| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/3/2008 3:18:56 PM |
It may be that he doesn't want you but doesn't want anybody else to have you and doesn't want you to move on.
I think this is exactly what mine is doing to me. When I saw him a few weeks ago, I told him I was on this site well not exact words, but a dating site to meet other men and have been going out with some.
He blew a freaking gasket!!!!!!! Earlier my friend told me he was in an aol chatroom saying how gross and fat I was.
I just don't get it, I really don't!! Does he get off on the torment? Mind you, he is 39 not 21!! Never been married etc etc. In a way I still love the person I met, he accuses me of being psychotic cause all I ever wanted was some respect, taken out, dates, phone calls, stuff bfs and gfs do. But he said I was too ugly to be taken out, so I would go to his house, watch movies and drink beer. Most of you are why?/ My self esteem is so shot, after 7 months of not a word form him, I thought I was doing well, nope, I fell again! And now I'm more miserable than ever!
Ohhh when I mentioned other guys, he said who would date you and how fat and ugly you are?/
I mean I constantly cry thinking of those words and in my mind, maybe I am?? | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/3/2008 3:47:09 PM | well i aint gonna lie.. i'm still not over my exgf..
i dont know if i'll ever be over her..
she was a great gal.. (i wish nothing but the best for her)
she has her good and bad fault..
but thats what i find so enduring.. and loving about her..
and every woman i meet.. always have to measure up to her..but to no avail.
i aint gonna lie.. that girl was something else.. | |
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DazzyB
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Joined: 10/9/2006
Msg: 28 | |
| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/3/2008 3:53:24 PM | | I know, we all just want to be loved... I went through this myself and spent countless nights crying myself to sleep over it, even though I am a guy. It effected everything in my life including my business and I couldn't think straight with anything. It also effected my self-esteme and I thought that nobody wanted me anymore. I feel so much for you. If I were there right now I'd give you a huge cuddle just to say that there are people out there who care! I'm currently chatting with an amazing girl on this site and I can't wait to meet up with her face to face. I never thought I'd feel that again. The thought of my ex used to drown my thoughts all the time. But it will get better for you. You need close friends who really care about you to be around right now. Apart from that, don't rush into a relationship with someone else to drown those hurts out - it won't work and you'll end up worst off in the end. Take time out, look after yourself and respect yourself even though you may not feel like it. Also, don't harbour bitterness and hatred towards this guy even though you may feel like it because it will come back on you and bite you later on. Eventually you will come to a point where you are happy for him, but only once you are happy with your own life. You deserve better than to go through what you've gone through and trust me when I say this - life will be bliss again soon! Be patient and live each day at a time. I'm praying for ya! Dazzy. x x x | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:40:10 PM | Thank you guys!!!!
You all have given me new hope on moving on from him!!! I will find someone 10000x better than him, and even though I want that now, I can't go jumping into a new relationship right away! I've been hanging out with people from work, going partying with my sis and her friends, and it's been great! Most times I don't think of him, which is amazing!!! I still wonder what he's doing every once in awhile, but it's not to the point where I miss him all the time and need him!
I won't be going back to him any time soon, and he needs to realize that! He made his choice, and he's going to have to live with it, because he's not ever getting me back!!!
God I feel so freakin' good right now!!!!!
Bring on the self healing!!!
Thanks to everyone who wrote me back! It means a lot to me!!!! | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:45:01 PM | | Congrats lofty, i hope and pray i can do the same thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/3/2008 6:29:07 PM | Yes, this is one that is way to close to the heart for most of us, if not all of us. We have all been through the broken heart. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but, you are young and attractive. You will find someone else and tuck him away in your memory bank. The hurt does lessen as time goes on. I too, was devasted when my ex and I broke up after being together for almost 8 years. As you, I thought about him constantly. I haven't seen or talked to my ex for over a year and a half. I think about him at times, but he is my PAST and life does go on. He has since remarried and I wish him all the best. I am in a good place now and I know that it was for the best and that we just weren't meant to be FOREVER. I haven't found anyone special yet, and I miss that. Hopefully I will one day.
Good luck to you. It does get better. I promise you that. Lorna | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/3/2008 7:57:27 PM | i know exactle how u feel. i had a huge crush on a friend of mine and after we finally got 2 gether i was over the moon. we dated and i thought we were really happy but every now and then he woul get it in 2 his head that he wanted 2 finish things and like a fool i would 4 give him when he changed his mind. we started makin plans 4 the future, were goin away on holidays and were even thinkin of movin in 2gether so when he finished with me again i thought he would change his mind again
while out he would txt me if he saw me out with friends and follow me from pub 2 pub he even went as far as to beg my friends 2 get us back 2gether but all he wanted was 1 nite of fun!!
when i found out he was with some1 else i was gutted i felt so sick and fell in2 a deep depression. i always believed we would get back 2gether. he still used 2 call me and txt when he was goin out with this girl straight out tellin me he wanted sex that his new girl friend was no good in bed. i felt so used and sick that was all i was worth 2 him after all we had been through 2gether
it will b a year in july since we split up and it still hurts. i think about him all the time and go weak at the knees when i see him, but it has got easier. u need 2 decide rite now if u want him back and 2 me it seems he doesnt want u and he is just makin a fool of u!! tell urself u r better than him and 2 good for him and he doesnt deserve u. u need good friends around u 4 support and u need 2 b strong dont go back 2 him no matter how much u think u want 2
it is hard but believe me it does get easier u have bad days and good days but eventually the good days out weight the bad days
hang in there and hold ur head high and above all b strong
best wished
magsx | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/3/2008 8:56:25 PM |
u need 2 decide rite now if u want him back and 2 me it seems he doesnt want u and he is just makin a fool of u!! tell urself u r better than him and 2 good for him and he doesnt deserve u. u need good friends around u 4 support and u need 2 b strong dont go back 2 him no matter how much u think u want 2
it is hard but believe me it does get easier u have bad days and good days but eventually the good days out weight the bad days
There are times when I want to get back together with him so bad. He has told me in the past that he wants to try us again some day, but in order for him to do that he needs to break up with his current girlfriend, and as of yet he doesn't seem to want to do that. He told me he still loves me, and that some days it seems better to him to be with me than her. But I guess her qualities have out weighed mine or he wouldn't have cut me out of his life.
I just don't ever want him calling me up one day telling me he broke up with his girlfriend and he misses me, because I know it wouldn't take much for me to get back together with him. Maybe one day that'll change and I won't ever want to get back together with him, but if he called me up right now and told me he was single, I would get back together with him in a heart beat. And that scares me, because I don't ever want to be hurt by him anymore. He hasn't hurt me since he's stopped talking to me, but I know that call will come one day, and I hope to hell I don't fall into his trap.
My friends have told me he's just keeping me on the back burner for when his relationship with her falls through. I thought I meant more to him, that he would never do that to the person he was with for almost two years. It still baffles me that he could be with someone else so soon while I'm still struggling to hold it together, to make it on my own.
I think what hurts the most is the fact that he got another girlfriend so fast and I haven't even been with anyone else since our break up. It makes me sick knowing he's with her the way he was with me. Some days I trick myself into thinking we never broke up, that he's not with anyone else, and then it hits me.
Right after our breakup my sis took me out to a club, and I thought it'd be a good thing if I drank until it didn't hurt anymore, and dance with guys. That pain was still there the next day, maybe worse than it was before I went out.
He was there for me for a lot of things in my life, and I'll always be thankful for him being there for me the night my grandpa died. My sister had called and left a message on my phone, and I cried in his arms for a good two hours at 1am. He just held me and told me everything would be OK. There are a lot of good memories of the two of us, and I will always cherish those memories.
But, the bad outweigh the good and I know I'm better off without him. My head says that, but my heart still hurts. I honestly thought he was my soul mate. I was ready to settle down with him, be with him for the rest of my life. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/4/2008 7:01:18 AM | | I think that you girls are the victim of extremely manipulative mind-games. Your ex's belittle you and treat you badly to lower your self-esteem and you unwittingly believe them and stay with them. Tiny Skydiver said she has gone out with several men from POF. Obviously other men find you attractive. In my opinion, you should sever ties with the ex's, and see people that appreciate you. Your lives will only improve when you gain enough self-confidence to realize that you deserve "great sex" and someone that respects you! | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/4/2008 7:35:31 AM | Hey Lofty 2008,
I can relate to the whole being sick to your stomach feeling,I broke up with my ex not to long ago,and now I'm regretting it every day.I spoke with her not to long ago and told her how I felt and would like another chance.She told me how she was dating someone else,and how happy she was,but I still love her and I still want to be with her.I'm so sure of it I'm ready to marry this woman,just to never loose her again.
True we had our problems,but I always thought and will continue to think that anything can be resolved with some hard work.What I'm trying to say in a lenthy process is never stop loving him ,maybe the way he is feeling,and the reason why he is telling you all of the things he is,is because maybe he knows he made a mistake,he sees what might have been between you and that there is hope in the future. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/4/2008 7:42:03 AM | I'm slowly getting there. As I said, he doesn't want to talk to me all of a sudden, which is fine as long as he doesn't call me out of the blue one day and tell me he's broken up with his girlfriend and wants to get back together with me. If he's not going to talk to me, it'll be easier to move on. I don't want all of this stuff to come back if he tries to get in contact with me.
So what if he does call? What you don't get is that, yes, that may hurt and it may make things more difficult in terms of getting over him, but the bottom line is you don't want this man in your life because he treats you like crap. You have given him ultimate power and authority over your life and that is not a good way to live, particularly when you have entrusted yourself to a dishonorable, mean-spirited person.
If he calls and says he wants you back, you can tell him, thank you, that is flattering but I do not want you so I can only wish you the ability to find who and what you want. You also don't have to answer his call or return a message, your choice based on how he has treated you and the courtesy you wish to give him.
Tiny, you can still love the man you met in the same way you hold other memories fondly, just make sure you continue to realize that the man you met was a facade, and not the man you split from. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:57:28 PM | I can totally feel for your pain and tears. I married the love of my life . We were so happy for 14 years. We had our ups and downs. But we get though them Be supporting each other and lots of hugs and kisses. I loved him and over looked some things. He became a alcoholic , I still loved telling myself he workEd so hard. This man called me Four times a day telling he loved me ! I worked too, cooked Dinner for us cleaned the house, Gave him affection . I thought we would grow old together. But unforturately not true. His drinking got worse and he became mean. and it was painful to see him get sick in the morningsz before work. I left him.... Hoping the separation would some how wake him up . Been while i needed a break from this. needless to say i wanted to go back home. My heart was broken missing him ..And he said no! you made your bed in lay in it down. I Begged and cryed I love you, Its only been a year and a half. Its took me one year to stop crying. Time has pasted the healing is slow . But i'm becoming stronger each day. Now i date here and there . Everytime a meet a man thats a jerk. I will my husband back !  maybe i watched to many love movies. I still Belive theres someone out there better for me, and Verything happensz for reasons. Belive i,m not over my ex. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/4/2008 2:22:34 PM | These words are for myself and you .Don't worry about not being on the right path,Or losing your loved one
because you are on the right path. Your seem to be always in the right place at the right time. there is no need to feel regret or shame about things that have happened in the past. Turn negative experiences into lessons for a better future. Even though you may not be able to change a certain situation, you can at least change your reaction to the situation. You will find love ago. So will I | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/4/2008 2:26:03 PM | Wow Karen, sounds like you've been through a hell of a lot.
I wish you all the best! | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:34:01 PM | fa-fa-foey.. she's just gonna make the same mistake over and over again..  | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:28:02 PM | Who? Me?
I feel much better now that we haven't spoken, and I am glad he's stopped talking to me. I can finally be myself without having to worry about him. I can finally move on and hopefully find someone else 10000000x better than him! I want to be happy, and I wasn't truly happy with him. I thought I was, but I guess I was wrong because I haven't been this happy in a long time!
I've been talking to some really nice guys, and I know I'm definitely not ready for another relationship yet, but it's fun talking to new people, getting to know them really well before I'm in back in the dating game.
Thank you! | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:39:01 PM | I mean this in as nice a way as possible but sounds to me like you have some serious self esteem issues concentrate all your energy on liking you and things you demand of your relationships and you'll be to busy to care about him and once you have self esteem you'll wonder what you were ever upset about: good luck | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:40:18 PM | Reading your story, it looks to me like he had the upper hand in the relationship for a long time and that he was disrespecting you. You continued to put up with it for a long time and it probably wore down your self esteem, until he finally lost attraction because he lost respect. I encourage you to read a book "Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson. He talks about how to save a relationship in these kinds of situations. Ironically, the same advice for saving the relationship also works for getting over it. I really feel for you--I was in a similar 3-year relationship once. I would end all contact with this guy, OP. If he treated you this badly, why would you even want to hang out with him as a friend? First step--no contact!
Read the book; I think it will help. Sending a hug your way. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/5/2008 1:01:18 PM | | One thing I have a hard time getting is - why hate the girl? She didn't do anything to you. It's him you should hate. Hate him for being a piece of s__t of a man and humiliating you like he did, although you put yourself in that situation so it could happen. I understand you had no where to go but if he told me to leave, then I would have hauled a-- and he would not have to worry with me anymore. Just forget him the best way you can. Write down his faults and read them daily, give someone else the opportunity to get to know you and most important - NO contact with him if you really want to get over him. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/5/2008 1:14:43 PM | Hi,
It can be tough. Believe it or not guys go through similar feelings. We often end up doing stupid stalking things or make a scene LOL.
You have already reduced down to crying twice a month. It gets better. The times it wells up simply suck. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/5/2008 1:29:08 PM | Wow skydiver you need to get away from this guy and never talk to him again. He is manipulating you and screwing up your brain. He tells you your fat and ugly, he is trying to control you by keeping you feeling like a loser that can't do any better than him. I was with a woman once for 2 years that verbally abused me and when we finally broke up I thought I would never find anyone as wonderful as her. WONDERFUL? HAHAHA! I was so screwed up in the head I thought no one would treat me as good as her. I wasn't ready for a relationship but I needed to go out so I started going on dates. I was flabbergasted when I found out how nice people really are and I started seeing how evil she was.
Believe me you need to have no contact with him ever again or he will keep making you feel like crap. You are a beautiful woman and no where near fat, I would scoop you up in a heart beat if you lived hear.
Quit talking to this guy and definitely quit having sex with him. Why would you have sex with someone that says those things to you. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/5/2008 2:44:35 PM | dear lofty,
I have not read all posts, so I hope you are doing well and have come some distance since the break up?
I had all what you had, tried to commit suiside.(thank God I didn't!) thought I could not go another moment/hour/day without him. Then I got the biggest direspect from him, (bigger than you could imagine!)that turned me around.
""That was the start of my whole new life!""
One of my best friend's, told me once; you and only you will know when you are over him . Despite people telling you he is a loser, a no good bum! you and only you will come to realize enough is enough!!!
You are strong, and everyday will be a new challenge, but you will get that inner strength, that will grow over time.
It's time you fell in love with YOU!!!
Got to love you before you can love someone else!
by the way....
why make someone your everything, when to them you are there something.
never love somone more than you love yourself!
never give your life up for a man, he is suppose to enhance it,as you do his!
P.s. It took me nearly two yrs to get over him, and get into me. Girl, I am loving me!!!!
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/5/2008 3:07:48 PM | been there. don't be hard on yourself, but do look at the whole picture. this man didn't treat you well. he was unkind to you. don't reach out to him, don't call him, don't have anything to do with him, and if he wants to come back, please say NO.
cry all you need to cry. get it out. it's a great thing that women have is this fabulous ability to cry buckets of tears, oceans of tears. it will help release the pain. see your doctor, maybe you need some medication to help you with the anxiety and depression.
you're not alone. i know that a lot of the people reading your message on this site are truly feeling for you. i'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. be comforted that others care about you. | |
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| Still not over my ex!!!
Posted: 6/5/2008 3:09:44 PM | Quote......."Ohhh when I mentioned other guys, he said who would date you and how fat and ugly you are?"
Boy oh boy!!! you was slow off the mark there!
reply......
" The guys who are adult enough not to be little a person, by their own insecurities!!!" you then walk away, and don't look back.
It's not about fighting,.It's about letting them know you are strong,and that his own insecurities are his worry and concern, not yours!
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