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| Would most women run a mile from my situation?
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:55:58 PM | | I wouldnt run a mile either, been there, done that. It's hard to get thru, and it just takes some time and support. I was lucky, my sister took me in and helped me tremendously. Good luck to you. | |
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| Would most women run a mile from my situation?
Posted: 6/11/2008 2:30:02 PM | OP I think the preschool years are just so short, I think it is a wonderful thing that you are there for your daughter. This is a precious time and you have dared to break the social norms to do what you think is right, being out of the ordinary will always carry a price. I think though if you are simply sitting back during the day and not advancing your career by working at night or studying, then I think that would be wrong. However hard you have worked in the past, you aren't going to be able to work those hours again for a very long time. This means you need to be serious about raising your prospects of a better hourly wage when you resume work.
I would be saying exactly the same words irrespective of gender, unfortunately full time parenting can have a terrible impact on a career path for anyone.
There are women who would love the prospect of a dad & child in one fell swoop, particularly when they are pre-teens. Join groups to meet with other single parents and mothers groups, be active in the community to meet as many people as you can, maybe even Joey Scouts.
Not everything is about material goods, but you do need to demonstrate that you will continue to be a good provider in the future, by increasing your employability. | |
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| Would most women run a mile from my situation?
Posted: 6/11/2008 3:05:54 PM | | Postscript: My father was a single father of 4 children for five years. Our ages at the time were 18mths to 7 yrs. My mother took off with his fortune and gambled it, or bought herself shares for her own wealth. Other business dealings left him virtually bankrupt. He worked double shifts 6 days/week but he got back on his feet. I will always respect him for what he did, sure we missed him, but he always made sure he paid his own way. It does however sound sus that you have nothing at all OP.....if you have custody of your child, you should have at the very least got half of your house value. Maybe you should see a lawyer. Remember what your daughter sees as your example, will be what she will compare a future partner against as a benchmark. | |
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| Would most women run a mile from my situation?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:06:15 AM | | I got a little behind on this conversation, but I caught up now and have to add for the people who disagreed with my post from earlier... you completely epitomized my point, all you really want is "security". You could very well pass up the man of your dreams who is kind, caring and loves you for all that you are, even worships the ground you walk on, and for what? Because he didn't have a job? It is all about priorities and making "security" the top priority is just wrong, I am sorry, but I would live in a cardboard box as long as I had my wife with me. | |
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| Would most women run a mile from my situation?
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:34:51 AM | WOW! This thread really hit home with me. I have some of the same questions OP. I'm in a similar situation as you. No, I do not have children, no I am not living with my parents (both passed before I was out of my teens) And no, I am not even just out of a divorce. My whole world came to an end back in April. The woman I was deeply in love with finally called it quits. At the same time I found myself jobless. Still wonder how much that played into her decision. At a minimum, it was the last straw for what I think was bound to happen anyway. The love I had for her blinded me and would not let me see that she did not have the feelings for me I thought or wanted her to have. But not to get into my relationship woes. Not the purpose of my post or your topic.
I am in the same boat. I'm still jobless and nearly broke. The job market is getting worse everyday. So the hopes of finding a job is fading as hard as I look, apply and search. I came back to POF to hopefully find someone to help relieve the pain of my loss. I was thinking that maybe if I found a woman that could interest me, that it would help speed the process of getting over her. Wishful thinking maybe. I had a profile that was working very well for me in attracting woman and I was successful to have as many as 3-4 e-mails from interested ladies everyday. I was 100% open and honest in that profile. Not wanting to mislead anyone. No, I did not say I was broke and jobless. No, I did not say I was not over her yet. But in my first response to any lady that wrote, I'd explain exactly how I felt and what my financial situation was. That proved to be a hurtful thing for me to have to do. It made my ego, self worth and pride drop even lower. But I do believe very strongly to be open and honest with everyone from day one. Sure, I got responses thanking me for being up front and honest about my situation. Compliments for it in fact. But at the same time, no woman wanted to pursue their initial interest in me. Can't say I blame them at all. I'm one of the worst catches in this pond at present. My love and desire to have my ex back is fading more and more each day. That's normal. So in time, a short time I hope, I'll be completely over her. I'm not yet. But working on it.
Now as for the financial situation, that is now my priority and have tabled the idea of finding a new love of my life. It's hopeless to think I have anything to offer a woman right now. Hopeless to think any woman wants to start a relationship with me. I've made some sincere well wishing friends out of some of these woman that have written. That's a good thing, But it does not help my need to have someone to hold and share life with. Hell, I don't have much of a life right now. I could very well be homeless in the near future. Great thing to have to explain to a potential love interest huh?
So the other day when my ex finally made it clear that we are done and over for good with no hope of ever being together again, I changed my profile to be painfully honest. It says that I am in a financial disaster right now and that for now I need a room mate to help with expenses. I also said that if any woman is in a position to hire...write me. Now how honest can I be? Has even one woman written since I changed it? NO, and I don't even expect any to write. That's a good thing. Tired of having to explain and bring myself down further.
So as many here say, I'm here for the forums and to keep in touch with many friends I've made here.
I wish you luck my friend. I hope things look better for you too...and soon. | |
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| Would most women run a mile from my situation?
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:44:08 AM | tieio, thanks for this post. I agree. I'd be happy in a cardboard box if I had the love of my life with me. That is a priority in my life...is to have that with a loving partner. Life as a single and alone is not for me. I frankly hate it.
I got a little behind on this conversation, but I caught up now and have to add for the people who disagreed with my post from earlier... you completely epitomized my point, all you really want is "security". You could very well pass up the man of your dreams who is kind, caring and loves you for all that you are, even worships the ground you walk on, and for what? Because he didn't have a job? It is all about priorities and making "security" the top priority is just wrong, I am sorry, but I would live in a cardboard box as long as I had my wife with me.
But I do have to be realistic. Tell me, what woman would want to start a relationship with a guy that might not even have a cell phone or Internet in the near future unless something breaks. I damn sure do not expect her to help pay my way and would not want to make a woman feel obligated to do that. I have my self respect and pride to consider. Why would a woman risk getting that involved?
That's the painful reality of even being here looking and yes, hoping the best love of my life is somewhere in this pond.
It's a very humiliating and humbling experience for me to say the least. | |
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| Would most women run a mile from my situation?
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:53:35 AM | No, i wouldn't run from that situation. Being i am already established, mine could be in the way i can take a male that is starting again from scratch provided he doesn't become a cost factor to me. He would have to start out as self supportive and move up from this point. You would only be a bother to failure females, for example, a failure female must have all the goods where he is concerned because she would already be at the bottom.
Your situation outlines being the victim of an idiot when you were on the right course. So it shows in more likelyhood you would resume winner recourse once again. Advice to you and all persons at this site. When we or you ever own real property real estate in our name, never never put morons or any spouse on our deed of trust or our deed of ownership. Fact of law of the human evolved race....Whatever people will do they usually will do, as in however much leash you give a dog the dog will use up all that leash. We must use the applications because fact of reference shows proof, that 8 people out of 10 are losers. | |
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| Would most women run a mile from my situation?
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:11:31 AM | Hi Sam-spade,
So you think raising children alone isn't hard work? Well I can tell you it is! I've been single for 3 years and have 2 children.
Who has to drive the kids to school even though she's got a raving temperature from the flu...me, Who digs the garden to remove that rusty bit of iron post....me, Who had to re-plaster the walls..me, Who had to carry, assemble all the furniture upstairs...me, Who changes the wheel on the car...me, who's a nurse, doctor, cook, cleaner, taxi driver, teacher, blah blah blah.....
And I don't have any family, so it's just me and the kids. Oh and by the way, I'm also a full time university student so when (yeah I know lazy) I get a job, I can support them as their father certainly doesn't! (He's in another country) So no help from him either.
I think being a single parent is the hardest job in the world. I wouldn't call it 'busy'. | |
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| Would most women run a mile from my situation?
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:14:01 AM | Two men have said, on this thread:
I'd be happy in a cardboard box if I had the love of my life with me. To them I say... I seriously doubt it.
Do you really think you'd be happy in a cardboard box type of life simply because you had a Love living with you?
As you cuddled down under a dirty blanket with her, would you really be "happy"????
If she is the "love of your life".....
wouldn't you feel concern/worries as the winter began to set in?
As predators began sniffing around?
As the winds blow your cardboard house down?
You love her, after all.. so you *should* be a bit UNhappy about not protecting her very well.
Now I know "in a cardboard box" is a way of saying "living without anything", and not always a true cardboard box.
Okay, so let's put you and the "love of your life" in a shelter for the homeless.
Would you really be "happy"... just going through each day smiling at her while she smiles back .. oh joys... while someone steals the bread you stole for your next meal?
You LOVE her, for cripes sake. You'd be HAPPY seeing her in that situation with you?
I know, I know, two people "in love" can (and do) share together happiness in very difficult situations. That's not what I'm talking about.
I just think that "I'd be happy in a cardboard box if I had the love of my life with me" statement, (said by many more people than just the 2 men on this thread), is a horrible statement.
It is selfish and shows no concern for that LOVE of your life. | |
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| Would most women run a mile from my situation?
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:16:49 AM | I would say just about any divorced parent would understand what you're going through right now and not have a major issue about it, unless of course money is their primary concern, but would you want that person anyway?
As others said, no need to tell people too much personal information too soon as something like that brought up before you know each other at all will have more impact then once you've established yourself as a decent guy to the woman. Then I would definitely be upfront about it but you certainly don't need to tell anyone in the first email or two. | |
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| Would most women run a mile from my situation?
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:54:14 AM | Dear op,
I wouldn't worry to much about it because i been there myself and i would think other's been there to.
But we are dealing with a world that in some cases men or women alike will take that as a red flag and run i had it done to me a few times maybe it's because they choose not to understand or dont care .
But i learn not to worry aboult such things because if they realy understood what i was going through they would still be there but also maybe some dont understand it because they never went through it them selfs.
Some people are to damn picky but in any case dont worry about it you know who you are and your family,friends know who you are so who cares what people think .
Well i have to say at least your honest and come out and say it rather than not say it at all and have it brought up during the new relationship.
If a person wants to ask me aboult me so be it i dont hide anything iam open it's called honesty i dont hide things and if they feel if i said to much than they should not ask me in the first place about me or ask me a bunch of questions.
But thats me | |
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| Would most women run a mile from my situation?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:26:39 AM | Thanks OBX. How come you can take classes and be on here, but not work?
Where is the mothers contribution to your daughter, time and finance?
I would run a mile, not because of your situation, but the excuses you make, and the things that don't add up.
Further, you made the choice to add your ex to the mortgage.
How very lucky you are that your parents are there for you. My parents don't support me in any way, emotionally, physically, whatever.
Time for a reality check? | |
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| Would most women run a mile from my situation?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:21:59 AM | I wouldn't run!! I don't think that the kind of woman who would run deservs a guy like you anyways. The kind of women who would run from a man in your situation is only after you for your money anyways.
Just think....... If there was a woman in your situation (which I know there are many). No one would be judging her. They would be judging the ***hole who left her high and dry with a little one to care for.
Lots of luck hun!!  | |
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| Would most women run a mile from my situation?
Posted: 7/2/2008 3:38:47 PM | OP: I wouldn't run from you at all, but if I were in your shoes I would be hesitant to try and form a new relationship until I got a few of my "ducks in a row." I, as a potential partner or date would feel uncomfortable if we were to make plans to go away for the weekend (would I be expected to play "mom" to the little one and foot the bill for the whole weekend because you aren't working??) ...and "yes" you are in this situation from some fault of your own as you are now a father with the responsibility of raising a child to the best of your ability. You seem like a nice guy and are willing to go the distance to get yourself straightened out financially and emotionally, but I would place all my efforts on raising my child, obtaining gainful employment and getting a place of my own before you decide to jump into dating. Children are such a wonderful gift ( sadly, I don't have any), and I would want to spend every spare moment I could working toward a better life for my child rather than thinking about dating right now.
Doing so shows any woman that you're willing to take responsibility for your life and the life of your little one no matter how long it takes instead of trying to drag someone else into an equation that the results are purely unknown at this point due to your current circumstances.
I wish you the best and do keep us posted on your progress.
Sans
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