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| The humblest compliment to you at the close of your relationship...
Posted: 8/24/2008 2:04:37 PM |
If anyone compliments you at the close of a relationship, then you never had anything real or deep in the first place. See cuz if it meant anything to them, they'd be pissed and all cussin' and swearin' at you... and calling you nasty names... not this "polite" BS.
I have to say, I totally agree with you. | |
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| The humblest compliment to you at the close of your relationship...
Posted: 8/24/2008 2:24:43 PM | Be gentle: What you're holding is my heart.
Remember in your honesty my pride.
If you don't want to see me, please don't hide
The truth, yet tell it with some art.
Though you may not have asked for me to call,
A single leap of hope must be allowed.
Not easily are shy songs sung out loud.
Yet now I wait alone outside your wall. | |
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| The humblest compliment to you at the close of your relationship...
Posted: 8/24/2008 2:31:51 PM | I think silence is the best. If you are the one walking away, they know why, no need to explain. They know there were good times and bad and they already know you appreciated them. If they don’t know, enduring that hard hit to the ground will make them do a little self-examination, which is what they need if they don't know why they drove you off. In my opinion, that is truly the kindest thing to do. If you ease them out of it with a little tact, I think they truly believe they did nothing wrong and will do it again and be unhappy again, and feel heart break again.
I know because someone did let me hit with a splat. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. | |
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| The humblest compliment to you at the close of your relationship...
Posted: 8/24/2008 3:22:00 PM | KBCD that was a wonderful poem. And Silverdevil makes a lot of "toughlove" sense: """enduring that hard hit to the ground will make them do a little self-examination, which is what they need if they don't know why they drove you off"""
Which is why I agree at the immediate close or breakup, cliches, cheap tricks, and no contact etc is perfectly acceptable behavior. But a few months later the two could go over things when emotions have settled down.
""""He never knew someone could ever love him as much as I did; and even though I was leaving. I gave him hope that someone some day could love him just as much if not more. Because the feeling that it gave him made all of his past memories that had made him have a hardened heart just melt all away. I helped him allow people to love him for who he was.""""
So far, I like this one the best because it has more than 8 words to it. Nor is it a cliche from some movie nor oft used copout.
Ok, cynic go away....any nice words from an ex are amazing.
""If anyone compliments you at the close of a relationship, then you never had anything real or deep in the first place""" Ok well, are we talking dumper or dumpee? Many posts on this thread weren't about the "Close" but came months later also...
Here is my breakup etiquette for normal people who aren't insane, drunk, lieing, cheating, idiots (then why did they break up right?)...
1. PersonOne breaks up with Two, preferably with a warning or discussion days beforehand. This breakup talk/letter should include a few nice things about PersonTwo and a few particular issues WITHOUTH BEING CRITICAL. Of course, this is the time to use cliches and put-ons if really needed such as "I love you but I"m not in love with you" or "I love you but I can't live with you" or "we have differences" etc. You know, things with no real meaning but are perfectly OK for breakups.
2 Person Two handles this gracefully, then crys for a few days, then trys to get back together or get more closure. 3. Person One says "I'm sorry I had to dump you.....again lists a few nice things ......repeats 2 or 3 particular issues WITHOUT BEING CRITICAL, maybe asks to be friends". 4. PersonTwo gets the message finally, goes through 4 stages of grief....a few months later PersonTwo writes PersonOne a nice long NONCRITICAL letter. FULL OF HUMBLE COMPLIMENTS, not just "a one liner".
I belong to a spiritual program that does not allow us to criticize, even though my forum posts don't show it.... | |
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| The humblest compliment to you at the close of your relationship...
Posted: 8/24/2008 3:29:21 PM | | Yikes!!! I never realized I was supposed to hate the exs! What have I been thinking all these years? They still possess the traits that made me love them in the first place, even if I later discovered they had an equal amount of not so loveable ones, and each played a huge part in my becoming who I am today. And doesnt it get heavy carrying around all that anger and bitterness after all this time? Think I better get in touch and take back all that forgiveness and acceptance I've been wasting. I may need it later.... | |
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| The humblest compliment to you at the close of your relationship...
Posted: 8/24/2008 3:33:25 PM | | My exhusband is still a friend and he frequently stops by my Mom's and visits with her and stepfather (they had a really good relationship while we were married). Anyway, he told her that he left me "because he was killing me". Sounds like he was only thinking of me??? After days of mulling it over it occurred to me that it really only sounded good. Why couldn't he just stop his "killing" behavior? That was all I had asked for anyway, just treat me nice. We were together 25 years total. | |
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| The humblest compliment to you at the close of your relationship...
Posted: 8/24/2008 4:03:15 PM | I had a promising relationship end too soon for my wants.. So I wrote him a letter and told him that he had been a gift to me. He was my first really intense relationship in years and I had honestly thought that part of me was dead.. it is not ..  and he was the one who awakened it again in me.
I think my future relationships will be a reminder to me of his incredible affect on me.
The letter either blessed him or he thought I was a weirdo.. but he was truely special... sigh.
Who knows maybe he was just at the right place at the right time... I dunno but I won't soon forget him.
And I don't agree that if it isn't ugly and people aren't cursing.. etc. that there wasn't anything there. My ex husband and I ended things on a civil note. I didn't want the relationship to end but he made some choices that I couldn't live with. The last time I saw him I was speaking to a group of people and he was in the back room and he lifted up his hand ever so slightly and waved goodbye.
I personally think if you truely love someone that you don't want to hurt them..
I belong to a spiritual program that does not allow us to criticize, even though my forum posts don't show it...
Love it Oly!!!! | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 60 | |
| The humblest compliment to you at the close of your relationship...
Posted: 8/24/2008 4:14:54 PM | I'm beginning to think I prefer the ones where, after a few months of letting the emotions settle down, that they seek me out to talk and interact as good friends. I do have to admit, a current/prospective g/f might not be all that happy about it, but to me, while breaking up after any term of "relationship" is awesomely unsettling for a period of time, I'm happy that we can both enjoy something positive out of it afterwards. I think the reason this is such a compliment is that we both risk meeting people who don't understand...but if so, their loss.
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| The humblest compliment to you at the close of your relationship...
Posted: 8/24/2008 4:28:47 PM | This is what I am trying to do with a long-estranged husband..........
I have loved you, dearly. I respect and admire you, but I am not IN love anymore. I cannot live with you again. I don't want to be married to you anymore. I will always treasure the great memories and our beautiful children. We both deserve to be happy and that will be more likely if we are apart. | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 62 | |
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| The humblest compliment to you at the close of your relationship...
Posted: 8/24/2008 8:35:52 PM | My ex of eight years came over this weekend.
We had split eight months ago.
He mowed my lawn... And I cooked for him.
This may not seem beautiful, but these were the two main things we had always loved to do for eachother to make eachother happy. I never mowed a lawn, and he never cooked, and we never fought about those things.
He finally opened up and told me how devasted he was to have lost me, and I did the same. We told eachother how hard it is to have once had what you had always wanted, and to know it was a once in a lifetime thing, and watch the hard times slowly erode the mountains of love into molehills of memories.
Love doesn't come around everyday, but it seems to last a lifetime. We both regret being atypical desperados who wouldn't allow anyone to touch our hearts, and somehow no matter how we fought it, it happened anyway.
He would always quote the movie Rocky when referring to how two complete opposites could find eachother, "I got holes, and you got holes.....together we fill the holes." | |
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| The humblest compliment to you at the close of your relationship...
Posted: 8/25/2008 8:48:18 AM | Yes, it's bitter sweet to end things on those terms! Sadly, it seems that
not a lot of people on here know much about that, judging by the forums!
I've been called a generous man and a good man. Those experiences came
to mind! I've had women comment on missing the sex!
All these things, as sad a context as they were in, warmed the heart and
gave me some affirmation that I'm not the Heartless Basturd some women
have reffered to me as!  | |
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| The humblest compliment to you at the close of your relationship...
Posted: 8/25/2008 8:55:08 AM | | I once was told. "I don't love you in the way you deserve to be loved" Great Huh! He was right. Funny thing was he called after he broke up with her and I was able to return his words back to him. Be blessed and find the love you deserve!! | |
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| The humblest compliment to you at the close of your relationship...
Posted: 8/25/2008 9:24:19 AM | Was told that " HE was not as nice on Monday mornings, as he had been on Friday nights before she ran off with him.
She said she had never seen me miserable, having to go to work or what ever , like he always was. . He had not given any indication at all that he was so grouchy before , when meeting Friday nights while I worked . Funny that eh? Guy is in a good mood Friday nights, with some beers, a married woman to play with?
Go figure, poor girl ! Not such as happy go lucky guy, when it all changed , who would have guessed that? For some strange reason, he was too jealous to let her go out anywhere with out him either. She said I had never been like that.
Wonder why on earth cheaters would worry or suspect their cheating partners of cheating eh ?
Too funny now looking back, at the time found my self incredulous at that statement though. | |
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| The humblest compliment to you at the close of your relationship...
Posted: 8/25/2008 10:14:25 AM | "you are right. i will never love you. i can't stop crying. i miss you and want you in my life. i care about you."
well, after much thought, he always had a way of saying those famous words, but in reverse: "i love you, go away". except for for him, it was i don't love you, but please don't leave me."
simply put: he wants his cake and to eat it too. wants to leave a lasting impression, trying to take a large space in my heart and keep it from the next one. but sorry, love will fill that space. ... and thank you profusely for the "lesson". love is not a feeling. love is an affirmation of another person's soul and the willingness to rejoice with him/her. do not settle for anything less sphinx-fire. take it from an "old lady". | |
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| The humblest compliment to you at the close of your relationship...
Posted: 8/25/2008 10:41:15 AM | | GatorSZ, msg 53, and I tend to agree with your agreement of that quote. I suspect that most "nice, gentle parting words" are said mostly for the benefit of the one saying them. It tends to make that person feel good about themselves and the decision they have made. They indeed may hope that it lessens the pain to the recipient, and maybe it does, but more often just leaves the person wondering , well if they think so highly of me why in blue blazes are they moving on???? I have had all types of goodbyes and prefer the brief explanation of why,,,goodbye,,, short, sweet, final, and enough truth to make sense. | |
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| The humblest compliment to you at the close of your relationship...
Posted: 8/25/2008 10:48:28 AM | | Exiting a relationship smoothly is so incredibly difficult. You have to put aside all those feelings of pain and just try to remember what made you like that person in the first place and of course that's so difficult if you're breaking up with them. I do agree though that people should think carefully about what it is they say when they leave some one as it's likely to leave a mark on them and may affect their future relationships. It's very hard giving some one a good compliment though if you're leaving them simply because you're never quite sure wether the person getting it will truely appreciate it. They may just think you're being sentimental etc for no reason. | |
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| The humblest compliment to you at the close of your relationship...
Posted: 8/25/2008 12:31:10 PM |
(Msg 74) .....if they think so highly of me why in blue blazes are they moving on????
Good point.
It's like people who remain friends with their EXs. I never understood the logic of that.
If they were in a long term relationship they must have made plans and promises which were all discarded. One person, if not both, have had their lives completely disrupted by having to move and set up a home elsewhere. In most cases one or both had to make major financial adjustments.
Why would anyone choose an individual as a friend knowing their word was not good (broken promises) coupled with having experienced the upheaval that individual caused in their life? What value do/did they place on relationships? Promises? Commitment? What, exactly, makes them good friends?
As to the humblest compliment I suppose it was when my EX said, "Why don't you stay tonight. Tomorrow is my birthday."
To which I replied, "Sorry, I already booked my flight."
On the other hand maybe she was just angling for a birthday present. | |
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