| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 6/6/2008 11:46:40 AM |
cgy121..... do you have any intimacy issues with friends or a significant other both emotionally and physically?
Actually, I do have an issue. But the problem is in the other direction with me  | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 7/3/2008 11:05:26 PM | | I believe in complete honesty. I started a new relationship with someone who, like myself now divorced, had been married for a very long time. We talked openly about the importance of sex in our life. I think before you become too emotionally invested in anyone you both need to understand what is important in your lives. As you get older you realize what you need from a partner and what you are capable or not capable of supplying to your partner. If you are both honest in the beginning there won't be any unpleasant surprises like the one you were faced with. | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 7/3/2008 11:16:18 PM | | i really doubt the next woman you get involved with will have the same issues. btw, she really should be in therapy for the sexual abuse issues. she would benefit greatly from some intervention and maybe could live a normal life. | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 7/3/2008 11:52:43 PM | | Dont take any notice of the bi sexual or gay comments, sexual problems can have very deep seated causes that could take a long time to work through. I must say I am sick of the gay/bi comments from morons who dont know any better. "he cleans his teeth 4 times a day, - answer, must be gay he likes something in his mouth" will you half wits who go down this road get some education some poor sod may be influenced by your ramblings | |
|
shimbo
|
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 55 | |
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 7/4/2008 12:25:49 AM | d I am scared to death that even though it's unlikely, the next relationship I walk in to will be the same
It's more likely than you fear.
Two of my three relationships were like that.
This current third one is making up for the first two, but... I'm fricking fifty years old now.
I basically lost seventeen years on ****-up women.
And don't listen to this bullcrap about "communication".
I've found that it's often an *indicator* of women who have problems.
| |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:01:55 AM | Im struggling to understand why it is so difficult for people to have this conversation within the first few dates...in my experience, the expectations and desires for future dates seems to come up in conversation with ease.
It usually starts with lighthearted joking around...you know, feel out your date for openess on the subject...then it just comes up-which is natural between two people who are attracted to one another.
The only thing you can do to prevent this in future is to take note of some of the signs you saw with that developing relationship, and watch for them in future...and talk, a lot! | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:52:07 AM | | Here ill let you in on a secret of mine....i can honestly say if you reach down and your hand slides like it is in butter well i guess im turned on...and knowing that...you obviously know i like sex...lets getter done.... | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 10/1/2008 8:03:32 AM | Wow. That does suck. Four times in two years. Are you sure she wasn't giving it to someone else. I am not being mean. It's just that when I am into a guy emotionally like you described your relationship, I wanna do it all the time.
Anyway, I would wait until you are sure that you might actually be in a position to have sex before you ask. If you guys end up talking about it, try to ask her about her history to see if their are concerns. For instance, you are talking about sex. Say things like I really want to please you and make sure you are ok. In my past......
Have you ever gone through anything that might make it hard for us because I want to be there? | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:05:00 AM |
How about asking the woman?
Not many women, especially younger ones, are very comfortable talking about past abuse & 'negative' feelings toward sex....especially early on. It's been my experience that even if you employ the very reasonable suggestion of the above poster......women will shy away from those topics, or make it seem MUCH less of a factor than it is.
Especially if it's early in the relationship & she really likes you.
It's not that they are conciously deceiving....it's that they REALLY want it to be different w/ you ( & actually hope it will be), but the old habits of non-communication & fear end up taking over in the long run, after the initial rush has worn off.
The only way to really tell if she actually likes sex?
If SHE brings it up in a sensual fashion early on in the dating discussion.....& then follows thru in a reasonable time frame, given that there is mutual attraction/compatibility/agreement. | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:42:48 AM | | Op Yep this is and can be a huge issue. Who's to say you start out a new relationship with someone and the next does the very same or similar. It would be nice to know up front how much, when, where, quality, what type and so forth. Who's to say that you have a new one and you talk about it and even do the dirty deed a lot to both your satifactions and all of a sudden after you get married she decides to turn the spicket off for a week, Month or 6 months etc... There is no guaranttee in Love and War. And who's to say that all of a sudden its you that turns that love spicket off and she's doing the asking here?? Just ask her if you could have it a bit more often and go from there. | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:10:28 AM | Re the Opost
There is no way of "telling" who may or may not have such a problem and asking will make the asker appear too weird to any date. So one has to take one's chances. C'est la vie!
Having said that, staying 2 whole years in a rel that included 1 sexual encounter per 6 months is way too long, no matter how much in love. One should have made a decision with the first few weeks if not months! That is why sex and lots of it early in the rel is a good policy for both sides concerned.
| |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:18:57 AM | I don't know if there's a way to ask if someone is interested in sex up front without sounding like it's all you want.
She couldn't tell you about her past upfront because she had to build a certain level of trust in you before she could give up that much of herself, and even then I'm sure it was hard for her...so there's no way you can expect anyone else to just tell you upfront (because if it's "upfront" you'll be a stranger to them) about their possible past abuses and problems.
What I want to know is why in all those years she didn't try to get some help for her issues. I do give you credit for sticking with her for 2 years under those circumstances...it's a shame she didn't get therapy, so things could have been more normal for her. | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:32:28 AM | I hate to say this...and I don't know how to say it without sounding callous and insensitive. But here goes... if she has been in therapy, and it "wasn't doing any good," and she just couldn't "get around" to going back, it sounds to me like she's immersed in her "victimhood," and doesn't want to leave it behind. If the therapy "wasn't doing any good" then it sounds like she wasn't even trying to do the "self-work" it takes to heal from trauma such as abuse.
If every move you (the OP) and she made was dictated by what this guy or that guy did to her in the past, and if she "couldn't get around" to going back to therapy, it doesn't sound like she was in any hurry to heal.
Maybe she's been the "victim" for so long that she doesn't know how to be anyone else, and getting therapy would take away the only identity she knows. Because according to the OP, every move she made and every thought she entertained was dominated by her abusive past.
I just think that if she really wanted to have a normal relationship she'd have been finding some kind of therapy that actually worked for her. | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:34:21 AM | Woman have this weird perspective that bringing up sex,will make it seem like a you only care about sex, I think they forget to understand human nature.
I think the best way to phrase it is......... What is your views on sex?
for example my response would I think it is incredible in a mongamous relationship.
therefore you are not taking away respect but you are not pushing for it either. Sex ia huge HUGE PART of a relationship along with communication, trust and commitment.
what I will suggest in regard to your current woman, is to tell her to seek out counselling, if there is no progress end the relationship, if there is wll it will be a better bond between the two of you. I don't know how you did it as long as you did but Kudos buddy! | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:36:36 AM | If a person is a good dancer{slow dances} then they are usually a great Lover.And history is an important factor and why so much abuse in Our country?
What people say and what they do are entirly two different things so watch the body movements """the way they walk , talk and move in just causual sittings and if their legs face you while talking, | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 10/2/2008 5:45:51 AM | Re post 65
I do not think that the body language "litmus tests" listed in the post are statisticlly or causality correlations - reliable criteria as to whether a person likes sex. | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 10/14/2008 10:16:47 AM | Msg1...... read the f*cking post ( your line)and the underline---- is we decided to have sex.We did,and it was *fabulous*. After that, she gave some alibi that she was dyfunctional in sexual acts because of her past . your qoute__and the sex stopped before it even got started ? There was some contradiction of the first paragraph," we did and it was fabulous". So she did have sex with you once. It was obvious that she was sexually alright then. If a woman does'nt like sex, she will not get near a man , to date him and have a relationship, right ? So the way ,I understand the situation the woman does'nt want to have sex with you and does'nt want to continue the affair,that is clear and simple. So the right question is - Finding out if a woman like to have sex *with you*. This is really hard for others to give their honest answer, the best answer is your answer to yourself. Good Luck, and I wish you the best of life.
Vannili | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 10/14/2008 10:20:49 AM | I do not think that the body language "litmus tests" listed in the post are statisticlly or causality correlations - reliable criteria as to whether a person likes sex.
=======================
I totally agree! It's all in how he imbibes jello shots. True story. | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 10/14/2008 10:36:54 AM | For me personally its all about trust.
I LOVE sex but I do not get it as much as I would like. I want to trust that the person I am with is only with me and cares about me a LOT.
I think for women sex is soooo much better if its with someone they really care about.
Maybe I am generalizing... | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 10/14/2008 10:48:35 AM | That's what dating is all about!!!
Getting to know one another and seeing if you have the intimacy and maturity level to discuss these things BEFORE you get further.
The first month of dating is all about finding the borders and boundaries of each other.
That includes sex.
I hate it when a guy asks about it right away, but if it comes up after a few dates and the chemistry is there, then yes...talk about it and see where it goes.
I don't know you guys were doing? Gawd...it must've felt like you both were in the Gobi desert! No sex...and not talking about it either????????????
This lack of intimacy skills in our culture is really screaming now. Everything is too McDonald's style. | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 10/14/2008 1:50:29 PM |
why in all those years she didn't try to get some help for her issues.
Maybe she couldn't afford it? I have some issues that I should be working through with a professional, but the co-payments are too high. Maybe she didn't have any health insurance. They tend to give mental health issues short shrift, anyway.
N. | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 10/14/2008 2:57:28 PM | | I would suggest honest and open communication about what you both expect out of the sexual side of the relationship as soon as you realize it's headed that way... Some people with abuse issues just don't recover.. some choose not to, and some simply can't. It doesn't make them bad people, and truly, counseling doesn't always work. I think by having a frank discussion and sharing your fears, you can avoid falling for someone that just can't handle a proper and fulfilling sexual relationship. If they balk and figure you're only trying to get 'lucky'... are they really going to be someone you can share yourself with intimately and achieve all you want with them? | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 10/14/2008 2:59:02 PM | | Long, long ago, in a city far, far away, I was once quite active in the dating game. I found that certain rare women seemed to relay sexual vibrations at me, although most did not. I suppose that's how it's meant to be. Real attraction is a rare occurrence and goes to the depths of your spirit; so I think it's best to go with your feelings when it happens and try not to let go even though there may at first be many differences in your personalities and other hurdles. | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 10/14/2008 3:15:12 PM | | At first I thought come on mate, think about what your saying! But then I thought that in reality when i have spoken to girls on the phone i have casually asked stuff like positions they like and sexual things like that, the bottom line is if you ask in a joking/ casual way then it comes accross better than if you say all the "i got hurt before" and all that serious stuff - im sure the women on here will agree. | |
|
| Finding out if a woman likes sex
Posted: 10/14/2008 3:45:05 PM | | Why not ask? "I don't mean to make you uncomfortable by bringing this up, but sexual compatibility is something I've had issues with in my past relationships. I'm not interested in pushing for sex, but I just want to discuss it and see if it sounds like we might be a good fit in that area if and when we get there," or something to that effect. | |
|
Home
login 
