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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:43:24 AM | Also i can SEE confidence in someone, it is without doubt the biggest turn on for me in women !
Believe me nothing in this life is better than having the confidence in YOURSELF to do the best for you and others.
With it, nothing or no one can stop you......... no one can insult you or hurt you unless YOU let them.
With confidence they have NO hope.
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/5/2008 10:10:39 AM | Msg. 1
The problem I see, is that people are still looking for a pheromone, pill, drug, or chemical, to solve all their problems.
Chemical attraction can't be "taught", its a nearly exclusive province of lesser creatures on the earth. The Bee's and bugs pheromones play a part in their "social structure", and "reproductive logic" to be sure.
But keep in mind, perfume companies make billions off that assumption, every year.
It's such "the right thing", to do. And allows one to score with their reproductive opposites. Call it an "ax" to cut through other cologne wearing "eu de toilets". ;)
So why are chemicals, pheromone, or drugs, such a "magnificent solution" to all aspects seemingly, of human society? Or even becoming of necessity for function, in regaurds to reproduction, work output, or emotional relations?
Do people even know or care, why they are so depressed and dysfunctioning?
I guarentee you, if you look to you right or left, you'll see the start of your symptoms there. ;)
But of course, if the "Confidence Pheromone", could create an effortless shortcut to human relationships, most would take it. Right along with their ED medications, to overlook that something is horribly wrong with the relationships of and with, their current breathing "sex objects'. And of course a 30 mL dose wakeup of "I hate my job, but I must work for an a-hole, formula #6", allways makes ones day brighter, and nothing beats starting the day with a "chemical smile". ;)
And you know, I completely agree, that humans should be exclusively governed by chemical behavior modifications. (9 to 9 wiggles its antroach antenni, in obedience with his hivelord supervisor. After of course, the proper pheromone called" underling control" is excreted.) ;)
9 to 9 | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/5/2008 11:01:02 AM | A guy with confidence...
hmmm....
yeah he approaches with confidence,
knows how to talk, where to talk....
takes initiative....
sweeps you off your feet,
the problem is that, you're not the 'only'
girl he approaches....
usually that's why he's that confident..
practice makes it perfect...
After he dumps you, you come here
and talk about it and ask "where all the good men are"
Well, good man was there, sitting in the corner...
(NG) but you didn't even see him...
ironic huh? | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:10:35 PM | | to jimtash71 most women are not as complicated as they seem or as bad as they act. our society has messed up men and women both . most women need and want some level of security. do some research on submission. good luck | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:50:18 PM | wow Zebra...what kind of women have you been exposed to? Maybe i have never come into contact personaly with women that you describe.....i guess most of my mates are independent professional women...they would be horrified at your comments.
But thank you for enlightening me to a possible perception of women and dating... i still cant believe what i read...but repsect your view | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/5/2008 8:04:19 PM | to jimtash71 most women are not as complicated as they seem or as bad as they act. our society has messed up men and women both . most women need and want some level of security. do some research on submission. good luck
With me though, they think I lose interest in them or are out with another woman when actually none of that is the case. They can't handle someone who is confident in what he provides them and instead lash out in negative ways because of their own insecurities. I intimidate and confuse them, pure and simple.
What is this submission you talk about? | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/5/2008 8:28:03 PM | | I am going to assume by emphasizing it with "THE" you are asking if it is the one element that will give you a distinctive advantage with women in general, not just any particular girl. Well hate to break it to you, based on that criterion it is not confidence, it's money. True it won't get you everywhere with every girl, but it gets you further than anything else will. | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/6/2008 6:46:45 AM | ^^^You've obviously either got too much money and have been duped by women who you don't want to be with long-term, or you lack it and have failed miserably at this thing called dating and assume that's the problem. Money is so far off the radar to most women, and as I said if they ARE impressed by your things or your ability to buy their way then you likely don't want them around l0ng-term unless you are philanthropist self (she being the cause). I make small potatoes. I own a large home but it was built with savings over the years, bit by bit, by myself. I dress well, do all the things right they say you need to do to put your best foot forward (nice shoes, nice watch, good cologne). I splurge on the watches and the cologne; no drugstore varieties of either. A little secret about me though... I'm a thrift-shopper. I buy shoes on sale at Walmart or Spring for $30 or less. I buy my shirts at Mexx but only on sale and no more than $30 as well. I buy $10 sunglasses. But to an outsider you'd never know. I don't drive a flashy car or throw money around. I'll buy a round without question at the bar, but I'm not picking up the tab ANY night of the week for strangers, and especially not for an individual. I am all about the little things in life; I buy my gf a small pack of dark chocolate (her vice) if I see something new that stands out, or I bring garden bouquets rather than roses. Most of the gifts I bring, and I try and bring something just about every time, are those that I've made, be it stuffed olives, soup, a scrapbook portrait, a burned movie she was looking for, etc. I'm comfortable but I'm not making anywhere near six-figures. But I am confident that I could approach nearly any woman in a room and peak her interest, ruffle her feathers, and have her give me her number without asking for it, and it has NOTHING to do with money. In fact money is so far down the list. Why? Because today's woman wants to stand on their own two feet. They want to prove to the world, themselves included, that they don't need someone to pay their way.
Because often they are too old, too fat, have too many kids, too many divorces, are too short, are too ugly, have too much baggage, and on and on and on. But it's not politically correct to say these things is it? So people use "confidence" as a gap filler so no one has to point out the uncomfortable truth about how most of us don't fit into societies ideals of what we are supposed to look like.
Confidence is only going to work within the small range of women that will actually sleep with you ( and most women don't want anything to do with 99 percent of all men they see on a daily basis). In fact, most will sleep with you anyway even if you weren't confident if they liked the way you looked enough and you could bankroll their desired lifestyle. ULM, people who are rejecting others based on the reasons you listed above are shallow. We aren't all made for everyone granted, and everyone has their preferences, but if someone rejected me because I have kids or have been divorced then that is their loss not mine. And I'm not sure where you've gathered your information but women generally don't require looks to sleep with a man. In fact, looks are far down the totem pole when you factor in confidence, intelligence, sense of humour, class, style, respect and so on. Case in point: yesterday I was out after work picking up supplies to finish my house off. I have been really tired and working far too long of days for the past few weeks to really give half a damn about my appearance. I've got a girlfriend, but she's in Toronto on vacation these past two weeks so I've got no reason TO other than for myself. So I haven't shaved in over a week, I was wearing this baggy brown cords which I only ever wear to work around the house, and a pair of crocs covered with stipple and paint spatter. I had spots of paint in my hair and on my face. My hands had about five different colours on them! I look like a can of smashed azz right now from a lack of sleep. And yet while I was in the grocery store I still managed to garner attention from a gorgeous young mom who tried to give me her number. Was it my dashing good looks peering through that rugged exterior? Nope. It's the confidence I exude, so I'm told. Most of my friends are female currently, as the males mostly divorced and hit the road to escape their problems (count 'em... five). I've got some great insight into why I get the attention and obtain the success I do with women, and how I'm appearingly dating about three or four grade levels above my pay scale in terms of looks.
Yes, those who are shy do succeed in life sometimes but more often than not they are self-starters and general outliers. The prevalence of shy/nice guys succeeding in life in terms of wealth, power, and happiness likely exponentially lower than those with confident and charm. Rarely will you see a high-ranking businessman/woman with no confidence or personality. They are partly the reason that anyone even noticed them enough in the first place to garner a promotion.
And for the record no one wants the best looking model on the shelf at any cost. Women want someone they are attracted to. It doesn't have to be the most attractive person in their eyes, just so long as there is some attraction; some spark. They want the total package. Attractive, funny, intelligent, interesting, confident, respectful, courteous, thoughtful, etc. Nice guys with no confidence generally lack a few of these key ingredients, and it's much akin to making cookies without eggs or butter. In theory you'd think it'd work somehow but why the hell won't they stay together or rise?!
To answer the OP's questions, confidence is THE pheromone of choice, figuratively speaking; it's an aphrodisiac of sorts. But it's not the sole contributing factor to dyadic success, but it ranks well. | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/6/2008 10:35:39 AM | Hi Silver,
I believe confidence is the pheromone, but likewise is the approachability factor. Many people can be confident in various aspects of their lives, but lack confidence when dating based on how THEY view their OWN marketability. People tend to be afraid of rejection by nature, because no matter how they view themselves, the fact of the matter is even among the most confident people, there is no guarantee that anyone will receive them with open arms, nor can they do anything which will control the outcome.......except be themselves and be approachable.
People who are approachable will be approached. Who on earth would pass up the opportunity to share something meaningful with a person who is not only confident, but is also approachable? Sometimes we throw a wrench in the works even though we express the desire to be approached, because we feel insecure or undeserving of actually receiving that which we claim to want.
The real question is - how do people perceive us?
Imagine somehow sabotaging the possibility of having what you really want because you either come across as being too guarded, too timid, or maybe you are even perceived as self absorbed or intimidating because in an attempt to come across as having confidence, you kick it up two notches too many and end up putting on an arrogant facade which comes across as blatantly unapproachable as well as unattractive.
I believe true confidence is an understated elegance and it is based entirely on self acceptance and self love, not accomplishments or material wealth. Add a healthy amount of approachability and you are GOLDEN!
Now where the hell did I put that jar of approachability?
Great topic OP! Best wishes~ | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:12:37 AM | Confidence means many things to different people, but I am not sure it's an actual pheromone. I think that wanting dates and getting dates is far different than feeling you can't get one because you lack self confidence.
I think that you need to believe in yourself and believe that you are DATABLE, if you want to meet other like minded people. The key component that is missed is that most people in relationships, regardless if they are rich or poor, are happy in themselves and the person they are with. Happiness begins with the individual and is cultivated even further in a loving relationship-and I am not just speaking in terms of just a romantic relationship either.
First dates ( face to face ) are a far sight different than simply chatting via the internet and getting to know the other person's likes/dislikes and personality. For some people it's either instant attraction or instant let-down, because the person we thought we connected with, suddenly isn't exactly the person we projected them to be. Confidence again, may be the reason why you asked to make a date, but it's not going to ensure that it goes as planned.
Some would argue that there is no such thing as 'chemistry' between two people, but the thing is our brain and all our senses tend to be on high alert when we first meet someone who strikes our fancy, but I don't think that hinders or helps finding dates-anymore than being overly confident or not. Each person has to have a comfort level with themself, love themself and want to really date for it to happen, but even with that their are no absolutes that guarantee if you are doing all the right things a date is assured.
Life skills-like having a confident demeanor-come with time and experience. I will say that when I spent more time on myself getting to know what I really want and desire out of life I seemed to attract more attention than when I was bitter or feeling negative. Most would say my greatest asset is my personality, and I'd tend to agree. Again, every person is different and their views varied, and some are looking to date and begin relationships with others for a variety of reasons, but I think if a person simply looks at all the negative aspects of failed dating attempts they'll never be in the right frame of mind when that potentially successful date comes along.
You have to put yourself out in the dating arena knowing that you'll probably have many unsuccessful dates than successful ones-but when you do find the right person, it can be quite worthwhile.
Just my thoughts on the matter anyway. | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/8/2008 11:15:56 AM | Msg. 1 part 2
Confidence. Either a person has a very good reason why they have it. Or, they fake it well with arrogance. The point being: Why does there need to be such a vulgar display of it, just to approach any person whom strikes ones fancy? For any purpose?
As point of fact, when in a social gathering of singles, I often find myself not wasting my time trying to bolster it. On the basis of if one has too, and obviously so, the other person is obviously sending out a standoffish vibe. And that allways makes me wonder as to why a person is proping up their pedastal, stepping up "their game", when I note in a social situation, it is more productive to be approachable and connective. Not standoffish and very purposly socially vacant.
After all, meeting people of all kinds is valuable, even though it might not be viable for any sort of romantic relationship.
But in a singles bar, often the above is the point. ;)
Mine being: That confidence or no in ones self, matters very little when when the theme of your fancy is decisively determined to have their negative nilly willy nay way with you. Being confident or not, is moot when their behaviors confidently tells one to move along to the lesser willy nilly nay way, four barstools down. ;)
9 to 9 | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/9/2008 12:09:29 PM | You make a great point, 9 to 9. I would have to suggest though, and not everyone will agree with me, of course, that a vulgar display would most likely be arrogance, as opposed to confidence.
I completely agree that it is more productive to be approachable and connective, and as well, with your point about trying to display confidence "just to approach any person whom strikes ones fancy". Confidence means, as you described, not needing to overtly be "stepping up 'their game'" or seeking attention.
Eyesofdeepblue, you expressed so well the same perspective I share on this. Confidence is not about the tangible aspects of it, it is about how one views themselves, and this translates to their lives as a result, and approachability is a great point. Confidence, although not the only element, clearly, is a major one is all aspects of our lives, not just dating and relationships. | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:24:57 AM | hi Silver Colla--
because confidence is not a pheromone. since pheromones are chemicals, and confidence a trait, one can not learn 'the pheromone of chemical attraction.'
i believe the phenomenon you point out is societal. | |
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| Is confidence THE pheromone?
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:30:29 AM | hi yarimelma--
you must have me confused with someone else--i did go over & talk to him in the corner. we talked about the weather. when he let the conversation died, i took that as a hint and moved on.
not to cassonova, mind you, alone...
;) | |
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