| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 8/8/2008 6:53:21 PM | What do I want out of a relationship? I would want someone to cherish me, somebody who I can bounce thoughts off of and have a great intimacy with.
I would like the man in my life to be my best friend, and someone who I always get a tickle in my brain when I see.
I would like to be able to have similar goals in life and work together to obtain them. Long-term, and short-term ones. | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 8/8/2008 7:12:48 PM | | I know what I had in my former marriage and from my last relationship of 5 years plus. So I can safely say that I know what I don't want. But having a checklist of what you do, for me at least, it would vary somewhat from one man over or through another. Each relationship will have its own set of what you need most from that particular person and what is insignificat with one might not be with another. Its hard to just say what you need most. It might vary over time until it becomes different from what you wanted say in the start of a new relationship. | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 8/8/2008 9:54:07 PM | I would like (this is like my christmas wishlist! i wish the Sears catalogue carried boys :( )
* honesty
* integrity
* faithfulness
* someone who will cherish me, even when i don't deserve it, and let me cherish him right back
* someone who will let me fuss over him, make him dinner, make him cookies, and see it as how I might like to express love ~ hopefully not think i'm trying to mother him
* someone who can be funny, silly, ridiculous yet reliable, sturdy, dependable and grown up when needed
* someone who likes to spend a lot of time together, but not ALL the time ~ can go play on his own and leave me be
* someone who would like to smooch :) | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 8/10/2008 12:38:34 PM | I do not think that it is ever too much to ask for what it is you want. Some people may make judgements on what that is...but we all have to answer to ourselves at the end of the day.
To the poster who thinks I need to be more grateful for what I have...I can't post my entire life on a board in some chat room. I can say that i do my gratitude list each night/afternoon/morning, whenever I can sit down to get it done. I AM grateful for what I have, but that doesn't mean I don't want it to be different. I LOVE my husband more than anything BUT he has to want to be home with me. He has to want it all to change as I do, or I'm left to make my life without him, when he's gone. Sometimes, just sometimes LOVE is not enough, nor is MONEY or "things"..or security etc. It is a combination of things.
We each come into this life with expectations about how we think it's suppose to be. I agree with Rhonda Britten, to let go of some expectations..but not all. I have learned to use expectations , in some areas of my life, to move forward. I use them to help me reach my goals.
There is no ONE way to do anything in this life. We all must find what works best for us. I know I want something that is WAY out of the ordinary...I want a life partner spending time with me, not away from me. Because of money and bills etc. his job takes him away so he CAN pay those bills...is it wrong of me to want more of him?> I don't think so. Is it wrong of me to **** about it? no I don't think so, because in the ****ing and the complaining and the processing of MY LIFE..I find my answers. :-) That's the great side of all of this..this board, this site, this forum...I get to hash out with myself and trust the Universe to have you all post what YOU NEED to post...and then I get to take what resonates with me and leave the rest.
YOu can't take one post and discern a person's life.
I am grateful for all that I have and I want more...I want him home. So I am looking for ways to do my life without him when he's gone. It's not been too smart of me to place a huge responsibility of MY life, on his shoulders. It's not been too healthy or smart of me to sit and WAIT while he's out living his life. There are many many many layers to a persons life, it's up to that person to process and peel back the layers to find a life worth living.
I am smart and intelligent and yes I am a Life Coach and damn good at what i do...but those labels don't automatically make for smart decision making or happiness.
I'm becoming more and more convinced that it is in everyday moments our lives are built or destroyed...what I do with this moment right in front of me IS very important to what I have 10 years from now.
be well...
~Amy~ | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 8/10/2008 12:52:03 PM | Thanks MIA :-)
We talk all the time ;-)
But your first question I can't really answer..as we got together when we were 15 and 17..and I don't honestly think I knew at that point why or how I fell in love with him. I knew nothing about him really, in all honesty. I knew he made my heart pitter patter when i saw him at Highschool. I knew nothing about who he would become in this life..or what his values were or whether he wanted kids etc.
I do know we have grown up together. And some days it feels we are together out of convienence..but most days he and I both know we are still "in-love" and just want things to be different.
And yes designing my own life is what's in order now :-)
Thanks for your reply.
~Amy~ | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 8/10/2008 1:44:28 PM | Yes she may be married, but you can always come on here to find friends and advice too. I have been on here for a while and since surfing the site my partner has also found this on his browser and wondered what the attraction was, so he has also become a member of this site, which i wonder why he has joined if he is happy with me, but he has some what a big ego to contend with.
darkdreams.  | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 8/10/2008 2:05:21 PM |
Thanks MIA :-)
We talk all the time ;-)
But your first question I can't really answer..as we got together when we were 15 and 17..and I don't honestly think I knew at that point why or how I fell in love with him. I knew nothing about him really, in all honesty. I knew he made my heart pitter patter when i saw him at Highschool. I knew nothing about who he would become in this life..or what his values were or whether he wanted kids etc.
I do know we have grown up together. And some days it feels we are together out of convienence..but most days he and I both know we are still "in-love" and just want things to be different.
And yes designing my own life is what's in order now :-)
Thanks for your reply.
~Amy~
You know, I read this whole thread, and not once did i see you talk about what HE wants and what HE feels.
You keep saying "we" and "I," and I get the impression that you treat him as an extension of your own psyche. Nobody can actually give you any advice unless we hear what HE wants from this whole thing. | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 8/10/2008 6:19:44 PM | Greyfeld, you are so right..and that's why i haven't said what he wants...I can't speak for him..and although I've been with him for a gazillion years I still can't speak for him.
I can say that we had a very long conversation today. The results of that conversation was this: he wants to be done with leaving to make a living. He wants to be able to say to our 11 year old "I can coach this year"..and mean it. So we are looking at investing in another building in town, that a dear friend use to own, which would have room for a ice cream shop ( which we desperately need in this town) and a small grocery store..it has three rental units that would cover the cost of the mortgage on the building, so anything made form the ice cream/store would be profit. We are committed to sitting down and looking at finances. IF we sold the trucking company, what would our expenses be, and could we make enough money to cover everything? This is progress..I feel as if we're both on the same page now :-)
People can always be moved to share what they see and feel...no you don't have his side and you probably won't because he has no idea of how to get on the computer...BUT I could get him on here so he can read the whole thread and give you all his side of the story. :-)
Thanks for your reply.
~Amy~ | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 8/11/2008 3:07:24 PM | honestly, my soul concern was getting you to talk to him to see what he wanted. Because I had the impression that you weren't talking to him about this stuff, and just letting it congeal in your mind, without any conversation to unravel the mess it was making.
But since you're actually talking to him, you two should be able to work it out for yourselves, no? | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 8/11/2008 7:44:16 PM | Hi Greyfeld,
Yes we are working it out for ourselves. I posted the initial question because I know there are many people out there just like us..and not so like us but who can relate.
My husband and I know there is always a solution...and we both have our ups and downs in this life...things we've done and said that were hurtful. We both came to the relationship VERY young and with a lot of baggage already at 15 and 17. This journey has been just that, a journey.
I don't expect to find the answers on a forum, but rather hope to offer some interesting conversations for people to take back to their lives and process. Conversations that connect people.
Thanks for your concern :-)
Enjoy!
~Amy~ | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 8/12/2008 10:10:43 AM |
But maybe what I do want is an absolute true affection and two as one and whole....at the same time I want to be free see I am so confused... I don't want be tied down but then again I love to be settled .... So No more I love yous I think you want a healthy relationship! Chased, wooed, respected, trusted and loved. Loved your answer. (by the way, you know exactly what you want)  | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 9/7/2008 6:25:37 PM | This is an excellent question, but it's ahard for me to answer right now because I do not have a solid relationship. I do date a man that I really think is great  But right now, it's casual. Maybe more later, when he has more time.
But what do I want? Well, thinking of just the immediate, practical matters, I 've been thinking it would be great to split living expenses! Holy crap, things are expensive. I know, that's not the crux of a relationship, but man, that would be nice.
I'd like to go to bed with him happy every night.
I'd like to share a meal with him everyday.
I'd like to talk to him about anything I felt like.
I'd like him to be open to accomanying me to the beach, nature walks, a crazy night, whatever.
I'd love to accompany him when he goes and does something fun.
I'd like us to give each other space.
I'd like each other to contribute equally in the maintenance of the house.
I'd like to be spoiled every now and then, and to do the same for him.
I'd like to be proud of him, and know he's proud of me.
I'd like to be able to count on him, and feel secure that he will be there.
I'd like him to love my family, and me to love his.
That's all I can think of right now. | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:11:42 PM | Amy, What I want out of a relationship is respect ...and not just for the getting. Whether it's for doing business, taking care of family or friends, while I'm at work w/ coworkers and bosses, or w/ anyone that I meet on the street or here on Pof in between. [Of course, now that I've opted to add my 2ยข worth here, I'm fairly certain that this thread is doomed for deletion, but I digress and apologize for my 'lightning rod status' should the moderators opt once again to end this in my wake. [I grew up closer to Canada than they know.]
Anyway, I came home from work tonight to find my sweetie at this keyboard. A bit disillusioned by the deluded here on Pof who feel that it's their purpose to put people that they don't know 'in their place' ...even if I'm the happier that she's chosen to live here w/ me.
That she's already fretting that Hurricane Ike is headed to where she lived along the Gulf Coast w/ family before we met tells me that she's the right woman for me. That she chose to move on from for what we've yet to determine for our direction(s) together, tells me that she's making the leap of faith that relationships are all about. Finding our way as one-plus-one equally one happy couple for the ongoing commitment and effort? That's where my respecting her needs to come into play ...and, yes, a lot more work than the child in me once thought was necessary, but I'm okay w/this as she's a wonderful mother-figure for my still young son. What do I want out of a relationship? Begin any w/ respect and amazing things can happen ...especially when communications between is clear, concise, and w/o pretension for what is wanted besides still focused on for the needs. "You can't always get what you want, but you just just might find ...you get what you need" and that takes precedence over any fantasies and deluded souls that might come our way otherwise. | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:12:28 PM | I'd like to go to bed with him happy every night.
I'd like to share a meal with him everyday.
I'd like to talk to him about anything I felt like.
I'd like him to be open to accomanying me to the beach, nature walks, a crazy night, whatever.
I'd love to accompany him when he goes and does something fun.
I'd like us to give each other space.
I'd like each other to contribute equally in the maintenance of the house.
I'd like to be spoiled every now and then, and to do the same for him.
I'd like to be proud of him, and know he's proud of me.
I'd like to be able to count on him, and feel secure that he will be there.
I'd like him to love my family, and me to love his.
That's all I can think of right now.
ADD to that :
I'd like to be able to know I am safe in his arms during the storms of life.
I'd like to be able to trust him with my heart, my thoughts, my feelings.
I'd like to know he will be there in the morning.
I'd like to have the passionate love and intimacy with him that is so rare.
I'd like to know we're priorities to each other not options.
I'd like to be able to work out things with him in ways that make us stronger.
I'd like to that feeling of knowing that I am special and matter, and visa versa.
I'd like to love on him and have him appreciate it.
I'd like to see the smile in his eyes when we look at each other.
I'd like to feel that he desired me completely and no other, and visa versa. | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:16:07 PM | Honestly I will tell you because I've thought about this during the last few months. A man who I desire and cherish all the time and who desires and cherishes me all the time. The rest will work itself out.
If you knew what the last 4 years of my marriage were like, you would understand. Cheers. | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:21:22 PM | i'd like someone who truly knows what being understanding is...
respect, honesty, and support even if it's something they don't necessarily agree with.
true love dont' know if that exists but someone who believes in me as i would believe in them....and oh independance and a listening ear and space when needed...loyal and faithful... | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:40:15 PM | You know OP... Your posts irritates me like a handful of sand in a jar of vaseline.
I lost my friend/lover to colon cancer...
We never married so I cannot say I am widowed but I have grieved...
For God's sake... Give your head a shake... Hell, I have a solution... Have all your businesses go bankrupt, sell everything and rent an apartment and you will have your husband by your side 24 hours a day...
I really really do not wish this but think about it.... What if he gets really really sick like my SO did?... Would you stay by his side?... Obviously the money would not be coming in by the barrel full... Would you be able to take it?
I just cannot wrap my head around the fact that you have the luxury of sitting at home and "write" your "problems" out on paper... Many many people just do not have that luxury... That in itself is saying to me that you are spoiled...
If both of you want to be together more then obviously financial sacrifices will have to be made and you will have less money but you will be together... Is that what you want... Are you both so deep in the money making machine you both created that either of you cannot slow down?...
How a bout hiring a babysitter for a week a month and you go off with your husband on the road and actually get to know all the ins and outs of his routine and maybe you'll appreciate him more for all the efforts he makes to keep you at home complaining on a dating site...
I do not want to sound mean... I am trying to make you see other points of view...
Just for the record... I would love to have a hard working man in my life and I would be prepared to do my share of the sacrifices BUT... We would also relish in the rewards... Geez woman... snap out of it before an other woman actually sees his great qualities and ends up with him... Hell, maybe he has a profile on a dating site complaining about you...
I am just trying to give you other perspectives here...
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 9/10/2008 6:12:13 AM | Annasthasia,
Why is it that when people have money and are judged by other people to have "more" than they do...we are considered spoiled? or ungrateful?
It is what it is, my life. You have your life, other people have their lives. No judgement needs to be passed.
I have been on the road with him, I know his routine on a job.
He doesn't want another woman, he'll love me until the day he dies and probably beyond that because this is our gazillionth lifetime together.
This post was originally about what I really want in my life. It CANNOT all be about money. Yes we have multiple streams of income, but money doesn't make the heart grow fonder and absence doesn't either. Don't get me wrong, money makes everything run smoother, BUT is that all there is?
I do love him and as I just said he loves me...we would not have been able to make it through the hell we've been through in our life without that...but it's NOT just about LOVE either.
There is a BALANCE to be struck. And I resent the fact that you think that just because I have more in the material world than some that I am spoiled. I don't have what I want, yet, but we're both working on finding that balance and we dance the dance of trying to make ourselves happy and our family.
In the end I think we all need to be told, maybe a class before relationship, on sacrifice and not getting EVERYTHING that you want, that there is a deal to be struck and a working together to get the MOST for both people in a relationship. Each couple brings to the table a different set of circumstances and they each have their own story about their lives up to that point. Expectations of another is a "killer" in most cases.
I'm on a journey just like everyone else. I'm growing and changing. He's growing and changing, and you've grown and changed through what your life has brought to you.
I don't think money has anything to do with what I want with my husband...
As to the question of if he got really sick, would I be able to handle it...well I'd cross that bridge when we got to it...we trust that the Universe provides us with whatever it is that we would need. Yes I would be able to take it. I'd grow through it and with it, and it would be called "life". Tragedy happens all the time...depending on your frame of mind, it's less or worse than the "norm". I look at most things in my life with an open mind and with an open heart.
I started posting this thread because I myself was searching for answers.
You seem to really hate the fact that I have money but am not happy. Happiness doesn't come with money or a hard working man, now does it really? I don't believe so.
I want MORE in my life than that.
Have an awesome day.
~Amy~ | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 9/10/2008 6:53:29 AM | Money has nothing to do with what you want out of your life and it has nothing to do with what you want with your husband. You said back on page one ....
money runs our lives Yet you do nothing different... you have yourself 'stuck'.
You've also indicated that conversation is important to you... but you can't get that with your husband right now so you are looking for that from others. When you turn away from relating with him you diminish that which feeds you.
You are bored. That is you, you are bored with. You seem committed to think it is something 'out there' that you need to get or have in order not to be bored, something is missing. Nah, it is you. You are boring you. If you could divorce yourself you would be less bored and find happiness << think about that.
My guess... you are having a split with spirit. The answer is inside of you... because the problem is inside of you. You are looking outside yourself for answers and may find distractions but will never find the solution. The solution is to come home to yourself. I think you will know what that means.
Your verbiage and seeking is all about distraction. A distraction that allows you to not face the problem that is inside you, that you are generating and supporting in your life.
Money doesn't work for you - yet you keep that ball afloat and are likely committed to it. That energy will do nothing for your spirit... works against it in fact. If something is not working, why continue to perpetuate it? I suspect you are lying to yourself. Living a lie has you be bored. Psyche speaking to you that the way you have your life organized... probably some of the belief structures you are wearing... aren't working... aren't feeding the soul.
You said you feed your soul. I don't think so. The evidence is in your posts.
I don't believe this has anything to do with your husband or your relationship with him. My sense is he is fine and is a healthy part of your life... you land on him or your relationship with him because it is "outside of you". You need to work on your relationship with self... which is impossible until you stop the distractions that keep you churned and bored... and seeking.
I doubt you are ready to hear this yet, but I thought I'd say it since I pulled my punch back in June. And even now, may be being too in-direct about it. | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 9/10/2008 7:29:07 AM | If i was in a relationship, this is what i would "like":
honesty
thoughtfulness
buckets of love
respect
and of course plenty of s*x
but as to whether i could do the whole "i do" thing, im not sure. I dont know why its so important to get married nowadays, whats wrong with just living together, you're a couple married or not... so....
but, as im not, im guessing im asking for too much, do you agree? | |
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| What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 9/10/2008 4:24:13 PM | | I want a girl with a mind like a diamond. I want a girl who knows what's best. I want a girl with shoes that cut and eyes that burn like cigarettes. I want a girl with the right allocation who's fast, and thorough, and sharp as a tack. She's playing with her jewelry, she's putting up her hair. She's touring the facility and picking up slack. I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket. | |
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