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 AUTHOR
 Friendfindercom
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 76
Holding on to memories from past relationships!Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
memories from ones past can coincide with memories of the present if they are worked with each other to present something both can treasure.. it really depends on the relationship and the photo's.. for me.. my desk photo.. I don't feel it's in the least bit appropriate to have my X photo on near or included within my private area of personal modivation.. on the other hand.. if a photo of my X, her mom an our daughter was over on the wall area where stuff like a golfing trophey or photo's of places in my lifes travels were.. sorta respectful of my daughter when she comes.. that's ok... i want my daughter, my woman and if an when our children, an our / my family on my desk... an X shouldn't be there on purpose to excite.. an ex gf pic, reguardless of what an where.. shouldn't ever exsist.. if it's a pic an old gf took.. well.. mark it for the to be replaced file, great adventures re-discovered... maybe you'll have a more memorible time in Pisa, you know you always wanted to go again ( yep ).. and the "new" replacment photo.. might look the same to some but you'll know the difference.....
 behind deep blue eyes
Joined: 5/10/2006
Msg: 77
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/3/2008 11:07:34 AM
I think it is normal for some people to keep old photos and momentos from past experiences and relationships for memories sake. But, if someone decides to keep these momentos, I think they should be put away somewhere far away from daily life...maybe in a storage room or the attic...but NOT in your BEDSIDE TABLE or WALLET!!! That is just wacked, dude!
 behind deep blue eyes
Joined: 5/10/2006
Msg: 78
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/3/2008 11:14:41 AM

notcre8ed2balone said:
Again personally I believe if I'm holding "dear" to things of relationships past (mainly intimate relationships) it is a slap in the face or equal to a slap in the stomach to anyone I'm proposing to desire a long term relationship with. Perhaps there are exceptions but at the moment none spring to mind.

I believe all this stems from a viewpoint of consideration and a desire to honor ones spouse. Few seem to relate to these observations so perhaps these ideas are Greek to many.


You are a wise man notcre8ed2balone! I totally agree!
 ~Kyn~
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 79
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/3/2008 11:50:40 AM
I didnt even make it through the first page of this thread.
Once I saw the OP had written this VVV...my thought was...what a dumbass.

Yes, it's in my nightstand. So what? It's been there for the past 13 years. My girl has only been there for 6

Maybe after another 4 yrs she'll earn enough respect from you for you to be little more concerned for her feelings than a piece of bloody paper.

If I do everything to please her or change what I do because she doesn't like it then I'd give up who I am to suit her. I'd turn into her. Why do men have to change to suit a woman? Why not accept a person for who they are and not what you want them to be? Ok, maybe she's gotten rid of all her past like it never happened so I'm suppose to pretend that I never had a past before her too?

Stop behaving like a child...put the fricken things away where they arent out constantly insulting your girlfriend on a daily basis.

I gotta be honest...I dont think this has anything to do with the paper or your girlfriend...

What *I* think it has to do with...is maybe...just maybe...the relationship is starting to move towards the further commitment/possible marriage stage...and you're fighting it by creating sabotaging situations to cause a breakup.

You're being passive aggressive and creating a ruse to get what you want.

THAT ^^^ is my honest opinion

In other words...you're scared.

So IF Im right...TALK to her about it before you destroy probably the best thing you've had in a looooong time.
 notcre8ed2balone
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 80
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 6/3/2008 6:59:01 PM
I reread what I posted the first time and noticed something disturbing. My text was modified from what I originally posted the first time and I've been seeing this more and more frequently.

In what I first wrote the second slap should have been "slug". Removing ads and whatnot through a filter is one thing. Rewriting original thoughts through the use of filtering or to make folks seem less credible is another thing entirely.
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 81
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 10/11/2009 3:08:51 PM
have memories of my husband that i can't bring my self to put away .
he died in 07from a ashama atack married 7 years.
his dad called me a few months latter telling me how i should sale our bed its a king size.
then he starts i on saleing his truck he always worked on hobbie truck i called it 78 dodge long bed nice truck. he wanted me to sale mower tiller things like that
no way could i do it
i told his dad i did but did not just so he would stop asking me to sale his things
i gave his his son's some things and his daughter some things
is that wrong of me to hold on to my memories?


Those things and memories are totally different than the one's discussed here. YOU cannot let go of those things until YOU are ready.
But if you are on a dating site with the intention of meeting a man to have a relationship with...then they should not be thrown in his face.

I am a widow and I had the most wonderful husband. Little by little I gave away or disposed of his things as my comfort level matured. I have a few boxes of mementos from over twenty years together in the garage, a picture of him and my daughter-in-law dancing at her wedding on my dresser, and a small picture of the two of us on my desk. My late husband is not a threat to any new love.

When and if I have another serious relationship that leads to marriage ( I don't do co-habitation).........I will leave them packed away in a box or give them to his children.
The OP is totally different........... I can't believe she has put up with you S****** for this long.
If my SO that professed to love me, etc and still felt the need to have a picture of his ex in his wallet, and notes in his nightstand of a past love...he would be with that PAST love or someone else. You are screwing with her mind and emotions. She doesn't throw her past in your face and if she doesn't want to talk about it, it is her choice. Her life before you was just that...before you.
You may win this battle with her, but ultimately lose the war. If her feelings do not concern you to the point of wanting her to know she is your " only" , then if I was her..I would walk. You would be left very happy with your wallet and nightstand full of memories..........and I would be off to find a man that put my feelings first !
 Like Totally Fur Sure
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 82
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 10/11/2009 3:10:39 PM
Ditch the past stuff in your wallet and put it in a drawer.
 DeepLuv09
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 83
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 10/11/2009 3:25:48 PM
Sheeks! Some women are too nice. In "sorority calss" LOL! They teach you the art of "stealing" those irritating types of items and getting rid of them, but then again you have a good one. Personally if that note bothered me so much I would just have yanked it into the dustbin and after that suffered a severe amnesia bout
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 84
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History
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 10/11/2009 3:34:51 PM
Uh-oh! Major red flag! What is she doing going through your wallet?

When children are involved, sure people have keepsakes. I just found out after all these years, my oldest son's dad still has my pics AND my HS diploma! My son was going to get the diploma for me when his dad goes to serve his sentence for assault.

Pics of my kids are everywhere, but yes pics of the (late)ex are in a photo album.
 noliespls
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 85
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 10/11/2009 7:14:27 PM
I don't seee a problem hanging onto memories but you wallet? C'mon!
Think about it. Too me your wanting to show off all of those notches you've aquired over the years. If your current girlfriend means anything to you, those items go into a box in the back of your closet.
I have been married twice and out of respect to anyone I may date or even anyone who is visiting me I have all my keepsakes put away...for good.
Prove it to yourself that allof these relationships are over and do the right thing. Put them away.
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 86
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Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 10/11/2009 7:32:37 PM
I think you need to put all those pictures of the past into a box or album and put it away in the attic so you can recall those memories for years later. They have no place where you and your wife can access it regulary. I wouldnt want to see my wifes past boyfreinds every time I go into her purse for something. You need to concentrate on your relationship and to consider her feelings. File the photos away and stop talking about past relationships and cultivate new ones with your women.
 ceaser_73
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 87
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History
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 10/11/2009 7:48:54 PM
I think everybody is entitled to keep something of thier past relationships. Someday when your old and don't have much of a life anymore, you can look back throughout the years of your life and reflect on those moments and times, with loved ones and family.
 Atlantis80
Joined: 9/7/2009
Msg: 88
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 10/11/2009 9:12:10 PM
Look...ever heard the saying "pick your battles"?

So choose what's more important, your girlfriend or the note and pics. If the note and pics are more important than your relationship, that's fine. It's your choice.

But if doing what you can to make her happy is more important then just do what others have suggested anbd COMPROMISE. Put the pics and the notes and other momentos in a box and put it in your closet.

And tell her that you aren't getting rid of those things but you are going to store them away. That way you get to keep them and she doesnt have to look at them.

And you're not caving to her because you get to keep them. But it is being thoughtful and considerate of her that you take those pictures of your exs out of your wallet.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 89
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Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 10/11/2009 9:36:27 PM
You know, this whole thread is silly...
I read most of it and quite frankly I saw a man who is afraid of leaving his past behind.
The bedside table is in my opinion an inappropriate place to keep memento's of EX's.... sorry, it just smacks to me of some sort of "taking them to bed with you" concept... I almost find that creepy...
Put the damn stuff in a locked box, take it to your buddies place and ask him to store it if you think that it's going to be an issue anywhere in the house... or get a scanner, copy everything and save it to a disk and encrypt it...
I learned a long time ago that people have memories...
I also learned they have feelings too...

My wallet has no pictures...
I do have pics etc from Ex's... they're locked away and encrypted.. if my G/F and I get married, they'll go in the fire....
My G/F has pics of her wedding and her Ex... Odd, considering she hates him, but she's keeping them for their kids... in fact, I think most if not all of them have already been given to the kids... I've seen all her old family photos, and she's seen all my old family photos... We sat down and went through them all together... no secrets... Then everything went into boxes... and probably haven't been looked at since...
Probably in her wallet is a pic of her kids, and probably one of me... Not sure...
The bedside tables hold junk...some of it hers, some of it mine... looking for anything means rooting around on both sides for both of us...

I see no logical reason to keep that sort of stuff around if it hurts anyone's feelings...
Least of all my best friend, who is my G/F....

You cannot move forward until you've learned how to not look back...
 wild1-1
Joined: 9/5/2009
Msg: 90
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 10/11/2009 9:40:44 PM
For years I kept a box full of letters from ex boyfriends. every time I look at them it makes me sad because it triggers memories I had with them. So I chuck them out.

But there is one guy I treasure something he did for me when we were seeing each other. One day out of the blue he called and played a fav tune he listens to and man that left a lasting memory of him for me. He told me he was thinking of me while listening to that tune and called. How do you get rid of something as nice as that. Despite our differences and how things turn out for us today, I still get teary when I think of him.
 3Therm0pylae0
Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 91
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 10/12/2009 1:54:43 AM
Bro, cut the BS. I gotta' call BS on this practice. Your lady, doesn't feel comfy with you clinging to pix and notes from ex's. There's something called an ''emotional affair'' and you're dangerously close to treading on it with momentos/ memories you're clinging to, despite her admissions it makes her uncomfortable. You need to be appropriately considerate of this vulnerable woman who is giving her heart to you, and reciprocate by being a safe depository of said heart, by not cluttering your hands with pix and notes of other hearts you've handled.

Life is too short and you really need to get a little cigar box and deposit the notes/ pix and fill your wallet with stuff from your current lady, and let her know this is what you're all about... and you're sorry for being silly.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 92
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Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 10/13/2009 12:13:51 PM
It's very nice that people are still offering advice to the OP - a year and a half later
 scottdehart
Joined: 6/5/2009
Msg: 93
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Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 10/13/2009 12:26:26 PM
OP: The only problem was that YOU had something as a memory. She probably has trunks full of stuff, but that "doesn't matter".
 classic-man
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 94
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Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 10/13/2009 12:39:36 PM
Hello

How Ironic that a post come up like this-

YES its good to keep memories of past relationship-!! If they are good thoughts they can make one remember the good times of the past wheither in a relationship or marriage-

Just a few months ago I renewed friendships with my first jr college sweetheart -of
35 years ago - she and I hadn't seen each other but once in those yrs-as we both had taken separate paths of life and married and later each divorced and were single again-

I reminded her of some keep sakes I held in good memory for all those yrs - when we meet after all that time I presented them to her as a token of a long lost love- - what a peaceful reunion we had as we reminised old times and plan to see each other again soon as our schedules permit --

You never know what in store as one the world can turn about 360 degrees and bring back memories of the past to be enjoyed in the future!!!
Holding on to memories from past relationships!
Posted: 10/13/2009 12:48:25 PM
Sounds like keeping pics of the past reminds you of what you had and what you lost, and how you wish you still had it. It would seem you have regret? I don't end a relationship unless I really can not stand the person. You may be looking for perfection and realize that you are too picky and looking back you wish that person was still with you. All I know is I amnot the type that can kiss a friend, I need a sexual connection and sexual and friendship is hard to find, so you either ended them because of sexual issues on some part, because if a friendship is dead why would you even care to see the person. Sex is attractive but does not make a relationship complete without the friend part so, you seem to just miss them as friends? I just don't look at past men I have been with i.e keep pics, at least on purpose...I might have some, but I don't look at them and if I do, I just look to think 'I liked him so much until his personality bothered me away...therefore looking at ex;s pics, does not bring me joy...only regret and maybe soe lessons learned. If i went to your house and saw ex's pics, I would think, he still has unfinished business with this girl emotionally or sexuallly, and if he has the chance he will get with her....I would not date a guy seriously that had pics of ex's..i.e I would not sleep with him, or really trust him too much...i.e the relationship would be soured.....girls gotta protect themselves, not just 'trust' a stranger will be forthrite.
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