| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:34:04 PM |
If they are not responding, they are not really interested, period. This is not really tough to discern. And if they do not respond, you needn't bother.
In a world where a lot of people hide their emotions and feelings, mostly to protect themselves and remain safe from an emotional perspective... actions speak much louder than words. Ignore them at your peril.
I believe this answers your original question.
There is no pursuit, due to a lack of action and hidden emotion. A guy is asking "What do I have to do to make this work/win?"
If there's no response, or it's too subtle to read, that's about the same as "not interested" from her.
Guys are looking for a firm answer to "What/who are my options?" When you're met with an ocean of silence, how do you know where to proceed? And if you are talking to them, how do you know to keep going?
"I talked to her for about an hour on the phone, and she didn't give any clues that she was interested. All we did was talk." He thinks, she's not interested, NEXT. She thinks "Why didn't he put more effort into impressing me?" (Barf). Show the path, be inviting, we'll walk it. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:05:25 PM | | Luke just read your profile - no wonder I enjoy your posts, your hilarious and too bad your so young and far away!!! Seriously tho, I do get alot of what you say, thanks for the humourous and valid points. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:14:52 AM | The words "chase" and "pursue" have such a negative tone. I feel that if either of those things are occuring than it's likely not a match made in heaven.
My greatest experiences have begun with no real thought to who was calling whom or who suggested spending time together, it just happened naturally because it was what we both wanted. I remember comments and laughs about not remembering any decisions, invitations, etc as it seemed to happen without much effort.
I do remember the week after I met my first serious boyfriend right before college, I couldn't believe he hadn't called I had been that sure our connection was mutual. After a week I began to lose hope, boy was I surprised when he called middle of the 2nd week to ask me out for that weekend, after that we were together 7 years. Eventually he told me the reason he waited so long - he had no money and couldn't afford to take me out until after payday. I guess that probably wouldn't be the case at this stage but its a good reminder that we just never know what could have come up or taken priority. If someone calls me regardless of how long its been I would at least listen. What do I have to lose and potentially something to gain. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:19:17 AM |
Just because I refuse to play the "I'm a prize and if you aren't willing to jump through hoops to win me then I'm not willing to get to know you..." game, it doesn't mean at all that I'm not meeting nice ladies. It just means I don't have to put up with that crap. I hardly think that having a mild expectation that someone is going to contact you in a reasonable amount of time or following through with what they say they will do, can be considered "jumping through hoops." No one is asking you to dress like a cantaloupe, bark like a dog, or take them to Vegas for the weekend.
Those are reasonable expectations from either gender at any time. Expecting those things, does not indicate someone thinks they are a prize, it shows they have respect for themselves and usually people who do, also have respect for others as well. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:42:22 PM | | I find it humorous that anyone above the age of 14 is actually playing the " yo uhave to pursue me" game. no thanks! | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:48:41 PM |
Answering for him
I think what he means is, a lot of the time, women don't respond. They are in aloof-mode, or they are in the "impress me" mode, which are very similar and equally as fun. Very little return interest is shown. It's more like they're tolerating your presence, or the interest is mild.
Thanks for speaking on my behalf 
If I'm not mistaken I think OP is referring to life in general not just from this site or maybe not! in any event, bottom line is men want feed back just as women do.
I would ask then, what do you consider mutual interest? I ask this, because it is going to differ with everyone...
It sure will be different with everyone and we wont know how it is until we're actually in that situation. If at my age I couldnt tell theres mutual interest when I go out with someone, then I dont think I ever will.
I have been out with some men who think that showing mutual interest means you give them a blow job.
I dont know who you've been dating but those men dont even fit in our discussion now depending on at what stage of dating you are and the level of intimacy the two sides are on but thats another discussion. When I said mutual interest I meant the basic communication which should exist or else it wont work. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:41:56 PM |
I have seen a lot of discussion about the 72 hour rule when it comes to calling a woman after a date.
I think that rule is more for people in the 20-30 age range. As you get older stuff slows down. When your 20 its' like "gotta call, gottan get some, gotta gotta gotta!!!" But when your older it's like "oh booger I'm havin' a hemorrhoid attack or a prostate flareup, better not call till I'm feelin' better. Don't want to miss my nap time either." | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/17/2008 6:12:11 PM |
I dont know who you've been dating but those men dont even fit in our discussion now depending on at what stage of dating you are and the level of intimacy the two sides are on but thats another discussion. When I said mutual interest I meant the basic communication which should exist or else it wont work. This happened to me on a first date once. When I went to get out of his car and walk home, he zipped up his pants, and said, "well, I guess you are just not that interested" and drove away. His idea of my expressing interest in getting to know him, was obviously drastically different than mine was. I was thinking, coffee, a few dates, he was thinking "If I can get her to blow me, I will know she is interested." Call me crazy, but I think I dodged a bullet and it was worth the 18 block walk home in my 4" stilettos. Now I take my own car to the first few dates.
If I'm not mistaken I think OP is referring to life in general not just from this site or maybe not! in any event, bottom line is men want feed back just as women do. And yes thanks, that is precisely what I mean. If you are not receiving back, why put out the effort? This goes for either gender.
If you are getting to know someone if you are not putting out the signals, don't act as if you have no idea why she isn't either. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/18/2008 6:05:33 PM | Men have and always will pursue women and that is the inherent natural law that exists between the sexes.
A matting dance in which men have to prove themselves to her.
Women have ALWAYS had the advantage in the mating process that allows them considerable leverage over men.
It goes back to the Principle of the Least Interest. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/19/2008 2:13:27 PM | [Men have and always will pursue women and that is the inherent natural law that exists between the sexes.]
it has nothing to do with nature, we simply make the choice to do so, or not. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/19/2008 3:15:50 PM |
How enthusiastic a man is about meeting you, spending time with you, chatting with you, is pretty much the only indicator a female has when it comes to figuring out if a man is genuinely interested. A man who is serious about you, nothing will stand in front of that.
Good point, mominatrix, on a man's enthusiasm for connection as essentially the only indicator a woman has about where's it's all heading.
Ladies and gentlemen, be advised: the ego is delicate and fragile. For example, if two people have been enthusiastically communicating daily and perhaps on a deeper level, and all of a sudden a couple of days go by with no word whatsoever from one, the person anticipating a response wonders what went wrong and ends up feeling a bit rejected because one of the pursuers has dropped the ball. Causing feelings of rejection may not be the intent, but that is what results from it. Am I alone on this? I doubt it. If you're going to pursue, don't do a half-hearted job; see it through or kindly end it with some grace and dignity. It's easy to start something, but how you finish reveals much of your character.
PS I have on one occasion been guilty of dropping the ball myself, and I am sorry for it. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/19/2008 3:18:08 PM | all straight men pursue women. All.
If they don't they are either gay, have no spine or are
misogynists. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/19/2008 5:04:15 PM | Be quiet. Women here and all around you are testing your deposition in their selection of a mate.
The more you cry, bitc h **** and moan, the weaker you appear.
You don't look like a rock, a provider and a protector to her. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/19/2008 6:26:02 PM |
rrainmakersaw wrote:
all straight men pursue women. All.
If they don't they are either gay, have no spine or are misogynists.
Anybody else here smell BS?
I've read many of your posts, and I gotta say you're a complete caricature.
It's obvious you ain't a man IRL... you totally reek of female-posing-as-male.
Could be some kid trying to pose as an adult too. Also could ba a space alien trying to make first contact. Take us to your leader! | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/19/2008 6:28:30 PM | Women want to be pursued, that is all there is to it.
Its been a long time since I have met an american woman worth pursuing. but if and when I do find one I will definitely pursue. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/19/2008 9:13:29 PM | | who failed you? your mother perhaps? | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:53:12 AM | > Women want to be pursued, that is all there is to it.
Wanting doesn't make it happen.
Just like men wanting sex doesn't, either. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:57:09 AM |
Bullshit. I don't pursue women because 98.2% of the time women are not even interested in the men that do pursue them.
In the end, though, it's the other 1.8% that make it worthwhile. Ultimately, I'm only going to need one. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/23/2008 7:25:12 AM | | No, I do not....'pursuing' is giving your personal power away to a woman. I indicate my interest and if its reciprocated then we go forward. If she needs to be pursues then I am not for her.... | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/23/2008 7:32:56 AM | | BULLS**T !!!!!! Its a power game, plain and simple.... | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:23:52 PM | [How enthusiastic a man is about meeting you, spending time with you, chatting with you, is pretty much the only indicator a female has when it comes to figuring out if a man is genuinely interested. A man who is serious about you, nothing will stand in front of that. ]
LOL dont we have other forums about "stalkers"? | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:21:54 PM | | i'll definitly show interest, but it goes both way's if she's not equally interested.. well to be honest, it's the beginning of a one-sided relationship.. life's not fair, and it's all or nothing their are no rules, it's either you want to... or you don't black and white | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 7/21/2008 11:40:30 AM | desertbulldog....right on......
I think YOU should teach the class....
42 and HATE the games...haven't been played, just have met a lot of people who changes the rules mid game...
Just want to be able to call up my current interest and say "hey, I enjoy spending time with you....let's go to a movie...let's go to a concert...just called to say hi..." without him thinking me needy or desperate...wanting to spend time with someone I like makes me neither needy or desperate..the three day rule is stupid and childish..if you like me, tell me...if I like you...I should be able to tell you...
Why is it my five year old students get this but wiser and supposedly more intelligent adults don't? | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 7/22/2008 7:50:40 AM | I always consider that this is an artificial way of meeting people there is a lot of misunderstood interaction. I have seen threads of people over-reacting just from the number of minutes that passed between when a email was sent and when it was read. The idea of pursuit in the virtual space we have here is a significant deviation from the classical romantic idea of pursuit in the real world.
I do not think any sort of interaction should be viewed as a romantic pursuit until 2 people have actually met in real life. I think some people open themselves up to disapointment missed opportunities if they place too much emphasis on the emailing/IM'ing virtual courting that goes on through sites like PoF.
If I met someone in real life and they did not talk to me for a week after I called/wrote etc then I would think of that a lot differently compared to someone I have never met. | |
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| Do you pursue?
Posted: 7/22/2008 7:53:37 AM | Responding to Bluzchk,
I have never felt anyone was being needy or desperate if they contacted me anytime, IF I really liked them, so perhaps think of it as a love-thermometer. | |
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