in parenting! It's simple... you teach children there is a choice, there is a consequence....if you don't want the consequence don't make the wrong choice!
My children have grown up in "the big city" areas all their life (Salt Lake is by far the smallest city they have lived in) and as a result of living in larger populated areas they had to be taught at a very early age this is what you do and do not do. These are realities of todays society and when you are faced with a decision as to whether or not to take drugs or alcohol or participate in gang activity.....they can't say wait let me call my mom and see what she says. They NEED to know immediately it's NOT even slightly OK with me if they try it! They need to know that the conditioning to be able to say NO is OK they are not going to lose any significant friends if they say NO! The friends they will lose would not be worth having anyway!
I just keep in mind what I do today how I raise and institute values and morals or (lack of them as some might see) in my children will affect me in the future (after all they will be choosing my nursing home! LOL)! My biggest fear growing up as a teenager when anything questionable in the way of my behavior came around was.... IF my parents were to find out...what would happen to me? KNOWING beyond a shadow of a doubt what my parents standards and expectations of my behavior and the consequences if I violated the behavior code. Kept me out of more trouble and made it clear that actually experimenting was NOT worth the wrath of my parents!! | |
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AEL75
| | Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 157 | |
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:53:32 AM | | Thoughts of being a hysterical parent and a hypocrite want matter too much if your standing over his coffin due to an overdose. You are the parent; he isn't an adult ( as most teens think). He is 15 years old. You can't help what you did in the past, but you can help your son have a better future. Do the right thing and get him some help and see to it that he sticks with it. Sometimes tough love is the best. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:30:37 PM | I don't have kids of my own, but many of my friends were into drugs when I was growing up. Some of them are still into drugs with them well into thier 20's. They are, however, not into hard drugs. Options were available to them to go down this path and they didn't, due mostly to good judgement.
I think it's a big mistake to lump all drugs into the same group. Smoking pot and smoking crack are not at all the same thing. If he's not on any sort of hard drugs, it's not too late to takl some sence into him. At 15 however, you can't treat him like a little kid. He may not be legally and adult yet, but he is old enough to know right from wrong, and make his own choices. If he chooses to do drugs, there's really nothing you can do to stop him. You have to help him come to the correct choice.
Telling him that drugs will ruin your life is a bad choice. It throws things into black and white, and it's not really that simple. If you tell him he's going OD and die if he smokes dope, he'll see that you're lying when he or his friends do it. Then all of you're advise is suspect.
I'm not saying that he or anyone else should do drugs. I don't do drugs myself. I'm just saying that you should talk to him like an adult. He'll respect you more for the fact that you respect him. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:52:56 PM | | I am not a parent in your shoes, but dont let it get to out of hand with his experimenting. That leads to addiction. Being that young, addicted to drugs will sit him off for many years. Teens are so moody though, its hard to get through to them. If I had a kid on drugs, I would have them put in a rehab asap. I would not care if they were 15 or 25. Talk to his school counslers and see what their opinion is. Find some examples of how drugs will mess up a person's life, and let him see. Good luck . | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:13:25 PM | | Moving away wont do a damn thing-It gets him away from the friends he has now, but no matter where you move to, there are teens doing drugs, so why uproot yourself for nothing. Being as he is under 18 you cant really throw him out for good, but you can not let him come home for a week or so, until he stops his destructive behavior. Above all, take care of yourself-go to Alanon every chance you get; it will save you. I know of what I speak. My daughter was a drug doing, sex seeking teen. I changed the locks on the house, and when she would call, I would ask her if she was going to live by my rules. At first she was sullen and defiant, but after a week of being God knows where with Gods know who, she said she was ready to come home and live by my rules. I never had a days trouble with her after that. She is now a lovely woman, married and with a daughter of her own. For the week she was gone, I didnt know most of the time if she was alive or dead, but I had to do something to save her. Maybe I was just plain lucky, but a shrink told me what I had done saved her life. Tough love is really tough on everyone, but your child is worth it, isn't he???? | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/27/2008 6:27:40 PM | | don;t take him to rehab , as you lossen your rane on him this responablity of being an adult is simply change . his cruelness is trying his wings and the issues between you are at front . once he finds his center that wiil calm him . as far as drugs know what you;ve learned about them and rule your house | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:30:54 PM | | ^^^ Dude, learn to spell. I'm not quite sure what you were saying there. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:33:07 AM |
don;t take him to rehab , as you lossen your rane on him this responablity of being an adult is simply change . his cruelness is trying his wings and the issues between you are at front . once he finds his center that wiil calm him . as far as drugs know what you;ve learned about them and rule your house
Perfect example of what smoking too much weed does to a brain!
I get the gist of what childofgod is attempting to say....but the advice is weak...
leaving this CHILD to try his wings learn the hard way and not take him to rehab will only encourage further substance abuse!
That is how my brother and his wife were introduced into it. Both of my parents were dead by the time he was 20. My mom died when he was 14. Being without parental guidance for all those years (because my dad gave up after my mother died) led him to seek the comfort he needed from the loss of my mother by artificial means. My dad had no set boundaries for the kids after my mother died and that is where he lost control of the kids...they needed discipline and structure and they did not have that!
Letting this kid "find his center" is a crock of crap and sounds like advice coming from someone who has never dealt with this first hand before. Childofgod really needs to learn to articulate his thoughts a whole lot better! | |
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AEL75
| | Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 164 | |
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:12:14 PM | | Experimenting with drugs is dangerous no matter what others think. The graveyards are full of kids who experimented with drugs. For example, there was a young lady who experimented with drugs at a party, my second year to teach. She died and left behind an infant who never got to know her mother. REMEMBER GET HELP! | |
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mamaia
| | Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 165 | |
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/10/2008 10:22:43 AM | hi,
i a so sory that u and tour son have to go thru all this.i have a son (25now) and he start ''experimenting ''with drugs at the same age.the same atitude and behaviour,i never did or will give up on him but what we,the rest of the family,have to put up with or accept just people in the same situation will understand.my son was in ''control ''until december '04.at the christmas party from work one of his coleagues had an extra 'acid tablet' and he or she ofered to my son and after that he was in a mental hospital for 7 months,is not leaving the house,do not speak.we just find out that he suffer from 'aphasia',usualy people with strock have that part of the brain damaged ,but my son done this voluntarely.i hope from the bottom of my heart that u will have the help,support,understanding from people around u .is not to soon to make your son understand what he do to himself.if at any time u need someone to talk with i will be honored to be there for u.if u read this and u want to contact me please leave a message on my profile .i wish u and your son to put all this nightmare behind u asap | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/10/2008 10:40:37 AM | i have a son who is doing the same things.trust me i tryed a part time job.he got fired for calling in to much.he spent 3 years in grade 9 for cuffing.i tryed rehab,can't fource them to go unless he wants the help.i have been to court for my son.stealing and assult.
he is on pb now for the charges.
it does not get better[most times]theres alot of pressure out there.gotta be strong,have tough love and stand up to them.i have called the police on him to.now he is looking at doing time.it hurts like hell and i to have blamed myself,cryed myself to sleep at night,but i well fight this till the end.i do not want my son dead or hurt real bad.
i see the good in him and i know hes hurting and trying to deal with life.but using drugs well not make the pain go away forever.stand tall,let him know you love him.call every place you can to get him any and all help you can...no matter how hurt you are let him know you are always here for him.
i wish you the best of luck.i truly understand what your going through as i am to. | |
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mamaia
| | Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 167 | |
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/10/2008 10:57:24 AM | hi tru218,
dont be a critic of this situation cos it can happen to anyone(pray to God not to)
i never did drugs,hi father and family the same/no drogs,i used most of the 'advices' some of u did give and my son was a child and teen(until 15) that everyone was given him as an example,very good results at school,polite adn so on.at night (even after 10 years) i think of what i did wrong and how this is possible?easy-WE (SOCIETY)DO NOT DO NOTHING TO STOP SOME GREDY MONSTERS DISTROING OUR KIDS!!!
p.s.i try my best but english languge is not my first,i do appologise for the mistakes i made. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/10/2008 4:18:43 PM | I spent over eight and a half years being a Director in an adolescent residential drug and alcohol re-hab facility for patients (ages 13-17). I have seen more than my fair share of dysfunctional families, tragedy, sadness, etc., etc.
Example #1: On the Monday after "Father's Day" (2004) several of our clients were just hanging out in the Lounge Area... One of the young men, was being very moody, isolated, etc. The client next to him said " Hey man... what's wrong with you?" The first young man responded " My father said he would come visit me yesterday and he didn't show up".
The third client in line said " At least you know where your father is. I don't know where my father is".
Client number four chimed in " I know where my father is. He's in jail."
Client number five added... " My father is in jail, too. On death row".
Some children carry around huge, sad thoughts. No wonder they do drugs.
Example #2: From time to time, I would tell the various residents " If you are a man, and your wife dies... you are then called "A widower".
If you are a woman... and your husband dies you are then called "A widow"
A child that loses his (or her) parents is called "An orphan".
There are no words in English, Spanish, or in fact any other spoken language on this planet to describe a parent that has lost a child to an overdose.
Children: Don't put your Mom or Dad in that place where there are no words to describe their pain. Think about it.
If anyone needs to speak to a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor, send me a private email.
Tom | |
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DeeM63
| | Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 169 | |
| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/10/2008 5:02:56 PM | | Have you told him your own story? Your past? Your mistakes? What made it change for you? Maybe if he realizes that parents are human too, he'll open up to you and look to you for guidance. I hope so for yours and his sake. God Bless. Dee | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/10/2008 6:54:18 PM | | Orginal Poster.....You could make an thread called "My Son Is On Drugs"...In The Single Parents Thread And Maybe They'll Be "Nice" Enough To Give Some Advice....Just Wanted To Let You Know That! | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:39:53 PM | | Wow..icegoddess..that is a terrific post....I think you are one hell of a parent and incredibly smart.....I wish more parents followed your lead and disciplined their children instead of being their best buddy | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/10/2008 10:15:36 PM | | yah icegoddess is on the right trail but you cannot get inside to make contact with or discipline a teenager if it does not feel ........ loved and I can guarantee this young man is troubled and has a storm brewing inside and no amount of pulling the reins in will do if the relationship between the mother and son is fractured. I have never had a drug problem ever with any of my children because I was an emotional parent, in tune and hands on with the brains of my young and developing children and they felt respected and loved because they were respected and loved. I had numerous conversations when they entered highschool where they told me of their friends beginning experimentation of various mind altering drugs and could see the angst in them that their friends would do this to themselves, this created feelings of hurt in them because they loved their friends . We have to understand that mind altering drugs are suppressing deeper issues and that as a parent their is work to do in setting limits but more importantly you need to develop or heal some deeper issues that are on the table now and this is going to create some uncomfortable and necessary listening and forms of expression. If you work on reconnecting and making sure that your son can truly see that his future matters to you and how much he matters to you and you show it in action and words ........ you will heal your relationship with your son as he excels in knowing that he is loved and really matters to him and thru you. ( Please get off this date site and work on healing this relationship first as your life and your son deserve to be emotionally whole before you are ready to emotional connect with another. Needy people , need themselves first. You owe this development to your health. ) | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/11/2008 8:05:27 AM | | howbig...I do agree with you that parents need to take care of themselves first so they can look after their kids but I think icegoddess is doing that by giving her son the strong message that she will not live in a house where drugs are abused and her health and safety is being disrespected...Thats a form of abuse towards her in and of itself....That there are consequneces for doing what he is doing, just like in the "real world"..Drugs do block whats really going on inside a kid but unless he stops and is forced to stop, that wont happen that mom gets to the bottom of whats going on inside.....As a therapist, I cant do any kind of insightful therapy with people if they are actively using drugs/alchohol abusively..They must be clean/sober first before the real work begins.. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/11/2008 8:46:28 PM | Hurting kids come from hurting parents... the compass is confused.. parental responsibility has been neglected and you cannot instantly jump in and agressively discipline when you have had some heavy blinders on as this was all unfolding in the environment. For a long time the cart has been leading the horse here and No kid will listen to someone with a heavy hand (tough love) and no real emotionally intelligent parental communication of how this makes you feel, communicating and meaning that they are going to change the way they confront issues and change the dialogue of what you really want to say to your teen. Hurt parents need to put guilt and frustration aside and express remorse for taking their connection off course , that is really what goes on and has to be addressed and meant and carried out. When you have neglected parenting you lose your credibility and in order to get the structure back you have to act .......... credible ... Drugs do not block what is really going on inside, they anaesthetize emotional pain and the journey to recognise that thru safe and open communication with non judgemental listening is imperative .. you need to be attuned to body language and send this energy and what needs to follow is open and respectful dialogue ...... ( expect the journey of believing in someone that has lost credibility will take a journey of trust and actions that gather respect.. )
Stopping the use of drugs on an habitual basis is going to cause their brains some drastic mood swings, hormones are completely disrupted so you should get a working knowledge of what types of changes occur in the brain of a weaning young adult drug user ... | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/14/2008 7:42:53 PM | howbigisyourlove
I think kids doing drugs such as this represents a real emergency here and his state of mind under the influence means he isnt capable of responding to parental compassion and honest listening...Ive had parents do exackly that for months, sometimes years, while the kid goes behind her back and steals and lies, gets DUIs and pursues risky behaviors with the drug abusers....And never stops using and confronts his addiction....The bottom line is the
drug abuser is incapacitated ..This means he is incapable of having an honest conversation with active listening and feedback..That comes only AFTER he is clean and sober...That is precisely why one cant do insight oriented therapy with drug abusers while they are actively using..They are unable to follow thru with appointments much less adhere to an early recovery program...Their ability to develop a relapse prevention plan is zero while they are still actively using drugs..In this way, drugs do block whats going on inside, emotional anesthesia means the same thing here.....No drug abuser Ive worked with is capable of honestly looking at himself and expressing honest emotions while still using drugs and alcohol abusively..The drug is still blocking his ability to do that, to look at himself honestly and take responsibility for what he is doing to himself... | |
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