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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/17/2008 3:21:13 PM | shiftless: gotta disagree with you on your statement about weed also. You said there are no addicts of marijuana out there? Well tell that to my ex who started smoking it at the age of 11 (he has 3 older brothers who were a major influence), he is now 45 yrs old and wakes up in the morning smoking a joint..lies down at night for bed after smoking a joint..and fills in the day with a joint here and there. This is not an exageration by any means. This is the only drug he uses.
Do you know why he can't quit or doesn't quit? Wouldn't be because he would like to stop coughing up a lung each morning..its because he is an addict.
again just my 2 cents. There are many different situations out there when it comes to the world of drugs my friend....................................................................... | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/17/2008 5:37:08 PM | DirtyDeeds has lit up the correct assessment.
People should remember that we're not talking about adults here. We're talking about kids who are already showing signs of drug abuse, not just occasional use. There's no minimizing that. All options (including going to the authorities) have to be on the table in order to have the best chance of dealing with it. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/17/2008 5:43:46 PM | If you are certain he is doing drugs... Baker Act or send him to rehab ASAP!
Best of luck to you. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/17/2008 5:55:07 PM | I have been in your shoes. One yr intensive rehab at Pathway Family Center worked for us. But even after completing the program - be prepared for relapse. PATHWAY is the best in the country. I did my homework on this . If it is too far away or too expensive, look for somehting similar, but make sure it encompasses family involvement.
Here is the link: http://www.pathwayfamilycenter.org/
Good luck & NEVER GIVE UP. It does get better. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:17:48 PM | Absolutely spitfire..at the age of 15 my oldest son took my cd collection and dvd to a local pawnshop. I had gone in there and told the owner specifically to watch for the stuff giving him a list of my cd's and my phone #. A month later I walked in and started going thru the cd's..came across my CCR cd..how do I know it was mine? I write my name inside.
the owner told me that my problems with my kid were my problem..not his.
but like I said to him that only enables them to do things like that when there are people like that scum who will accept it even after being informed.
That was where I used to buy all my cd's..needless to say the man hasn't made a dime off me since.
Yes..that was my problem..and the thing is most people really have no idea how to approach this type of problem because it doesn't matter what you seem to do the kids do what that want anyway.
but the more support you can get..whether it be the authorities, family doctor, counselling..the better. Kids need to be informed in a positive manner by more than just their parents that others actually care about their futures. Reach out for the help OP..it is there for the taking. I didn't..I tried to battle it on my own.. that definitely doesn't work.
this little town I live in is full of drug and alcohol abuse by kids and adults..and the little town 20 miles away has the highest percentage of addiction in Ontario(learned in sociology course in college). There is definite problem here. And a bigger problem with fighting it. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:00:09 PM | In Regards to msg 6
I agree with the home testing to a certain level...DON'T TELL HIM when you are going to test him...just do it...you have a better way of catching him off guard...I know of a parent that did this....he was always clean until one day said parent pulled child out of class and took him to the hospitol..GUESS WHAT??? They found drugs in his system..she was in total melt-down although she was expecting it...
She did tell him of the legalities of what would & COULD happen to him...one day he was watching Interventions...that kind of got to him more then anything else did..
And I also agree with if you tell the child to quit..then you need to quit also..and pls be supportive of him...he will be a very angry child thru all of this...GOOD LUCK
My Prayers will be with you & your child | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:29:36 PM | The apple does not fall far from the tree.
If you are ok now -- then why should he not be. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/18/2008 10:59:49 PM |
Don't tell me to Google anything. You go Google all the information you need to in order to start making sense, because you sure as hell aren't making any right now. Better yet, find one of your own relatives who is struggling with addiction and hang around them for awhile. Get some firsthand experience, and then come talk to me. Punk.
LOL I guess that settles it then? What a moron. Like I don't have first hand experience! I do, which is why I'm on here wondering where you fools are getting your misinformation from. Like I said, if the kid is on meth or something then hell yeah, take drastic actions. But weed? Pfft.
shiftless: don't underestimate the power of caffeine either. The world of medicine needs to come up with a patch for both caffeine and nicotine combined.. can't have one without the other right? just my 2 cents.
I agree 100%.
But in reference to people who smoke cigarettes rotting their lungs and throat: you smoke whacky tabacky..no?..would that not also rot your lungs and throat? If not ..why not? Its Smoke going into lungs and throat nonetheless.
There are ways of smoking marijuana that don't damage the lungs or throat. Your typical joint does cause damage, yes. But actually, it turns out that cigarettes (for whatever reason) are FAR more likely to cause complications such as cancer, etc.
shiftless: gotta disagree with you on your statement about weed also. You said there are no addicts of marijuana out there? Well tell that to my ex who started smoking it at the age of 11 (he has 3 older brothers who were a major influence), he is now 45 yrs old and wakes up in the morning smoking a joint..lies down at night for bed after smoking a joint..and fills in the day with a joint here and there. This is not an exageration by any means. This is the only drug he uses.
I don't doubt you at all. There are people like that out there. But they are the exception, by far. How many people do you know that play the lottery, sometimes go to casinos, etc, have a good time, then leave? Now how many people do you know that are totally "addicted" and dependent on gambling? There are way more of the former than the latter. People can get psychologically dependent on ANYTHING, marijuana included. That's not marijuana's fault, it's the individual's.
This original OPs post is definitely a tough one..just gotta watch their health really..and be supportive with boundaries.
I think this about sums it up! | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/18/2008 11:12:47 PM | | You didn't describe the extent of your son's involvement. If he is just smoking a little pot it could be very curable. If he's trying everything and he's out of control then you do have a big problem. I agree that it's peer pressure that causes a lot of this. Listening to what their friends say, behaving the way their friends behave has an awful lot to do with it. Watch the crowd he runs with, seperate him from them, and you will nip it in the bud. To me, cocaine and meth are the scariest drugs because of the strong dependency they cause. Pot is more of a psychological addiction, and if alcohol is combined it could be more lethal because it pretty much renders them fearless while under the influence. Talk to him, be compassionate, explain the pitfalls, and maybe he'll come around. I remember when I was 15 I thought I knew everything. Then when I reached my 20's I found out my parents werent so dumb after all. Sometimes the school of hard knocks, unfortunately, is the best teacher. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/18/2008 11:13:10 PM | OK shiftless: I just hope you are not under-estimating the power of weed.
good luck to you guy.
I've had my crazy hazy days when I was young too but I'm really not clear on how else you would use marijuana other than smoking a joint? Bongs? Its still lit and you inhale the smoke. Once you light it and inhale it(even if you are like ex pres. there that says he never inhaled) you are going to end up with the damaging effects of smoking it.
Are you saying that you can use marijuana without lighting it up? Forgive my ignorance but I haven't smoked in 22yrs. Curious mind wants to know.
what are you doing..eating it? Like pot-brownies or what?? I'm confused. you've lost me. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/18/2008 11:56:28 PM | When my daughter was 14, a friend of her's got her to smoke her first joint, using a page from The New Testament no less. One of my friends had lost their son to drugs and told me " I wish I had made more of a fuss the first time I found out about it"
So I did!
I went into a complete psycho act over it. I told my daughter to tell all of her friends this: "I will make it my personal mission in life, to make their life a living hell if they bring drugs to my daughter. I will see them put in jail!" I went on and on like I had lost it.
Actually I hadn't, but my daughter didn't know this.
To this day, my 21 yr. old daughter is drug free. And the people who would sell her drugs stear clear of her. And my daughter still believes I will go crazy over it, no matter how old she is. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/19/2008 12:02:33 AM | Hello,
I am 23 years old. I was born and raised around drugs my whole life. I dont know what it is that makes someone decide to turn to drugs but most my friends have. Recently one of my best friends started selling drugs, I really cant take this anymore, so a few weeks ago I walked into a navy recruiting center and joined. I want you to know that I gave up on my friends. I realize it is their life and they are going to do what they want to no matter what anyone says. Most my friends ran away from home when they were 15 to 16 years old. Their relationship to their parents was always stressed but for most of them drugs was what made them leave.
Your son is doing what he wants to do. There is nothing that you can do to change that. If you yell at him he could feel that you are judging him and possibly run away. Your son knows that what he is doing is wrong but for some reason its worth it to him right now. Let him know that you love him and talk to him about what he is doing. Its important that you dont come out and judge him or he will imediatly go on the defensive and either tell you what you want to hear or get mad and start arguing. My friends would typically act like this and the only way to talk to them was on their terms, when they felt comfortable. Im not saying you should let him do what he wants, instead push HIM to talk to you. Dont get discouraged, he is your son and he will always be. He is being judged by the world right now whether you see it or not. Every television show, every popular song, every group of kids at school, are all talking about drugs. Doing them, selling them, taking them, how to find them. You cant take this away. The influence has been there for years and will be for the rest of his life.
Take this info how you will but I want you to know you have to be there for him right now. It doesnt matter if it goes to the extreme of kicking him out, you have to be there for him in every way you can. He is a boy becoming a man. No one is really there for him, not the way family can be. He cant confide in his friends the way he can his family. Basically Im asking you, no matter what happens, no matter how bad the situation is, do not cut off contact with your son. He will need a shoulder to cry on. He will need to be able to look up to someone. Your opinion of him will mean the world to him the rest of his life wether you know it or not, and whether he knows it or not. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/19/2008 12:07:32 AM | | realy fell for you i know how hard it is to watch someone you love so much destroy them self,my son is 16 i have had the lies moods ive been in tears begging to stop,but they dont know the danger a there letting them self in for ,he now has panic attaks and is suffering from depresion it breaks me to see him like this,our gp has refured him so hopefully he will get well soon and not do drugs any moor good luck and keep me posted | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/19/2008 12:18:17 AM | | try an intervention. you say that you did some drugs when you were younger and grew up and stopped. this is not the case for most. i work with men at a recovery center in easttexas and the guys here range in age between 17 and 60 sime older and we have taken in a few cases of younger teens, in necessary cases. your son is starting to show a bad patern and it is not just the drugs. if he is lying, and beng disrespecful to you then call him on it if he refuses to listen. then get some one he will listen to. i have been in his shoes to an extent. i did drugs in my teens and early tweties, but i never ever not once did i disrespect my momma, ever. i also grew up with devorced parents, and my momma drank heavily until she died. i went wild after that. i got arrested a few times, and spent some time in jail and still that did not work, i finaly went to rehab after the threat of prision started to seem immenant. it is my experince and the experience of well over 200 young men that i personaly know that i can say you as a parent can do something. if you do not you may end up like the scores of parents that i see and work with every day, that feel that they are some how responsible for the situitation thier son is in because they did nothing, when they found out about the problem when they found out aboutit out of fear of confrontatin with thier son. there are also support groups for parents of troubled teens and drug useres. find one in your area there are parents there that have been where you are and they care and can help in providing you with strenth hope and exerince, and give some sugestions, as far as your son is concearned he is 15 if you say so he has no choice they dont call it tough love for nothing. he will also either deny drug use or the severity of what he is doing, then again he may actual try his hardest to hurt your feeling, or push your buttons to get you to say or do something that you feel a little or a lot guilty, and try to use it against you. remember you are mom, you can do it and if he is still giving you problems fell free to check out houseofisaiah.org on the net for some info. there is hope for both of you. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/19/2008 6:32:12 AM | just to inform people... the weed that we are smoking today isn't your 70s classic rock weed. the studies about the addictive qualities of weed are way out of date, because todays weed is nothing like what we are basing studies on. weed today can have up to 37% thc potency, which changes the ballgame. while everyone says that weed is a victimless drug, and lacks addictive qualities....this opinion is not backed up by studies. they are finding through recent studies that there are severe addictive qualities, and physical effects that haven't been seen in weed previously. so to say that weed isn't addictive, and isn't physically harmful....that's just an opinion based on yesterdays information.
if your child is smoking weed, and you're just sitting around playing the victim card, crying "what can *I* do?!" you're a terrible parent. take the responsibility, raise your child, and keep them from hurting themselves. that's your job. if you can't do that, then you're not a parent. a parent's job is to protect his/her child from themselves, because they are CHILDREN, and children can't make decisions for themselves. if they could, they would be adults. if you let your child stroll through their teenage years hooked on weed, you're a pathetic excuse for a parent.
i can't believe that there are actually people on here, willing to say "my child's on weed and i can't do anything about it!" where is the shame? its one thing to allow this to happen, but to come onto a public forum, and actually talking about how you've throw in the towel.... i ask, where is the shame? aren't you ashamed of your shitty parenting? aren't you ashamed that you've allowed this to happen to your child? or are you just that terrible of a parent that you don't realize that your child is slowly becoming a drug addict... wait, you know they are, because you're on here asking for "advice".
let me break it down for you, as i did previously.
weed cost money.
if your child has weed, they have money.
so, take the money away.
if they have a job, take the job away. if they are using their "hard earned" money for weed, they dont' deserve a job. the child *needs* clothes, food, and shelter. the money from a part time job is going towars things that the child does NOT need, especially when they are buying weed with it.
if the weed is coming from friends, discontinue their association with those people. yes, i know i know... how can YOU, the PARENT, monitor who your child hangs out with. well, its really simple. if you can't trust them to not see certain people, then they shouldn't be allowed to see anybody. oh my gosh, no friends? well, if the friends they choose are giving them drugs, obviously its time to take those friends away.
there's only two ways kids get weed. they purchase it, or its handed to them. its your job to prevent this from happening, and if you can't do this, then as a parent, you're a failure. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/19/2008 6:44:23 AM | Try to find a local Narcnon Group, There others going through what you are,
If one particular group, Is not a good fit for you another might be, It took a couple of groups, till i found one that was a group that I felt comfortable with. You migh also want to do a on line search. for a online group, If face to face meetings are not your thing. I wish you and your family, Blue skies and sunshine .
Annie | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/19/2008 6:52:45 AM | HE WOULD BE IN REHAB BEFORE THE SUN WENT DOWN. IF HE IS DOING DRUGS THEN YOU AS A PARENT MISSED SOMETHING. YOU GET UPSET IF YOU WANT TO BUT GET OVER YOURSELF. IF HE IS TRYING TO ESCAPE LIFE THEN HE NEEDS SERIOUS HELP AND THAT IS WHAT IS AVAILABLE AT REHAB. I WOULD RATHER HAVE MY KID HATE ME THEN HAVE MY KID HATE HIMSELF AND COMMIT SUICIDE.....BECAUSE LIKE IT OR NOT THAT COULD BE NEXT.....I MISSED IT WILL BE THE THOUGHT OF THE DAY WHILE YOU ARE PICKING OUT BURIAL CLOTHING.
HE NEEDS THE HELP THAT YOU CANNOT GIVE HIM.
YOU OWE HIM ...TAKE HIM TO REHAB.....AND GO TO COUNCILLING YOURSELF.....YOU ARE GOING TO NEED IT AS WELL.
PPURPLEROSES | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/19/2008 7:25:29 AM | | Try talking to him, open up about your past, explain that it may seem like fun, but reality will kick in eventually, and it just makes facing it harder. Try to find out why his life is so bad he resorts to drugs? | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/19/2008 7:34:22 AM | yes...take him to rehab and FAST! it may b easier to just put it down to experimentation but this needs to b stopped ASAP
im sorry if i sound harsh but sadly i know what im talking about due to friends...if u ever need support contact me.  | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/19/2008 7:56:32 AM | Rehad is a great place for younger addicts to learn how to use harder drugs. Rehab is useless.
Maybe he'll grow out of it...maybe not. If so, great..
If not, he'll have to hit a bottom and then make the decision for himself to stop using...then he can take himself to an NA meeting.
At this point, some punishment and a good dose of fear may aid in the process of coming to a decision to stop. A nice tour of the local jail to see what he has to look forward to may be in order....most local depts. are happy to oblige the request of a concerned parent.
Rehab, recovery houses, pschycologists,drug companies,statistical researchers, etc...., remember, are a business...and there is a huge profit to be made in the addiction industry...all of which is geared to give the hope that throwing more money at the problem will help.
Moving just gives the opportunity to take advantage of new people...geographical change is useless...I can still to this day tell who uses and who doesnt(They think/I thought it was soooo not apparent, and it is) I could find anything ,anywhere given the desire.
When he is of age, and if still using, kick his a** out and help him hit his bottom more quickly..
Yes, pot is a drug. Yes, pot is a gateway drug. Yes, alcohol is a drug. Any mood or mind altering substance, is a drug. Argue all you want. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:31:14 AM | Hi, My nephew was hook on different drugs for years. It took everyone in our family to help him, but my sister, his mom never gave up, so whatever you do NEVER GIVE UP...ok You stick by his side no matter what. My prayers are with you....Today my nephew is doing great. Get on your knees and pray to God to help you....... | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:37:42 AM | | dirtydeeds101 , I couldn't agree with you more. I have a good friend who is the same way as your ex and she's barely 30. She admits to being addicted to marijuana. It has caused her paranoia, anxiety attacks, etc. If she doesn't soke now she can barely function. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/19/2008 6:11:20 PM | All I can say is I really don't suggest kicking your kid out. That would just put them on the street under stress with a need for money. If he's already doing drugs and knows where to get them, then that's a GREAT way to ensure that he becomes a drug dealer.
I know a lot of people who used drugs regardless of whether or not their parents punished or threatened them. It sucks to consider, but some people just want to use drugs. If they have that personality, then after they try it, they really want to continue to do it. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to stop, which is a long way off if he's just getting started and if this is just marijuana.
If this is only about marijuana, just don't go too nuts. If you flip out to an extreme degree I think it may simply make him more rebellious in a lot of ways. Some people think that punishment is the only way to handle drug use, but I strongly disagree. There is a reason he's using drugs, he might not even know what that reason is. But you need to find that reason and attempt to find other things that can fulfill that desire for being high.
It may be as simple as, "my dad loves this stuff, and if he likes it so much then there must be something good about it." That curiosity may have driven him to try using drugs.
I am sickened by some people who, after reading one short message by the OP, claim that she didn't tell her kid anything about drugs before now. Or that she didn't do this right, or didn't do that right. I know people who have tried to tell their kids how horrible drugs are, since before they even knew what drugs were, and still had their kids end up using drugs. It's just not that simple, no matter how much people want to blame the parent for it. Some kids are curious about that stuff and end up trying it, they hang out with the wrong crowd or whatever. A lot of people never use drugs, those people aren't ever going to understand a drug user or what drives them to use drugs. If they don't understand the drive, they really can't understand the solution.
I think if your son could see what really happens to hard drug users he might understand, but I just don't know if he's old enough to actually get it yet. At his age it may seem "glamorous." Some books exaggerate the effects of drugs highly, since he's already tried "drugs" (I wish the specific drug was more clear), this is a bad route to take. If he sees from his own experience that the book is wrong about something, he will assume the entire thing is wrong about everything. This can lead to a massive backfire in which it simply leads him to experiment with other drugs because those kinds of books can give him the impression that "all of the anti-drug people obviously don't know what they're talking about."
What I really think you need to do, before you do anything drastic with him or follow anyones advise on here, is talk to an addiction specialist or drug counselor. I hesitate to recommend anything religiously affiliated, because they often try to replace a drug addiction with a religion addiction. If your son is not religious, this will also backfire massively. I am agnostic about god to the degree that I'm agnostic about the tooth fairy, if you see what I'm saying. So if I had been sent to church or to a religious group for help, it would have done nothing to stop me at all. I feel that often a church doesn't understand addiction and drug use either, they just think that their religious faith can solve any problem. Hence the reason I say, try to speak with someone who understands this issue both medically and psychologically and ask them for suggestions. They will be able to give you a more realistic picture of what's going on than anyone else.
That is who you need to talk to for advice, I would not listen to the things that people on here tell you to do. Most people don't have a clue about how to handle drug addiction, experimentation, curiosity, etc. You need to speak with someone who specializes in handling these situations, not a religious figure or some "tough love" lobbyist.
One word of caution: Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is a guarantee. If he is absolutely determined to do drugs, then he will do them. You can send him to rehab and isolate him, and then he may simply come out and start doing them again. True drug addicts often go to rehab six times before actually recovering. Now when I say true addicts, I mean opiate, cocaine and alcohol users. Marijuana can be mentally addictive, but it is not anything like those other drugs when it comes to quitting. Now, I don't think he's reached that stage yet, and I think if you handle this properly you may keep him from it. But again, that is no guarantee. Just please talk to someone who understands this situation better than the folks on POF, for your sake and your son's. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/19/2008 7:50:27 PM | I appreciate all the input that I am getting from everyone. I have sat down with my son lately and talked more to him about all of this. He assures me that he is not into heavy drugs and that he enjoys smoking pot once in a while. I have asked him why? He tells me he likes the way it makes him feel. I asked him if it was because he knows his father is a pot smoker and he said.... Most of the people I know smoke it..... I have tried to tell him that his father is 38 years old and still smokes pot, does he not see that as a problem? He told me that he thinks it is no worse than having a couple drinks.....
I make him watch the show "Intervention" with me, show him that drugs affect people so negatively, cause destruction to the person and the people that love them... He pointed out to me that not one of those shows has been about pot addiction. I asked him if he ever thought that pot would lead to wanting to try something harder, stronger, deadlier and he said no way mom. I want to believe this..... I will never kick my child out on the street as some people have suggested, sorry, to me that is not the answer. I will talk to him constantly about the choices he is making and about the impact they may have, I will never give up on him, I will keep trying to educate him and mostly I will love him. | |
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| My son is on drugs.......
Posted: 7/19/2008 9:08:00 PM | Great stuff karen..you are talking with your son and he is talking to you..that is a big step..for him to feel comfortable enough to let you know how he is feeling.
Give yourself a pat on the back because you are going about it the right way..with love.
....................................................................................... dd101 | |
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