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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:09:36 PM | there is no scientific study shows confidence create attraction.
i saw bbc's program, bbc focused mainly on the physical side of the attraction.
does anyone have any scientific study that shows confidence creates confidence? | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:05:58 PM | | Because quite frankly looks are always an issue. Women are as shallow as men and once they can fess up to that, we can move on. Confidence is great, but looks are always going to play an important role. | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:56:11 PM | There does appear to be a pheromone at work with those who are successful, and at the same time this pheromone, for lack of a better word, is working against others. It seems this pheromone is confidence and it has a huge effect on how people think and act. Is this what we mean when we say an alpha male? It seems that women as a whole are begging (maybe a poor choice of words there) for confident men to sweep them off their feet, while many men are just sitting back waiting for a woman to make all the moves. Often, the men are looking for a confident woman to walk in with a sign on her that says I Like You before they will make any move.
Confidence has no control over your base looks. (Yes, you can improve your looks by working out, good grooming, dressing well, etc and these are all manifestations of "confidence" but you still need the raw building blocks of being attractive to start)
Confidence has no control over your earning power or your career prestige. (Yes, it is a factor in achievement for both but it's not always true. Some of the most meek men in the world make huge fortunes all the time)
Most women want the best looking guy they can find and get to commit to them. If those women want children one day, they want that in combination with a good earner.
Confidence is a factor in how you look and present yourself and how much money you make, it does not however ensure either.
Confidence is used as a cheap cop out as to why someone is rejecting you. You just need to be confident! ( No you need to lose 50 pounds and quit working a dead end job) Confidence is the key to your dating life! ( No you gotta start using soap when you take a bath and actually have something to talk about that the other person might find interesting)
Why are people rejected?
Because often they are too old, too fat, have too many kids, too many divorces, are too short, are too ugly, have too much baggage, and on and on and on. But it's not politically correct to say these things is it? So people use "confidence" as a gap filler so no one has to point out the uncomfortable truth about how most of us don't fit into societies ideals of what we are supposed to look like.
Confidence is only going to work within the small range of women that will actually sleep with you ( and most women don't want anything to do with 99 percent of all men they see on a daily basis). In fact, most will sleep with you anyway even if you weren't confident if they liked the way you looked enough and you could bankroll their desired lifestyle. | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/2/2008 10:51:05 PM |
Why are people rejected?
Because often they are too old, too fat, have too many kids, too many divorces, are too short, are too ugly, have too much baggage, and on and on and on. But it's not politically correct to say these things is it? So people use "confidence" as a gap filler so no one has to point out the uncomfortable truth about how most of us don't fit into societies ideals of what we are supposed to look like.
Yes..."confidence" is over-used in these dating advice discussions...so I'm gonna shift it just a weee bit and suggest what I think might be that "pheremone"....
It's the power of positive thought & the loss of ego....that's right...no more using the excuse of "how can I gain confidence when I never see any success?" ...take a step back for a second...realize that reality is mostly in your mind anyways....so what CAN you control? Your own thought process from the very beginning....
Start looking for the good in everybody you meet, see, walk past on the street...start realizing how proud you are of everything you've accomplished in your life...and know deep inside that YES...you are a damn good person.....THEN...work on losing that ego...this is where it gets interesting....
Loss of ego in spiritual terms is basically wiping out the realization that you are separate from everyone else...when this happens...you stop judging others, your self worth is no longer based on what other people think of you...because you see yourself in others....if everybody is a "mirror" and thinks highly of themselves...then judgement CAN'T exist....you wouldn't be able to put another person down because a part of you (which you appreciate sooo much) is in other people....you can't help but see GOOD in every person you meet....
Go ahead...laugh and call me a wingnut...it don't matter cuz I know that deep down you're a really good person.... | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:44:42 AM | | Poor wording - definitely. You acknowledged that though. Judging from the tone of the post this is a legitimate question. It's so straightforward though...I really can't see the complication. You pose several q's but I'll answer your last one. It's as easy for a man to develop confidence as it is for a woman. It's like telling a timid woman not to be shy...Your genetics, and circumstance determine your disposition. What's the mystery? | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:53:01 AM |
Confidence is used as a cheap cop out as to why someone is rejecting you. You just need to be confident! ( No you need to lose 50 pounds and quit working a dead end job) Confidence is the key to your dating life! ( No you gotta start using soap when you take a bath and actually have something to talk about that the other person might find interesting)
Why are people rejected?
Because often they are too old, too fat, have too many kids, too many divorces, are too short, are too ugly, have too much baggage, and on and on and on. But it's not politically correct to say these things is it? So people use "confidence" as a gap filler so no one has to point out the uncomfortable truth about how most of us don't fit into societies ideals of what we are supposed to look like.
Probably the best material on this misguided thread---I wish others would stop weakly dancing around the issues and wake up to this. | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:11:23 AM | Probably the best material on this misguided thread---I wish others would stop weakly dancing around the issues and wake up to this.
Agree.
But people have the ability to improve upon themselves if they want to and in turn, make themselves more attractive and confident. Unfortunately, many take the easy route and just whine about it or try and divert attention from their own misguided lives by placing the blame on others.
Not getting a date from a woman, i.e. it's her fault.
Not making enough money at work, i.e. it's the company's fault.
When I was overweight, I was miserable, had esteem issues and was bitter as hell. I had the mindset that no woman wanted to be around me because of my weight when in fact it was my attitude. Now that I've lost the baggage, both emotional and physical, I'm a totally different person. And some might argue that even with the weight I could still be who I am today, I have to disagree. I realize that I have to have confidence in myself and my own abilities if I wanted to be content and happy. | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/3/2008 7:25:51 AM |
Loss of ego in spiritual terms is basically wiping out the realization that you are separate from everyone else...when this happens...you stop judging others, your self worth is no longer based on what other people think of you...because you see yourself in others....if everybody is a "mirror" and thinks highly of themselves...then judgement CAN'T exist....you wouldn't be able to put another person down because a part of you (which you appreciate sooo much) is in other people....you can't help but see GOOD in every person you meet....
Are you saying you can see through the matrix? I don't think you can bend the rules of society (being good looks and resourceful get all the actions) just by telling yourself to be proud. It just takes your reality further away from the truth.
Wait a minute, isn't this what all the Pretentious jerks and "ganstar wanna be" appear to be? They all think they are the sh!t but they are not (drive a rental mustang, dress like they are the next p-diddy when they make minimum wage), but all the hot chicks fall for these pretentious jerks' fake confidence. oh irony.. | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:53:09 PM | Are you saying you can see through the matrix? I don't think you can bend the rules of society (being good looks and resourceful get all the actions) just by telling yourself to be proud. It just takes your reality further away from the truth.
First off...the only thing looks get you is a wink from across the room (if you're male) ...if you don't have the positive mental state to back up your positive looks...sorry...but you're pretty much f*cked....NOOOO not in THAT way....
...second....what is truth? Look at religion as an example of what truth is....it's subjective plain and simple...if you believe that you're a great person...that is YOUR truth and other's might even start seeing your truth....
Wait a minute, isn't this what all the Pretentious jerks and "ganstar wanna be" appear to be? They all think they are the sh!t but they are not (drive a rental mustang, dress like they are the next p-diddy when they make minimum wage), but all the hot chicks fall for these pretentious jerks' fake confidence. oh irony..
Perhaps lil girls fall for that shit....but I think those people KNOW deep down that they are sad and pathetic....they use flashy things to hide their true nature...their self worth is based on how many "hotties" give them approval...they praise girls based on looks alone...they have no respect for women because they have no respect for themselves...in the end the only thing they have is itchy genitals because they can never make a relationship work....
One last thing....if you think you are...then you are....
google "As A Man Thinketh" by James Allen ...I'm pretty sure you can find it for free on the net....great read.... | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/3/2008 6:04:41 PM | > So again, is confidence a pheromone?
No. "Confidence" is behavioral, whereas pheromones are chemical. Two entirely different things. And while pheromones may be important for some animals (especially rather primitive ones), it's disputable whether they play very much of a role in the mating behaviors of very social animals such as humans in the same way. | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:47:50 PM |
It's the power of positive thought & the loss of ego....that's right...no more using the excuse of "how can I gain confidence when I never see any success?" ...take a step back for a second...realize that reality is mostly in your mind anyways....so what CAN you control? Your own thought process from the very beginning....
Start looking for the good in everybody you meet, see, walk past on the street...start realizing how proud you are of everything you've accomplished in your life...and know deep inside that YES...you are a damn good person.....THEN...work on losing that ego...this is where it gets interesting....
I don't think anyone here is going to argue with the idea that we all should be the very best we can be in life.
I think where the divergence happens is when many seem to use "confidence" as a catch all or the magic bullet for any kind of problem.
What I think you suggesting is to make the best out of things, try to maintain a positive outlook and handle rejection with class and measure. I think that's going to help someone for their whole life, not just dating.
Confidence means nothing in some circumstances. If I just get out of prison and was in for 30 years for murder, I can be the most confident positive upbeat loving guy in the world but I'm still an ex con. If I'm in a wheelchair, I can be the most balls to the wall upstanding guy ever who has a great sense of humor and style and fun to be around, but 99 percent of women will still keep walking by me.
Confidence is too often treated like the last thing you need to solve some relationship puzzle, I think it's a core requirement if you even want to be in the game in the first place. | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/4/2008 5:33:54 PM |
If I'm in a wheelchair, I can be the most balls to the wall upstanding guy ever...
^^^^ Ummm... maybe you should have thought about that one a bit more before you hit the 'send' key? lol | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:53:53 PM | I think you are right but for all the wrong reasons.
The fact is men who treat women nicely get trod upon. So men who don't really treat women very nicely come across as confident. As men age, they all figure this out.
The bottom line is women are insecure and mostly unable to pick out a decent guy. Instead they pursue the unavailable men, who are in committed relationships, because they see how these men treat their women--and this is what a woman wants--that sort of tenderness that is displayed in a good relationship. Or they pick gay men, because they like to talk about the same things. Women are poor decision makers when it comes to picking men. Either they pick a man who is stupid, drunk, and lazy, or else they set their goals too high--impossible to reach.
There are plenty of men that will give you much, but not all, of what you want, you just have to treat these men very well. The may not be in a committed relationship, displaying their capabilities as lovers and companions, that doesn't mean these men don't have these capabilities. You don't have to steal another woman's man to find a great guy. There are lots of quality single guys--you just have to spend time getting to know these men, and cementing the relationship with sex. Then a guy with faults you would dismiss out of hand, suddenly these faults are not insurmountable.
A confident man is not going to waste his time with a woman that wants to put him through the hoops, pull his strings, and scheme and manipulate to see how much she can get from him. It is amazing the number of women I meet who still act like children. The tactics that worked on your father when you were 8, do not work on an adult male. But don't worry about that, because you probably don't have a clue why you act the way you do. It isn't until a woman starts to lose her sexy youth, that she find that she has to make up for it, in other ways, that women become "whole"--sensible, responsible, good listeners, reliable, and more trustworthy.
Like you, I see lots of very attractive women here, that have been here three years or more and still haven't found a man. I can understand it if you have difficulty finding a man, if you are in a wheelchair, or have 9 kids, but an attractive woman who can't find a mate--has a problem. What is it? Some women are not satisfied unless a man kisses her a$$ in every way. While they might have had success with those tactics when they were 20, it doesn't work for older women. Guys get tired of spoiled, b1tchy women and quickly turn to more mature women, or continue to seek younger women who have these qualities--because the nicest women, get snatched up and do not come back on the market.
The roles reverse and older women have to start asking the men out, buying the men dinners, and treating the men nice, because a man with 20 years or more of dating experience behind him, is tired of buying dinners and then getting no second date, will not put up with a b1tchy woman, one who is spoiled, or one who will listen patiently when he explains what is important to him, and then ignores everything he has said--out of stupidity, and because it worked in the past. So what happens with older men? They become the gatekeepers of sex. They have many women competing for their attention, and they can afford to be selective choosing women. Women who haven't recognized the competitive nature of this situation, who think they are still 20, can't compete because older men want more than just a fun roll in the hay. These men want maturity, they want women who can cook, and they want women who don't freak out when things don't go according to their little schemes.
I find the only way to get through to a woman and get her to change after the age of 20, is an angry outburst, or a calm declaration of "I don't want to see you any more, because you are not much fun to be around any more." Angry outbursts work, because women only seem to truly understand emotion. I can't count the number of times I've been upset or unhappy, where a woman asked me if there was "anything" she could do to make me feel better. These same women won't ask that question when things are going smoothly and calmly, when I'd welcome some loving kindness. I call that stupidity and lack of insight.
So yes, it is confidence when a man, doesn't feel much concern whether you stay or go. If a man worried about whether or not a fickle woman would stick around, he would go crazy. And men learn that treating a woman nicely is a formula for disaster. Buying flowers, or treating a woman as an equal, will drive her away faster than anything else a man could do. These are things that need to be done sparingly. Women push as far as they can, and often too far, and suddenly find themselves dumped and not understanding why. It could be a simple as one rude act.
The simple fact is, you can't get rid of a woman easily unless you treat her nicely. Being demanding of a woman, which takes confidence, puts a woman in a place she is feels most comfortable. Saying no to a woman, who expects a man to place limits on her behavior, or spending, or whatever, is what a woman expects from a man, on the other hand works. It is a woman's job to say yes in a relationship, and a man's job to say no. This is how girls are raised, and they expect the same as adults. They don't want men to put them on pedestal’s, they want them to be treated the way the fathers treated them--firmly, frankly, and with limits placed on their behavior.
So all these women who can't find a man. It could be, they don't have enough to offer a man. A woman who brings nothing to the table but liabilities, will not find a mate. Things like many children, no savings, no home, and a crappy job, will send a man running. What man want to support someone else's kids. If you are divorced with kids, your chances of getting married are slim, unless you have some resources to compensate for this--a willingness to have more children, savings, or a home. This is particularly true with older established men, with homes that are paid off, who have children that these assets are intended for when the time comes to settle an estate.
Picture a scale. What do you put on your side? A younger woman who had nothing but is willing to have children and be a homemaker, offers a lifetime of one type of support to a man. that is a big weight on one side. And older woman, unwilling to have children, who has expensive children of her own and no income can only offer sex . Perhaps a woman can offer a good income and a great friendship and companionship.
Finally, what you talk about c0ckiness and arrogance is confidence. What is wrong with a man talking about his accomplishments. It makes women uncomfortable only when these women have accomplished nothing themselves. A woman offers sex and comfort to men. Men offer resources in return.. | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:20:15 PM | | Quick Zebra, mail that out to the sisterhood and force them to read that Clockwork Orange style. | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:18:04 AM | No. As OP posted--and others have dutifully called exception to:
"why not start being confident in who you are and just taking advantage of all there is out there?"
Why use confidence to "take advantage" of another human being?
Use your confidence to take advantage of the moment to be alongside another human, see the world through their eyes, see if you can improve the view--for each other. Some folks don't want to let anyone else's perspective in...those are the "users" in a relationship-- if we think back on the folks who have impressed us most in life, isn't it the person who takes a genuine interest in your welfare? So wouldn't that be a big head turner: someone with the compassion to view the world WITH you?
A book about Leadership, talks of being centered, calming, and empowering others with passion. If someone honed THAT attitude onto me, I'd be mightily impressed. | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:29:09 AM | | Same goes for women. Confidence and self esteem, self assuredness in a woman is the number one physical and mental turn on to me. The actual physical appearance doesn't nearly matter as much to me as much as how confident she is in herself and her looks. I would undoubtedly rather date a woman with supposed 'flaws' but has a great sense of confidence in herself, than a 'perfect 10' who suffers from lack of self esteem. | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:35:06 AM | So all these women who can't find a man. It could be, they don't have enough to offer a man. A woman who brings nothing to the table but liabilities, will not find a mate. Things like many children, no savings, no home, and a crappy job, will send a man running. What man want to support someone else's kids. If you are divorced with kids, your chances of getting married are slim, unless you have some resources to compensate for this--a willingness to have more children, savings, or a home. This is particularly true with older established men, with homes that are paid off, who have children that these assets are intended for when the time comes to settle an estate.
Yep. Amazing that women think of themselves as sex objects more than men do. They can have nothing going for them otherwise yet believe their sexuality is enough to attract a man. And not just any man, but one the meets their standards.
Finally, what you talk about c0ckiness and arrogance is confidence. What is wrong with a man talking about his accomplishments. It makes women uncomfortable only when these women have accomplished nothing themselves. A woman offers sex and comfort to men. Men offer resources in return..
So true. I offer a woman a roof over her head for free, yeah, free. She'll never be out on the street or working two jobs to pay the bills. All I want in return is loyality, companionship, sex and someone who I can trust. Yet go and explain that to them and they say it's boastful but in reality it's because they can't control me. Not financially or anyway else. But the thing is, I don't use it as a way to control them. I give women free will to do as they please and they act lost. Funny how they scream for independence yet don't know what to do with it once when they have it. | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:40:55 AM | OK im here to help you all out ^^
Ok heres the trick ok, follow the steps all the way through to the end.... YES i know this seems whacky, idiotic, scientologist kinda weird sh*t BUT try it.
Learnt it off someone, i was already doing it but now i know what it was ^^
Elite athletes use a variety of tricks to trigger a mental state conducive to optimal performance. They didn't learn these tricks in books or from a sports psychologist; most of them use these mental tools innately. It's part of their gift.
Here's a trick to help you "manually" install your own trigger. This can be used just about any time you want to be at your best, whether it's setting a PR in the gym or psyching up to go talk to the top model in the nightclub !
Ok so heres the steps
Step 1: Relax and get ready to program your mind. Lie down somewhere quiet and get comfortable.
Step 2: Close your eyes and visualize your goal whatever it is: In this case being CONFIDENT
Step 3: Now think of a time when you were at your best, a time when you were on top of the world or had achieved something that made you feel great. Really visualize this. Remember the details: the sights, sounds, and smells. Remember how it all felt. Feel the rush of success.
Step 4: Think of a code word to associate with your new goal and this great feeling of achievement. Choose a word that's meaningful to you.
Step 5: Now think of an image to associate with this feeling of victory. Any mental picture will do.
Step 6: Choose a physical trigger. This can be a place on your body to touch or a physical action. For example, touch your wrist.
Step 7: Now it's time to bring all these triggers and anchors together. In your relaxed state, think of your goal, then trigger the feelings of ACHIEVEMENT and CONFIDENCE saying your code word, getting the powerful image in your mind, and touching your wrist or performing your chosen physical action.
After you do this, open your eyes, breathe deeply, and see if you can feel the surge in confidence and other reactions that will help you reach your goal. Repeat this step several times until the association is made.
Step 8: Use your optimal performance triggers when you need them in real life.
Here's how I put all this together for myself. Through practice I've been able to generalize my optimal performance triggers. I use these same triggers for everything, from psyching up for a workout when I'm feeling distracted to training clients . I also use them before I give speeches and make presentations.
My physical trigger is closing one hand round the wrist of the other hand. My code word is "lets go." My image is of my feet rising off the ground.
With this combination I can put myself into a focused, alert, and confident state. Come up with your own triggers, practice them, and you'll be able to do it too.
And that ladies and gentlemen is ALL IT IS i just saved you all thousands cheques can be sent to me or else i accept thanks
Hope it helps at least one person, then it will have been worth it ! | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:43:24 AM | Also i can SEE confidence in someone, it is without doubt the biggest turn on for me in women !
Believe me nothing in this life is better than having the confidence in YOURSELF to do the best for you and others.
With it, nothing or no one can stop you......... no one can insult you or hurt you unless YOU let them.
With confidence they have NO hope.
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/5/2008 10:10:39 AM | Msg. 1
The problem I see, is that people are still looking for a pheromone, pill, drug, or chemical, to solve all their problems.
Chemical attraction can't be "taught", its a nearly exclusive province of lesser creatures on the earth. The Bee's and bugs pheromones play a part in their "social structure", and "reproductive logic" to be sure.
But keep in mind, perfume companies make billions off that assumption, every year.
It's such "the right thing", to do. And allows one to score with their reproductive opposites. Call it an "ax" to cut through other cologne wearing "eu de toilets". ;)
So why are chemicals, pheromone, or drugs, such a "magnificent solution" to all aspects seemingly, of human society? Or even becoming of necessity for function, in regaurds to reproduction, work output, or emotional relations?
Do people even know or care, why they are so depressed and dysfunctioning?
I guarentee you, if you look to you right or left, you'll see the start of your symptoms there. ;)
But of course, if the "Confidence Pheromone", could create an effortless shortcut to human relationships, most would take it. Right along with their ED medications, to overlook that something is horribly wrong with the relationships of and with, their current breathing "sex objects'. And of course a 30 mL dose wakeup of "I hate my job, but I must work for an a-hole, formula #6", allways makes ones day brighter, and nothing beats starting the day with a "chemical smile". ;)
And you know, I completely agree, that humans should be exclusively governed by chemical behavior modifications. (9 to 9 wiggles its antroach antenni, in obedience with his hivelord supervisor. After of course, the proper pheromone called" underling control" is excreted.) ;)
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