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| Whats more important for a boy, a bad roll model biological father or no male role model at all?
Posted: 6/8/2008 4:30:20 AM | | Hun I'm in the same situation. My son is 14 months old, and his father has said that it is easier if he doesn't have anything to do with his own son! Mind you, he has a son who is 7 yrs old from a previous marriage. One of which he didn't see on a regular basis either whilst we were together and before our son came along.. why did I venture down the same road? His side of the family have had my son for the night on 2 occasions in 7 months. Whilst this is making it easier for Adam to see his son without actually having to make the effort! I've been cutting myself up over it also as I just know that he will appear at my door one day wanting to pickup where he left off. | |
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| Whats more important for a boy, a bad roll model biological father or no male role model at all?
Posted: 6/8/2008 7:34:34 AM | First off STOP the beating up of yourselves..it doesnt help the kids at all! You need to find a man, YOUR DAD, HIS DAD, A FRIEND UNCLE, COACH whom ever..and ask them to spend QUALITY Time with the child, PREFERABLY Someone with good morals and habits..
If you have two different dads for different children and one is a good example and one is HORRIBLE..( I know IM in that boat as well!) Ask the first dad to help with the other child you will find some of the men have NO PROBLEM with it..Even if you need to put some money in his hand for say an icecream for the little one at least the little one will learn what the others are learning..I know this wont work for everyone because hey Ex's have feelings too, but its better than the little one thinking "they have a good dad why cant I?" I have been down that road and Im now in therapy because of it..Take care, good luck, its a hard road anyway you ride down it..But sometime you will find some people are willing to help you peddle the bike..blessings.. | |
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| Whats more important for a boy, a bad roll model biological father or no male role model at all?
Posted: 6/8/2008 10:37:08 AM | gypsie, i like that idea, the other kids dad taggin him along sometimes, thats the only logical thing i can think will work for the long road if u know what i mean, as he will always be in my other kids lives so hes not likely to just dissapear. If hes ok with it that is?? Yes i really like that idea.............................................................
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| Whats more important for a boy, a bad roll model biological father or no male role model at all?
Posted: 6/8/2008 10:51:40 AM | | ps.......... to other replys, im not isolatin him from his real father, ive made it clear to him that i want him in his sons life, ive begged him to be part of him, he isnt interested, he wont admit he isnt but shows it in his behaviour by only seeing him less than a handful of times since he was born. I could push it and get him to bond, which will probarley work in the long run. But then i thought do i really want this man involved, hes been violent in other relationships, hes a major womaniser and utterly selfish. (Hence me askin would bad be better than none). I an my brothers an sisters grew up with attrocious fathers and father figures, I found out of all the turmoil of my upbringing wasnt even the abusive parent, it was the stepdad that brought me up as his own suddenly disowning me at 12. My brother has major issues with his upbringing, an no real role model, but its just hard to know what was the largest issue for him, no real father of his own, or terrible influences. | |
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| Whats more important for a boy, a bad roll model biological father or no male role model at all?
Posted: 6/8/2008 5:07:31 PM | The first thing for YOU to do mich is to quit listening to these stories. Cause thats what they are. Stories.
The second thing you have to quit is this scapegoating. The blame game. blaming men, even men who arent around , for all your real and imagined woes.
The blame game is being played in the childrens court because its the STORY that the courts are happy to swallow at the moment. Little Johnny's torched a dozen cars and the social worker blames "lack of a positive male role model" and the court swallows that one.
In fact the presence of a NEGATIVE female role model can be far more destructive. A man hater (usually a divorced mum) who treats boys as second class citizens and criminals whether they have been mis behaving or not. The wrath of the law holds little fear to a boy who has been raised by and abusive mother.
And Mitch! You are showing some of that behaviour right now. What was so "terrible" about your sons bilogical father???????
It's nothing to do with gender.
What ANY child needs is love and care. From dad, mom, or grandparents, makes little difference. | |
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| Whats more important for a boy, a bad roll model biological father or no male role model at all?
Posted: 6/8/2008 7:45:04 PM | I have 4 billy lids 2 grils one 18 the other 2 n 1/2 2 boys one 9 the othe 5 their dad thinks that boys are better then girls and reckons it's ok to bring the new girlfriend for vists when he finds the time if their lucky 2 or 3 times a year. But still thinks it's ok to try and tell me what I can and can't do even inregards to my personal life.
But I just the best I can and go with the flow as to speak it just makes life easier for us as he doesn't live were we do so why make waves.
As for my boys I do sometimes feels they need a male role model but I feel I doing a good job my self I take them out motor bike riding,fishing we go camping and they play football which I'm involed with I help them train and we go to the park for a muck around game but they also have the guidance from their choaces so that were they get the male thing from plus my dad help's with them as well as my nephew who teaches them that it's nice to miss treat women and he pulls them into line when he thinks they are getting out of line or speak to me in the wrong way. But most of all I tell them they have only one dad and only one mum and that we both love all of them very much no matter what. But the best thing is to talk to them and get to talk to you about anything then that way you can work out what there going throu.
As ways tell them the truth if they as you question about their dad don't lie same for you and if they as a question that you can't say the truth or say what you feel don't say anything just say ask your dad that one as I'm not sure that way your not giving them your feelings on the matter. We all feel that we are stuffing up but hay it happen's even if our partner's weren't out of the picture we would make mistakes it part of life.
Get your family to help or male friends as we all can use help trying to do it on our own is just silly.
Boys need their mum's just as much as they need their dad's so don't beat yourself up over that one they will fine we all get there in the end. Good luck and just remember he's a good boy no matter what and your a good mum too.  | |
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| Whats more important for a boy, a bad roll model biological father or no male role model at all?
Posted: 6/9/2008 1:03:03 PM | | I have two sons...no signs of dad around. My first born son still have really bad memories of his dad. We left when he was 6 and the small one was 8 months old. If you say ask them about their dad, they will tell you "we don't have a dad"...why, he does not care, was physically and emotionally abusive and does not even know whether they are alive or dead...guess he is ***hole. Better no dad around than an ***hole of a dad. I am happy to play both roles...I know I can do it because I have done it for 6 years now. | |
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| Whats more important for a boy, a bad roll model biological father or no male role model at all?
Posted: 6/9/2008 1:06:16 PM | Thanks for everyones views, i am realising now after reading everyones positive stories that his lack of interest is no great loss. If his father would be their for him, reguarly see him and be kind to him, that would of been great, but that would also be very unlikely, even if he did decide he wanted to be part of him now, hed only let him down in the long run. He is behaving like a child himself, i just know in several years he is going to grow up and probarley want contact, and then regret the way hes acted. I realise now i cant have this uncertain confused immature person in my childs life.
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| Whats more important for a boy, a bad roll model biological father or no male role model at all?
Posted: 6/9/2008 8:26:30 PM | children with no male role model in their life will have security issues as adults, as well as authority issues in school and as grown men until they've sought help for it, and/or deny that they have commitment issues and/or problems with men of authority like law enforcement, etc.
If the dad is a deadbeat, seek an uncle, neighbor, coach of little league, seek big brothers big sisters organization. Anything. A child, especially a boy, needs a solid male figure in his life. Only my opinion... | |
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| Whats more important for a boy, a bad roll model biological father or no male role model at all?
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:24:56 PM | It depends on what you consider to be bad role model behavior. Too many times, people confuse their own feelings and problems with the father of their children with the children's feeling and needs. It's easy for them to then say it's just better if they are out of the picture because it's better and easier for them (the mother)
My ex-husband, father of my 10 year old, lives across the country from us. His ex-girlfriend (mother of his almost 2 year old) and I have something in common. We both would like him to move to my city. Her reason being so he is OUT of their child's life and mine for the reason he would be IN our child's life. I don't think he's moving anywhere and that's for the best. We've been divorced since my daughter was a baby and she has a stable life and has regular phone contact with her dad. His boy however, is a BOY and I think the father-son relationship is even more important. | |
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| Whats more important for a boy, a bad roll model biological father or no male role model at all?
Posted: 6/10/2008 6:17:43 PM | | oh look...its another bad dad thread! Some of the mothers out their are not perfect angels either and yet have the kids for the simple fact that they are the mother and we all know how courts tend to side with the mom.....even if the dad didn't do anything wrong and the mother is a crackhead (not that my ex is but that is just an example of some of the things i see in the news) | |
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| Whats more important for a boy, a bad roll model biological father or no male role model at all?
Posted: 6/11/2008 12:52:48 AM | | i think its wrong to keep children frm a parent without a very good reason. but what do u do when the dad turns his back on his kids? im a great believer that not only boys but girls should have the bond with both parents. my ex sees that by him having his kids once a fourtnight that its helpin me out not the fact that e should have them cos e wants them.i met and married a great man but it didnt work out, he bonded really well with my children and them with him, we been split 4 2yrs but e treats my children like his own alot better than they real dad. he has them 2 days 4 a few hrs after school in the week and once a fourtnight to stay. nothing is too much trouble 4 him where the kids are concerned. what they want they get ut most importantly they get alot of love and a great roll model, any man can be a father but it takes somwone special to b a dad. | |
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| Whats more important for a boy, a bad roll model biological father or no male role model at all?
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:57:46 AM | Why should a mother choose whether a bad role model should be involved with her son??? Because Mr it is a mothers job to protect her child.
And Mr kiddinmyself........................ again........................ yes i was involved with an arsehole and as ive said before the baby was a mistake. Obviously i did not plan to have a baby with someone like that. But it happened and now im trying to make best of a bad job. | |
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| Whats more important for a boy, a bad roll model biological father or no male role model at all?
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:36:10 AM |
For the others who have stated that it is better to have no father than a bad father, do you all believe the same about mothers?
Yes i have no problems with saying the same about mothers who are bad role models for their children. I happen to know of 3 guys who are raising their children alone after the mothers skipped out on them.
Why is it always a question of whether a "bad roll model father" should be in a boy's life? What makes the woman who chose to be with that man any more of a better role model?
A 'bad role model father' is the person who 'beats' the children and/or the mother or who shows nothing but disrespect and aggression towards others. And that can apply to both fathers and mothers. A 'good role model parent' is one who shows unconditional love and support.
I am a better role model for my children then their father.....why? because he used both physical and emotional abuse to get what he wanted and to control us.
A good role model parent is the one who sticks around for the children not the one who bails.
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