| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:43:43 AM | You did nothing wrong. If people make a big deal out of who pays for what, why concern yourself, and make a protocol out of it? If that's the case, they aren't worth the trouble. Whatever happened to enjoying each others company?
Then she'll come on a message board like this, and talk about some "jerk" guy that was "cheap" when they went out to dinner. | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:54:23 AM | She did ask you out and if she didn't have her greedy head up her butt she'd have known that proper etiquette calls for the host (her) to pay. Doesn't matter if they're male or female. Seems she was scamming a free meal. Sure, you could have offered to buy your drink but then it would have seemed cheap not to offer to pay more.
I say let her ride off into the sunset and don't be a sap. | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:57:23 AM | It's a soda....dude. Aren't there bigger issues in the world?
That said, in your position, I would have offered to pay for myself. I never go anywhere without at least having the ability to pay for myself. Whoever invited, it's polite to at least offer to pay your share. I do it on my dates, and I'd expect men to do it on theirs. | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:00:15 AM | thats just way strange,
9 times out of ten I pay for a date, or even a non-date. There have been a couple rare occasions, that I chose not to go with someone because I just couldnt afford it for one reason or the other, but they insisted. Example, I recently moved, prior to that I had lost nearly everything, so my budget was low. Moving is not cheap. neither is providing activites and toys for a three year old girl. Seriously, I am ready to send her two bucks......because people who throw hissy fits over petty stuff usually end up killing someone or something. YIKES | |
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Nic36
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Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 55 | |
| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:00:38 AM | OP, I don't see that you did a single thing wrong. Not only did she invite you, but you ate nothing. If it were an expensive sushi bill AND you ate, then offering to go dutch would have been appropriate -- but I think she should have paid anyway. She invited you.
Throw this fish back.
What happened is that she started talking to her friends.
Her friends are of similar mind to herself.
SHe started telling them what happened, how you didn't pay the 2 bucks and these girlfriends started reinforcing her perception of how things should be.
SHe must have heard it several times over the course of 3- 5 days about how you were a cheap pcirk and that you should have coughed up the 2 bucks.
I suspect this is the truth.
Don't date any of her friends either. | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:07:51 AM | omg...you have got to be kidding...where has communication gone? this is why we dont trust each other in the dating realm...there is little real communication...and you dont have to let it all hang out...but geeeeeeeeeeee
YOU BOTH WERE WRONG!!!
it is as simple as a sentence or two about who is paying...and make no big deal about it!!!
*now if i were the woman that asked you out...i would have said in the first place...i am asking you and this is my treat...or when we got there i would have said would you mind splitting the bill and i will pay for my part and pay for yours?...any way...COMMUNICATION IS KEY!!!
we have to learn to commuicate!!! | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:23:41 AM | of course communication is crucial.
however it is not key. not in this instance .
context is everything.
if a person thinks that EVERYTHING has to be talked about then there is no distinction between the important and what is insignificant.
There are some things that have to be assumed to be assumed.
For instance, it is to be assumed that we are looking for someone that we find physically attractive. WE shouldn't have to put that on our profile. it is assumed. People who get their panties all bunched up in a wad ( this is a reference to any one of either sex who gets upset at this sort of thing ) over this criteria don't seem to understand that this is something that need not be communicated.
If the person doesn't KNOW that sarcasm on a first date is NOT agood idea, then there is no point in communicating to them.
If a person has to communicate that a 2 buck soda isn't worth hassling over, then it would seem that the other person is a nutbar. plain and simple.
Somethings are not always worth talking about.
If I am out on a date, and the woman says to me " okay, you had the soda, that's 1.87 plus tax and I think you should pay for it this time and I will pay for it the next time... "
then that will be the first and last date.
If they don't have the same principle of " okay, I'll pay, it's no big deal, I am not keeping track " and never mention it agian, then they are not worth dating.
If the meal was 100 bucks, then we'd talk about splitting it fairly or evenly .
This wasn't worth talking about.
Howevre, on my next excursion, I will get the girl to pony up her 2.14 for the coffee while I ate the lobster.
And then I will wait for the thread about HOW THE CHEAP SKATE MOMARKS MADE ME PAY FOR MY COFEE...
I don't like the pretense some people have of making a big deal out of what is essential nothing.
people who believe that they must talk about every decision without making a distinction between the pertinent and the irrelevant, no matter how small, seem to me to be unable to discern the big picture.
and not worth inviting into my life. | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:37:06 AM |
omg...you have got to be kidding...where has communication gone? this is why we dont trust each other in the dating realm...there is little real communication...and you dont have to let it all hang out...but geeeeeeeeeeee
YOU BOTH WERE WRONG!!!
No, they weren't both wrong. What's to communicate over 2 WHOLE dollars? SHE was wrong. We are not talking about a meal, for him. And if we were, if "I" ask someone to go somewhere with me to eat, and he is eating too, especially if it's a little costly, I would pay. I most certainly would not expect someone to pay for a measley 2 dollar drink. What the hell is wrong with people? | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:37:57 AM | I think you should have thrown down a fiver. What's five bucks, it WAS an enjoyable meal. That way you would have chipped in a bit for a tip. That being said, she is overreacting a bit, I'd just let it go.
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:45:50 AM | if you just ordered a drink, then you should have at least paid for it.. but just for the Sprite.. she should have paid for her dinner.. | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:52:05 AM |
I doubt she's pissed off by a dollar or two. She's probably pissed off that you didn't even offer to pay for your drink. After all, isn't that what guys always complain about in this sort of situation? It's not whether they pay, or how much they pay that matters, but that they feel they were expected to pay.
Two dollars is nothing, but the gesture of at least offering to pay for your drink can be worth a lot to some people.
Obviously you two aren't on the same wavelength, so just let it go and move on.
I'm with SlyKnight...it wasn't the money or the Sprite, it was the lack of offering. Granted, everyone's gonna have a different idea about this so you can't predict someone's reaction, but it's safer to offer, let them insist or accept and go on from there...it's the expectation that kills these things, not who paid and who drove.... | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:00:39 AM | There was almost nothing to discuss in this case.
Communication was not important.
It wasn't the case of both doing something wrong, in equal amounts, in equal measure of equal value.
At least nothing to get into a tizzy about.
This was almost so silly to even post as a subject- he had toknow the answer but wanted to hear the response.
He did nothing wrong to the extent that she REACTED.
She reacted out of proportion to the event.
She believed that whatever slight error HE made was worth the effort on her part to send him the sarcastic message and whatever else she did. ( I forget as it seemed stupid - oh yeah.. facebook removal... count your blessings on that one anyway)
He does something insignificant- she over reacts .
Seems pretty cut and dry.
At least how he described it.
of course, I will wait for her to start her thread to read her side of the story..
Coming soon to a forum near you : " I ask this guy out for a date and he won't pay his 2 bucks! AM I wrong?"
and drama ensues.
yeah.. communication.... that's what was needed.... | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:01:38 AM | omg...
there is a problem with communication even through this means (forum)....i said when i wrote last that it should not be made into a big deal...just a quick interchange...
i am a very easy going woman...i would personally not make it a big deal...but i am open woman also...but i know how to communicate without offending...tact...it takes tact... | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:03:24 AM | Maybe there was mis-communication here. Personally I hate eating alone, especially with someone watching so I wonder whether she meant for you to join her for dinner and she felt a bit put out when you chose to order Sprite and watch her eat.
In retrospect the date seemed to lack any sort of excitement or flow. Maybe she was put out because a) she had to ask you out. b) you turned up but didn't offer/join her for dinner. c) you didn't pay for your Sprite - so she felt forced to keep it on her tab. This is very unromantic.
Just a thought. She may have been feeling humiliated and that's why she reacted so aggressively. | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:06:26 AM | You should be able to figure this out. First she isn't crazy. She wanted someone to pay her dinner bill. There are women who just use men to get a meal. If they had to pay, they wouldn't invite anyone.
Next you don't owe her the time of day - forget her. When you go out with a woman, you had better decide first about the tab. I always pay the bill, because I can afford it. However, if I were on a budget and some lady invited me out, I'd tell her it have to be dutch.
The Eagle | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:07:03 AM | Yes you should have paid for your own pop/food whatever
Its done and over ...no sense dwelling on it ,next time just pay for your share | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:11:45 AM |
There are women who just use men to get a meal. If they had to pay, they wouldn't invite anyone.
... Do these women actually exist? It seems a bit of a rigmarole every time you are hungry to find a gullible man ...!
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:18:32 AM | I'd say (1). It would have been nice though if you had somehow offerred...
Frankly, I have a girlfriend who is exactly like the girl whom you mentioned. I can't imagine expecting a guy to pay for everything. Seriously, it's what decade??? Women expect EEO and all, but can't afford to pay for their own meal? C'mon ladies. However, when it comes to going out, I think the rule of whoever invites, pays still applies.
Note that in the past though, I've done the paying and I've had men tell me that I've made them feel less of a man...so I guess it just depends on individual preferences. She obviously is one of the high maintenance types. Some men dig that, you obviously don't so I'd say move on and call it a lesson learned. Happy Fishing! | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:20:39 AM |
... Do these women actually exist? It seems a bit of a rigmarole every time you are hungry to find a gullible man ...!
I own a book on dating that was written by a woman who was once a flight attendant. She wrote that one of her co-workers worked in the first class section and during every flight would find a single guy in first class, chat him up, and get him to buy her dinner at the airport when they landed. | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:21:13 AM | To me, you're really coming off as a pompous jacka$$. You're making it seem like you were doing her a favor by accompanying her to dinner. There have been many MANY times where I have already eaten and get called up by friends asking me to join them for dinner. I go because I enjoy their company. Would I EVER expect them to pay for whatever I may order because THEY asked ME? Absolutely not. If I asked someone to hang out and go to the movies, should I pay because I suggested it? Haha, so because she was sooo lucky to be in your presence, she should have paid for your soda?
I'm not saying you should have paid for her dinner, but you should have paid for the damn sprite, since you've made it clear money is no object to you.
Why did you even go? Was she begging you? Cuz that's the way you're making it seem. | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:21:20 AM | you make an error that may rank a 2 on a scale of 10, and she loses it 3- 5 days after the event?
now she is humiliated? You will soon be getting people who accuse you of being full of yourself for even going out to dinner with her. ah.. the internet
we are trying to give her the benefit of the doubt on this one.
somehow we have people saying that the date wasn't romantic enough for her and the humiliation was so great that she just had to react so aggressively?
I don't know how anyone cna figure out that in retrospect the date didn't have flow or whatever. AS not much was said about anything about the progress of the date- just the a bit about the meal.
By the way,, what did she order? Salad with dressing on the side? if so, aren't you glad that you didn't pay up the 2 bucks?
So maybe the date did stink, it wasn't going as she expected- maybe you were just too darn respectful  as YOU JUST WEREN'T INTO HER and she got upset at that fact.
So you have a nutbar on your hands.
Kick this nutter to the curb.
Her emotions control her behaviour? She can't just write this off and let it go?
Whatever happened to the safe " unread/delete and Block" option? Why didn't she do that?
count your blessings buddy.
if she reacts like this over something as silly as this, then you saved yourself a world of hurt.
I would be more upset with you for ordering a SPRITE !! who drinks that siht anymore anyway?
You got something against Coca-Cola? | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:27:01 AM | Oh PLEASE.. the woman is an IDIOT.
ANYONE with HALF a brain KNOWS that when you ask someone who already ate, to join you for dinner..... then you suck up the bill.
Sighh..... some people are just plain ol STUPID.
Be glad she did that and SOON.
jmo jj | |
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| Am I wrong, you make the call...
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:32:26 AM | | Im definitely with the majority here, You werent hungry, you went to keep her company else shed of been eating on her own right? Sounds like she wanted a free meal. Or in the time between the meal and the text, you did something to p i s s her off and then she got petty and brought the soda up. Your in the right. forget her. Life is too short. Now... how about some sushi? lol | |
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