| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:03:14 AM | I guess we all know, people are at their most vulnerable in times of sorrow and liable to make bad decisions.
If you try to capitalize on her vulnerablity in order to score points that doesn't make you a good guy at all.
It would only be wrong if you did have alterior motives, if you expected some sort of reward like reconciliation.
I'm guessing you posted this because secretly this is what your heart is aching for and you're feeling a tad guilty. | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:32:18 AM | Erm, in life there are no rules.
Maybe she didn't know who else to talk to, but if you've only been split for 5 weeks it's still pretty fresh, so realistically she'd still be in a situation where she thinks of you when she needs someone to lean on or talk to.
Help her out, be there for her just this once and you'll have a real friend once it's all healed. I don't think that your head is wired wrong - you may not want to be in a relationship with her, but you'll always still have some sort of feelings for each other. Why should those feelings be bad ones?
w_m.
The only rule in life you should have is "don't push doors marked "pull"" | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:39:37 AM | You have enough sense to recognize that you're doing the right thing and sometimes doing the right thing hurts. So don't get your hopes up, and don't take advantage of her, and for God's sake don't take it seriously if she seeks physical comfort from you.
She's distraught, and she did walk out on you. If you have the courage of your convictions you'll be a friend to her through this but leave it at that. But if your desire gets the better of you enjoy it for what it is--temporary. You can't count on a future with her even if she does come clean about why she dumped you--even if she appears to change her mind.
It's an emotional time, and the death of a loved one trumps most other rules--but not forever. So when things have settled down you will be doing yourself a huge favor by taking the initiative to bring it back to just friends, or even good-bye if you need a lot more time away from her before you can move on. It might seem like wasted time,
but acts of generosity always bring you something good--even if it's just freedom from the bondage of an unrequited love. | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:11:22 AM | | the fact that you show compassion in a time of grief proves that you're a bigger person than the majority of guys out there....and majority of women for that matter....especially in a day and time where character is dying out faster and faster. | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:44:31 PM | | It's not that you're wired wrong or stupid. You were in a relationship with this girl, you did what you were suppose to do, be there for her in her time of need. I applaud your integrity, because some guys would have not giving a flying f.ck | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:25:17 PM | "Erm, in life there are no rules."
Help her out, be there for her just this once and you'll have a real friend once it's all healed. I don't think that your head is wired wrong - you may not want to be in a relationship with her, but you'll always still have some sort of feelings for each other. Why should those feelings be bad ones?"
Glad you said this! I'm trying to figure out who makes up these "no contact", "erase them from your life" kinds of rules. There was a man in my life that abruptly ended a relationship and I thought I would never get over it, but with time, I did. Even when he ended the relationship, I told him to expect emails and for some contact to continue, because I just could not bear to let end then and there, and he understood. Now that it is a few years later, we still occasionally talk and we email each other regularly. I still will ask his opinion about different situations, because we know each other in ways no one does. We have each moved on to other relationships, and we will even bounce things off one another about our current partners. (I gave him an idea for something for her birthday and it turned out she loved it, but he would never have thought of it.) So, yeah, it can be a good thing in the long run.
OP, you are a true gentleman and one of the real "nice guys" out there! | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:19:22 PM | I think it shows alot of character to follow your heart. It would be unfortunate if she wasn't as honest with you and lead you on.
If she is upfront and honest about the way she feels about you, then it is up to you to manage your feelings towards her in the future.
In the interim be true to yourself. | |
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TLC_
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Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 34 | |
| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:06:20 AM | op, you are NOT weird, and you do NOT have anything wrong with you.
you have compassion, something lacking in a lot of people | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:54:13 AM | FixedHeart, I think Jim33903 gave you some great input on his post and if I were you (a man) I would go back and read his words. He's a man (like you-duh) and he's a little older and wiser. His words resonated for me in particular because I've had a man such as Jim in my life, and I still care very much for him. And Jim's right...good guys don't finish last IN THE LONG RUN.
FixedHeart and Jim, thank you both for posting, it does this woman's heart good to read reminders that there are good guys out there. :)
I hope you're feeling good FixedHeart. Don't ever question acts of kindness when you're motivated to them. Selflessness is a gift. Don't let naysayers prohibit or prevent you from giving gifts. You'll be the one that's shortchanged in the end  | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 6/1/2008 4:59:11 AM | KfromKali,
Why shucks Ma'am, ya gone and made me feel good with your kind words.
I had to go look at your profile. Not only are you attractive, you are a great writer! Lots of wit and insight. But wait, this is not a "review my profile" thread, so I regress.
I also rated your picture, but dang, ya have so many 10 votes, my mug did not show up on your FANS list.
Now I gotta go start a thread: HOW DOES A NICE GUY OF 59 ATTRACT A SWEET 40 YO?[b/] (just kidding lol )
Big hugs....  | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 6/8/2008 6:28:14 PM | Aw Jim, you're a sweetheart :)
I didn't know I got rated....10? I figured I was a 7.8
I'll have to go see just what this rating business is all about...I thought only the kiddies participated in that.
Drop me a note, maybe I can give you some pointers on how to snag one of fabulous forty-year-old ladies  | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 6/8/2008 7:23:17 PM | | It's never wrong to be kind! Kindness always takes effort and always costs the giver something. Be there for her for a little while. Yes, this is going to hurt you.......But others will remember your kindness, class, support, and character as they recover from this crisis. | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:19:13 PM |
Aw Jim, you're a sweetheart :)
I didn't know I got rated....10? I figured I was a 7.8
I'll have to go see just what this rating business is all about...I thought only the kiddies participated in that.
Drop me a note, maybe I can give you some pointers on how to snag one of fabulous forty-year-old ladies
You sure did get a 10 from me. But I confess, it is not just your picture that I rated. It was what little I see in you as a woman inside from your posts. My compliments!
Hmmm? Now I have to ask....Is 59 to old for a 40 yo?(wink) lol | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 6/10/2008 8:36:58 PM | FixedHeart, compassion has no rules. It speaks so highly of you and the other male posters who support your actions.
I would think twice about wanting to be with someone who could walk away from helping a person he had once loved when they are truly down. Someone who can coldly ignore another's suffering simply because she once broke his heart isn't the kind of man most women are looking for.
Sweetie, I agree with the others that you shouldn't get your hopes up, but stranger things have happened than love being rekindled when support is shown to someone who has hurt us. If you are "wired wrong", I know a few men who could use some re-wiring.
Hugs to a real Sweetheart...
Rose Mary | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:21:54 PM | Well i think its wonderful that you offered to be there at a hard time.
Despite any pain you went through, you rose above it to make that step and be there for her .
You definately did the right thing.
There should be more like you .Everyone needs someone as a friend like you, never change. | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:22:51 PM | | You seem like a sweet guy. Just be there for her as a friend. I suggest you do not suggest or accept anything more than being a friend. Especially before this situation has passed. I hope all ends well. Don't forget to look out for yourself too. | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 6/30/2008 5:42:00 PM | my bf broke my heart before. everyone thought i was stupid because in the end, HE broke up with me, while it seemed like i was the "victim". i tried to stay being his friend, but it hurts too damn much to see him with "her". eventually, i told him i can't keep seeing/talking to him anymore. his cousin kept saying that he's a wreck w.out me. i told the cousin i'll meet him just to talk. i didn't plan for us to get back together, but i set it up to prove to his cousin that he has moved on with "her". anywho...as we planned to meet for the weekend, his friend that he's being seeing in the hospital finally died. i was the one he called in the middle of the night. he was out with all his friend, and "her", but he decided to call me.
i eventually met up with him on the wkend and i pretty much became his crying shoulder. after that, we talked, and we got back together. "she" didn't leave the picture so we broke-up again. again, i stopped talking to him. every now n then, his cousin would continually email me saying he's talking about how he hates life...yara yara...again...a "wreck" w.out me.
how can you all of a sudden stop caring right? again, i fell for it and met up with him. we stayed friends over the past couple of months...and somehow, realizing that i guess life is just much better with having each other around. that was a yr ago, and i'm still with him...as the gf again. we've grown from then and now are handling things much better.
i don't think it's stupid that you're there for her. who knows, maybe you two will get back together...but don't expect for it. besides, if you don't want her back, then atleast you're there for her as the friend. kudos to you! | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:31:49 PM | his friend that he's being seeing in the hospital finally died. i was the one he called in the middle of the night. he was out with all his friend, and "her", but he decided to call ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AS I read it, if his new GF died in the hospital, how can he still see her? | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:59:25 PM | | Urrrrgghh- this strikes home a bit with me but for a different reason.. My volatile relationship with the love of my life had ended due to mutual stupidity, and although visiting her aged and dying Grandma had been a huge effort for us for the last six months, we hadn't spoken for three weeks and then the grandma dies, and she is crying on the phone. Now I was so pissed at her I DIDNT do the right thing, because I felt so hurt, and in a way I felt wronged, and to a point frightened that it would set stuff off again for the wrong reasons, so I didn't contact her back, although subsequently we DID get back together. Seeing that split as a mere separation, now, when at the time I thought it was final, I honestly now wish I could put the clock back and be the supportive friend I know I should have been. Actions speak louder than words- work out what she means to you and then act accordingly. | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:22:35 PM | AS I read it, if his new GF died in the hospital, how can he still see her?
he had a new "study buddy". even when we broke up, they never hooked-up. when him and i just broke up, he had a friend (guy) who was in the hospital for cancer. he would always see him. the weekend him and i were going to talk about "getting back together" (mainly to prove to his cousin that he's not interested in me anymore and i imagine him telling me that he doesnt' want me anymore) that's when his friend died.
it was a friday nite, he went clubbing with his friends, including "her". the friend with cancer died the same night. he got a call...i don't know when, but i just remember getting a call from him around 3am. he said he just wanted someone to let it out to...because he didn't want to wake up any of his other friends, and he openly admitted "she" slept over at his house with his other friends also. he was just driving around aimlessly that night.
i guess i suck at telling stories...lol! | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:47:08 PM | FixedHeart
If yall are still good friends than you did the right thing and she needed to hear from you as (friend) more than anything during time like this, so you did good. | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:51:33 AM | No matter what happens in the end - the fact that you can FEEL makes you a much better person, imo.
A cold heart is a sad sight to behold, and even worse to feel... | |
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| Broke the no contact rule
Posted: 7/1/2008 3:02:19 AM | | You have a good heart and there is nothing wrong with that. It also shows that you really cared for her. Regardless of what people do to you, it is up to you how you react to other's bad behavior and you are a good person. | |
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