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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/12/2008 3:12:39 PM |
After all, if y ouhave time to post this forum, and bash any guy who doesn't tell you what you want to hear, then you have time to approch men, no?
I don't see where having time is the issue. The OP has state she has a preference for having a man work a bit to get her. That isn't about her having time to pursue him. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/12/2008 4:33:24 PM |
Men, do you know what it is to pursue a woman? Or are women so busy desperately chasing you, that you no longer feel the need?
Some men, as well as some women, possess the skill set needed to effectively deal with the other sex. Some don't.
If a man is attracted enough to a woman, he will find a way to pursue her. If he doesn't, he doesn't find her attractive enough period or not attractive enough to compensate for possible apprehension.
If a guy shows a woman no interest or lukewarm interest, it typically means he's not physically attracted to her enough to pursue or she's low on his list of women he'd like to spend time with or try to have sex with.
Take the average woman out there in the modern world. She probably only wants to and will sleep with and get into a relationship with a very very very very very very small percentage of men who pursue her. To the men she doesn't want? Tough luck. Why is it so hard for women to see men don't operate like this.
We want to have sex. If we had it our way, we will have sex with the women we desire the msot. But in a pinch, most women will do. You can't eat steak every night. You might want to eat steak every night. Some guys are lucky enough to eat steak a hell of a lot of the time. But sometimes you just want to chew on something and that can of beans will do. We might eat those beans, but no matter what you say to us, it's not steak and nothing you say will convince is it will ever be steak.
It's a simple as that ladies. For the men you'd actually date, some of them see you as steak. Some of them see you as beans. So it's fair, women treat men the same way. There are guys they want to marry and guys just good enough to buy them a free dinner and listen to them b!tch about the guy who they are sleeping with at night.
If a guy doesn't chase you, he doesn't want you. If he chases you only halfheartedly, it's because you are low on his list of priorities. Sometimes it's other women, sometimes it's work, sometimes its just real life barging down his door. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:38:43 AM |
If I meet a women from online and she likes me then I will call her up for a date or drinks, if she "has plans" and can't commit I never call back. I have to assume that they are not interested if they cannot make a commitment to a date, even if it's next week.
Well said! | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:55:47 AM | Unstoppable,
Exactly. Just as you said... If a guy doesn't chase...he doesn't want you. If he chases only halfheartedly, it's because you are low on his list.
That is so obvious... and... ANY woman with any self-respect is going to lose any interest she might have had and move on right away. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/15/2008 7:40:48 AM |
Exactly. Just as you said... If a guy doesn't chase...he doesn't want you. If he chases only halfheartedly, it's because you are low on his list.
WRONG! You're assuming that all people think exactly like you do which is the main reason why so many people aren't finding dates here or anywhere else for that matter.
The only way to know what someone is thinking is to ask them. Men and women are different and when either sex thinks they have the other one pegged based on assumption then there you go....
On a personal note, I stopped chasing because the prize at the end of it all wasn't worth the effort. I have found that when I don't chase, I meet women who are more easy going and play less games in other parts of the relationship. Now you guys... decide which you prefer and let your conscious be your guide. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:01:56 AM |
How enthusiastic a man is about meeting you, spending time with you, chatting with you, is pretty much the only indicator a female has when it comes to figuring out if a man is genuinely interested.
The same can be said if a woman is enthusiastic enough,has interest enough, she would make some effort to show that there is mutual interest. If I initiate or show interest to begin with, then I would expect to see some interest or else I wont be a mind reader and move on!
I have heard some women say that if a man does not make a move on the first date, that they think he is not interested. I do not share this, I think it means he is polite. A gentleman.
Now that you got right! | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:35:13 AM | Now I know why so many women seem like such dimwits so much of the time: their brains are stuck in some deep internal subroutine trying to figure out what the real 'meaning' is of every single little thing a guy does or doesn't do, what the Relationship indicators in his brain are reading, etc., etc., and so they're not actually all there.
As the saying goes, "Be here now - and if not, get there later." | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:25:13 PM | the posts in this thread are making a big meal of this issue, when really it's not that hard at all for people who are easy going and don't take anyone they barely know so seriously.
it's a bit like desperate people turning you off by being too needy - really uptight people have all these silly rules and pride issues you must somehow predict in advance.
If I meet a girl, call her a week later and she is pissed and turned off because I wasn't showing enough clear interest, i'm almost glad - at least I didn't start a relationship with an uptight egomaniac. I've had a relationship like that, it's really tiresome. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:50:12 AM |
The same can be said if a woman is enthusiastic enough,has interest enough, she would make some effort to show that there is mutual interest. If I initiate or show interest to begin with, then I would expect to see some interest or else I wont be a mind reader and move on! I would ask then, what do you consider mutual interest? I ask this, because it is going to differ with everyone...
I have been out with some men who think that showing mutual interest means you give them a blow job. Other men just ask if you will go out with you again and you say yes, it is not rocket science.
Now I know why so many women seem like such dimwits so much of the time: their brains are stuck in some deep internal subroutine trying to figure out what the real 'meaning' is of every single little thing a guy does or doesn't do, what the Relationship indicators in his brain are reading, etc., etc., and so they're not actually all there. Women act like dimwits? Have you tried dating a man?
If I meet a girl, call her a week later and she is pissed and turned off because I wasn't showing enough clear interest, i'm almost glad - at least I didn't start a relationship with an uptight egomaniac. If she is getting mad, well... I would agree. But if she just moves on because your actions demonstrate that it is not that important to you, try not to act surprised. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:20:06 PM | I would ask then, what do you consider mutual interest? I ask this, because it is going to differ with everyone...
Answering for him 
I think what he means is, a lot of the time, women don't respond. They are in aloof-mode, or they are in the "impress me" mode, which are very similar and equally as fun. Very little return interest is shown. It's more like they're tolerating your presence, or the interest is mild.
As an analogy, imagine a windup toy. If you want it to work, you have to keep winding it, or else it quickly loses steam and quits working. You have to keep winding her up, but then after a while, you realize, "Hey, who's trying to wind me up??" And it gets old.
The pursuit is great, if there's a prize and it's rewarding. The pursuit is horrible if you don't get something in return. No one wants to be lead by a carrot on a stick. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/16/2008 3:16:15 PM |
The only way to know what someone is thinking is to ask them. Men and women are different and when either sex thinks they have the other one pegged based on assumption then there you go.... So... you are saying that what people say with their mouth is always true?
So, if you ask a man if he is interested... is he actually going to say, "Hell yes, I want to bone you but don't want anything approaching a relationship." Or a woman is going to say "No, but I wanted a free meal."
You are running on the assumption that everyone actually says exactly what they are thinking. Good luck with that.
I think what he means is, a lot of the time, women don't respond. They are in aloof-mode, or they are in the "impress me" mode, which are very similar and equally as fun. Very little return interest is shown. It's more like they're tolerating your presence, or the interest is mild. If they are not responding, they are not really interested, period. This is not really tough to discern. And if they do not respond, you needn't bother.
In a world where a lot of people hide their emotions and feelings, mostly to protect themselves and remain safe from an emotional perspective... actions speak much louder than words. Ignore them at your peril. | |
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Durken
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Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 162 | |
| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:24:07 PM | We never pursue a woman who asks the ? that OP does.
Too much work. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:28:18 PM |
You are running on the assumption that everyone actually says exactly what they are thinking. Good luck with that.
Nope... not my assumption at all. I have no reason to assume anything. Just because I refuse to play the "I'm a prize and if you aren't willing to jump through hoops to win me then I'm not willing to get to know you..." game, it doesn't mean at all that I'm not meeting nice ladies. It just means I don't have to put up with that crap. And your assumptions? Good luck with that! | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:34:04 PM |
If they are not responding, they are not really interested, period. This is not really tough to discern. And if they do not respond, you needn't bother.
In a world where a lot of people hide their emotions and feelings, mostly to protect themselves and remain safe from an emotional perspective... actions speak much louder than words. Ignore them at your peril.
I believe this answers your original question.
There is no pursuit, due to a lack of action and hidden emotion. A guy is asking "What do I have to do to make this work/win?"
If there's no response, or it's too subtle to read, that's about the same as "not interested" from her.
Guys are looking for a firm answer to "What/who are my options?" When you're met with an ocean of silence, how do you know where to proceed? And if you are talking to them, how do you know to keep going?
"I talked to her for about an hour on the phone, and she didn't give any clues that she was interested. All we did was talk." He thinks, she's not interested, NEXT. She thinks "Why didn't he put more effort into impressing me?" (Barf). Show the path, be inviting, we'll walk it. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:05:25 PM | | Luke just read your profile - no wonder I enjoy your posts, your hilarious and too bad your so young and far away!!! Seriously tho, I do get alot of what you say, thanks for the humourous and valid points. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:14:52 AM | The words "chase" and "pursue" have such a negative tone. I feel that if either of those things are occuring than it's likely not a match made in heaven.
My greatest experiences have begun with no real thought to who was calling whom or who suggested spending time together, it just happened naturally because it was what we both wanted. I remember comments and laughs about not remembering any decisions, invitations, etc as it seemed to happen without much effort.
I do remember the week after I met my first serious boyfriend right before college, I couldn't believe he hadn't called I had been that sure our connection was mutual. After a week I began to lose hope, boy was I surprised when he called middle of the 2nd week to ask me out for that weekend, after that we were together 7 years. Eventually he told me the reason he waited so long - he had no money and couldn't afford to take me out until after payday. I guess that probably wouldn't be the case at this stage but its a good reminder that we just never know what could have come up or taken priority. If someone calls me regardless of how long its been I would at least listen. What do I have to lose and potentially something to gain. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:19:17 AM |
Just because I refuse to play the "I'm a prize and if you aren't willing to jump through hoops to win me then I'm not willing to get to know you..." game, it doesn't mean at all that I'm not meeting nice ladies. It just means I don't have to put up with that crap. I hardly think that having a mild expectation that someone is going to contact you in a reasonable amount of time or following through with what they say they will do, can be considered "jumping through hoops." No one is asking you to dress like a cantaloupe, bark like a dog, or take them to Vegas for the weekend.
Those are reasonable expectations from either gender at any time. Expecting those things, does not indicate someone thinks they are a prize, it shows they have respect for themselves and usually people who do, also have respect for others as well. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:42:22 PM | | I find it humorous that anyone above the age of 14 is actually playing the " yo uhave to pursue me" game. no thanks! | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:48:41 PM |
Answering for him
I think what he means is, a lot of the time, women don't respond. They are in aloof-mode, or they are in the "impress me" mode, which are very similar and equally as fun. Very little return interest is shown. It's more like they're tolerating your presence, or the interest is mild.
Thanks for speaking on my behalf
If I'm not mistaken I think OP is referring to life in general not just from this site or maybe not! in any event, bottom line is men want feed back just as women do.
I would ask then, what do you consider mutual interest? I ask this, because it is going to differ with everyone...
It sure will be different with everyone and we wont know how it is until we're actually in that situation. If at my age I couldnt tell theres mutual interest when I go out with someone, then I dont think I ever will.
I have been out with some men who think that showing mutual interest means you give them a blow job.
I dont know who you've been dating but those men dont even fit in our discussion now depending on at what stage of dating you are and the level of intimacy the two sides are on but thats another discussion. When I said mutual interest I meant the basic communication which should exist or else it wont work. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:41:56 PM |
I have seen a lot of discussion about the 72 hour rule when it comes to calling a woman after a date.
I think that rule is more for people in the 20-30 age range. As you get older stuff slows down. When your 20 its' like "gotta call, gottan get some, gotta gotta gotta!!!" But when your older it's like "oh booger I'm havin' a hemorrhoid attack or a prostate flareup, better not call till I'm feelin' better. Don't want to miss my nap time either." | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/17/2008 6:12:11 PM |
I dont know who you've been dating but those men dont even fit in our discussion now depending on at what stage of dating you are and the level of intimacy the two sides are on but thats another discussion. When I said mutual interest I meant the basic communication which should exist or else it wont work. This happened to me on a first date once. When I went to get out of his car and walk home, he zipped up his pants, and said, "well, I guess you are just not that interested" and drove away. His idea of my expressing interest in getting to know him, was obviously drastically different than mine was. I was thinking, coffee, a few dates, he was thinking "If I can get her to blow me, I will know she is interested." Call me crazy, but I think I dodged a bullet and it was worth the 18 block walk home in my 4" stilettos. Now I take my own car to the first few dates.
If I'm not mistaken I think OP is referring to life in general not just from this site or maybe not! in any event, bottom line is men want feed back just as women do. And yes thanks, that is precisely what I mean. If you are not receiving back, why put out the effort? This goes for either gender.
If you are getting to know someone if you are not putting out the signals, don't act as if you have no idea why she isn't either. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/18/2008 6:05:33 PM | Men have and always will pursue women and that is the inherent natural law that exists between the sexes.
A matting dance in which men have to prove themselves to her.
Women have ALWAYS had the advantage in the mating process that allows them considerable leverage over men.
It goes back to the Principle of the Least Interest. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/19/2008 2:13:27 PM | [Men have and always will pursue women and that is the inherent natural law that exists between the sexes.]
it has nothing to do with nature, we simply make the choice to do so, or not. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/19/2008 3:15:50 PM |
How enthusiastic a man is about meeting you, spending time with you, chatting with you, is pretty much the only indicator a female has when it comes to figuring out if a man is genuinely interested. A man who is serious about you, nothing will stand in front of that.
Good point, mominatrix, on a man's enthusiasm for connection as essentially the only indicator a woman has about where's it's all heading.
Ladies and gentlemen, be advised: the ego is delicate and fragile. For example, if two people have been enthusiastically communicating daily and perhaps on a deeper level, and all of a sudden a couple of days go by with no word whatsoever from one, the person anticipating a response wonders what went wrong and ends up feeling a bit rejected because one of the pursuers has dropped the ball. Causing feelings of rejection may not be the intent, but that is what results from it. Am I alone on this? I doubt it. If you're going to pursue, don't do a half-hearted job; see it through or kindly end it with some grace and dignity. It's easy to start something, but how you finish reveals much of your character.
PS I have on one occasion been guilty of dropping the ball myself, and I am sorry for it. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/19/2008 3:18:08 PM | all straight men pursue women. All.
If they don't they are either gay, have no spine or are
misogynists. | |
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