| self esteem?
Posted: 6/11/2008 11:46:28 AM | SELF ESTEEM
Well I pretend real hard that I got it and for the most part people buy it.. the truth is I do not have ver good self esteem.
But I try hard to work on it daily.
Justnuff  | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/11/2008 11:58:44 AM | | OMG dude! You will never find love and passion! Good Luck!!! | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/11/2008 12:07:00 PM | Re: thorvin
I hope that comment was a joke, if not why are you on here? | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/11/2008 6:38:07 PM | Why am I on here, like every one else in hopes that I can find someone, and to get some self esteem, I have had some nice things sent over the emails and I appreciate it.
But I have not found anyone as of yet, and some of the guys I liked I spot it before it happens because I do get nervous and scared belive it or not, I know people tell me I should not be so insecure , but I feel I am made up, makeup, hair, and was blessed with a petitie built, But there are days I dont feel as pretty as the pictures on here and what if the guy meets me and I dont look as good as i did in those pictures, will he still think I was okay.. Anyways I guess I will overcome it one day when the right person comes along and makes me feel special even on my bad days.
Take good care all
Justnuff | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:03:30 PM | | In my case, my self esteem is fine mostly. I know I'm a good catch.....I treat a woman like a lady, I have a good job, my own house, etc. I know I'm not the best looking guy out there. That has nothing to do with my self esteem. Its a fact. My problem comes in when some women can't admit that they can be superficial and shallow. That doesnt reflect on my self esteem.....it causes my faith in women to diminish. | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/12/2008 12:17:44 PM | | The best thing to do is to see why you are picking the women you are choosing. Many people act like they have bad luck in dating or things just keep happening to them, when they are their own worst enemies by choosing so poorly. | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/12/2008 12:46:01 PM |
yes i use to have this mate of mine and he would watch pornos all the time. He got a cramp in his wrist and couldnt work and had to take time off work. He learned to use both hands and did special wrist strenghting exercises I taught him. Now he is learning yoga and will soon be able to use his feet
Ah yes...I can see it in my mind's eye.
Excuse me while I go POKE OUT my mind's eye!
robojocks that's hilarious,but my imagination is creating a visual I could easily have done without 
Cindy O | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/13/2008 11:03:58 AM | I'm very happy who I am.I'm a large size guy right now.In my life I have been underweight and overweight.Overweight at this time.I must say I like myself regardless of my size.I'm not perfect but who is.Be happy who you are I say. | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 6/13/2008 11:10:16 AM | I agree with Canoist. It is not just about loving yourself, but the company you keep. You have to find a supportive environment who loves you for you. Volunteering and going back to the arts helped me a great deal when I left the corporate world. I got my soul back by helping others and creating.
Find a hobby or passion and volunteer your time. It is great to be around people who care about the same things you do. You build your self-esteem by using your abilities to help others and yourself. | |
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| self esteem and how to get it?
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:10:17 AM | I'm trying to build some self-esteem and always run into a "chicken and egg" problem. A lot of my lack of self-esteem comes from being the "black sheep" of my family. I've disappointed most of my family by my career choice and relative lack of education (most of my family has at least Masters degrees; I've only got a B.S.). So getting help from my family really isn't feasible. And I've driven away many friends by my depression and low self-esteem.
The result over the years has been a vicious cycle. Low self-esteem leads to social failure, which leads to even lower self-esteem. Every time I hear about someone's relationship, I think about what I've never had and barring a major change of course will never have.
I've tried in the past to change the way I think of myself, to no avail. At this point though, the stakes are a lot higher for me. I feel if I don't beat this self-esteem issue in the next year or so, I'm going to be doomed to suicide at some point in my early to mid 30's (I'm 29 now).
Has anyone here been in a similar situation and been able to build confidence and self-esteem? Is this something one can do solo, or is professional help typically required. If I probably need a professional, what kind of specialist would be best equipped for this issue? | |
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| self esteem and how to get it?
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:55:31 AM | You will never be truly happy with anyone until you learn to be happy with yourself. You have to accept who you are and set goals, realistic goals that are attainable  . Learn to be independent and know that you're important and you have value in society. Understand that you DON'T need a relationship to define you thus practicing your independance. Don't mix that statement up with you should never seek relationships... just don't seek relationships where you feel like you have to depend on someone to make you something.
It took me 20 years to learn this and learning to live alone for a couple years to understand it. Trust me, it's not the material things or people that make you happy in life because you can have it all one day and loose it the next. But setting goals and earning your indepenence on material things and others will give you a feeling of self fulfillment when you achieve these goals on your own. Set your goals to things are attainable at first so you get a taste of success. Then progress onward to more difficult goals. Don't be scared of failure... you may fail... you will fail on somethings but pick yourself back up and figure out the solution to your goal. there are more than one answer to many situations in life. You have to figure out which one works for you.
Remember once you learn to work and succeed with yourself then you will work and be successful with others. Don't let people talk you down or discourage you. You can do and be whatever you want, you just have to understand what it takes to get from point a to point b, the destination and be realistic about achieving it. And finally don't let anyone take away anything you achieve no matter how small it may be. It's your life... it's your victory, one of many sure to come...
God bless ops and keep the faith. | |
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| self esteem and how to get it?
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:17:07 AM | I know for me what has made a huge difference is exercise....Join a gym and get strong....do it to feel good about yourself....it won't work to try to make yourself better for someone else...do it for you.
If you are strong and feel good it shows.
Dan  | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:26:29 AM | You should never let ANYTHING or ANYBODY hurt, damage or take away your self esteem.
This guy is right. Self esteem and self confidence are two of the issues that are most difficult to deal with. Some people are lucky enough to have bags of self confidence. But many people lack self confidence. The good news is that you can improve self confidence dramatically, the bad news it can sometimes be quite difficult to do so.
It all depends upon the environment you are in. If you are in a negative, belittling environment it can very difficult to break out of the cycle of self doubt and self loathing. The first trick is to remember, as the above poster says, never to let others determine how you feel about yourself. If you are in a negative environment get out of it. For example, if your boss belittles you or some person in your sphere of influence belittles you eliminate them from your life. This can be quite difficult but it must be done and will be the first step to getting well. And when I say "getting well" it means getting to a state where you fully love yourself in a normal sense. You don't want to be narcissistic but you truly want to love yourself.
The second trick to overcoming self doubt is never to be afraid of failure. Our society is very tough on failure, and it is the reason why the majority of people never take risks. The reality is that there are no guarantees for anything in life. It doesn't matter what you do in life there is always a risk of failure. Failure is not a negative thing, its how you perceive failure that is the negative force. People who are "winners" invariably have one of two abilities. Either an enormously thick skin i.e. they don't care about failure, or they have the ablity to shift the blame of their failure onto somebody else. Usually it is a combination of the two. This is a very useful skill. If you are able to take credit for your successes but shift the blame for your losses onto somebody else then you will always feel good about yourself. A good example of this are Bill and Hillary Clinton in the recent Democratic Nomination. Notice how their failure "wasn't thier fault, it was everybody else's fault BUT them. This ability of externalizing failure enables them to keep their self confidence intact.
Once you have developed self confidence you will realize how important it truly is. It is the magic ingredient that allows your personality to blossom. Its the difference between a cloudy and sunny day. When the sun shines everything looks so much better. When its rainy and overcast everything seems so depressing. | |
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| self esteem and how to get it?
Posted: 7/1/2008 8:31:47 AM | Elemental...some may recognize the source.
The words are a couple thousand years old....and the thought much older.
Love... divine, all others.... AND love yourself....
.....with all your body....your mind...and your heart.
So...as just stated...exercise . Eat well, watch the lifestyle. Take care of yourself physically.
Take care of your body...and it will take care of you. The myriad of positive effects from physical activity are being discovered daily in medical science.
Take care of your Mind...study...read...fill it with truth. Sweep out the negatives, change your negative-reinforced beliefs (takes time, many ways to do this). Replace with the positive. Focus on hope, keep walking. You may look back at your pain/grief/problems, but only visit them. Dont dwell there, KEEP WALKING>
Your bodies health...supports the mind..intellect, emotion, self concept.
When you've taken care of your body....
of your mind...they take care of your...
too elusive, mostly subconscious "heart"
which will then be able to take care of you. | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:08:35 AM | OK, let's see what we have. You are about the age of my daughters.
Tanzenite is a beautiful stone that instantly reminded me of deep lakes that I have seen, swum in and canoed on. You chose that stone for a reason. Perhaps you like the beauty of the stone, possibly something else. Whatever, it is a good choice, Tanzenite Girl.
Next, you are intelligent. You also think too much, and probably are out of your depth when it comes to emotion. You worry about and re-hash your 'mistakes.' Welcome to the club, a club I have managed to leave.
How?
By realizing that everybody was not meant for everybody. Just as there are chemical combinations, potassium and water for example, that don't mix well, so there are people combinations that don't mix well so the break-up might not have been your, or anybody's, fault. At least you are not trapped in a disaster and are free to find someone more suitable.
Decide that you are a good person. If you don't believe that how can you expect anyone else to believe it? Then show it by acting the part and soon people around you will start believing it, too. Surround yourself with positive people, you don't need downers around you. Do some volunteering; you will meet like minded people (!) and help your community at the same time.
Every time you do something positive celebrate it. If you do something not so positive, welcome to the human race. Nobody's perfect. Fix what you can and move forward always remembering that if you move forward while looking backward you will certainly bang into something you would rather not.
It may not be easy and it won't happen overnight, but it can be done. Been there.
Wishing you the best; you deserve it. | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:19:54 AM | I suffered from very low self esteem for a very long time! Since my divorce (10 years ago) I decided that I needed to get to know myself & learn how to like myself enough, to depend on myself, as well. I hit rock bottom after my divorce....on welfare, looking after 2 kids on my own..... ohh boy, didn't see that comming! A lot of hard work, upgrading in school, getting back into the work force....getting OFF welfare....was a long struggle! It took a long time before I realized that I am finally OK with who I am! I'm finally at that place where I know that I can be just fine with ME!
Instead of "needing" someone to be with me, I now just "want" someone to be with me, BIG difference!
If you're not ok with yourself.... it will just lead to more heartbreak down the road. | |
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| self esteem?
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:45:43 AM | For a variety of reasons, one of which is my self-image, I'm not going to be dating until at least the middle of 2009 (and perhaps later if I'm not in the right emotional state to do so). I guess part of my issue was I was taught never to be satisfied with anything; there's always room for improvement. My career is decent, but I could have moved higher than I am now. I'm not in terrible shape, but I could stand to lose 10-15 pounds of fat and build up some more muscle mass. Repeat for all other aspects of my personality.
I'll work with the counselor I've got to see if he's got more specifics on how to handle this. Most of what's been said in recent posts seems promising to me. The one thing I'm not sure about is whether to focus blame on others. I don't see how belittling or blaming other people or things can really improve one's self confidence in the long run. It's one thing to accept other people and external things as beyond one's control, but wouldn't focusing blame on these rather than dealing with your response to them be counterproductive?
I guess I've taken the first step in recognizing I've got a problem. The rest isn't going to be easy, but eventually I'll find a way to deal with it. Thanks for the advice. | |
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