| X-Girlfriends who want to be friends
Posted: 6/3/2008 3:16:32 AM | I've only been with one woman that when we broke she didn't want to be friends. It had a lot to do with me breaking up with her and being very careless and heartless about it (rightfully so).
It depends on how much animousity there is in the breakup. She may have hurt your heart but you said she was the wife material. She could obviously still be a good friend even though your hurting now. | |
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| X-Girlfriends who want to be friends
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:17:07 AM | | Dude that would be hard to do, if you can seperrate the emothional attachement do it if you cant then thats ok, our hearts hold precious memories and painfull ones also, i cant keep friends with any of my ex's espically the one that broke my heart and i also broke hers to much water under the bridge, | |
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| X-Girlfriends who want to be friends
Posted: 6/3/2008 11:47:59 AM | | It's not just women who do this. I'm guilty of attempting to remain friends after the break up but it just never works out in the long run. Being friends and being on good terms are two different things. | |
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| X-Girlfriends who want to be friends
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:08:52 PM | Here we go....
1. Women view men through the filter: "what can he do/buy for ME?"
BS
2. Women get over breakups far more quickly than men.
BS
3. By keeping you as a "friend", she might be able to get you to do/buy something for her in the future.
BS
4. Men view women through the filter: "how does she make me feel?"
5. Since men's relationships are not based on what we GET, but how we FEEL, we feel the pain of a breakup longer.
6. A man cannot be "friends" with an ex until he is in love with a new woman.
My ex and I were friends until he met his current wife...now he's not allowed to talk to me...
7. Until you have a new love, staying friends with the ex is of zero benefit to you, and only of benefit to her (since the "friends" relationship is based on the idea that you will get none of the things you want, while she keeps you on as a "friend" in case you have something in the future that she wants).
Oh Gawd...what kind of ex's are you talking about???
8. When you have a new love, however, you will find that she is giving you what you need and want, and the desire to maintain a connection with the ex will lessen or go away.
If it was a relatively good relationship, I don't think a person would ever lose the desire to maintain a connection, IMHO... | |
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| X-Girlfriends who want to be friends
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:41:41 PM | well i've remained friends with my ex's....but after getting over the pain and resentment i had towards them for hurting me...i still don't have full respect for them cause what they did to me was uncalled for but i don't want to fight with them or be p!ssed off everytime i see them...
so i remain cybil with them but don't really hang out with them anymore though...i got 1 ex who has remained a close friend cause we both knew in the end we were not right for each other but are friendship is very strong and hes my comp tech  | |
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| X-Girlfriends who want to be friends
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:57:19 PM | | Give yourself time without any contact to get over the hurt before you decide if you want to be friends. Generally you'll find that you probably don't if they weren't right for you anyway. | |
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| X-Girlfriends who want to be friends
Posted: 6/8/2008 7:40:10 PM | Sashieg, Very good, you really know what it is about, I am glad to learn this from you.
Regarding # 3, I had an exception. My past girl needed money to keep her home. Her attitude was give her money, pleassssse. No thanks I am not the bank.
The downside is (I broke up with her) if our relationship continued for better, I would have don't it. but it would be all on paper. Now that I think about it, isn't that what a SugarDady does, buy love?
Kenny | |
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| X-Girlfriends who want to be friends
Posted: 6/9/2008 4:56:10 AM | Why do women try this? I see this as trying to have their cake and eat it too.
I do not see this as trying to have their cake and eat it too.
For myself, I try to be friends with ALL of my ex's because if they meant anything to me, why would I want them to leave my life.
I can imagine in some instances there are bad break ups and you would not want to be friends with someone.......if this is the case, and you dont want to be friends, then you need to have no contact with her or the gentleman she is now dating.
I agree with others as far as that list of yours is concerned. That list makes it sound like the woman is keeping you around so you can do things for her. Not all women friens are like that. I myself have many guy friends, more so than female. And as far as a guy not being able to be friends with you until he is in another relationship, this is totally untrue. My ex and I were best friends and when he started dating he wife, our communication began to suck because she saw me as a threat.
By the way.....................HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! | |
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| X-Girlfriends who want to be friends
Posted: 6/9/2008 5:05:49 AM | 67chevy327
"Hello how come any of the girls on this site dont want too talk too me all they do is look at my profile"
What does this have anything to do with this thread? | |
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medana
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Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 34 | |
| X-Girlfriends who want to be friends
Posted: 6/9/2008 5:11:57 AM | its no big deal. my high school sweetie still emails me for my bday and holidays and i do the same.
i think its natural once u loved someone so deeply to have some friendship left once romance died, unless something really bad happens. i mean if u really give a s h i t about someone, it's not because they perform their life perfectly according to ur plan of who u think they should be, love is unconditional. i have 2 exes i still have a rel w after 10 years and more of breaking up, having had spent together 4-6 years.
we catch up every now and then. our rels didnt work out, but our friendship still is there. both r happily married. | |
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| X-Girlfriends who want to be friends
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:15:19 AM | | A few possibilities on why she wants you as a friend. One would be as a friend, maybe you were the one that treated her like a normal person. Two would be the Mindgames, while they can be fun they're childish bs. | |
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| X-Girlfriends who want to be friends
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:21:10 AM | I am on good terms with all my ex's except 1! In my opinion.. I had fun with these guys.. we had good times, they are good memories for the most part so why not be friends and keep the good vibes! Just because it didn't work out romantically doesn't make either party "bad"! Or unworthy of friendship!
It's really situational.. | |
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| X-Girlfriends who want to be friends
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:47:19 AM | I have an ex who...relocated and that was basically what caused us to "break up". It wasn't a lack of love, a fight, a betrayl or anything else negative. Just one of those wrong place wrong time sort of things. I couldn't uproot my life (though we had discussed it) and he was contractually obligated to be where he was (army) so it came down to: "things will fall into place, down the line." It wouldn't be fair to either of us to sit around being lonely and waiting for something big to happen, so we decided it was best to let things play out on their own.
For the first little while, we called each other everyday. Then it was once a week. Then once he found someeone else, it was once a month. Then just holidays and birthdays. I became good friends with the girl he was seeing, and talked to them both quite often, for a while. Sure, you run the risk of clinging to familiar feelings. It's especially hard in that particular situation, where distance was the only factor, and love was never an issue.
While the girlfriends have changed for him, over the years, I was pretty constant in his life, and I know that was reassuring to him. It's always nice to know that you have a friend who truly knows and understands everything about you. So what if we dated? As long as you can leave the past in the past, I don't see a problem with it. | |
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| X-Girlfriends who want to be friends
Posted: 6/27/2008 2:00:55 PM | This concept is all very new to me. I now have my first ex ever as a friend, although we haven't communicated since
the "conversion". I suppose I can be one of those friends that never calls  Seriously, I just always expect someone that I'm no longer together with would rather move on and not be reminded of me. I suppose it's more of a politeness thing toward her, and the next person in my life. Though I'm not jealous, I know for a fact that I'm in the minority, and I don't need a new flame to feel threatened unnecessarily. | |
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| X-Girlfriends who want to be friends
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:53:00 PM | well originally we do it as a way to not have to completely sever ties. It also, and I'm ashamed to admit, gives us a way to "keep tabs" on you, and see if you immediately start going with someone new.
After the breakup starts to fade it's a habit. We got used to you caring about us and now we don't like that you don't.
Then we get over it and don't want to be friends either. It just takes us longer than you.
You can tell her you don't hate her but simply don't feel comfortable trying to be friends. It might bother her but in the end, she'll just move on faster. | |
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| X-Girlfriends who want to be friends
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:51:47 PM | | I can't do it, theres no being purely platonic after all of the things that were experienced together so I severed ties. I see it more as her getting her emotional "fix" and me getting nothing but heartache in return. | |
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| X-Girlfriends who want to be friends
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:50:39 PM | Once again ~KYN~ had said it best, especially with the first response she posted.
~KYN~, you are so wise and good great opinions/advice!!!
and Superlizard said it too. Exs are exs for a reason.
(X=crossed out! as in crossed out of our lives)
The reason I dont want to be her friend is because 1. she broke my heart and 2. She is dating this guy who I know and he is always flaunting her in front of me. It makes me sick.
you said it right thier, you don't want to be friends and you gave 2 great reasons why not to.
You can still keep the good memories and learn from the bad ones. In the end, if you feel that you were good in the realationship, then it is her loss and she messed up. In her messing up, she wants to (A) make herself feel better for her guilt. (B) Possibly keep you around so if things do not go well for her new relationship you can be around for her fling untill she finds another replacement.
JMO to share. | |
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| X-Girlfriends who want to be friends
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:59:20 PM | It just depends on the situation. I'm close friends with 3 of my ex girlfriends but they werent people that screwed me over or anything. If she did that to you, just tell her the next time she calls that.
"you screwed me over, so screw you"
'
I'm sure she'll get the point. | |
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