|
|
|
|
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 3:19:08 PM | Wouldn't it be great if we could all just agree that we'd do our best to make things as easy as possible for the other person, whether we determine we're interested or not. Maybe even throw in some consideration for their feelings, that either way we can be respectful and even kind?
If someone comes on too strong, I tell them so and what they said that was a turn off. They can appreciate it or get pouty, that's on them.
We only have control over our own behavior, so if we can conduct ourselves in dealing with others in a manner that we still retain our self respect and allows them to retain theirs, then IMO that's accomplishing a lot.
"anything, I get way more excited about a guy when he gives me something to work with, like expressed interest." I agree with that, expressed interest is enough, then it's up to me to respond one way or the other. That's as much "pursuit" as I prefer. | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 3:50:22 PM |
Youth is for having fun and learning from your mistakes. You're supposed to make mistakes. People are supposed to want you for who you are as a person. Why should it matter how old the woman is if you love her for who she is on the inside?
Sorry to say but thats all a bunch of baloney..too often times people use the old cliche "oh i am young, sue me..as young people we all make mistakes and grow up"..please. There i sno rule that says just because you are young mkaing horrible mistakes whne it comes to dating is justifiable....its really sad that people think that because you are young its ok to learn from your mistakes as long as you lear from it..i am young and lot of the mistakes that guys my age makes/made i didnt even dream of doing such things..when young people make mistakes in life..it merely has anything to do with 'age"..because a lot of the mistakes young people make..grown adults make the same mistakes..the "age factor" is just an EXCUSE, nothing more nothing less...when a young guy or girl does drug and drink a lot etc..a la Lindsay Lohan..they dont do it because they are "young"..they do it because they want to and they feel that it is something that they should do, because they are young and and "young people make mistakes" so its no biggie.. Lindsay lohan for example..is not doing the things she is doing now because she is "young"..Lindsay is doing it because she WANTS to and because she is young and thinsg that she ought to have fun while she is "young"..
She is well aware that doing some of the things she is doing could affect her helath and career/image etc. but that is not gonna stop her, because she wants to have fun and experience things as a "young" girl..because she thinks this is the best time to do the type of things she is doing now..not when she is 35-40..
peopel need to resort to some other lame excuse now..the "age factor" is getting annoying now..time for a change! | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 4:09:44 PM |
.because she thinks this is the best time to do the type of things she is doing now..not when she is 35-40..
It is the best time to do those types of things. The mistakes dont have to be horrible, but you arent supposed to know everything right out of high school. Theres nothing wrong with dating and having fun during your 20s before you settle down and start a family when youre older. It keeps you from thinking of what you missed out on by settling down too soon. You do it, realize its not all its cracked up to be, and find whats important for you long term. Guys do it too and should. Its better to do it now than later. Thats how people get divorced after "finding themselves" after they got married. | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 4:45:56 PM |
peopel need to resort to some other lame excuse now..the "age factor" is getting annoying now..time for a change!
People continue to make mistakes, no matter how young/old they are. With experience (not necessarily AGE....) and more importantly, self introspectiion, people don't make the same mistake again.
A more experienced (mature...I'll go out on that limb) versus a less experienced (less mature...experience - wise) will make not necessarily less mistakes, but mistakes that have fewer repercussions.
The "age factor" isn't an excuse, it IS a factor. How much or how little, depends on the relationship (not necessarily a romantic one) and how the two people involved perceive it and incorporate that into their relationship. It doesn't have to be a barrier, but it can be. Learn to accept that, and increase the chances for success in having relationships with people of all ages. Maybe not the ones or the type you want.
Lindsey Lohan.... ahh...great example, grasshopper. You have much to learn. | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:17:54 PM | | ofcourse age is an excuse..people do those type sof things because they wnat to not..sure i agree that you should have fun and what not when you are young..i mean i do too now still, but at least when i do it i dont say well "i didnt it because i am young"..NO! i do it because i want to PERIOD. All i am saying is that, if you go on sexual escapades and the likes, dont say you are doing it because of your "age"..just say you are doing it because YOU want to. Because at the end of the day, thats ehy we do it. But its whatever..I just used Lindsay Lohan as an example, because there are many young girls like herself who does those things because they feel like they are young so they automatically feel they should do it just for the sake of it.. | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:27:32 PM | I have fun, at 51...kids older and younger than you are.
Not gonna argue with you...my kids wouldn't either.
Their friends, who you'll never meet...well it's moot. You wouldn't believe me if I even told you the stories. I do go out with them every weekend...my kids/their friends.
Take my word...or not. They have lots of laughs, we all have lots of laughs...and the things my kids friends SAY about me....we talked about making money off the T-shirts. I may do it, yet...or they will. I guarantee it won't be...God your Mom's hot...pfft...we've laid that pup to rest. BORING! | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:58:48 PM |
Youth is for having fun and learning from your mistakes. You're supposed to make mistakes. People are supposed to want you for who you are as a person. Why should it matter how old the woman is if you love her for who she is on the inside?
By definition, people aren't SUPPOSED to make mistakes.  Otherwise, it's an intention.
And why is the inside everything? I want a whole woman, not a fraction of one. | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:23:28 PM |
Someone should teach a class in this stuff.
A class would be useless as every woman is different and expects different things.
A friend of mine was all upset because the guy she started seeing didn't kiss her on the first date but asked to see her again. He didn't kiss her on the second date, but made plans to see her the next night and yet she was still fretting thinking he wasn't interested. When she is with someone if he doesn't call her nearly every night she is thinking something is wrong.
I think the best thing to do is communicate if you like her let her know, if she likes you she should let you know, there is no harm in that. "hey I had a great time tonight and I really enjoy your company, I am interested in seeing you again, I have a busy week so I can't guarantee when I will get a chance to call you, but I really look forward to talking with you soon" ... sounds good to me lol :P | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:51:21 PM |
And why is the inside everything? I want a whole woman, not a fraction of one.
The inside isnt everything, but its the thing that can improve with age while looks definitely wont. If Im growing old with someone, Ill pick based on the parts of a person that have a chance of lasting over the parts that are doomed to fade. I want the same consideration given to me. | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 7:09:54 PM | I may pursue women that I DO NOT meet online but I never pursue those I do meet online. Here's why... I notice that women from dating sites tend to have A LOT of men chasing them and most women actually ignore those guys anyway.
If I meet a women from online and she likes me then I will call her up for a date or drinks, if she "has plans" and can't commit I never call back. I have to assume that they are not interested if they cannot make a commitment to a date, even if it's next week.
I have spoken to enough women now and heard enough "horror stories" about some guy they met online who never quites calling or emails etc and is really bothering these women that I NEVER want to be "THAT GUY".
GUYS READING THIS.. TAKE NOTE.. DON'T KEEP CALLING IF THEY NEVER CALL BACK !!!! | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 7:19:33 PM | If anything, or anyone is worth pursuing, yes, I certainly will.
Knowing, of course, that there is a fine line between pursuing and stalking
Pursuing in the way of showing light, and intention, and wanting to know so much more about her. There are so many reasons that someone may seem resistant to pursuit...shyness, nervousness, fear, not being ready, and so forth, & so on, and we must respect this. But I still have a right to voice my feelings, just as everyone does.
And in the end, it may be well worth the effort. However, I do understand that all of the intention that I can muster may fall short if the Universe is calling for a time out, or a no go.
Peace to all tonight
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'Kimbo ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 8:50:45 PM | alexistaylor,
I notice you fell back on a ruse (and a term) apparently popular among women on this site: Dismiss any objection by a man as "whining." Slapping a pejorative label on my objection is a poor substitute for a reasoned response to it. But that's what some people do when they don't like what someone says, yet can't rebut it.
In fact, you admit my point. You say guys tell you when the clearly express their interest to women, the women run off. You say you can't understand why they do that, because you tend to have just the opposite reaction. But so what, if MOST women don't react as you do?
First you say that if you like a man you're talking to, you tell him. After all, you can't expect the guy to take subtle hints. But then you say you won't tend to like him much--at least not enough to stick around long--unless and until he expresses interest in you. But the guy can no more magically figure you out with his mind-reading powers than you can him. He can only judge by his experience, which tells him you may well reject him if he does this before he knows how you feel about him. So you tell the man you're talking to that you like him--seemingly so bold and forthright of you--only after he's made clear he won't reject you for saying so.
I repeat: You expect the man to run all the risk of rejection up front so that you don't have to. I've done it often enough before, and I'm hardly afraid of it. But that doesn't mean I have to like the fact many (if not most) women cavalierly assume that just because I'm a man, I should just accept this unequal situation and shut up about it. Where, exactly, do women run a risk I don't, that compensates for this? Knowing that the very people I'm supposed to feel kindly about are so ready to accept preferential treatment at my expense doesn't strengthen my faith in their sense of fair play. | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 11:12:06 PM | | bucksgirl..the point i am making is that..being young is no "excuse" to do certain things that a lot of young guys and girls do..plain and simple..because it would be very stupid for someone to do something and think its ok..just because they are "young"..thats absurd..anyway the point is that a lot of women run to the nice guys when they get older after they have lots of baggae and have bene used and abused by the "bay boy" that they so wanted and admire when they are young..yet they expect the "nice guys' to take them up with all their bagge in the end..pff..not saying all women are like that..but i'm just talking about the ones who didnt want the "nice guy" when they were young.. | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/11/2008 11:14:59 PM | | dyna guy..oh trust me i'm the same way..i'm so tire dof hearing girls say "i have plans"..personally as long as i notice that they dont seem too "eager" to go out/meet up..then thats it for me..i dont "chase" any womna..i'll pursue her, but i wont chase her.. | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/12/2008 3:25:42 AM |
What I read there told me all I need to know. With no offense, I believe the OP needs to reexamine HER behaviors in order to get to the root of this problem that the 'man' may have. HMPH! I see the poster does not get the humor involved here.
While he was reading that so carefully to look for flaws, he overlooked the part about my not dating at this time and was looking for friends. Despite that fact that it is the first thing in my profile. If I decide to date, I will change that back.
If you read the original post and what inspired it, it's not something I am battling currently. But I have had the experience as have many other women I know. It's a common complaint of the female gender.
Until all men feel comfortable enough with women to flat out tell them that they are actively interested... Reading signs will have to suffice. God bless you men that are doing that.
i dont "chase" any womna..i'll pursue her, but i wont chase her.. That is good. It's hard to run in stilettos. | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/12/2008 3:53:32 AM | I'm just gonna jump in and say I agree with Seaga when he says that being young isn't an excuse.
They say you look for the most important aspects of your personality in your partner, the 1 thing I value most about myself is that when I was told "sticking your finger in the light socket is going to hurt" I weighed the evidence and I avoided the situation. Most people around my age and younger basically jammed their fingers, toes, tongue and any other object they could find in there repeatedly and then tried to blame age as being a deciding factor in why they did it. Or applied it as an excuse as if being young automatically makes you stupid and/or unable to handle information without first hand experience.
I don't drink heavily, I don't avoid drinking but I never drink to excess if I can help it and so far I've got a pretty spotless track record on that, some people would say "that's just stupid you gotta do it at least once there's no downside to being drunk you'll have fun." They madet he argument about weed, now they're trying to make the argument about mushrooms. 1 guy tried to go to sleep on some guy's dirt driveway once when he got drunk and stoned (nothing bad could ever happen) another guy crashed his truck and lost his drivers license (nothing bad could ever happen) 1 girl I know tried to blame 3 separate times she cheated on her boyfriend on being drunk/stoned, (f*cking idiot).
Yes we can make mistakes, but can you imagine how stupid it looks from my stand point when I'm watching the same people make the same mistakes for literally 5-10 years +? That's not learning from your mistakes, that's accepting a f*cked up version of reality because it diminishes your responsibility for your own actions.
Before you say "i was young and stupid" just remember, half that sh*t you're blaming on age/wisdom, I never did (don't blame jesus I ain't religious) so maybe you're not young and stupid, just stupid. | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/12/2008 4:06:03 AM |
The problem, however, is that if a guy is very enthusiastic about a woman, it tends to scare her off like crazy. Kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario -- guys who express genuine interest in a woman are considered creepy and guys who play it cool are considered players.
Just seconding this guy's opinion. Most of the men I've discussed this with feel the same way. Basically, we will call when we get around to calling. We have lives, too. We don't spend every minute of every day planning on trying to call you at the exact time you want us to, again, this is a case where a woman want guys to read her mind and 'magically' know what you want. Ain't gonna happen; no matter how hard you wish, mindreading is a myth. If you're interested in us as well, when we call, simply say yes. Or, make the damn call yourself. This is the twenty-first century, after all. Stop complaining; if you want something done differently from how it's being done, then do it yourself. | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/12/2008 4:23:44 AM | | I don't pursue because its groveling. I'm sorry but the all mighty uterus can have the balls to communicate equally back to me. If they don't they can enjoy wandering waiting for men to chase them and then wonder why they are single. | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:01:25 AM |
I'm sorry but the all mighty uterus can have the balls to communicate equally back to me. If they don't they can enjoy wandering waiting for men to chase them and then wonder why they are single.
This coming from the guy who admits to not having a date in years. Tell me do you ever wonder why you are single? | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/12/2008 10:40:31 AM |
I'm sorry but the all mighty uterus can have the balls to communicate equally back to me. If they don't they can enjoy wandering waiting for men to chase them and then wonder why they are single. Just because you are looking to signs from a man, does not mean you are wandering around, waiting for men to chase you. It means they are not desperate enough to waste time and energy throwing themselves at someone with no respect for their time or their feelings.
Also note, you said "communicate back."
If you are not communicating to begin with, what exactly is there to communicate back to?
So, ummm, how is that working for you thus far Skippy? Not too well? Time to reassess that strategy? Ya think?
I know it is hard to believe, but many women have careers and interests. A life of their own, just like men. Strange but true.
| |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/12/2008 11:11:25 AM | I have taken to doing whatever I feel like without worrying too much about how it will be intrepreted. Feeling free to act this way turns off the control freaks, attracts people who wish they could do it. Sure, occassionally I will come off as too aloof, too interested, too whatever - I just don't give a ****.
For a person I just met, I'd probably forget if I waited a week so it would be before then, but, if I did call a week later and they were angry or put off - I'd think they were a douchebag. | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/12/2008 11:14:57 AM |
the 72 hour rule If you ask me, rules are for imbeciles. But I know when pheromones come into play, we can turn into idiots, so we play it safe and wait. If he kept your number for a whole week without losing it, I think it's ok to give him the benefit of the doubt. Think about it, he comes home from work and changes into his jeans. He pulls all his receipts, change, and wallet out of his pockets and puts it on the dresser to sort out. But whoa... wait a minute... there's your number.... He puts it aside because he doesn't want to lose it. Next day, it's in his pocket again. We don't have purses to hoard stuff in, just pockets where space is at a premium.
First contact a week? ok. After that, a little less, then more often until you find a balance your both comfortable with.
As for pursuing? Only if I know she's interested. And if she's really interested, it can be great fun. | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/12/2008 11:26:12 AM | "Just because you are waiting for signs from a man, does not mean you are wandering around, waiting for men to chase you." Yes it does mean that!!!
"It just means they are not desperate enough to waste time and energy throwing themselves at someone with no respect for their time or feelings." Isnt that exactly what youre asking men to do? Obviously you want them to do this! After all, if y ouhave time to post this forum, and bash any guy who doesn't tell you what you want to hear, then you have time to approch men, no? | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/12/2008 3:03:04 PM | This coming from the guy who admits to not having a date in years. Tell me do you ever wonder why you are single?
I have never wondered why I am single, there hasn't been a thought of something of error in myself that has kept me single. It has been a choice thus far, I just don't make everything with unicorns and butterflies. I like to be precise and to the point, emotion becomes irrelevant in discussion. | |
|
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/12/2008 3:11:40 PM | "Just because you are looking to signs from a man, does not mean you are wandering around, waiting for men to chase you. It means they are not desperate enough to waste time and energy throwing themselves at someone with no respect for their time or their feelings.
Also note, you said "communicate back."
If you are not communicating to begin with, what exactly is there to communicate back to?
So, ummm, how is that working for you thus far Skippy? Not too well? Time to reassess that strategy? Ya think?
I know it is hard to believe, but many women have careers and interests. A life of their own, just like men. Strange but true."
--So you have acknowledged that a man chasing a women is a waste of time, but you demand a response from them in the first 24-48 hours. I believe thats a bit of hypocrisy, in fact you should email wiki to give a link to your reply so people can understand what it means.
What is the issue of a woman communicating as much as the male? Why can't they "pursue" as much as a man does? Women demand fare wages but men still have to chase and pursue women that want the same things they do.
And the fact I haven't had a date, you all assume I have been trying to get a piece of tall for the last couple years when in fact, I haven't. Nice assumption tho, it was a pathetic attempt to derail the subject matter when you failed. | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
