| do I have to return old BF's call?
Posted: 6/3/2008 3:29:52 PM | No, you don’t have to return his phone call, but why not? You, yourself said he’s not a horrible guy, just a little selfish. We all make mistakes and being selfish is a very easy one…guilty of it myself. People change and maturity levels rise. Maybe he wants to apologize for being a *I’ll let you select your choice of words,lol* and possibly would like to see if its possible to rekindle the romance you once had. If he needs closure, then that’s showing that he’s maturing as well…Can you imagine the baggage he would bring to other relationships???? If you don’t call him, I assure it will stay on your mind….so do it..for the both of you. Never hinder an individual from progressing as a person. Hope I helped
~A~ | |
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| do I have to return old BF's call?
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:27:42 PM | | Casa - there are no rules to go by. If you don't feel comfortable calling this guy, then I wouldn't. Go with your gut, and I think you summed it up quite well "I don't think he's worth my time/effort". | |
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| do I have to return old BF's call?
Posted: 6/3/2008 6:55:26 PM | I agree with two other posters here. "Closure" is something we have to do for ourselves. No one else "owes" us "closure." The OP doesn't "owe" her ex "closure," especially after not talking to him for 6 months.
I also agree with this one, in fact it was my first thought when I read the OP:
More than likely he had someone else in that time and he couldn't make it last .So he calls you on the rebound. | |
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| do I have to return old BF's call?
Posted: 6/3/2008 7:01:46 PM |
Do I have to return the phone call to be polite?
I would return the phone call to inform him that I'm not interested. It should not take more than 15 seconds. | |
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| do I have to return old BF's call?
Posted: 6/3/2008 7:06:13 PM | No. Feel free to ignore the call.
Although that will mean that he will call again, and again, and again, and again, then call some more. And while you ignore these calls and entertain thoughts like "why doesn't he get the hint" he will be entertaining thoughts like "gosh, she's a hard person to get a hold of."
Maybe he has a normal, legitimate reason to call you. Pick up the phone, be firm that you have no desire to rekindle the relationship (in case that comes up), and get on with your life. | |
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| do I have to return old BF's call?
Posted: 6/3/2008 7:25:38 PM | So you show him a little more generosity than he’s worth. You offer him the closure he’s looking for. He moves on.
And someday he’s in your position, debating whether to offer a woman closure, and he remembers what you did for him – remembers that one shining act, that selfless act of generosity… and he decides just this once to give a little something back, and he calls her.
And birds sing, angels cry, Allah smiles, Buddha pats his tummy, and baby Jesus gives you a pony for your next birthday. See how this stuff works? | |
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| do I have to return old BF's call?
Posted: 6/3/2008 7:26:05 PM | | You're better off calling just make sure to let him know it's over. If you don't he will probably call your anyways. Part of being a grown up is doing the right and difficult things no matter how hard it is. | |
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| do I have to return old BF's call?
Posted: 6/3/2008 10:13:14 PM | I had a closure "e-mail", nearly a year after my ex and I split. He apologized for being a douche bag (my words). And I accepted. He helped me move to my new place (years ago), and we hung out for awhile and stayed friends, until he started dating again....we kept in touch every now and then via e-mail, and now he's married and I'm in a relationship. We've developed a friendly relationship now where we email each other on Facebook every couple of weeks to talk about photos we posted or ask how the families are doing.
I'd say answer the phone next time he calls, say hi, see what he wants first before shutting him out completely. If he is calling for closure, maybe it's something you need too if you're questioning whether or not you should call him . People can change and grow, sometimes all you need is time. | |
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| do I have to return old BF's call?
Posted: 6/3/2008 10:35:21 PM | | No I don't think you have to and I wouldn't. If it wasn't that great in the first place then who knows what it will be like now. He says he has "fixed" his problems, but do you really want to waste your time if you are not interested. And no I wouldn't return the call to be polite, he might just try to talk you into meeting him or something and then that just makes it harder. Just let it go and carry on with your life. | |
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| do I have to return old BF's call?
Posted: 6/3/2008 10:48:47 PM | | Was he ever into drugs or alcohol? If so, he could be in a twelve step program... My ex boyfriend called my parents looking for me the other day, he said he's sorry about the way the relationship ended... I then find out that the man is in a twelve step program for a drinking problem and that one of the steps is to make amends with people you've hurt... Oh yeah, I haven't talked to him in more than 5 years | |
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| do I have to return old BF's call?
Posted: 6/4/2008 5:07:20 AM | Firstly msg 3.....That was rude, if you don't like the thread then don't respond.
Secondly OP I would return the call just to satisfy my own curiosity. Perhaps this ex needs closure as you said.....best if you give it to him (the closure ) | |
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| do I have to return old BF's call?
Posted: 6/4/2008 6:17:45 AM | | I don’t think you should call just to give the appearance that you are polite. The thought of calling him “makes your stomach hurt”; you feel that he is “interrupting your life"; and you are basing your decision to call him not on a mannerly obligation, but on whether or not the people in a forum will think you are “mean for not answering” if you don’t. The intent behind your call-back is to appear “polite”; it is not a genuinely polite gesture (i.e., you think he is selfish; you do not think he is worth your time and effort). Not returning his call is a truer representation of your actual feelings on the matter. If you do not respond, trust me, he will know that you are not interested in his “let’s try it again” proposition. | |
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kmb74
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Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 62 | |
| do I have to return old BF's call?
Posted: 6/4/2008 7:52:52 AM | Do you have to? Not at all! Should you? That's up to you. If it were me, I would (but I also slow down to look at car crashes...same reasons...lol).
I always try to be the better person. I'd call him, tell him I was happy for him and wish him well. I'm not one to move backwards and I am not a big believer that people can change that much.
GL! | |
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| do I have to return old BF's call?
Posted: 6/4/2008 7:56:36 AM | | not that i'm a mean person..but after awhile you have to develop a little bit of moxie.......u don't need to be polite for goodness sakes?........maybe you somewhere wish it wasn't over..but trust me it will be the same all over again...at some point you need to stop being so nice...why be polite to a loser? | |
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| do I have to return old BF's call?
Posted: 6/4/2008 8:05:50 AM | | If it were me, I'd find out what he has to say. Maybe someone died, maybe he has some other news. If he wants to see you, just say no. | |
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| do I have to return old BF's call?
Posted: 6/4/2008 10:19:46 AM | | are you ready to be friends with him again?if yes, then why not?Most of my ex are my friends.Its a happy feeling that we better off like that.From time to time we communicate and ask POV's re:dating stuff.I considered them as my male best friends. | |
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| do I have to return old BF's call?
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:15:18 AM | Naive--this is why I posted. Many of the women see this as I have--an ex calling and sort of interrupting my life with that call-- but you men are seeing from your perspective, as the one calling.
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I didnt do the math but did, the numbers of men and women really affect their "yes" or "no" suggestion on this...maybe so, as I was one of the men who said "call him unless he was a moron or dangerous, and say thanks for the fun times, I have moved on" etc. | |
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| do I have to return old BF's call?
Posted: 6/4/2008 1:47:14 PM | I would call him, being kind and polite. If he mentions getting back together, just be honest with him.
It's the mature thing to do. | |
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