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 AUTHOR
 dudleyh45
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 51
Holding on to memories from past relationships!Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Would a man seriously be ok with it if I had pictures of my ex husband present in my house or had memorablia of our marriage around our house? Especially if he and I were residing in the same residence

Why wouldn't we? There is absolutely nothing wrong with facing the past and learning to live with and from it. Personally i would encourage anyone who was in a meaningful longterm relationship, or even a shortterm meaningless one that produced children, to make a collage or scrap book of their relationship. I made a collage of wedding mementos after we ended our marriage, it contains pictures, invitation, napkin, etc.
There is enough stuff that in time i will make three of these and each of our children will get one. IF i ever bother with another marriage i would expect my new wife to be able to handle the fact that this was an important part of mine and my children's lives and not to mess with it. I also think she should expect the same from me and i would have no problem with her bringing it into our home. My ex had mementos of her past since before i met her and not once did the idea of her giving any of them up cross my mind.
 notcre8ed2balone
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 52
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 12:07:52 AM
In what little I know of life I've come to the conclusion that for me personally I keep nothing from any past relationships. To me it's the most minute form of baggage but still baggage and needs to be put where it belongs. In the past. Again personally I believe if I'm holding "dear" to things of relationships past (mainly intimate relationships) it is a slap in the face or equal to a slap in the stomach to anyone I'm proposing to desire a long term relationship with. Perhaps there are exceptions but at the moment none spring to mind.

I believe all this stems from a viewpoint of consideration and a desire to honor ones spouse. Few seem to relate to these observations so perhaps these ideas are Greek to many.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 53
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Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 12:37:59 AM
Well now, I’ve watched your threads for some time now. Not sure if I have ever replied; I can’t think of a way to speak into your listening. If a relationship is measured on its success in meeting needs, this is a good one. You are winning - you’re getting your needs met out of this. Of the glimpses of her I get in your posts, I suspect her needs are also being met. Whether or not you want to take a look at what those needs are and whether you feel they are serving you is something else.

She's got some trust and insecurrity issues.

Yeah, she does. You are incapable of helping her with them because you have some control issues… you are afraid of losing yourself. Continuing to fan her trust and security issues, rather than give her reassurance, seems necessary for you. You get a lot of juice out of this relationship. Ever looked at what it is and why you need it?

Trust issues and control issues are kinda the same thing internally… they just show up in the world looking different. To my way of thinking, the behaviours are different, the “hole in the soul” is much the same. These are the needs you are meeting in each other.

But she knows they are there so that bothers her.

Actually, like all the other stuff you’ve raised in various threads, it is just symbolic for what bothers her. What bothers her is that you are not a couple. You share a house but not your life, not really.

If I do everything to please her or change what I do because she doesn't like it then I'd give up who I am to suit her.

Here’s your fear of losing yourself.

It's been there for the past 13 years. My girl has only been there for 6.

She’ll never be there long enough for you to be a couple. She just doesn’t want to believe it yet. She hasn’t accepted that she is enough. If she did accept she is enough, she is good enough to be loved for exactly who she is, she would look at you, who you are being and who you say you are.

I want to know about her but she won't tell me.

Either it is a non-issue to her or, what I suspect, she doesn’t feel safe enough to be revealing. Why do you want to know about her I wonder? What would you do with the knowledge?



Why not accept a person for who they are and not what you want them to be?

Do you accept her?
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 54
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 2:11:49 AM
There is nothing wrong with it.
 crazygirl89
Joined: 8/6/2006
Msg: 55
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:14:26 AM
Its ok to keep photos and things, but id say you keeping photos of ex gfs in your wallet is a bit much!! if my boyfriend kept photos of exs in his wallet, id tell him to take them out, and quickly!!! Put them in a box somewhere, under your bed, in a cupboard, in the attic... somewhere your current partner does not have to look at them!! I do have photos of exs, but they are tucked away somewhere, i dont even know where!! I dont need to look at them, because im happy with who i am with now! And i have all the memories that mean something in my head!

Yes keep them, thats fine, but not where your partner can see it, its not nice.

Saying that, im quite young.. i think as you get older things like that wont matter..
The only thing i dont agree with, is keeping the photos of exs in your wallet, mother of your children, ok, but exs.. otherwise i think there is nothing wrong with keeping a few things..
 rivereye
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 56
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:32:45 AM
Nobody wants to be reminded of your prior relationships OP, granted, a memento is a memento, but a little discretion wouldn't kill ya, either. Nobody wants to feel they're competing with a memory which~~~ just~~~ won't~~~ die.
I had a g/f who went on and on about different past relationships. It made me feel like an "insignificant other".
 Lady Waresa
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 57
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:33:46 AM
No, no, no - not you again. One would think that you actually "got" some kind of wisdom, that something actually clicked for you from all the responses from your "mother's day" post.

What the hell is wrong with you. You do not love or respect this woman. Let her go. You must be getting something out of this relationship, but you seem to take perverse pleasure in doing things that you know will make her not feel valued or respected. Keeping pictures of your ex and "best friend" in your wallet - right, the ones who you wished happy mother's day before your live in SO.

Why she stays in this relationship is beyond me - I have the feeling though you probably feed her some kind of bull though. I'm sure if she read any of your postings, she'd be out the door.

Get a friggin' grip buddy. There's something seriously unhinged.

I'll probably get banned or whatever for attacking the OP but I am so sick of you and your passive aggressive controlling behaviour....
 NCsingledad
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 58
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 4:03:19 AM
Just catching back up with this this morning. Let me say that I've read everyone's replies and I thank you for them all. First of all, most of you all say that it's best to put them in a shoe box in the back of the closet or under the bed or even in the attic. Ok, case solved. Is she still gonna be happy that I have it hidden away? Probably not. Why? Because hiding something away give the other person the impression that there's more to it than meets the eye. My nightstand is my shoe box. Granted it's sitting right on my side of the bed but my girl has probably only gone in my nightstand once in the past 6 months. It's not like she's constantly in there. Ok, now, if I was to move it I know my girl would really start to wonder and question why I moved it and where I moved it to. I let her read it and she knew it was in there. I'm not hiding it at all. I have no feelings for that girl. I just thought it was a cute little note. It says nothing about I'll wait on you forever or if you ever find yourself single, look me up. It basically says, "thank you for the time we shared." And as far as the pics in my wallet those are my friends. Most are that, just friends. I have a pic of a girl I grew up with who was killed in a car wreck, pics of other girls that I've known through my 39 years of life as well as family photos. If I had pics of guys then I'd be looked at as a closet gay. But pics of another girl means I want them in that way. And to the person who says that 80% of past relationships tend to end up back in the sack, I must be in the 20%. It's beem 15 years and me and the girl have not even shared a simple kiss.

Also, no I wouldn't mind if she had a pic in her wallet of her ex husband. I truely wouldn't. Maybe that's just me. My girl tried to make an example of my parents who have been married about 50 years. If my dad had a pic of some girl he dated back when he was a teen. I say, after 50 years if my momma is making an issue of it now then she's the one with the problem. My mom has never been in my dad's wallet. Why? Because that's his shoe box. Putting anything in a shoebox doesn't get rid of anything. It just moves it to another place. And I know how some women think. While their guy is out at work or out fixing his car that shoe box would surprisingly get missing or maybe one or two items in it. I'm not holding on to a flame but I do have memories I want to keep.
 Funny_Girl
Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 59
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Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 4:30:26 AM

I believe all this stems from a viewpoint of consideration and a desire to honor ones spouse. Few seem to relate to these observations so perhaps these ideas are Greek to many.

It's not Greek to me.

It's just weird to me that lots of folks are saying it's OK to have them, but not actually look at them or keep them handy. What on earth is the point?
This seems to be all about ego, and nothing at all about these pics and letters. I actually think some people would rather do anything than "give in or cave" to something their partner desires out of fear they'll lose some huge chunk of themselves. If choosing to show consideration and respect to your partner and send them the message that they are very important to you equates to losing a part of yourself, something is wrong. You can't lose what you truly possess.

In a healthy relationship, these pics and letters probably wouldn't be a threat. But they also wouldn't be used as a tool because they're a non issue, right? I think most reasonable folks would eventually come to the conclusion that altho they might not like it, they can live with it because those memories don't trump or threaten reality. And most reasonable folks wouldn't arrogantly send a message that because they don't think something is an issue, it simply isn't. We don't get to determine what is meaningful or valid for others. In a partnership, there are 2 people and each are valid, significant and rightful.

Just my view...in the OP's situation, he's choosing to send mixed messages. He's telling her these items/memories are far too insignificant to even talk about, much less experience angst over...yet, he's firmly refusing to budge even a quarter of an inch and allow any space for how she sees things. First, it's all about him and what he thinks is valid for both of them. Second, he's been very thoughtful over this, as he has been about all their dynamics...he isn't innocently falling into this. He's chosen this behavior because it benefits him to keep her toeing the line. Third, he passively "allows" these things to sit around...nah, not the wallet pic---he prominently places it on top--and claims they're "not a big deal to me", then goes on to say, with the same mouth, that because these people have been around longer than his girlfriend of 6 years, he owes them a loyalty and placement in his memory and in his environment that trumps her needs/desires and their chosen partnership. How can it be both ways? How can it be a non issue, yet at the same time, be something he refuses to place second to her, his partner?
(Because it's carefully orchestrated as such.)

Looky!


Because hiding something away give the other person the impression that there's more to it than meets the eye.



Putting anything in a shoebox doesn't get rid of anything. It just moves it to another place.



My nightstand is my shoe box.


Aww, your chosen placement is just awesome---in your wallet and right by your bed!

I must say, you're a pro! I've never, ever seen such double talk! C'mon, grow a pair! Take all those lil shrines and make one whopper and place it right there on the ceiling above the bed! That'll fix her...and you'll never have to wonder if she's following the carefully orchestrated path you've carved for her!

I really do understand the need to not give into what we deem to be unreasonable demands from our partner. But that doesn't negate the fact that we do indeed have a partner and we have a responsibility to them, and to the greater good of our relationship. If we really deem their "demands" to be unreasonable, then we have a choice to make. Torturing them over our "stand" is cruel ...."you're wrong, and you'll always be wrong, but I'll hang out with you anyway, cause I love you...and stuff!"

One day they'll finally pop their cork, and it could be a very bad day.

I almost said "I can't imagine why she hasn't kicked you to the curb years ago!", but nope, I get it.
 Mr Blblblbl
Joined: 5/22/2008
Msg: 60
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 5:10:42 AM

Would a man seriously be ok with it if I had pictures of my ex husband present in my house or had memorabilia of our marriage around our house? Especially if he and I were residing in the same residence.

It's not the pictures that are the problem, it's the malice and contempt that accompanies them. The OP is basically saying, "I have these and f*ck you if you don't like it." The, "I have these," is something most people could accept. The, "f*ck you if you don't like it," part is the part that would piss me off. When people tell me I have to like something I usually resist, even if I like it. I am capable of making my own decisions without having some overbearing egomaniac shove them down my throat. The pictures and memorabilia are not the problem, it's the contempt the comes along with them.
 forums1
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 61
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 5:32:34 AM
It's just weird to me that lots of folks are saying it's OK to have them, but not actually look at them or keep them handy. What on earth is the point?


While I agree, FG, that him keeping them in his wallet is, uh, rather odd (to me anyways, why on earth would I be carrying around pictures of my ex's "to have handy for display on a moments notice" (which is the purpose of having them in your wallet, isn't it?)), not sure I agree with that statement I quoted.

I have a ton of pictures in a box in my closet, probably haven't looked at them in years, but there's pictures of my ex's as well as friends, halloween parties, outdoor shots (my car buried in 3' of snow with a tree bent over it loaded with snow - from back in like HS at my parents), a few from elementary school, some from a vacations w/ my parents growing up, pets, etc. Certainly not "enshrined" or anything I'd carry around with me, but on occasion its fun to pull them out and look at them and 'stir' the memories of my life. Personally, I *would* take it as a bad sign if a GF decided to dig the box out of the closet and suddenly jumped into a dose of 'jealousy' over them and wanted to toss them or destroy them. But then, its just a box of pictures, with I would guess maybe 20-30 out of probably 300+ pictures that actually have ex's in them. Wish I had more of some of my vacations as a kid, although I've gotten some on CD's that my dad has scanned which brought back some fun memories of things I'd forgotten (and those pics of me at 6y/o are fun to see).

Funny, the past few weeks I've been cleaning up the yard, and have taken all the sticks/branches that fell in the yard, cutting/breaking them up, burning them in the fireplace on a cool night (the cats love to cuddle in front of a warm fire ), and I keep a little basket by the fireplace with those 'fire logs' (good for starting a fire) next to the fireplace -- for the life of me I don't remember where that basket came from (it looks nice tho where it is), but I'm pretty sure my ex from 14 years ago left it when she moved out. Doubt I'd care if a new GF wanted to get rid of it, living with me or not, if she had a better idea decoratively - I probably *would* take it as a bad sign if she got all jealous over it because its an "ex artifact" (because while it may be, its not really in my mind?).

That being said, if I was carrying around pictures of my ex's or their families in my wallet, I'd agree 100% she has a right to be upset. Although, if it was kids and it was "the ex's mom/dad with the kids" (ie, their grandparents) or something, it might be different.

Oh, and I think in that box of pictures is 3 songs I wrote (w/ guitar chords) when that same ex who left the basket cheated on me & left. Dunno, they were my 'emotional catharsis' at the time, last time I looked at them I laughed... #1 "I love you", #2 "how could you", #3 "f**k you b**ch!!!" LOL!
 Sharzi
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 62
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:13:09 AM
OP....

I don't think you get it.

First, tell her you realized after thinking it over that the picture in your wallet really was getting to her, and since you care about her, you decided to just pack it away. I'm sure that would help, and if not, maybe there are some dynamics of your relationship you haven't shared here.

No woman that I know of wants to believe she loves someone who is thinking of someone else. We want to believe the man we've opened our heart to is focused on us and isn't wishing it had worked with someone else. The pic in your wallet could symbolize that for her if she's thinking maybe your feelings for her are not as strong as hers are for you. After reading some of the responses, that might be the case.

Sharzi
 Funny_Girl
Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 63
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Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:22:13 AM
forums1...but see, the difference is that you're not taking a stand about your pics, and they hold no placement or priority above your partner. That's everything! As I said, I don't think this is about pictures; it's about ego....and these pics and the letter are reflective of all the other issues centered around ego.

I wide openly admit to having bad feelings about some of my husbands memory boxes, but only briefly. At his invitation, and because I wanted to frame some of our old pics that we had before we met, I decided to go through his boxes and frame some of his family pics, etc. I never got around to doing it until his mother died. One of his sisters sent some old black and whites ---which I have a passion for--of his Mom, and when I saw his reaction to them, I decided it'd make a great gift if I were to go through all those boxes and find and frame the pics of his Mom. Well, I surely did bite off more than I could chew, cause I found pics of his ex giving birth to one of their kids, and nursing him, too! Holy crap, did that sting! I really didn't wanna see her cootie, nor her big bottles, but there they were!
It messed with me for hours cause it made me sad. I sat there thinking and wishing that it had been me giving birth to his kids, but...it is what it is, huh? I had to close those boxes and shut that door---yet, continue on in my quest, because it was my issue, not his! He'd forgotten the pics were there, and you know what? He actually apologized to me! Not because the pics were there and he'd been toting them around, but because he felt compassion for me and understood how it weirded me out. And that's really all I needed. It didn't hurt that he also echoed what I'd been feeling, by telling me that we should've met 20 years ago, and that yes, he wished it'd been me having his babies, too. :)

Another time, before we got too serious, I was at his house one night. His young son had been digging through his old marine pics because he was fascinated by the uniform for some weird reason, lol, and came across a hottie pic of one of his old girlfriends, and she was stretched out across the hood of a car, and wearing a bikini! Of course, his son really thought it'd be a hoot to show the pic to me, and so he did! Umm...what can I say? My guy had a hottie lil barbie doll that looked tons better than me and I didn't care to see it! I tried to cover my reaction by stating "wow, Ricky---what a hottie you had!", but the problem was, I tried too hard to cover it...apparently, my face went blank and he just knew. He quickly stated that he couldn't believe that picture was still in the box, and "it was 30 years ago!", lol. Well, of course I knew all that, but I'd still like to believe I've hung his moon and that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. ...physically, I clearly wasn't! We moved on and continued looking through the pics and I never said a word about it because I knew I was being silly. It took me awhile, but I came around to being happy for him that he had some time with a barbie doll. :)
Anyway, when we decided 8 or 9 months later to live together, it came time to pack up the memory boxes and I sarcastically made the comment that he needed to be careful with that box cause hottie barbie was in it---I am what I am, dammit!--and he said, "nope, I threw her out a long time ago". Wow...just wow.:)

I'm only one person and I can only speak of my own experiences, but when I've held on to memory reminders, it was because I wasn't done with them. Be it because I still longed for whatever it was, or I was still processing whatever it was...I just wasn't done with it. I'm not saying that's good or bad or right or wrong. I just know that I kept those things because I needed the trigger they provided, or as you put it, the "emotional catharsis".
 JulietJuliet
Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 64
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:35:16 AM
I have a box of memory's which I keep under my bed. Basically there are different things in that box from different periods during my life. Letters from my ex's, my children's home made cards and world happenings that I had clipped from the newspapers. They are MY personal effects, however if anyone wanted to see my box of memories.....and the children have asked from time to time then I am willing to share my memories.

The bad thing is that I talk to her about her past relationships but she acts like she doesn't want to talk about them, nor does she want to talk about any of mine. Maybe I'm a little more secure to know that I wasn't her first. She had a past before me and I had a past
.....You should be looking at the future NOT the past.
As for the little note .....it should have been tucked away along with your other memoirs.
The note is in my night stand next to my bed.
.....This tells me that this particular note meant a lot to you as it is not mixed in with your other memoirs. Why do you keep it so close to you?
I have a picture of my late b/f on my bedside table, however I'm not in a relationship so I can keep it there. IF I was in a relationship that picture will go to my special box.
 forums1
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 65
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:40:31 AM

"it was 30 years ago!", lol. Well, of course I knew all that, but I'd still like to believe I've hung his moon and that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. ...physically, I clearly wasn't!


Oh, c'mon FG, I'm betting 30 years ago you would have given her a run for her money . And who knows, she could be 500lbs and haggard from raising 8 kids today? Heck, I don't know *anyone* who still looks like they did at 20!
 cutepoet
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 66
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:03:55 AM
This is a personal issue, and it is also something we should look into.
Let me tell you something OP, just for EXAMPLE, if you ask someone, he would tell you Get rid of them, if you ask another, she would tell you, keep it, if you ask 5 people
they would tell you so many things, what they think actually. But for me, i think it's not a bad thing to do, but it's a normal thing for our partners to get mad at us over things like this, it shows how much they love us, and they would do anything just to keep us.
So OP, pls don't blame your girl friend, she loves you more than anything in this world, just try to make her understand that they mean nothing, and tell her how much you love her, and take her somewhere, maybe to the movies, or somewhere you guys can sit back, relax, and have fun. Just feel good.
Have fun, be yourself.
D'POET
 bassman1959
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 67
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:08:00 AM
ncsingledad,


And to the person who says that 80% of past relationships tend to end up back in the sack, I must be in the 20%. It's beem 15 years and me and the girl have not even shared a simple kiss.


You don't have to convince us. You have to convince her. It seems that so far you aren't doing very well.
Keep in mind that she doesn't have to go through your wallet or your nightstand. She could catch a glance while you are going through it. The thing is.....NOW she knows where you keep them.
When a woman is with a guy she needs to feel that she is number one in his life. From the things you have written it's pretty clear that she isn't very important to you. Why should she trust you?
Heck, I don't even know you. But from the things you write I wouldn't trust you. Why should she?
Like I said before.......she should kick you to the curb.
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:28:04 AM
WOW, why is she still with you? I appreciate what notcre8ed2balone said - baggage and speaking greek.

OP - And you don't see how your baggage is affected your girl now? You question why she has insecurities ect? It's like your wanting to show off your past trophies and keep reminding her of them - how in the world should she feel but insecure? I can't imagine ever being so selfish as to do that to some0ne I professed to love and care for. If you have to keep your momentos then put them in a box and set them on a shelf somewhere - don't keep them out where it's "in her face constantly". How can you create trust and security in your relationship with that?
 ragdoll251
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 69
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Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:38:33 AM
if your current partner is important to
you -- you should put stuff like that away.
Its not much to ask that you put it somewhere
that she does not have to see it. If it makes her
insecure, why keep it so close? I would think
you still had major feelings for the other person
if such as that was always within easy reach.
If you can't be bothered to do such a simply thing for her
maybe you don't care enough about her feelings.
I still have my wedding rings- they are put away to be given
to my daughter when I pass. No pictures in my wallet tho
and the cards he gave me are put away in a box somewhere.
marsha
 stoky
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 70
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 10:02:02 AM
I don't think it's wrong to have memories and keepsakes....when appropriately placed. We've all had pasts definate.....but having read the way you come back ****ing and moaning about her......FCS - its no wonder she's screwed up trustwise - your the one thats playing with all her insecurities.....

Why don't you do the girl a favor and move yourself and your nightstand out of the fuking house so she can find someone that really wants to be with her and appreciate her for who she is. ....

^^^ - i so agree ! - are you a complete t*at or what??

Seems to me that you enjoy humiliating your girl.....

If you were mine I would kick your ass .......hell i'm so pissed at you I'd kick your ass for her!!
 Snakewhisperer
Joined: 2/3/2008
Msg: 71
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History
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 10:02:20 AM
The woman in your life wants to feel special to you. So at very least, it's inconsiderate of your partner's feelings to leave those things where she will see them. I don't hang on to mementos of past relationships unless there is still some trace of feeling or desire for connection there. When a relationship is over it's over. I delete voice messages and emails, and give away souvenirs that bring back memories. Mementos of love affairs tend to bring back romantic feelings. I don't think it's appropriate if you are currently with someone else. You always have your fond memories, and no one can take those away from you. But how would you feel if you found a teddy bear with "I LOVE YOU" on the card given to her by her last boyfriend in the dresser drawer? If you feel the need to keep revisiting those old memories, you may not be totally over your exes.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 72
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Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 10:09:39 AM
I thank you for the replies..... F most of you say it's best to put them in a shoe box in the back of the closet or under the bed or even in the attic. Ok, case solved. Is she still gonna be happy that I have it hidden away? Probably not. Why? Because hiding something away give the other person the impression that there's more to it than meets the eye
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dude, you have a "chip" or something. Please, learn to give a compliment, take advice, or deal with your girlfriends WITHOUT TOSSING IT BACK IN THEIR FACE. You will get more with sugar than salt. If we thought putting them in a box in storage was wrong, we would say that. THATS WHAT MOST PEOPLE DO. I have a box of love letters and pictures somewhere of old girlfriends. NO IN THE TOP DRAWER of my nightstand next to my sleeping girlfriend (if I had one, I assume). Why do you have CREATE AN ISSUE, when the answers are so simple, if you weren't so narrow minded and self-seeking?

Be a bigger man, and she will love you more.
 MoragDunn
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 73
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 1:33:00 PM
"No the real issue here is that you are putting your ego above your girlfriend of six years feelings. Not cool!" - Indigo Rose

VERY well said!! I have been tangled with a few men like you in the past, OP and thank God they are in the past!!!
 rivereye
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 74
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 7:35:09 PM
OP,
IMO, it seems obvious the memento isn't the issue here, it's the prominence you place upon it. My guess is your SO feels you are too attached to something which should be a small part of your past, not a lingering reminder stuck in the present. Box it, store it, and get on with your life.
 Audi-girl
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 75
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/2/2008 7:55:51 PM
I agree with Laughinglibra.....

It is ok to save keepsakes from past relationships. They are like memories and just because you are not with someone doesnt mean you have to completely wipe out all memories of them. And to share them only deepens the relationship you have with the person you are currently with. Sharing what you feel comfortable with in time is part of the growing phase in a relationship.
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