| | Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?Page 4 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) |
The older I get I think it boils down to compatibility and love grows over time. When I was younger I would fall head over heels with someone and then later notice all the differences we may have personality wise...The more dating experience you have the better you are at finding people you are more compatible with and notice the personality differences that definitly will not work...
I would agree here and also tag on that it's all about figuring out what you DON'T WANT rather than what you do want. It's a numbers game and dating experience is a must. | |
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| Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
Posted: 6/10/2008 4:02:59 PM | Ummmm....I disagree for the following reasons. In the past I focused on what I don't want in a man, and kept attracting them. When I focused on what I wanted, the caliber and quality of men improved dramatically. If you read The Secret, the subconcious mind cannot delineate between what you want and don't want energetically. In other words, if you focus on what you don't want to attract ie: someone controlling, egotistical, abusive, the mind hears in reality: " I want someone that is controlling and egotistical", because we attract our fears due to the energy we put into our fears. If we think a lot of what we DO want: "great communicator, like minded, thoughtful, positive", then energetically, we attract that which we put our mind to.
If we continue to believe in LOVE & COMPATIBILITY, then, we will attract that which we put our energy into..it's about the Law of Attraction. See what happend JamesD when you change your thinkin... p.s. I am not saying you shouldn't be clear on what you want and don't want, as that is important to be clear on what does float our boat. What is important though, is that you think a lot more about what you WANT..DESIRE...WISH FOR...the good stuff should be forefront in our mind.
HEavenscemt1 | |
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| Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
Posted: 6/10/2008 6:58:41 PM | Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
I believe in finding someone that is compatible and lovable. There must be compatibility but who wants a clone of themselves of the opposite sex but a partner who shares values ,outlook, education(or at least intelligence) , interests, will share experiences and has the same life goals. Now that's a keeper. | |
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| Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
Posted: 6/11/2008 12:17:03 AM | | I do very much so believe in love, but I'm also self-aware enough to know I have loved women that I wasn't compatible enough with for it to work in the long run. I can say that I've learned something of value in almost every serious relationship I've ever been involved with. I guess the thing I've figured out is the most important is that the person you're with should be your best friend. That doesn't mean he or she needs to share all of your interests or hobbies, but that when something good happens to you, or something bad happens, that's the one person you want to see, to talk to, to share the experience with. Its the one you want to see the first thing in the morning, and the last person you want to talk to before you close your eyes at night. Is that love, or compatibility? In my book, its a lot of both, and much more than either. | |
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DazzyB
| | Joined: 10/9/2006
Msg: 82 | |
| Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:45:01 AM |
In love ...is BAMMO...there you are...and the rollercoaster of initial emotions eventually even out to True Love.
Gimme what my heart and soul tells me is right...what's inside of me... is telling me is beyond the superficial and learned behavior.
Gimme True Love any day.
Wow, how profound!! Thank you for that. In my eye, surely this has to be a large part of the reason for living... | |
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| Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:52:20 AM | | I think the whole package is important chemistry, compatibility, communication, and commitment. Sometimes, the "criteria" can be flexible if the other factors are present. Concerning the chemistry part, when it's there or it develops you know. The confusing part is when you're interacting with someone and you're really feeling it, it's hard to understand why they don't feel it especially when they are flirting and bantering with you like crazy. Frankly, that's just being a jerk. If you don't feel it, don't fake it and play games with people's feelings. | |
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| Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:42:58 AM | Is it ever really just one or the other~ ?
If there were a simple formula, there would be no need for books, and forums, and talk Ad nauseam about Love.
Kyn mentions the wedding vows. 'Kimbo recently attended a wedding up North...and after the I Do's were said, the priest did an interesting thing....He asked the entire audience in attendence to promise to remind this newly married couple of just how much they loved each other on this day...and promise to do all we can to remind them of patience, kindness, respect and acceptance in the future when the hard times will befall them. To which we all replied.."We Will" I thought that was an interesting addendum.
Personally, I believe that Romance and Courtship are what is lacking when you find that energy with another that 'strikes'
It seems that folks are interested more in the idea of Falling in Love with Love.
Many are willing to approach the horse, yet few are willing to get on and ride
Peace today
``````````` 'Kimbo ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
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| Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
Posted: 6/11/2008 7:42:30 AM | ^^Wow - what a great 'addendum' and such a wise priest - "...remind them of patience, kindness, respect and acceptance when the hard times will befall them...."
Regarding the OP's question - I believe in loving someone who is compatible - truly compatible on all levels, which is quite challenging to find.....otherwise what's the point? To love someone who is not compatible seems an obvious path to pain....and to find someone truly compatible and not love them also seems impossible.
So, it's not one or the other, but I believe both go together....and having patience, kindness, respect and acceptance when those hard times befall all of us!  | |
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| Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
Posted: 6/11/2008 10:10:06 AM | Wow...so many words of wisdom being shared, and a truly insightful post and replies that give me so much to think about. Being happy with who we are as an individual ourselves is critical..as you can't expect someone to fill that void for you. If we expect someone to make us feel happy, whole and complete, we will be sorely disappointed, as that is a tall order for anyone to fill. Loving oneself is the first step to finding that which we seek outside of ourselves, as we attract our mirrors...if we want someone who is happy with who they are, love themselves, have learned their lessons through life's downers, are projecting peace and contentment..then, we better make sure we create that within ourselves first. WE are more likely then to find LOVE & COMPATIBILITY in the same person, and we sure do deserve to have it all!
Heavenscent1 | |
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| Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
Posted: 6/11/2008 1:04:08 PM | | i think i beleive in love because i see it every where i go. my parents are in love. people i see at the store are in love. who else would stick up for my mom the way that my dad does. i saw an old couple ready to make out in front of everybody at the store but couldn't cause that might be rude. that was love. i'm really sure that was love. i haven't experienced love yet. but hey it only makes me stronger | |
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| Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
Posted: 6/11/2008 8:34:36 PM |
I think what people call 'Love' fades at around the 1-2 year mark.
That's the problem. They call it love but it's not.
I'm a believer in love. Sadly, from what I see around here, many people are all about compatibility.
Seems like Im always posting the scientifc explanation so here goes...I'll post the facts as I know them and then just add my own opinion. Mammals are certainly capable of emotionally bonding with one another. You can seee that with your pets. Dogs sleep all over each other, cats groom each other, all examples of affection and bonding. Humans do it too but it's most prevalent with offspring. We LOVE our children unconditionally! But when it comes to choosing mates love has nothing to do with it. As a matter of fact there really isnt any such thing as love between people searching for mates. Not anymore anyway...not since the 80's.
What we have instead is people walking around with a little list inside their head. And on this list are the criteria we're looking for in a potential mate. Everyones list is different, and womens lists are infinitly longer then mens lists.(Ours are mostly sexual anyway) And what we're doing is looking for someone to fulfill this list of needs. And when we find someone who does we proclaim to the highest mountain top..."I'm in Love!" And as long as we keep fulfilling each others needs we stay "In Love" Remember that song from the 80's..."What have you done for me lately" What do you think that was all about?
Now Divorce occurs when we stop meeting the needs on our partners list. For how can someone say they were really in love after vowing to love forever thru every worst case scenario we could think of, only to divorce the person we just spent the last 27 years with? There couldnt really have been any love there to start with could there? And if both people have megabucks? Well lets just say 6 figure salaries...then we really dont have love, ....what we have is a business merger! Two materialist megalomaniacs that want to live in the biggest house on the block with every toy in the garage imaginable. The American marraige! | |
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| Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:10:59 PM | | I don't think you can have one without the other and i think people that fall in love with people that they aren't compatible with are just kidding themselves in the long run...ever heard of the statement " You can love someone and know their not right for you"? Thats what this makes me think about.. | |
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| Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:24:07 PM | | well the way i see it if i find someone who is compatible with me and sort of has most of the criteria i look for in a mate then i imagine love will come with that either right at first or develop by being with someone whos pretty much evrything i was searching for. | |
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| Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
Posted: 6/11/2008 10:32:52 PM | Do you believe in and are you waiting for the true love to make commitment decisions, such as an exclusive relationship or a marriage, or are you just looking for someone who meets your certain criteria without any love expectations?
If you believe in love, how do you define and recognize it?
(((((((((((((((((((((
Love isnt' as hard as so many put it out to be. I believe in love and I'm not going for a match. I'm going for love. | |
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| Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
Posted: 6/11/2008 11:03:13 PM | sarsss
What????? Why do people think that the two are separate from each other? Love is not something we find in another person. Love is an action. If you want a partner "be" a partner. If you want a friend, "be" a friend. If you want a lover, "be" a lover.
There are no different kinds of love. There is no mister/ms right or mister/ms wrong.
There is only the person in front of you at the moment and how each of you treat each other. There is no such thing as falling in love. We rise to the occasion to love. We choose the level of involvement we want with each person that comes into our lives. If a person does not respond to you, that does not mean they are wrong or you are wrong, it just means you are not interested in each other. If it is not your train don't get on it.
There is no such thing as "love expectations." There is "relationship expectations."
When we love we seek to give not to get. Compatibility is an aspect of relationship not an aspect of love. Relationships are formed. "Being" loving sustains a relationship.
Commitment means nobody is leaving the room. No matter how much it hurts or how many conversations it takes nobody is "leaving". This is the key to long term lasting healthy relationships weather it is a family, a friend or a couple. Marriage without understanding of this is why there is so much divorce and broken relationships. Many people part even though they still love each other.
Love requires "communication", an ability to "share" our thoughts and feelings instead of taking them out on each other. Love requires actions such as kindness, respect, sharing, compromise, constant practice of forgiveness and acceptance. Most have a huge misunderstanding of what they are doing when they forgive and so practice cheap forgiveness. Genuine forgiveness "forgets." People practice cheap forgiveness out of fears and insecurities then stay in unloving relationships.
There is no such thing as forever loving "one" person because of two little facts of life called "death and change." This is a romantic concept that keeps many single for long periods of time even a life time.
If we ever want to have lasting relationships. If your wondering what is wrong with you or your life the above is just a birds eyeview of how ignorant we all are about something we all want so much, loving relationships with each other. The solution is to educate ourselves about what only seems to be a mysterious endeavor. Love is not blind ignorance is. Hope this helps, just a few lessons I have learned from fifty years of being on this planet.
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seaga
| | Joined: 1/4/2006
Msg: 94 | |
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seaga
| | Joined: 1/4/2006
Msg: 95 | |
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| Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
Posted: 6/12/2008 4:34:02 AM | When I was younger, I was looking for 'someone'..... someone to love, someone to love me back, someone to do share with. I didn't know enough about myself to find someone compatible.
Now, in my mid forties, I know that compatible is a spring board..... as long as I don't confuse it with finding a clone.
Love and compatibility go hand in hand. If you have nothing in common, if you can't find things to do together and share, then the other stuff, the fluff and poof, will fade and you'll feel very alone or at the very least, misunderstood.
That's where a lot of resentments are born.
Finding compatibility seems like a no brainer at this stage of my life. I know me, I know what I want and what I don't want.... and there's a security in that knowledge. If someone doesn't "fit" well with me, no matter the attraction or chemical pull, I won't allow myself to fall.
Love, to me, is the stuff that carries you through the chemical attraction... it's the stronger parts, sometimes the stuff you'd rather not recognize because it's not gilded in gold...
Love is accepting the ugly along with the fairy tale you're still hanging onto. | |
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| Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
Posted: 6/12/2008 4:46:13 AM | I think initial attraction lasts for up to a year and gives you the chance to start to develop a true relationship.
Real lasting love is a very wonderful thing and has nothing to do with glamour or romance. Its about caring, protecting, understanding, and feeling totaly secure in the eyes of your loved one. Its about knowing for certain they will still be there if you have health problems, its about knowing that you are the most important person in their life and they will never deliberately hurt you, or you them. It takes work and commitment and it doesn't just happen but its the most worthwhile thing in the world.
How I wish I could find it, | |
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| Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:05:03 AM | Hell both!
If you believe in love, how do you define and recognize it? I can't.
I can't define porn either, but I know it when I see it. Same with love.
How do you define cold, hot, hunger? Love is self evident.
Sheryl Crow singing Begin the Beguine can give you a glimpse of it though.
http://www.imeem.com/people/irlAmb1/music/bCjo7oP3/sheryl_crow_begin_the_beguine/
But this doesn't mean I'm a sap ok!? Because I'm going outside with my propane torch and I'm gonna heat steel up really hot! WITHOUT safety glasses!! grrrr. | |
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| Do you Believe in Love or is it Just About Finding a Compatible Person?
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:30:46 PM | Attraction that leads to chemistry is the beginning of compatibility......
I gave up on looking for love long ago, and now search for that chemistry, compatibility, and mental meshing that follows along the same lines as similar desire, education, and financial stability.
If you can fit as many of the puzzle pieces together, the end result will be a much clearer picture of what that puzzle was to start with, and love may or may not follow as the picture develops.
At our mature stage of life, living, and romance........I am with "Tina" on this one......"What's Love got to do with it?"....... 
Just my opinion........   | |
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