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| How did you cope?
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:38:11 AM | You look at all the bad things in the relationship. Then you become thankful that you don't have to put up with it anymore. You learn from it and rebuild yourself into something better than you were before. | |
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| How did you cope?
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:50:56 AM |
I have a word for this: Utopia! If I'm redundant, I'm free. I can't be recycled in literal sense of the word until I'm death - at which point I don't care. If I'm replaced, I will find something better. Therefore, utopia is quite easy to deal with.
i have to say...after all the major changes had taken place an some of the fallout dealt with... i do feel important parts of me seeing how an where an why all this is a good thing.. and i see a pretty cool future.. but it takes time an one still gets to cope.. you have to work on yourself and do it inbetween everything else and if you have kids within the marriage there's a never ending story that goes along with just such additions to the equation..
coping an having a child involved brought into matters = major adaptions and compromise... if you didn't go through it and don't know about them it's ok.. enough of us do.. | |
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Cazimi
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Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 28 | |
| How did you cope?
Posted: 6/4/2008 12:38:09 PM | You are hurting it's natural for you to feel that way,
we have all been there and
It does get better, but it's a slow process.
Don't think of it as you being recycled and replaced, we can't replace someone, each person is unique.
Our needs change with time,which causes people to grow apart .
It is better to separate than to live together and make each other unhappy.
I was the one who ended my marriage, not to replace him,
I could never replace him, but I was very unhappy, we wanted different things.
I was hurting as much as he did and missed him for a long time , took all my strength not to get back with him .
Was very hard but I learned so much about myself,
I learned to accept and like myself
to do things I never thought I could
He found another , I am still single.
There's always room for another if the heart is full of love .
Each love is different and brings out parts of us we never knew .
Time heals the pain, stay strong.
cazimi | |
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| How did you cope?
Posted: 6/4/2008 1:27:25 PM | I was married to an alcoholic for 13 years. In the beginning I overlooked what was at the time a social drinker. It, of course, escalated over time. After the birth of our child he got much worse and it was time to leave. If not for my own sake, my daughter's.
I moved away, same state but 400 miles apart. I could never date in the same vicinity. Not because I couldn't but because I had too much self respect and I didn't see that it was appropriate at the time. (Very small town, we owned a high profile business together) Once in my new locale, I started dating about six months after my arrival.
Oh the stories I could tell and have...lol Needless to say, no real connections happened. Except for one person, who I knew from the day I met him was someone I truly wanted to get to know better. We worked together. That was fine. We played out on the town, at the beach (very sacred stuff for us), we laughed, we loved the same music, etc. We had almost everything in common! Seems perfect right? No...not just yet.
The problem: We both just came out of respective long term marriages. Less than 6months. We had both been married for 13 years. I am 46, he is 34. Thinking back as to why we left our relationship as close friends, we were right to do so. Neither of us wanted to be the rebound relationship. Our friendship was to be WAY more valuable than that!
He lives in another state and we both date other people...for now. Or so I thought. I'm not...he's not. LOL We just talked about this the other night and laughed our butts off. We haven't seen each other in 2 years. The conversation turned very serious. As it is turning out, we are both wanting to take our friendship to the next level, again. It appears this is the right time for us. Time and distance has not diminished our affection for each other. I am excited about the future! 
Its been four years since I left my ex and I am very happy on my own. It does take time. No one can really say how much time, but the old adage is very true. In my case, I kept my eyes and my heart open. I know that whoever is destined to be my partner in this life...he was worth waiting for.
Best of luck to you! | |
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| How did you cope?
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:16:26 PM | | I had a long term relationship end suddenly at the end of 2005. My gf who had just graduated college earlier that year was feeling she needed to experience something different from what she had with me. I was her first long term relationship (and she was mine) but I was 10 years her senior so I had a bit more maturity as far as worldly things. All that said, the break up was not a surprise or as shocking as it might seem given how sudden it was, I had felt from the beginning that the relationship was one of convenience and I was willing to see it through despite my reservations but when she gave me the speech part of me was very happy that I didn't have to tolerate the aspects I didn't like about the relationship any more. After the relationship ended I missed certain aspects of it of course but I never felt ill toward her, I wish her all the best. As for me , I felt liberated to go on and pursue my ideal as opposed to having to tolerate a compromise relationship. | |
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SG_86
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Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 32 | |
| How did you cope?
Posted: 6/5/2008 9:33:31 AM | Our pleasure, Chocolata!
My engagement ended about a month ago. When my fiancee told me she "did not love me in that way anymore," I just wanted to crawl down the nearest hole and not return... Things had not been going all that great for two weeks leading up to the point... Remarkably, I took it very well, with her even stating "you're taking this very well." That's because I psyched myself up for it way in advance and always knew there was a possibility anything could happen. Needless to say, I was right. The decision, I believe, was best for the both of us; better now than than going thourgh that discussion when married!
Still, it was hard for the first few weeks after... But I did not dwell on it because except for the last two weeks, the whole relationship was complete bliss and happiness. There were so many good memories to outweigh the bad, and this is why we have remained good friends since. We may not be lovers anymore, but we are each other's best and closest friend.
Most of all, my experience with her allowed me to assess myself in a better life. I knew certain things had to be done to change myself, but when I became comfortable in the relationship, I did not act on it. Now, I've come to the realization I need to make certain changes to become a better person - I need to become more socially active, be less suspicious of others' motives, be more confident in public, don't always assume the worst. Most of all, make yourself truly happy... That hit home because for the last few weeks I've always had problems making myself happy. I would avoid controversial points just to keep peace, bottle things up and not reveal them and so on. I've been getting better in this regard; I am no longer afraid and I thank her for that.
My advice for coping - if it ended well, think of the good times. If it ended badly, think of ways to improve yourself as a person... we all have flaws to correct! Hope this helped! | |
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