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| Have we become a disposable commodity?
Posted: 6/8/2008 10:39:04 AM | I think the problem is that relationships would have always been disposable commodity but 2 generations on back people had no other choice. The man worked/farmed all day while the woman raised the kids and that was life. Both parties in the relationship were essentially highly co-dependant.
Now we have almost unlimited freedom in relationships. While that entails alot of heartbreak I find it hard to believe most people would trade their life experiences for getting married at 18 until death. We have it way better than our grandparents, its just in how you look at it. | |
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| Have we become a disposable commodity?
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:50:12 PM |
Both parties in the relationship were essentially highly co-dependant. I don't think that's necessarily the dysfunctional definition of codependency. I think you can say that a) roles were clearer and b) people took pride in fulfilling their roles. Just ask anyone over 70 who's still married.
OP: you use the term chemistry as if it's only about sexual attraction. For example, you say that certain relationships in your eyes could never get beyond friends. Maybe this is the problem? You're only sexually attracted to men who are unavailable?
The text-message drama that you describe sounds like the guy was a flake at best, and a player at worst. I got burned by my share of women like that in my past (even though I found them incredibly attractive). These days, I recognize the smell of the branding iron and usually steer clear.
We maybe have become a disposable commodity. But I think the root of the problem is the quest for fairy-tale romance that has been embedded in everyone's psyche thanks to Hollywood, etc. | |
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| Have we become a disposable commodity?
Posted: 6/8/2008 4:30:16 PM | I hate to say it, but a tatoo is more of a commitment than a marriage these days.
In 5 years, you will probably still have the tattoo.
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| Have we become a disposable commodity?
Posted: 6/8/2008 4:57:53 PM | I agree to some extent and think it's very sad that this seems to be the norm these days.
This is why I feel it happens.
I feel completely happy alone and it's taken me a few years to get to this point. Don't get me wrong not that I don't want that special person in my life because I do.
All I can say is this....at this point in my life I can take care of myself and my own,I know what I will or will not put up with in a relationship. With that said if the con's outnumber the pro's or there are a multitude of red flags within a few months of a relationship I usually cut my losses.. ....I don't expect perfection from anyone but there are those certain elements I don't care to expose myself or loved ones to.
I've also found that in my six years as a single mother most of the men I meet expect me to live their life and forget mine.....I have a life,and like it.....People have a hard time blending lives when only one person is expected to compromise.....We're older and wiser and we know when to just let it go.......If it's not working from the beginning who wants to waste years trying when youth isn't on our side anymore?
"I've lived my whole life around what it is men think they want....I'm not going to do it anymore".....Erin Brockavich | |
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| Have we become a disposable commodity?
Posted: 6/8/2008 9:52:03 PM | OP, to answer your original question, I think perhaps to some extent, people do become commodities in the dating game. I think when you're in a more natural context like work or a club you've joined or whatever, people have a much more well-rounded view of another person and it's not so much about disqualifying the 10 other women or men in the room to choose the one--it's about the cool relationship you've just struck up with one person. Dating online, however, is much more exclusionary I think. You write a profile, you ask for what you want, if someone doesn't meet those requirements you move on the the next person and whether the next person shows up in 3 minutes or 3 months there's always a next person. And in that context I think it gets easier to reject someone--you're not taking them as just who they are but in comparison to a whole lot of other people. Which makes them a bit more of a commodity.
Having said that, I still think that fella's behaviour sounds really weird and may be a lot less about treating you like a commodity and more about not dealing with some significant issues. | |
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| Have we become a disposable commodity?
Posted: 6/9/2008 12:11:10 AM | I think you just havent met the right one yet
And what exactly is the right one?
Sounds like some sort of fiction. Fiction that not only do you buy, but you believe in.
So please tell me, how a normal person has a chance, when faced against fiction?!?!
When you take under consideration:
Fiction is make believe. Normal is real life. | |
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| Have we become a disposable commodity?
Posted: 6/9/2008 6:05:49 AM | I think my life has come full circle as far any dealings with women.
The three F's comes to mind, find em , f8ck em, forget em. And try not not to spend too much money doing that.
Women are much too fickle for anything more than that. | |
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| Have we become a disposable commodity?
Posted: 6/9/2008 7:13:00 AM |
Dating online, however, is much more exclusionary I think. You write a profile, you ask for what you want, if someone doesn't meet those requirements you move on the the next person and whether the next person shows up in 3 minutes or 3 months there's always a next person. And in that context I think it gets easier to reject someone--you're not taking them as just who they are but in comparison to a whole lot of other people. Which makes them a bit more of a commodity. Well said!
Evan Marc Katz explains in his online book about dating:
Ask yourself if Mr./Ms. Right were right in front of you, and you’re both wildly attracted and stimulated; would you honestly cast that person out of your life because of a few pounds, inches, years or miles? If so, that’s fine. Just don’t complain when you can’t find anybody suitable. Everyone’s already been eliminated on a technicality. | |
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| Have we become a disposable commodity?
Posted: 6/9/2008 4:41:28 PM | | I think far too many peole date just so they can get the other person to buy them things, get sex from them and do not really view dating as a way to get to knw someone, in that way yes we are becoming disposable. | |
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| Have we become a disposable commodity?
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:38:57 AM |
what are you willing to sacrifice to get what you want? you're not gonna get everything you want. nobody ever does. so what are you willing to give up? when you can answer that, then you'll be heading in the direction you want.
Herein lies my bigest personal battle! Its to the point that every relationship I enter into I have to ask myself this very same question...
The problen with sacrifice is just that, it is a sacrifice and once youve made it you never get it back! So what happens when you make the sacrifice and dont get what you want??? | |
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| Have we become a disposable commodity?
Posted: 7/11/2008 7:07:30 PM | | As a society, we do not really believe in love anymore. We believe in incomes, penache, interests and everything external. Pretty much. | |
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| Have we become a disposable commodity?
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:52:58 PM | I don't think we have become a "disposable" society - it's just that you haven't met the one for you. I think the key is that we want to treat this whole relationship search as a sprint and not a marathon - and yes it can talk MANY years to find, but when you do, you'll know that it was worth it all. After all, the worst thing to be in is a relationship where you wake up one morning and think to yourself, "Oh my god, I could have had more ..."
Best of luck and comfort in your search. | |
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| Have we become a disposable commodity?
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:28:24 PM | | i agree we have.just seems like there isn't alot of 'working things out'. its time to get the new model and throw out the old one if it doesn't make you happy,gets moody,gains a few pounds,looks around,etc. | |
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| Have we become a disposable commodity?
Posted: 7/13/2008 3:49:10 PM | i have come to the point where i have meet somone then after a few months they have had issues come up....
i have helped them where i could and got them help when i could not help ..
but as the saying goes you can lead a horse to water bu you can't make it drink.
when i have done what i can and tryed what i can and they still refuse to help them selves i now walk way... i have to for the sake of my own mental health if they cannot understand this im sorry but after talking suicidal paitients out of doing somthing stupid it is somthingi have to walk away from if the person refuses to help them selves after i have done my level best to help them.
so i guess i have to agree with your sentiments on this matter | |
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| Have we become a disposable commodity?
Posted: 7/24/2008 7:36:35 AM | However we see reality is how it is.
If a person's vows are made without consideration, they stand a good chance of being breached.
Most people project their needs and desires onto a new date hoping they will fit into this idea of what they think is ideal or close to it. If the other person plays along or has the same projections, it works for a time, but eventually people are seen as they really are. Then the couple blame each other for not being their soul mate. Insane.
If we just let the other person be who they are, and remain aware and vigilant, then we are more apt to see what the relationship REALLY is, instead of waking up later full of resentment and bringing up a couple of kids.
If we seek to give to another, it is on the path of love. If we seek to take from the other it is the path of lust. If the other's needs are important to us and we are willing to sacrifice something (not anything which is fundamental) for their benefit, it is the path of love. If we are annoyed by another's needs and stand rigid, we are not loving.
We have to be happy with who we are alone before we can be someone worthwhile to invite another to share life with.
Don't pick someone because they "complete" you. You are already complete, but a work in progress.
And don't pick someone because you are lonely. What you are lonely for is yourself. Tend to that first. | |
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