|
|
|
|
|
| |
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/2/2008 8:31:03 AM | Why not? Because I've worked alot in the last 10 years, it's consumed a large part of my time, my energy and my creativity.
When I'm not at work, I struggle to see the world differently, so even as a joke, I recoil at a dating resume. | |
|
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/2/2008 11:29:51 AM | "Miss X, this is Miss Y. I have a dating application from your X b/f, and was wondering if you'd be willing to answer some questions as you're listed as a reference?"
"Great! Here are a few questions - please answer however you'd like. Was he working during the time you were together? Did he show up for dates on time, or call in when he'd be late? Did he make extra effort to meet your expectations both in and out of bed, or did he just do enough to get by? How often did he communicate using terms of endearment? Would he go shopping with you on short notice? And it states here that he has his own fully operational equipment of eight inches - can you confirm that? And finally, can you tell me why he left - it states here that he is looking for a better opportunity with more challenges and benefits?"
"Thanks for your cooperation. No, I can't tell you if I'm going to take him on, and I still have additional references to check - hmmm, it appears there was some overlap in his last two dating positions." | |
|
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:04:48 PM | Grkboy,
You make some excellent points here. I might argue that the characteristics that you've so adeptly identified could be looked as commodities too. Some are rare, others are easy to find. But to your point, lets stick to assets. As assets people might like to trade or share theirs with another partner. In the long run, is that all bad?!??
Taking your analogy a little further, lets look at people as balance sheets. Their assets less there liabilities are equal to their equity. What they bring to the table, so to speak. The value someone holds as a partner can be measured to some degree. We don't like to say it...but most of us agree its true, even if only on an abstract level. Lets call this our stock. As we age and grow, our stock goes up and it goes down. The market forces decide whats valuable and what is not. I just turned 36...stock value down. I've raised my net worth by $10K this year...stock up. I have more gray hair....stock way down....I have no alimony or child support payments....stock way up!
Like any company, your ability to take capital..that which makes you unique and valuable, and convert that to equity, what you bring to the table, is what makes your shares desirable to the market. Okay...so the point. I love your message....it has some merit. I think it also begs an interesting topic which I will put on my discussion list and I will invite you to come visit the thread and take the socialist view of Dating Capitalism is all wrong.
Again,
Thanks for the feed back.
Chris | |
|
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/2/2008 7:00:49 PM | I have no choice but to go a little "Bridget Jones" on you here. The day I am asked to submit a resume for the purpose of dating is the day I will gladly resign myself to being a singleton.
We live in a pretty harsh world, where in my personal opinion, it is hard to find a little magic now and then. Where are we likely to find the wonderful magic? Well in the world of love of course.
I don't know if you have ever seen the movie "Uncle Buck" but there is a scene in the movie where John Candy is talking to the principle about 6 year old Maisy's career as student. All the while John Candy can't take his eyes off this educator's mole on her chin, until the moled educator, tells Uncle Buck that 6 year old Maisy doesn't take her career as a student seriously, and "Buck Melanoma" tells her he doesn't want to know a six year old who takes their career as a student seriously, who isn't lighthearted, who isn't day dreamy.
What does this have to do with your post? Well like Uncle Buck, I don't want to live in a world where a loving relationship is based on what someone submits on a piece of paper for your perusal and approval. Love is not something you interview for, there is no Ivy League for love, love happens. The best kind of love happens, naturally, with no requirements, no prerequisites and no check lists. So I guess for me, this post is like a big mole on your chin that I just can't help but stare at. | |
|
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/2/2008 7:20:22 PM | I will agree there is some realistic logic to the words, but I just personally hate it when many try to somehow think finding a mate should be a comparison of looks, incomes, social statuses, etc. Like the hot girl will trade her beauty and skill in bed for a male who has a lot of money and A-List status at the hot spots. Or the adonis of a male can't be afforded by the more average looking woman.
I once had a guy who is rather snobbish and shallow basically "assess" me and my friend. He stated that my friend has decent looks, decent job with growth potential to make a high 5-figures and his athletic body is a plus. He assumed I make crap money and said with my average looks and lack of real social status, that I should be lucky if a decent looking single mom or very overweight woman even considered me.
What annoyed me more about his words was not so much how little he thought of me, but more how he sees love as some "exchange of commodities". He goes to an Ivy league school, comes from money, has 6-figure positions lined up, and works very hard in the gym to be athletically beautiful. He claims his only downer is his height, but he still doesn't seem to get that in his mind...all he's comparing is looks, money, and status.
It doesn't explain why every woman he has met either was a shallow gold digger who quickly cheated on him with someone taller or some hot female who fancied his money, but wished the male had a more down-to-Earth attitude. I personally hope that if he ever marries he gets a prenup, because his logic is only going to find him women that many men would fear in the marriage/divorce game.
The point I'm getting at is that I've had plenty of "alpha males" say "Accept it...leagues exist" as some logic that basically all it comes down to getting the 8s, 9s, and 10s, of the female species is a perfect body, loads of money, and excitement. If this was the case, then I would have just spent my life working out, partying in the top clubs, and work in some finance job where I could make a lot of money fast. And for women then, the key to "winning" is basically working to stay looking like a model from youth.
I see plenty of these guys who think this way...and they still can't explain why every woman they meet never turns out to be a "good woman". This to me is where the logic fails. I've seen the insanely hot women hook up with average males as much as I've seen the insanely hot males hook up with average women. I believe that when it comes down to it, normal people do desire some level of physical looks, wealth, and lifestyle that matches their own in some range, but I believe it's more to find someone of a similar lifestyle and personality as well as avoiding those who might be a liability on your life down the road.
I also believe this "Dating Capitalism" logic is one reason why so many Americans are alone. We're so scared of getting "cheated out in the deal" that we reject loads of ideal mates who maybe have some of the elements one would want in a mate, but they don't have them all. I believe more of these people though got together mostly because there was a CONNECTION. CHEMISTRY. AFFECTION. It has less to do with "assets" as much as it more had to do with how they felt.
I can understand having DESIRES of certain qualities in a mate, provided they are realistic...but I think when men and women keep seeing love as some kind of assets/commodities exchange, then we're truly sunk as a species. It would then be just a case of "which one shall I buy?" | |
|
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:37:30 PM | GP,
Glad I could be the one who developed an eye sore so great you had to gawk at it in sheer terror 
Thanks for your thoughts on the Magic of Love. Funny how, just like magic....love disappears with the puff of smoke when you break down the magic of love into the trick hand or optical deception.
Thanks again
Chris | |
|
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:44:16 PM | "...but I think when men and women keep seeing love as some kind of assets/commodities exchange, then we're truly sunk as a species."
I love this....great point. A whole different topic in itself.
Given what you wrote here....I'm pretty certain I am going to do a post on Dating Capitalism. Great topic and what you had to say here was fantastic. I hope you take the time to expound on it a little once I get the thread up and running. That said....lets table this and bring it back to the point at hand....Dating Resume or not so much!!?!?
Again,
Thanks for the great reply. Its nice to read someone's thought who put real time and energy into defining their views.
Chris | |
|
| |
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/3/2008 2:39:01 AM |
Glad I could be the one who developed an eye sore so great you had to gawk at it in sheer terror
Thanks for your thoughts on the Magic of Love. Funny how, just like magic....love disappears with the puff of smoke when you break down the magic of love into the trick hand or optical deception.
And I am happy that in some way you feel as if you have meet some goal, will you put it on your resume now?
By the way, I am sorry you have never been in love. | |
|
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/3/2008 6:18:01 AM | [I will agree there is some realistic logic to the words, but I just personally hate it when many try to somehow think finding a mate should be a comparison of looks, incomes, social statuses, etc]
Gkboy and Chris, you're right in that this discussion has made a rich topic of your very apt term, "Dating Capitalism;" however that also generalizes too much for everyone who has voiced an opinion on this topic. Now, I'm overall keen to the idea of the "dating resume," BUT there are a few ways to define this concept depending on one's goals, priorities and ideals in their search for a suitable companion of any variety.
Many single people are on a quest for Mr./Ms. Right. What is "Right" might be defined in their dating "resume" as all the materialistic and shallow traits you accurately describe as "desirable": the one you used as an example was "Ivy league school, comes from money, has 6-figure positions lined up, and works very hard in the gym to be athletically beautiful." Sure, those attributes are nifty by most socio-economic designations. On the other hand, you've rightly brought the attention back to what a superficial thing as a "dating resume" might and SHOULD respectably and ethically be designed for: "CONNECTION. CHEMISTRY. AFFECTION."
What you've neglected to cite is another faction of what the so-called dating resume might be useful for in a positive way. Take away the materialistic elements of worldy goods and effectual outward beauty and also the initial reaction of how people "feel" about connection and chemistry as they first meet and also attempt to determine where such parallels are in those initial meetings; there are also the important issues of common interests, shared ethics and practices, compatible histories, and how much each person is ultimately capable of giving, or in many cases, sacrificing to the other. How many times have we all experienced that chemistry, coupled with a "materialistic match" yet were disappointed with what that person was willing to show up and bat for? Or dealt with obvious prejudices or ego issues that don't fit into that formula of "chemistry" nor the easy to define "dating resume" materialisms"?
I see comments all over this website, mostly from women of all ages who have articulated how rude and shallow people are when writing or replying to them, (myself included, and I've mentioned in the past how I've seen a surprisingly enormous amount of prejudice on this site, for instance, but I digress) most of which have nothing to do with simple traits of either "dating capitalism" (I love this term) nor their aesthetic qualities.
The more obvious angles of a "dating resume" are ego and how humane, polite and giving people are willing to be. Now, THAT is what finding the best friends/lovers/soulmates/dates/activity pals or spouses should ideally initially be about.
Just my two cents. I'll retreat for now. :-)
Greetings from Gotham.
/I | |
|
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/3/2008 8:02:45 AM | In the working world, Sometimes a "Job change" can be viewed as a good thing. It's often an advancement on a career. In a relationship, it's usually not ending on a good note. (I think the "least bad" reason for a relationship ending would be the death of a partner, but even then, that causes issues of grief for the person that you may need to deal with.). You don't want to explain the reason for leaving in ways the put down your ex. It makes you seem petty. If you're the reason why the relationship dissolved, that's not exactly going to put you in a good light.
In concept, the "resume" idea isn't bad, but it all comes down to the "Reason for leaving?" that makes it impractical.
Besides, it opens up all the juvenile answers to "Proffered position?" (doggy) and "Sex?" (Yes please) :laugh:
Granted, our little write up in our profiles are in a way our resume. Some of what we write will give some insight in to the person that we are as well as let people know a bit about us, and what we are looking for. But like resumes, not everyone tells the truth. | |
|
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/3/2008 7:40:29 PM |
And I am happy that in some way you feel as if you have meet some goal, will you put it on your resume now?
Its never been my "goal" to make my discussion threads about me. Honestly, I can not imagine a more boring topic....in my eyes that is. I know generally what makes me tick....so talking about me, strikes me as wasted time and text.
That said....I'd like to take your idea and offer it up to the group. Once this thread has run its coarse...are there any among us who would be willing to take the time an energy to build a dating resume?!?
The lion share of posts came down hard on the idea, and I have not stated my opinion the concept. Its assumed by most readers that if I posted the idea...I must be in favor of it, but that was not one of the guidelines/assumptions that I outlined in the OP. I haven't formulated an opinion on the idea...that was the point of the post....see what others had to say about the idea and the merits and flaws with the concept.
By the way, I am sorry you have never been in love.
Your concern is duly noted, although completely misplaced. I have been in love many times in my life and look forward to the next worthy person for me to share that great gift with again. The synergies of love are fantastic. Thanks again for your thoughts.
Chris | |
|
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/3/2008 7:46:04 PM | I think it is a great idea. I think the way it should work is, you write your history, (if you have ten kids under 6, and there is someone else on the site that has 0 kids and doesn't like kids, then you would't be a good match), make a list of what you feel you have to offer(I don't mean money wise only, I mean the things that really matter too), another list of what you would want in a person(not just looks, but how they feel about life in general too), and a list of what you could not deal with in another person(examples of things I can't deal with: crack heads, drunks, liars and cheaters). None of these things are public, they are sent to a site such as pof, then let a computer match you with others. These matches are then sent to you. At that point what happens next would be up to you. On your profile it would be much like it is now on pof. It wouldn't be perfect but it would sure help.
Yes most dating sites send you matches, but just because me and a man are around the same age and live in the same city doesn't mean we are a good match. If it were that easy no one would be single or divorced as an adult. | |
|
| |
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:03:52 AM | Are our profiles a generic resume of sorts...if so...why aren't they treated that way? - HansenChris
I have always kind-of assumed that's what a profile was, personally. You try & highlight your good points
& minimize any negatives.
The purpose of profiles here is to create emotional attraction. Resumes, by their very nature, are stuffy and cold. - CSIAnaheim
Now,CSIAnaheim has a valid point here, but not entirely. A relationship resume, would not neccessarily be
stuffy & cold, because it's escence, would be of a far more interesting nature.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
There are dealbreakers for everyone. for instance, this morning, I happened upon two appealing profiles, or at least they were at first glance. One was an accomplished medical professional, the other a mechanical engineer. The medical professional identified his profession as "Dotcor" and the engineer filled his in as "Enginnner." Now, call me choosy, but isn't it odd that an accomplished man would mis-spell his own profession? Doesn't that rather indicate that he's either not so accomplished at what he has devoted his career to, he's ultimately lazy, or he's not in that profession on the first place? Like a career resume, it seems relevant that you'd be required to spell your profession before you qualify to work in that field. Similarly, you would have to spell your intention on a singles site before anyone would be even mildly attracted to you. I'm really excited when someone is looking for a hyp gurl. It's all about a first impression. There are many ways to present yourself in any resume-like format, and they fail AND succeed in all forums. - urbanlegend384
I don't know how long you have been working with/on computers urbanlegend384, but it has been under 5
years for me. And one thing that I have noticed, even though I am a writer, that doesn't neccessarily mean
that I can type worth a damn! Big difference between mis-spelling & a typo, in my books at least & looking
at these examples, I think that's what they were.
I am an excellent speller, but not such a great typer. Also, if these 2 men are your age, my guess might also
be that they need reading glasses & haven't figured that out yet (it's a very common problem, at our age!)
In spite of double-checking & even triple-checking , I still miss typos, because of the small fonts on so many web
sites. | |
|
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/5/2008 3:18:28 AM |
I have been in love many times in my life and look forward to the next worthy person for me to share that great gift with again.
Worthy? Interesting word choice. | |
|
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/5/2008 5:56:58 AM | [I don't know how long you have been working with/on computers urbanlegend384, but it has been under 5 years for me. And one thing that I have noticed, even though I am a writer, that doesn't neccessarily mean that I can type worth a damn! Big difference between mis-spelling & a typo, in my books at least & looking at these examples, I think that's what they were.I am an excellent speller, but not such a great typer. Also, if these 2 men are your age, my guess might also be that they need reading glasses & haven't figured that out yet (it's a very common problem, at our age!)
In spite of double-checking & even triple-checking , I still miss typos, because of the small fonts on so many websites.]
Well...Michaelann, I'm trying, but I'm still not really able to agree with you. I just noticed that you and I are exactly the same age, and while I am single and comparatively have been using computers longer than you when you add up totals, I noticed these trends in who writes to me of peculiar odd spelling, bizarre grammar and lingo FAR before the internet was ever popular. I remember seeing this sort of thing in a huge way going back to New York Magazine's high-priced singles ads of the 1970's and 1980s (despite the pricey in-house editing department, nothing was corrected). And even if the general public are all bad spellers, don't you think it's rather noticeable to mangle the name of one's profession so badly?
And yes, it went far beyond those two men. I have this little stash of over 700 items from my one year on PoF alone that shows up a greater than 50% example of how to type your profession as well as the most basic of distinctive traits - wrong. Going past spelling, the whole IM-textspeak from those of all ages really confuses me - in my 700 letters here, about 1/3 use this shorthand, and those who used it spanned an age range of 21 to 74. Now, I can flex, and I'm usually pretty excited to receive letters in a half dozen languages and that's my happy responsibility to relate as well as translate, but what I'm talking about here is a combination of functional illiteracy plus an internet text-speak that I honestly have not gotten good at. My fluencies aren't sufficient to follow it, and there's no nice way to discourage it without being rude.
It's no different on the "Match" site either. I've got a pot full of weirdness from that one that's almost identical. And I saved an little bit from an ad I placed in 1980 (yes, 1980) in another major publication, which, minus the textspeak which apparently wasn't all that popular back then, was also the same stuff. Same broad cross section of age.
AND, I am kind of lucky in the respect that I don't need reading glasses. HOWEVER - if reading glasses fix all this, from the 21 year old student to the 35 year old Bennington professor to the 74 year old seeking an "activity pal" and everyone in-between, I'm off to the Wal-Mart to buy some for EVERYONE. My treat.
Greetings from Gotham.
/I | |
|
| |
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/5/2008 8:01:59 AM | It would be lies just like a resume is
a cashier puts down something fancy like...assistant manager in charge of 7 employees
McDonalds person says....customer service with computer skills
Profiles are good enough. | |
|
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/5/2008 1:12:42 PM | If I'm thinking and speculating too much about someone's past which I've not been a part of and have only heard one side of the story on, it's definitely not a good sign. Past performance is not necessarily an indication of what future returns might be.
Put me down in the "Against" column.
| |
|
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/5/2008 5:49:43 PM | Life of Leisure,
Its about time that someone finally pulled that one out. I have been waiting for days for someone to note that ...
[Quote] Past performance is not necessarily an indication of what future returns[/Quote]
I've heard as "Past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results" but the message is identical and the semantics irrelevant. There is very little that can be argued on this point, less one. All things being equal, past HUMAN behavior is your best forecast for future behavior. Don't believe me....next time you ride an elevator watch the people as they get on and off. Specifically watch to see if the person getting on pushes the button floor more then once. (Theory being that the door will close faster with more pushing) Our experience shows us that this behavior is pointless, as the elevator works on its own system. Question: what do you think the odds are that the next time that same person gets into an elevator with you...he or she pushes the button multiple times? Less then half, half, or better then half? If we are honest and it is my belief that statistical test would prove this out...most people will pick better then half...and that is why past behavior is the best forecast for future behavior. We are creatures of habit...and our decisions, actions and experiences don't necessarily change given another shot at riding the elevator of life.
Hope you like my analogy and thanks for posting.
Chris  | |
|
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/5/2008 6:13:20 PM | UrbanLegend,
Sorry you had a rough day yesterday. That said....please don't rant off on a non-related tangents to my thread discussions. I've read your second post...and find myself hard pressed to see how it relates to social resumes. Does my discussion of elevator riders have anything to do with social resumes?!? Certainly not, but it does address a point made regarding social resume...I'd invite you to consider keeping your thought under the same guidelines.
Thanks
Chris | |
|
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/6/2008 12:00:34 AM |
Should we as singles drive for a more useful way to weed out the candidates we review... Yes. I believe that successful relationships are work, and we can find out a lot about the potential of candidates if we could see how much they worked (or what kind of work they did) in past relationships. In my life path as an academic, for example, I have had over 20 roommates. I feel that this experience has helped me a lot in understanding what it's like to live with all kinds of people (not always ones I was compatible with). That history alone will tell you a lot about my experiences with conflict resolution.
... and should this be done via some kind of Dating Resume?!? As a formal document prepared by a candidate, I think it's not so realistic (mainly because of reasons already stated). However, I think most of us do construct a mental résumé of a person by asking or finding out about past relationships.
The problem with dating is that getting to these subjects is often a taboo on the first couple of dates, mostly because it's bringing in a bunch of negativity. But all but one of my exes (she forbade discussion of exes!), we have both learned of our own dating histories, about what worked and didn't work, who broke up with whom, etc. I even have two exes who have since done the Meyers-Briggs test and we have compared our personalities postmortem (and understood better the conflicts we had). It takes a long time and trust to find out about all of this, and some details will never come out (probably for the best, as there is such a thing as too much information).
eHarmony has a couple of questions that are asked in their "Guided communication" phase, that try to get generalized answers without going into baggage. For example:
If you had to characterize the end of most of your romantic relationships, they would be described as:
A) pleasant as breaking up can be, with both people feeling it was the best decision
B) sad, with one partner being hurt and feeling betrayed
C) very dramatic, with lots of hurtful accusations
D) angry, with lots of feelings of disappointment
When in a relationship, are you a jealous person?
A) I'm not the least bit jealous.
B) I don't consider myself jealous, but on occasion I have felt threatened.
C) I feel jealous every now and then.
D) I'm not overbearing or abusive, but I can be quite jealous.
It's hard to ask these questions over a coffee on a first date, but we eventually find them out if we talk with our partners enough. Obviously it's better to find out these things sooner than later, so I like the idea of a resume. Perhaps a good set of questions to ask over the first couple of dates would accomplish the end-goal in building our mental résumés, much like what is done on a job interview. | |
|
| Why not a Dating Resume?!??
Posted: 6/7/2008 5:20:00 PM | | Thats an interesting concept. I might think more of a video resume though. Possibly in front of a blue screen so they can post some bodybuilders body on me, as I hold a glass of wine on the bow of a 40 foot yacht. Maybe not such a good idea. | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
