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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:47:53 PM | Some men's relationship advice gurus say that not contacting a woman until a week or so passes raises her interest! She may be slightly pissed, but more interested.
Don't forget, too, that these advice gurus are not giving advice on how to gain the interest of average women. It would be like buying a book on how to plan out a career path to becoming a bus driver or how to spend your money on mediocre investments. The relationship gurus are teaching men how to be the guy who stands out among the hundreds of other men vying for her attention.
If a woman is unaccustomed to a man pursuing her, then she's a lot more likely to be receptive when one does. If she gets men chasing her left and right, then a guy who is genuinely interested in her for more than just her looks is going to blend right in with everyone else. In the latter case, a guy who plays it a bit cool is going to stand out and doesn't come across as desperate. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:50:13 PM | ^^^^^And that's why I said earlier that you have to use the right tool
for the job at hand! lol
I also read between the lines and take everything with a grain of salt!
A relationship Guru who professes to have had thousands of dates
cannot be all that successful! lol
That's why, in my mind, the matter requires closer examination!
EDIT MUCH has to do with just HOW much the woman is attracted
to the man in the first place! | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:55:04 PM |
^^^^^And that's why I said earlier that you have to use the right tool
for the job at hand! lol
Too right.
I am not going to approach a woman who looks like she just stepped off the cover of Maxim the same way I approach a woman who is a bit of a tomboy. I may be equally attracted to both (I actually prefer tomboys) but the former is likely a lot more accustomed to being hit on than the latter, so I'll have to be a lot more aloof.
The second one may very well be flattered by any guy approaching her, so I'd be a lot more likely just to go up and say "hello, my name is..." | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 6:09:58 PM |
men no longer know how to pursue a woman.
Maybe not so much of not knowing, but not knowing how to do it in today's social environment. I'll try to go over it as I've pieced it together.
Back in the late 60s and early 70s there was this thing called the feminist movement. Sure it started out reasonably enough, but by the 1980s and 90s it needed to find new demons to fight. Those new demons were often about how men pursued women.
The typical tools and methods of how a man was supposed to pursue a woman gained a social stigma or were even criminalized. Some of it was incredibly absurd, including 'studies' that called buying a woman a drink 'date rape'. Most weren't seemingly so absurd and were aimed at guys who were actually being offensive and abusive. However, the message was always about 'unwanted' attention from men. That was where the line was drawn between acceptable and unacceptable behavior, if the woman wanted it or not.
The problem is that the men who were actually being offensive and abusive didn't respect women in the first place so they never heard the message. Who heard that these behaviors weren't right any more? The men who did respect women and the women themselves.
The result is that men were taught not to give women 'unwanted' attention. Women were taught anyone that they didn't want attention from was guilty of at the very least some social mistake and at worst guilty of something criminal. Men became stuck in a situation where they were required to read minds. Women were empowered to treat men they didn't want poorly because it was 'unwanted' attention. Men didn't want to be guilty of showing a woman 'unwanted' attention. It takes a certain personality to think that EVERY woman wants you, and basically any man that thinks that way is likely to be quite a self-centered jerk.
On top of this throw on that women were supposed to be 'equals' now. Men pursuing women is inherently unequal.
Culturally, men simply had most of the social tools for pursuit of women stripped from them.
How enthusiastic a man is about meeting you, spending time with you, chatting with you, is pretty much the only indicator a female has when it comes to figuring out if a man is genuinely interested. A man who is serious about you, nothing will stand in front of that.
Enthusiastic pursuit is considered creepy. I think just about every woman in here has had some guy she considered unattractive that was 'enthusiastically' interested in her that she ended up considering creepy even though he did *exactly* what they are asking men do here to pursue.
To end this, I'll go through something rather typical that I've experienced personally.
A woman's car is broken down at the side of the road, a man she finds attractive stops to help her. It's romantic, he's a hero... maybe they date... When I stop and help a woman in my dating range the reaction is more like one towards a potential ax murderer. (I've stopped to help all sorts of people, I only get the nervous potential ax-murderer reaction from women in my dating range) | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 3:47:33 AM |
And what about the awesome feelings created by sexual tension? It's not
always as much fun if things proceed in an effortless manner. So how and
where does one interject some measure of difficulty? Sexual tension might just be best maintained, by not jumping into the sack right away with someone you just met. Then it is self perpetuating.
It isn't that modern men don't KNOW how to pursue. It's that they CHOOSE not to pursue because of the risk of a jail sentence. I did not say stalk, I said pursue. If your pursuit is bringing criminal charges... perhaps you need to reexamine your methods.
The problem, of course is that "bad boys" give off the aura of the "real man" and women are so emotional that they often can't tell the difference. Don't you dare turn this into a nice guy thread. This has nothing at all to do with nice and bad. It has to do with actions.
The thing with attracting girls is that girls of different ages act very differently. One way does not work on 18 year olds and 45 year olds. Biologically these girls are very different and their experiences (read: wisdom) are even more different. The term is women. Girls are somewhat different. They are children.
Once again I'm stumped. It appears it was entirely up to those guys in the opening post to play by the rules whether they knew what the rules were or not. I would not give my number to someone that did not interest me. That would be quite stupid.
Sounds like yall didn't have much significant to talk about, or those guys can't pursue a conversation. Trust me, a lack of conversational ability is never a problem for me. And yes, a lot of men have trouble having one, it would seem... if the men who message me "hello" or "nice tits" is any indication.
The lady was only looking at it from HER perspective. Maybe men are just tired of pursuing what turn out to be immature, spoiled, little girls....... I'm not exactly keen on hearing the 'sage words' from some gold digging, money hungry, millionaire pursuer as the person referenced. They have NO idea what it really IS to be a woman.... nor what 'womanly' qualities they should possess that would make a man WANT to pursue. Most women these days have lost all sense of what is attractive to 'the man'.....because they're more concerned about what is important to THEM..... This is like believing that the girls in Sex And The City know how to have successful relationships......... Maybe men who don't want gold digging, money hungry millionaire pursuers, might try not shopping with their eyes first and look deeper within for the qualities they want?
If you had bothered to actually watch the woman in question, you would know that for her matchmaking she actually goes out and scouts women for the millionaires. They are quite attractive and well educated women with careers. It is not by any means a bunch of dimwits sitting around thinking about how they can catch someone rich.
The fun part about watching her show, is that a lot of the men muck it up, time after time.
If women are concerned about what is important to them... it's because a lot of us are just as busy as the men are, making a living. If you want a woman with traditional womanly qualities, she will be staying at home and making a home for you and your family. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 7:27:41 AM | > The fun part about watching her show, is that a lot of the men muck it up, time after time.
Let me guess - the ads run during the show demonstrate that it's designed to appeal to a female demographic. I.e., no ads for beer, motor oil, and/or big trucks. What a surprise then that the guys wouldn't be up to snuff.
The guys mucking it up all the time, as you put it, gives the women viewers the satisfaction of both being superior to and victims of these carefully crafted and chosen oh-so-pathetic men, who are not the expert players the women deem themselves deserving of. I guess the OP's idea of "fun" is somewhat different from mine.
But at least the show dispels the myth that simply "being yourself" is all that it takes - even if you're a millionaire. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 10:48:32 AM | I gave up trying to pursue women about a year ago myself. I look around at all of the couple's out there and tend to see a trend forming. Women these days don't want a guy like me..lol. But it's all good cuz then I don't have any baby daddy drama to deal with, nor do I have to help care/pay for some other guys kid. Staying single these days is wise. Cuz I don't plan on giving up half of eveything I worked so hard for in my 28 years!! | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 11:24:36 AM |
The problem, however, is that if a guy is very enthusiastic about a woman, it tends to scare her off like crazy. Kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario -- guys who express genuine interest in a woman are considered creepy and guys who play it cool are considered players. This all depends on the level of enthusiasm, as I stated before.
Are some women different? Are just the controlling types, pissed
at not getting immediate attention? Very good, nice you can throw an insult towards women, most of whom do have fairly reasonable expectations, making them sound like petulant toddlers.
I went out with a guy for three dates in Nov/Dec and after the first date, he began calling me repeatedly, 3 to 5 times a day, and e-mailing me. He wanted to introduce me to his son the day after we went out the first time. I very patiently explained to him that I did not think it was appropriate to do that. I also told him that he needed to go a little more slowly. He completely ignored everything that I said and continued to act precisely the same. After the third date, he began discussing marriage. Mind you I had not even kissed him at this point.
I decided that he was in fact, crazy. I had to tell him that I would not see him again, which had rather tragic results.
This would be a good example of how not to do it. There is a huge difference between this and just calling someone after a date, perhaps the next day and telling them you had a lovely time and asking if they would consider going out with you again. If you cannot see this... Well you might want to consider it.
A relationship Guru who professes to have had thousands of dates cannot be all that successful! This is one of the most sensible things I have heard all week... Along with this
The problem is that the men who were actually being offensive and abusive didn't respect women in the first place so they never heard the message. Who heard that these behaviors weren't right any more? The men who did respect women and the women themselves. Well, perhaps that should be changed to "the emotionally healthy and reasonable."
The guys mucking it up all the time, as you put it, gives the women viewers the satisfaction of both being superior to and victims of these carefully crafted and chosen oh-so-pathetic men, who are not the expert players the women deem themselves deserving of. I guess the OP's idea of "fun" is somewhat different from mine. No, actually it sort of points to the fact that just because a guy has power and money, does not mean he is better than any other man. In fact, in many cases they are far worse.
A few things have been said about "unwanted attention." There are men, that even when you are firm and define your boundaries clearly, they will stomp over them every time. They cannot read in the behavior and body language that they are being inappropriate. Even when they are told, they take that as an invitation. There are also men that lack the ability to read when a woman is interested and assume that they are not.
I read a lot of the forum threads. Many more than I post to. What I want to know, is how many men realize there is a balance. It's not a simple situation, obviously.
The things I post here, I have read in books telling women how to discover if men are genuinely interested. I have found in my experience that most of them are true to some extent.
I think part of the problem here, is that not all men and women who are dating, are doing it to form a relationship. Sex, money, whatever expectations they might have... can get in the way.
If you are just dating to find someone to have sex with casually, then your approach is going to be different than someone who is serious. Perhaps looking for women that have "long term" on their profiles, in this case, might be a bad idea. If you are looking for someone long term, then "dating" might be the wrong choice. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 12:29:10 PM | So what I want to know is... Men, do you know what it is to pursue a woman? Or are women so busy desperately chasing you, that you no longer feel the need?
It depends on the woman. I've pursued, and been pursued. Ideally I think men and women should pursue whomever they are interested in. Idly waiting for someone to come along seems like a waste of time unless one is content being alone.
How enthusiastic a man is about meeting you, spending time with you, chatting with you, is pretty much the only indicator a female has when it comes to figuring out if a man is genuinely interested. A man who is serious about you, nothing will stand in front of that.
How can anyone be serious about someone before they've even been on a first date? If I get a number from someone I might not have a chance to go out with them for one or two weeks depending on what I have on my plate for work and school. I will contact them as soon as I know when I am available to see if we can make plans, but it is difficult for me to be more than a little enthusiastic about meeting or spending time with someone I barely know. I will make the effort to do so, but until they grow on me I can take or leave their company.
On the other hand, I am very bad at reading women, so I rarely know if they are interested or not. I try my best, but more often than not I'm less than 25% sure until after I've put my neck on the line. Smiles, hugs, and "touchy feely" actions in general don't mean much to me, as most girls I've ever known act like that towards most of their friends. I fully admit my shortcomings, and if it means some women drop me because I didn't pursue them in the way they want to be pursued, well, eh. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 12:41:05 PM | | Whenever a guy says " Im not into games", and you wonder what he means by that? Well, this " He better know how to pursue me" is a very good example of these games. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 1:08:00 PM | | I do know exactly how to pursue... I've just finally decided that its nothing but wasted energy. If I'm interested, I'll come right out and say so. If she's interested, she needs to do the same. If that's not enough and a lady wants to play a bunch of silly little games then she's not the right one for me. My life has become much easier since I realized that simplicity... | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 1:23:01 PM |
What I want to know, is how many men realize there is a balance.
Most men know it innately just as most women do. But when one or the other has super-double-secret codes that the other can't possibly get right, there is no balance, there are only games to be played.
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 1:49:19 PM | " What I want to know is, how many men realize there is a balance."
if we have to do ALL the pursuing, and automatically know how she "WANTS to be pursued" then where is the balance in that? | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:01:32 PM | Get the number, text the next day - I was thinking about you, but I'm sooo busy for the next 2 days, "insert compliment about their hair/clothes/whatever" .......
with me, if it takes too long to get in contact again I don't remember who they were and those phone calls are just painful. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:22:35 PM | Just paying for the date in itself is "making a move". Afterall he was the one to give during that first date.
Also there is a fear of being labeled a "stalker" so that put's us off from being too persistant. Hell people can even be labeled a "stalker" without even having to have actually MEET the person! They say an online relationship doesn't count as a lagitamate relationship, same applies to stalking, online "stalking" isn't real stalking (unless they intend to find the potential victims home or work address and physically try to locate them). | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:33:07 PM |
I did not say stalk, I said pursue. If your pursuit is bringing criminal charges... perhaps you need to reexamine your methods.
The line between stalk and pursue is a very fine one that varies from woman to woman. It has everything to do with how attractive the woman sees a man.
A man can do the exact same thing with different women, some will consider it stalking others will consider it pursuing and others yet will just find it annoying. Odds are that none will file criminal charges but it is possible.
Well, perhaps that should be changed to "the emotionally healthy and reasonable."
This is the same 'wanted' and 'unwanted' standard we have today in effect. The line between reasonable and unreasonable is different for every woman and in their head.
What I want to know, is how many men realize there is a balance. It's not a simple situation, obviously.
Of course there is a balance. That balance point is DIFFERENT FOR EVERY WOMAN. Where is her line drawn? What is her idea of being pursued?
Basically before a man can even approach or pursue a woman he has to learn a good deal about her, to find where her line is drawn. Because of the social unacceptability and even criminality that has been added in the last few decades, the man often to work with the worst-case in mind, he has to think that every woman he might approach is the least tolerant when going in blind.
As I see it, the rules were rewritten in this absurd way by women for women. When women as a whole become more tolerant of men they think are unattractive pursuing them, more men will pursue. And because it's called 'pursuit' the women have to be tolerant of it continuing beyond the first no or five. Because that's what it is, pursuit, to keep going until the prey tires out, gives in, or out runs you. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:51:42 PM | So, what about this scenario:
Guy asks for number, he calls her 1 or 2 days later. She says "Oh, I'm in the middle of something, can I call you back?" and she never does.
Should he continue from that point? Or was that an indication of disinterest?
Do women know that they should give an indication of interest, or should the guy pursue and maybe win, or maybe get arrested for harassment?
From my perspective, there's things women say that works. When you give them what works, it doesn't. So no, I don't know how to pursue a woman without being creepy. All I'm looking for is a sign that says "I'm interested, keep going. You're doing it right."
Showing interest is a TWO WAY street, and women fail on this aspect. Big time. Not even trying to be mean here. Just pointing out what I see. Now, if she does return interest and he pulls away, that's his fault. Let him go. But don't "learn" from it. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 3:10:35 PM |
It isn't that modern men don't KNOW how to pursue. It's that they CHOOSE not to pursue because of the risk of a jail sentence.
If you have a problem with this then it's your problem and it's not something to take up with modern men. It's an issue for YOU to take up with the police and the courts.
Spot on. I work in an industry that has regular police checks. If I even once step out of line in public and have a report or court order placed on me i'm out of a job. And an accusation that ends up being false is often equally as bad as one that's true..
Gone are the days of woowing the opposite sex... hearing stories from days gone by where partners took months or years to convince their soul mates that they are truly the ones for them are long gone... sad but true.
If I ask someone out or show interest, I do my best. If after a week or 2 i'm not getting anywhere, or get a wishy washy response time to move on.
I've been in the situation where you ask a person out and they are all coy and think their cute... not yes, but not no... make him EARN me they are thinking... yeah right...
Sorry, no time and can't be bothered... NEXT! | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 4:14:43 PM |
So, what about this scenario:
Guy asks for number, he calls her 1 or 2 days later. She says "Oh, I'm in the middle of something, can I call you back?" and she never does.
Should he continue from that point? Or was that an indication of disinterest? If it happens once, no. We all need to recognize that feces happens. If it happens more than one... yes. Pretty much. Added to this she is not a good communicator. This is a red flag. She is not a considerate person and very likely, not worth your time.
Never make anyone a priority that has clearly shown you, that you are an option.
I am by no means saying that all women are perfect all the time. Both women and men have issues that can make communication less than effective.
Whenever a guy says " Im not into games", and you wonder what he means by that? Well, this " He better know how to pursue me" is a very good example of these games. I can understand how you might think this. If you don't understand the difference between the genders, this is an easy mistake to make. Men and women are equal in status under the law, this does not make them the same. They do not think the same. They do not act or react the same. If you can't digest this information, sucks for you.
The whole point of male female relations, is that the opposite gender should be complimentary, not a clone of you. If you want someone who is just like you, then perhaps it might be time to look at those control issues. If you want to be with someone who thinks like you do, acts like you do, then I may suggest homosexuality.
Games are different than what I like to refer to as "mating rituals." A mating ritual is a healthy interaction between the genders, often referred to as flirting or courting.
i.e.
If you show interest and I respond in kind, that is a mating ritual.
If you don't call for 72 hours because you have heard that is a good idea, that is a game.
If I try to make a man jealous so that he will pay more attention to me, that is a game.
Playing "hard to get" is a game.
Playful flirting, is a mating ritual.
Just because a woman is not responding the way you want her to, does not necessarily indicate that she is playing a game. It could just be the way she is. It could be a red flag about her personality and it could be that she is not the right person for you. It is something that you should carefully consider.
If you ask for a woman's number, and don't use it. Don't color yourself shocked when you decide to call a week later and she is no longer receptive. Even if you are not available, and don't know right then when you will be, there is no way she can know this. What you could do, is to call and casually chat for a few minutes and explain that you currently have a busy schedule. This way, she is not put into the position of needing to become "The Amazing Kreskin" to psychically divine your level of interest. And who knows, the phone call may go well, and horror of all horrors, you might actually enjoy speaking with her. Oh, the humanity. On the other hand, if you call her and ask her bra size, don't be stunned when she suddenly gets really busy and needs constant hair washing 24/7.
Most men know it innately just as most women do. But when one or the other has super-double-secret codes that the other can't possibly get right, there is no balance, there are only games to be played. This is why I say look to their actions, rather than what they are saying with their mouths. There are may people, of both genders, that lack adequate communication skills.
As I see it, the rules were rewritten in this absurd way by women for women. When women as a whole become more tolerant of men they think are unattractive pursuing them, more men will pursue. And because it's called 'pursuit' the women have to be tolerant of it continuing beyond the first no or five. A man who continues to pursue after hearing the first no... is the problem. Once someone has drawn a line in the sand, if you continue to ignore this, and walk right over it... that is the kind of aggressive behavior that makes women wary of all men. While we consciously know that all men are not like this. If it happens to a woman repeatedly, she needs to look at her clarity in the definition of her boundaries. She is giving mixed signals.
How can anyone be serious about someone before they've even been on a first date? If I get a number from someone I might not have a chance to go out with them for one or two weeks depending on what I have on my plate for work and school. I will contact them as soon as I know when I am available to see if we can make plans, but it is difficult for me to be more than a little enthusiastic about meeting or spending time with someone I barely know. I will make the effort to do so, but until they grow on me I can take or leave their company. This is a reasonably healthy attitude to have.
Keep in mind that said guy might not be as smitten with you as you would like at first, but that he could be with a little more time. He might be on the fence about you, which honestly, is a pretty healthy sentiment about someone he barely knows. If a guy is completely smitten with me before he has met me in person, let's just put it politely and say I am concerned. I agree completely with your comment about the mental health of anyone who would do that. I would prefer someone who has their own life and their own interests and does not look to me, to meet all their needs.
I would like to point out out, that if someone is interested, this does not spell s-m-i-t-t-e-n. A phone call or a short e-mail is a very small effort towards saying "I am genuinely interested in you and/or thinking about you." It does not imply that you need to be on the phone for three hours, outlining your life's story to the other person, and if they expect that... you might want to look at that as a red flag.
I don't have a cat currently. My cat died last month, and I was not planning on getting any more of them at this time. I have children, school, work and a life aside from any dating that I might do. If I cannot find anyone who is emotionally sober to date, perhaps I should consider just replacing my cat, and upgrading my vibrator.
I do not seek to place the blame at the feet of men for every failed relationship, by any means. There are just as many crazy women as there are crazy men, which is good, they can pair up and leave me alone. I am only trying to look at this, in a clear and logical way. So that when it does happen, I can be prepared to act accordingly and not react emotionally. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 4:15:55 PM |
When two people are interested in each other and it is obvious then it tends to flow pretty smoothly and everything works out effortlessly.
I can't read minds. I can only tell when a woman is interested in me when she acts interested.
If she is interested, but does not show it, then I will think she is not interested and I'm not gonna pursue any further.
I agree with you 100%. I don't understand why some women who are apparently interested, refuse to act like they are interested. That makes no sense to me. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 4:16:37 PM |
sometimes the price of being so fickle is an enormous cat food bill.
Priceless.
 | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 4:39:24 PM | Crayonzz..... That is totally over the top.
Geez... only saying.. if he isn't interested enough to maintain some level of contact.. then.. any interest that might have been is gone.
If you take a pleasant "how are you doing" kind of email to the police..you believe they will drop everything and come after you??? Crayonzz...you need help for that paranoid delusion!
We all know the difference between sending an email and waiting for a reply...and ... stalking. And so do you. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 4:49:21 PM | I am utterly CRAP at persuing women I don't know.
What the hell are you supposed to say?
If I'm on a course, or working with a lass, then the whole thing becomes a LOT easier.
In fact I won't persue a woman that I don't know - full stop.
If they like me, then they can make the first move... it's happened before.
But I find that once I've got to know someone as a friend or colleage, it's much easier to just be yourself around them. And talk utter bollocks, which incidently usually ends up with them like this - which is only a good thing.
Scuse me a sec... gonna get back to playing GTA 4 now.
*grabs a beer. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 5:06:27 PM | I love men who pursue. No reservations, no playing it cool. Let me know if you want me or I'll assume you don't and move on.
There needs to be more of that. LOL. It's exhausting trying to interpret every tiny move the guy makes to see if there should be a plus or minus sign after it. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 5:12:18 PM |
Not calling you for a week is not a sign of emotional problems. But being mad they took 6 days to call you when you barely know each other is. There is a difference between being able to read the signs of disinterest, and getting mad about it. I purposefully do not put all of my eggs in one basket, nor am I needy or clingy in any way. I do not attach much emotion to these things. You are making a lot of assumptions.
If someone specifically asks for your number, then takes their time to call... it implies controlling behavior.
"I want your number, when I want it, and I will call when I feel like it or can find the time in my busy schedule to give you a second thought."
Why would I bother with someone who says this by their actions?
By shutting out everyone who is unsure about you after one conversation - you are seriously limiting yourself, especially as you admitted in your original post: these are the guys you had a "great first conversation with." Did I say I was limiting myself in any way? I do not expect men I have just met to drop everything and concentrate solely on me, but I have met men that expected me to do that for them... One guy called me a slut for having gone on two first meetings with other men in a two week period, while he took his sweet time getting around to asking. Pardon me for not being exactly what he wanted. I was happy to communicate this to him, and I continue to do so every time he forgets he was so rude to me, and contacts me again every few months.
I do not expect any man to drop all the irons he has in the fire by the end of the first date. Nor would I expect him to demand I do the same. I will give anyone of run of at least three dates to impress me favorably. Things can go badly or happen, and I try to be patient. But if I am seeing danger signs, don't expect me to stick around.
I love men who pursue. No reservations, no playing it cool. Let me know if you want me or I'll assume you don't and move on. Exactly. If you hem and haw, and lose your chance, don't come whining to me. If you are so afraid of exposing any vulnerability or intimacy to keep women off balance or interested so that you maintain the "upper hand" in the exchange... that does sound like a game to me. You are manipulating the emotions of another person for your personal gain. | |
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