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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:38:12 PM | | I have this thought sometimes, but only when I'm single. When I'm actually with someone, then I feel very satisfied (and yes, everyone is flawed, no one's going to be the perfect person), and only want to love and be intimate with that one person. I have other friends to join me with other hobbies and interests that I may not share with that person, and I think that is a normal and healthy way of looking at the relationship. The man I am partnered with can still be "the one" without fulfilling all those other roles. However, if the sex, affection, and the eating with the man isn't good, then you don't really have much of a relationship. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:42:48 PM | Hi Royal Pain,
With all due respect, lets just push this cart of yours downhill and follow your thoughts to logical conclusion. Say you find 5 people, and they all manage to fulfill your needs perfectly. At this point, you'll have five people on your hands who need to have all of their sexual,intellectual,and other needs fulfilled. How would you accomplish that? | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:44:50 PM |
With all due respect, lets just push this cart of yours downhill and follow your thoughts to logical conclusion. Say you find 5 people, and they all manage to fulfill your needs perfectly. At this point, you'll have five people on your hands who need to have all of their sexual,intellectual,and other needs fulfilled. How would you accomplish that?
Always remember there is nothing sexier than a mature silver haired woman with life experience, self confidence, and a good retirement pension.
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:49:50 PM |
With all due respect, lets just push this cart of yours downhill and follow your thoughts to logical conclusion. Say you find 5 people, and they all manage to fulfill your needs perfectly. At this point, you'll have five people on your hands who need to have all of their sexual,intellectual,and other needs fulfilled. How would you accomplish that?
Easy. I'll introduce them all to each other! | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:07:04 PM | Yes, it's true: no one can meet all your needs, but some people can meet most of them. You are not going to meet all of somebody else's needs either  oh yeah, one partner for each need is a super idea....what do you do when your need is satisfied, do you throw each of them in the garbage bin? | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:27:09 PM | Having been with the same man since I was 15 ( not married at that age), and being 43 now, it occured to me a few years ago that the idea that just one other person was suppose to fulfill all of my wants and needs was really insane. So what's to be done about it? Galonthemt said ; aren't friends and relatives there to pick up the slack? yes I think so...but I think what happens in many relationships is that people THINK that the other person is SUPPOSE to fulfill every want and desire and need ( old school Christian beliefs put forth for the masses to swallow), and when that doesn't happen they begin to look elsewhere instead of sitting down and COMMUNICATING with their partner about what's going on for them.
A few years ago my husband and I agreed to finding a "third" party to add to our relationship( sexual and otherwise), thinking it might be fun, might bring a bit of a spark, not that we ever NEEDED a spark...but we thought it might be fun and new. Once approached by someone who was interested, we both got cold feet, on an emotional level and a physical level. In the end it just wasn't worth the emotional risk or the physical risk for us to "play" with what we have spent years building.
SO..what's a person to do when the one they love can't and shouldn't fulfill every need or want? BUILD other relationships. Friendships of all kinds, young and old, both genders, other beliefs, expand your horizons. Embark on a new personal journey to find other people who expand who you are to start with.
Now IF we are talking strictly about sexual wants and needs, these MUST be talked about openly with the partner, and boundaries have to be discussed and honored..if one wants something else but the partner is not willing, you have to talk about what that means to the relationship. I hate to use Dr. Phil, but is it a deal breaker?
We all are so different in our wants and needs that it's hard to believe there are some people who still believe in just one person...but I wish them the best on their quest...I believe we attract into our lives exactly that which we need and want. So it's all good...set your intentions and watch the Universe provide. There is room for everyone's happiness on all levels.
What do you want? really?
~Amy~
in Missouri | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:04:09 PM |
O/P Msg 1 ~ One partner for... another for, blah, blah, blah... What is the most fundamental aspect about getting into a relationship? It's the relationship, for without it there is no "US." A healthy relationship supports life & love. How? Through intimacy, communication, forgiveness, trust, giving and receiving, commitment and letting go. It's the giving of 100% to each other, anything less is self-serving.
If you want someone you can trust more & love less, get a dog or a pet of some sort. Hmmm at least with a dog, they'll be there with you through thick & thin if you treat em right. They can also meet every other aspect except intimacy & if they do, that's crossing the line... Only by looking in a mirror will we find that ultimate person who meets ALL of our needs & requirements. Then the decision would be to just become asexual. I hear that is the new trend nowadays...
Know how to get a dog to forget that he's a dog, introduce him to a few fleas, that will certainly take his mind off himself and his needs... It will inspire him to get a new sense of direction too... 
O/P (Msg 1) ...Obviously, not all of these partners need to be of the opposite sex... So who says any of them has to be of the opposite sex, doesn't only a woman truly understand what another woman wants & goes through? So many responses lately have indicated that ALL men (and I use the term loosely) are just pigs, and only want sex?
Just curious...
**~Remington55~** 
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 2:48:41 AM | It's me again OP,
Don't you worry that you might not be able to trust 5 different people to do things and see things exactly your way? Keep in mind each of these people is a separate and unique individual. Are you proposing a six-way marriage with you as lead matriarch with dominant control? "And we were stokin' up the fires, and oiling up the machinery,
Until the gods found out that we had ideas of our own"--Don Henley | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 2:58:32 AM | I should introduce you to my last love interest. You two would get along very well. She had always said that no one can meet all of anyone's needs. Odd thing is I do agree. However my priority was to love her and wanted that same priority in her. Sadly, she could not deliver on the one most important need most of us have, That being love.
Like someone else said, the word love was not even your in the mix of needs. Worse yet, not mentioned about who you want to show love to.
I have casual friends, some acquaintances and co-workers that fill some of my needs. But my important needs is what a one on one relationship is all about. my important needs are to love someone deeply and put them before life itself and for her to return the same. My guess is that is not important to you. Or maybe like my ex-just could not feel what I felt and said she probably never will with anyone. Now I just feel very sorry for her and the shallow existence it must be | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 2:59:50 AM | | the perfect mate ? sounds like the best scores from all your golf games in life ? i played with an older gent, who said he kept score ? [ like woman looking for the best mate dear ss ]he totals his best holes from his life , guess what his total was like a 44 for 18 holes sounds like most older woman WANT A ; PERFECT GAME ; also ! BUT its unatainable ! grow up its all downhill after 50 to 60 lower your standards for money travel fame the perfect****ail ? | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 4:20:51 AM | Perhaps, you have yet to recognise the flaws and success in a persons charater as viewed by you, me, or any other, make up a complete person. A complete package.
Have you considered that even your drive for the ultimate perfection in a mate is a flaw in yours? Perhaps even one beyond tolerance. Yet this is something that comes to make up the complete package of a person that is you.
To have someone come ot fulfill all of your needs, would require them to pass on themselves in entirety (or to magically be just perfectly wanting only for you, either works the same).
Who then would fulfil thier needs now they have been emptied of thiers? Or should their only needs be to fulfil yours? By such a measure, the person will never be complete enough for you.
Then ofc, there is the other question, one I have pondered, what level of absolute perfection must be attained in order to hold such person of such perfection, for sure they have the same requirements? Can you fulfill those? Are you, in honesty of such perfection? I am not.
And another point of ponder, is the first step to achieving perfection the realisation that a person can never be perfect save for perfectly themselves (all flaws and success included)?
Even the points on a diamond that sparkle so bright, cast a even a subtle shadow, when one gets close enough to see.
I wish you the best of luck in your quest. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 5:34:40 AM | Perhaps you should re-evaluate your expectations (I didn't say standards but expectations) & recognize the fact that you answered your own question in your opening OP: "Certainly in our parents' and grandparents' generations, people didn't expect spouses to be superbly able to meet all sexual, emotional, companionable, financial, intellectual and security needs. Most people got maybe two or three of those areas met, and stayed in the relationship, supplementing it with friends and extended family as well as community/church activities." This is true today too, not just in the day of your parents/grands. Did we somehow evolve into some sort of super humans over a generation or two?
IMHO, we as humans need the interaction with different people in general to make us emotionally & mentally healthy & to expect one person to be your "all", your "everything" & to provide you with "all" & "everything" is a ridiculous expectation. Am curious myself, as another poster asked (but you did not respond to said question) - what do you offer in return for your requirement of meet "all" my needs?
^^^love the above poster's insights & way of expressing it...good job fire...
cata | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 5:56:50 AM |
I should introduce you to my last love interest. You two would get along very well. She had always said that no one can meet all of anyone's needs. Odd thing is I do agree. However my priority was to love her and wanted that same priority in her. Sadly, she could not deliver on the one most important need most of us have, That being love.
Like someone else said, the word love was not even your in the mix of needs. Worse yet, not mentioned about who you want to show love to.
I have casual friends, some acquaintances and co-workers that fill some of my needs. But my important needs is what a one on one relationship is all about. my important needs are to love someone deeply and put them before life itself and for her to return the same. My guess is that is not important to you. Or maybe like my ex-just could not feel what I felt and said she probably never will with anyone. Now I just feel very sorry for her and the shallow existence it must be
Never mind introducing me to your ex, Jim. I'm starting to get the hots for YOU! | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:49:04 AM | | You must know your own needs and wants. You r to dependent on someone else. Live your life and have fun. Go out with the girls and have some laughs. You need to secure your life first before you can find someone. Keep your head up and enjoy life. The right man will be around the corner. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 8:36:00 AM |
who could meet all my sexual, emotional, companionable, financial, intellectual and security needs
Christ can you hear yourself? Talk about entitlement. Needy and useless to boot. Get that head out of the last century. Supply your own security and financial needs, then go shopping.
Sheesh... | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:21:39 AM |
royalpain on 6/2/2008 8  50 AM Never mind introducing me to your ex, Jim. I'm starting to get the hots for YOU!
Sorry, not into males at all. NO WAY...hoping this was in jest, but after reading some of your other threads, can't be sure.
Besides, so many of your interests and beliefs are so opposed to mine that you could never fill any of the smallest needs I might have. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:38:14 AM | OP the pickings are getting slimmer as you get older because your expectations are unrealistic. No one person is going to meet all of your needs. We have partners for certain needs, friends for other needs, we turn to our families for needs that neither of those can meet.
Why would you want to have only one person try to meet those requirements? You'd send them to an early grave. One final point - do you seriously expect to meet all of those needs for someone else? | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 4:30:48 PM |
Sorry, not into males at all. NO WAY...hoping this was in jest, but after reading some of your other threads, can't be sure.
I have egg on my face! I feel so foolish ! One confused royalpain for someone else and that person was even in a differnt thread. It was an honest mistake. royal pain wrote to me off this list and was justly upset. So I wrote back and asked HER to forgive my error.
So as pay back, I just posted this to look foolish to anyone that reads this.
Made note to self.....Self stay out of forums so early in the morning before the coffee is ready! | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 4:36:56 PM | I know what you mean. However, if you think about it in terms of dating unless you plan to be a serial dater, having multiple partners could be pretty exhausting to say the least.
You meet MANY who have attributes that are in line with one's desires, BUT a rarity one that fulfills you in every capacity. Probably one of the reasons why there are so many of us SINGLE! I guess one would have to take a personal inventory of what is a deal breaker and what you could compromise on.
Some settle, some do what you are describing i.e multiple partners, and others just hope/have faith that they will meet someone that will "fit" their desires/needs, etc...and vice versa of course.
As we get older, we become set in our ways and it becomes even more challenging to find/settle. Settling is NOT in my agenda.
You do what you believe is best for you. Just have a conscious awareness of the repercussions.
Best,
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 5:00:18 PM | First of all... what the hell? Someone -else- has to meet all your needs? You're not capable of meeting your own needs? I'm not that old. Hell, I'm twenty-two. But I am capable of meeting all my own needs. I can stimulate my mind, I can please myself sexually if I must, I am secure financially, I am employed, have an education, take care of myself and my pets, am a decent friend, a social person and a dutiful daughter to my awesome mother. I'm independent. I think what your problem is, is that you're looking for someone else to do all this instead of being able to do it yourself.
When you can do it yourself (and yes, it'll take practice) Then you look for someone you -want- around, not someone you -need-. And if they're independent, self-aware, and responsible, then they want you, not need you. This mutual basis of want instead of need will grow into a different kind of need that is far more mature and healthy than being a baby who has five different areas of his life several different women should tend to.
Not that my current and I will be together forever (cause I don't believe in that stuff), but he stimulates me mentally, sexually, physically, and in many other ways. He can make me laugh, and I make him laugh. We're great in bed together. We have wonderful minds that take each other to different places (he's a theatre nut that likes to see things from a different angle, I'm a theory nut that likes to take things to a more... hypothetical level). We're both active and healthy individuals with our own lives that coincide nicely.
My advice: Grow the hell up. | |
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| Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 5:04:51 PM | | Well, considering I don't have this plan to have someone I need to take care of me, I have a feeling I'll do okay. Then again, I don't plan on living hellishly long, either. Nor do I plan on being with someone all the time. I have a preference for being alone. Call me crazy. | |
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