| How do you just stop loving someone ??
Posted: 6/3/2008 3:25:10 AM | | Sounds like he's constructively edging his way out of your life step by step, just the way big businesses do the average employee to try and get you to quit!! I'd start looking for a way out of there if I was you. | |
|
| How do you just stop loving someone ??
Posted: 6/3/2008 2:55:02 PM | | Space and time -find diversions..start a new hobby..go on walks in the woods..buy lots of clothes..enjoy the company of friends | |
|
| How do you just stop loving someone ??
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:58:22 PM | Ask yourself WHY on earth you would jump from a marriage (are you even divorced?) to some old fart that you've known a few months - who you quickly become engaged to, that you quickly uproot your life and make a new home with him (that makes you a doormat)?
You come across as having very flighty, unrealistic, romanticized notions about love and life. You are looking for a 'knight in shining armor'....you're looking to another human being to make you happy. You sound very needy. You need to first love yourself and be complete with yourself - as opposed to frantically looking for someone else to make you complete.
Why would you remain living under the same roof as someone who is so passive-aggressive such that they brainf*ck you and ignore you for days on end (and not just once)?
Why are you even asking a bunch of strangers on the internet if you should accept his proposal that he remain living with you though he clearly does not love you and wants to be nothing more than friends? Why would you be so willing to settle like this?
Why would you have been so willing to be with a man who, from the start, had problems with sex? (they may have been totally legit but why would you have been willing to potentially go without a good, normal sex life?)
Why are you looking to someone else to make you laugh?
Nobody is responsible for making us complete.
I think you should seriously consider getting yourself into some professional therapy. Did you even take the time to process and examine what you went through in your allegedly horrible marriage? If you don't deal with that, you will never have or maintain a successful relationship and you will continue to be used and abused.
Kick his ass out. Why on earth is that even a question --- or are you wanting to USE HIM for the rent he'll be paying???????????????????????????????? | |
|
| How do you just stop loving someone ??
Posted: 6/28/2008 12:21:14 PM | OP I'm so sorry for your pain. This stuff really hurts.
We can get lost in relationships. We can become something other than who we really are. When that happens the attraction that was once so strong can fade like a dying candle. But the process can be reversed - sometimes, there is no guarantee though and it takes time - lots of time and patience.
Be strong. Be who you are, be true to yourself. Fill your life each day with the things, activities and friends that you love. Do not cling, do not need, do not demand.
Do NOT try to talk it out. Don't plead, beg, cry. Let go.
Let him see your true light shine. Be who you REALLY are. If that attracts him again then maybe your relationship will rekindle. If it doesn't then it's over. If it's over then accept, learn and move on.
But whatever happens, never lose yourself. Never compromise the essence of you - because being you is all you have - and when that is gone, scarificed for the "relationship" then what is there for anyone to love? | |
|
| How do you just stop loving someone ??
Posted: 6/28/2008 1:27:43 PM | What can you do in a case like that? Pick up the pieces and move on with your life. My ex wife did the exact same thing to me. | |
|
| How do you just stop loving someone ??
Posted: 6/28/2008 2:55:37 PM | Dear Jim P. First of all she is asking about how she can stop loving this person, not your personal advice on how she is health wise. There is allot more to people then just if they are " fluffy" or too thin or to tall or to short!
You can look like the perfect person healthy fit athletic and the perfect "ken" or "Barbie" figure, but if you have a ugly personality or too arrogant then you are just plain ugly!
Your wrong about what you said :
"also men get looked down upon if their woman is huge - - kind of like is that all you can get. - - - - - - - "
Take a look in the mirror and ask yourself ? Why am I single?? | |
|
| How do you just stop loving someone ??
Posted: 6/28/2008 3:00:03 PM | I was involved with a older gentleman once, and it is hard to understand their way of thinking, " being that he is 25yrs older it could be just a generation thing! He may of fell inlove with you then realized that maybe he was much to old for you and wanted you to have something more? who knows? Its hard to say what he was thinking or feeling? Try and move on and try to except the fact that it didnt work out! I know its hard, and I have been hurt in some of the same ways. We all make mistakes, and we all learn from them down the road! Dont put yourself down for falling inlove.
Keep your chin up!
Hugs | |
|
| How do you just stop loving someone ??
Posted: 6/28/2008 3:11:59 PM | | What old man, aged fifty-five to sixty-five wouldn't love to have a BEST MALE FRIEND, who is nine-teen? He is in love with you for your son. Your son is the one who initially attracted the entire package to him. I am so sorry, but if you were single, without your son, this man would not have enjoyed the company of YOU ALONE. The same holds true for many men. Sometimes, a man will dump a woman the year their children leave home. The test of time will tell. When your son leaves the nest, just wait to see if "your love" will stick around. Most of the time, old men are much WORSE than younger ones. They have health issues, problems with mood swings, self-esteem problems. The happiest ones are those who are around youth... like teachers and role models, who get a steady influx of younger faces each new cirriculum cycle. This keeps them looking at younger faces. It's as if they are looking into a mirror. They think they are young as their students, or those they hang around with. | |
|
| |
| How do you just stop loving someone ??
Posted: 6/29/2008 10:36:45 AM | Ok, think about this... Many people , both men and women, have a predisposition to be attracted to certain types, or looks of mates. Even if they suffer through bad relationships over and over, you find they still look for the same thing when fishing, nothing else will do. And soooooo many times over and over, the same type of mate leads to the same arguements over and over. The problem is, even thouugh it feels at first to them it's someone new, if the little things that they can't stand about the type of person they have their heart set on having appear, they detach themselves emotionally or just up and leave, and i think in your case he is just reliving the end of a previous relationship.
Amazingly, many men AND women, go right back after the same kind of person they just ended a bad relationship with, and thumb their nose at anyone who doesn't fit the mold. Some just keep on until they are bitter , broken, and/or alone
when you stay in a relationship and argue about the same stupid little things over and over and over you just make yourself a mess to start over with | |
|
| How do you just stop loving someone ??
Posted: 6/30/2008 4:45:19 PM | | it's sad how we think that we have no control over our hearts. we chose who we get attracted to. we make a conscious decision that we will trust this person. how can we all of a sudden take away the power of the mind that we are not able to control how we feel? | |
|
| How do you just stop loving someone ??
Posted: 6/30/2008 5:19:34 PM | OH DEAR, .....i just got out of a relationship that was soooo much like this one... met him online, he called me like 20 times a day inthe beginning....we met... he lives 152 miles away..... so anyway we meet... at first i was sceptical...but we hit it off.....he and his parents have custody of his two nephews ages 4 and 5. so it was not easy for himto travel the 304 mile round trip from Alton Mo to where i live .... so i am driving the distance, to be with this guy.... let me digress for a second... in his profile it says "long term" as does mine..... so anyway i am doing all the drive time ... but it was worth it...i really fell hard... and he said he loved me also.....got to know the family...the whole ball of wax..... then i start noticing little things...like he is still online and has changed his profile... to reflect his new job ect... but not a word about having a gf... well i talked to him about it and told him how i felt.... he said he was keeping in touch with women freinds thathe had met before me... yeah right...REDFLAG....anyway as time went on he kept acting more and more distant... several times i gave him the easy way out and said "do you wanna end this thing??" and he was like "NO".... on time went i would call him and he would say that he was asleep or something, could i call back in an hour..?.. call back in an hour same story...REDFLAG...but all the while he is still asking me to make the drive... i never went to his home uninvited....but after i would come back home things would get weird again.....eventually i had enough and let him know that i had... i had come to realise that i was being used as a parachute... just in case he didnt find anything better....i was fine to sleep with and to date but he wasnt committing because he thought that i wasnt quite good enough...when i came to that realisation then i gave up..he is still on this site... and i am still crying... but i know that he may want the perfect girl... but since he is far from perfect himself... even if he finds her... he will probaly get done to him what he did to me... and he deserves every teardrop.....he did teach me a lesson on wearing your heart on your sleeve...thanks matthew... so niecy0367... youre not alone ...people like these guys are losers they do not care whom they hurt...its all about them.... and they leave us baffled wondering what we did wrong..... and we did nothing wrong.... even as i say that i still try to blame myself....i will get strong again and so will you.....and i am gonna keep fishing for a worthy soul.... | |
|
| How do you just stop loving someone ??
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:08:27 PM | Love isnt a light bulb. But you can reduce the intensity and effects of what you're feeling by creating distance between yourself and the other. You should meet in public to avoid intimacy, stop writing and stop calling ( unless it's about meeting in a coffee shop)
This reminds me of someone I work with . She's been hurting for almost a year now. Basicaly her boyfriend whom she lives with is abusive, agressive both physicaly and verbally. Overall treats her like a piece if garbage. Yet, she is incapable of letting go and keeps going back there every week.
my understanding of this is that i suspect she feels like a piece of garbage in the first place and so for her, it's completaly acceptable that he would behave this way towards her. combined with the fact that she keeps going back, he's figured out he's in control and is probably getting a kick out of it.
The trick would be to increase your self confidence, respect yourself, expect him to respect you and be assertive on that basis.
I hope this made sense to you, good luck in finding yourself | |
|
Home
login 
