| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 7:18:47 AM |
I hate it when people IM me on here and start asking questions that are already answered on my profile. Guys do that to me all the time. I bet I get more i.m.'s than emails.
IMing someone without some sort of previous mail conversation seem quite rude to me also. Then I guess I should be really mad because I get this all of the time.  | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 7:50:47 AM |
IMing someone without some sort of previous mail conversation seem quite rude to me also. Then I guess I should be really mad because I get this all of the time.
No, you shouldn't be really mad. You should turn the IM off or set it so that only your favorites can IM you. If they can't IM you then there only other option is email!
Besides, this IM feature sucks...but that's another thread! | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 7:55:58 AM | Yep, the IM feature here does suck.
And how does the IM favorites only thingy work. I can't find a "switch" for it anywhere... | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:00:39 AM | If she doesn't want people IMing her out of the blue then she has the option to set it so she can not be IMed. Also depending on how familar she is with this site she should know by now that it is possible to view someone's profile without them knowing it.
Personally I do not like being IMed by people I do not know so I have mine disabled. It is sort of the equivilent of someone showing up at your door unannounced. I prefer they email me before I chat with them.
Sounds to me like she was a flake. And if she didn't want to chat with you then she should have politely said... I'm sorry but I am not interested and then closed the chat box. | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:05:04 AM | | I don't like IM's its like getting a phone call during dinner or having a telemarketer call you. Proper etiquette to me would be to send an email introducing yourself. IM's force you to converse whether you want to or not. | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:05:48 AM | It's very simple ladies...
You don't like intrusions into your online dating site surfing time? Turn off IMs.
It's not rocket science.
Why'd you come here if not to be contacted? If you want to control the means by which you get contacted, do so, but stop expecting others to read your minds and comprehend the nonsensical. | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:06:02 AM | And how does the IM favorites only thingy work. I can't find a "switch" for it anywhere...
Go to your mail Settings and it's an option on the Allow Instant Messages box.
IM's force you to converse whether you want to or not.
Hello!! No it doesn't. Just close the window. No conversing at all!! Your rights haven't been violated!!
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:11:15 AM | Someone definitely has 'tude' here...
Did ya ever think that maybe one reason for emailing first might be because she could be talking to someone else...which leaves the unknown IMer(you) to be interrupting? Of course not--it is Friday night--she should be sitting there waiting just for you--even though she has no clue who you are because you never emailed her.
I prefer an email first--there is very little info on a IM....for one thing the person could be looking for an intimate encounter....so should I just talk anyway--I guess I'll know when he whips out his shlong. An email first makes sense-gives me a chance to see your profile.
Can't people who you have blocked or blocked in your mail settings still IM you? another reason.
And people who have been flagged for emailing people for intimate encounters I believe can also IM you...another reason.
Unless you are willing to talk to anyone or anyTHING lol then it would be OK | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:29:30 AM | i don't understand why people are soooo anal about receiving im from someone they don't know... i thought people were here to meet other people.
my take.... they leave their im thingee switched on because they actually want people to approach them just so that they can reject them....
an ego thing....??? who knows? why waste your time caring?
if they didn't want to be approached, they would switch it off wouldn't they?? or just switch it over to receive im from their favourites??
i'm telling ya, some people just get off on rejecting other people... it makes them feel popular when they get contacted, and in control when they get the opportunity to rebuff.
op don't take it personal, the problem is theirs, not yours. | |
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vangal
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Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 35 | |
| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 9:34:05 AM | Hey gentle Jack
Just to add my 2 cents here - sounds like you were perfectly respectful and she was rude. It is so easy to be rude in this format and treat folks in ways that you would never do in person. Who knows - she may have been in a bad mood or busy with something....
Remember that Paul Simon song - "50 ways to leave your lover" - imagine how he might write that for online dating.... :
Almost all of the IM's I have received without prior contact, are men looking for sex only. I have found this experience pretty unpleasant and I now rarely accept IM's from new folks. But learning that lesson hurt a little. Sounds like you might be in a similar learning boat just now.
But I do like to have the IM conversation with someone I have shared a few words with in emails. Use your words well!
good luck. | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 9:59:08 AM | First of all did you contact her just from looking at her picture? if you did that I would have blocked you too.
I'm sick of getting IM'd and then people will say, where do you live, what do you like to do for fun, tell me about yourself.
Thats why I wrote a lot on my profile. | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 10:43:41 AM | "Now, if a guy approached you say, while you're reading a magazine in a public place, or eating at a cafe court somewhere, would you feel the same way?"
Yes, if it was someone who was trying to go beyond hi with no encouragement from me.
I'm busy doing something, I didn't ask to be approached.
Ripleys post 14 was right on in my opinion, she explained it very well.
"That's exactly what I was thinking. Being on this meat market(online dating) is no different than walking up to someone in a bar and introducing yourself! Now are all you ladies (and I have noticed it is only ladies complaining) going to start complaining about that???"
I don't like that either if I'm at the bar, I'm there to spend time with the friends I'm there with, not to have some drunk guy try to feel me up or think i'm going home with him. | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 12:13:06 PM | Yes, if it was someone who was trying to go beyond hi with no encouragement from me.
I'm busy doing something, I didn't ask to be approached.
I don't like that either if I'm at the bar, I'm there to spend time with the friends I'm there with, not to have some drunk guy try to feel me up or think i'm going home with him.
See, there's some single women that make it impossible for men to approach them. It actually winds up being a lose-lose situation.
So...my suggestion, keep annoying the crap out of these single ladies, one at a time, with your initial approach. There is one that will...eventually......NOT have a problem with it!
Because doing NOTHING will get you nowhere with them.
my take.... they leave their im thingee switched on because they actually want people to approach them just so that they can reject them....
This is something I've considered to, because her response seemed pompous. | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 12:23:43 PM | "That's exactly what I was thinking. Being on this meat market(online dating) is no different than walking up to someone in a bar and introducing yourself! Now are all you ladies (and I have noticed it is only ladies complaining) going to start complaining about that???"
I don't like that either if I'm at the bar, I'm there to spend time with the friends I'm there with, not to have some drunk guy try to feel me up or think i'm going home with him.
Now right there you're assuming the guy is drunk. You already have a jaded opinion towards men so.........enjoy your relationship...I'm sure he's having a ball with that attitude.!!! | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 12:41:53 PM | Actually, I don't really see what the big fuss is about... If you don't want to talk with someone just don't talk to them. BUT everyone is entitled to their opinion and this one is just mine... | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 12:43:06 PM | | Just another opinion...In my case, my profile states "Not looking for a love interest, interested in participating in the forums". When I receive IM's, one of the first questions I like answered, before even chatting is, "Did you read my profile". I feel that the IMer needs to know I am not interested in any "romance". If he didn't read my profile, he may think Im leading him on and wasting his time. I feel this is even more of a courtesy than anything else. I don't like the manner in which she handled your situation, it was rather nasty, but I do understand her questioning you..... | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 12:59:51 PM | I don't like the IM but I was IMing with a lady and was getting two words at a time with long delays in between so I IMed her 'I seem to be getting just two words at a time from you - do you think it's working properly?' the reply came back:
'it's fine' .......... 'bare with' ....... 'me I'm' ......... 'talking to' ....... '20 guys' ......... 'at the' ...... 'same time' ...... 'here and' ....... 'one of' ......'them seems' ....... 'to be' ........... 'angry about' ...... 'it!'.......
each one a separate IM message. I'm not joking. Now that lady you wouldn't want to IM OP. | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 1:06:21 PM | You should never be rude to someone who's merely being friendly. Period. If you are, you think much, much too highly of yourself.
I agree completely with Tee. If you don't want to talk to someone, then don't. There is no need to go out of your way to degrade someone. This is very akin to those at clubs who sport constant scowls of condescension on their faces and then complain that no one approaches them. You're at a social dating site. Isn't your mere presence here inviting strangers to approach you? Isn't that the point? | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 1:54:07 PM |
I didn't read through all the responses because about the first four or five answered your question but you don't want to hear it because it is more important for you to be right than understand women apparently. When you introduced yourself did you apologize for interrupting whatever she might be doing or asked if she had the time to chat?
You're kidding, right? If ``understanding women'' means apologizing for introducing myself to one who is advertising for dates on a dating site, I'll never understand women. Why bother with online dating if you think it's rude for people to meet you online? | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:08:18 PM | | Ims are typing. Posts are typing. This whole site is typing. Im'sare no more personal than an e-mail. If you are frightened you would make a lousy partner. I say grow up, realise you are on a dating site and date. Like going to a Gym and compaining they only have exercise machines and the people are sweaty. Contradictions like this say more about the offended ones personality then the supossed offender. | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:09:00 PM |
but if someone IMs me, well, hey, how is that different from walking up to me and saying hi?
The difference is... in a public setting you say "hi" then see if the person is willing to continue or you keep on walking.
On the IM you say hi, then what are you wearing or some lame attempt at conversation starting. there is no establishing mutual interest or consideration for continued exchange. It's talk to me or you're a b i t c h.
It's not the same at all. | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:12:08 PM |
.....or some lame attempt at conversation starting.
Well, what I did wasn't lame, that's for sure, and I still got hassled for it. | |
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vro312
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 49 | |
| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:12:24 PM | Come on now, people.
It is reasonable expect the following:
1) If someone has her IM enabled, it is okay to IM her. Likewise, if she doesn't want to communicate with you, she won't, either with or without fair and polite warning.
2) If you IM a person then ask questions that are answered in her profile, she may act a little annoyed. If her profile states that she would like you to e-mail her before IMing her, she might act slightly *more* annoyed.
3) If someone is rude to you after you have IMed her (after reading her profile), you will have no further use for her. If you do not like someone's behavior, you will not want to communicate with that person in the future.
4) A well-adjusted adult can accept that people have bad days, people are sometimes rude without realizing it, and some people are just more abrupt and/or abrasive than others.
It is not worth your time or energy to get your panties in a bunch over one woman you've never met being disrespectful to you. She is not the woman that has been appointed to represent the views and desires of all women. If *that* woman is rude to you, let us know, and we'll impeach her. | |
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| Yeesh , thought I heard it all
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:20:59 PM | Some guy on here IM'ed me out of the blue last September. And am I ever glad I responded! I didn't know it at the time, but my life was set to change with talking to him.
OP, I don't think you were in the least out of line. The woman you contacted and responded so rudely was probably the type that might possibly, perhaps, maybe, after dozens of emails, IM for weeks, then maybe, if the stars were properly aligned, decide to meet you, at a police station, where it would be safe. So it was probably a good thing that she eliminated herself from the pool early on.
I've had plenty of people contact me out of the blue on IM and I see no problem with it. This is a freakin' dating site where the idea, I thought, was to contact and be contacted by, people interested in meeting. (Of course, I've also been IMed by men who obviously never read a single word of my profile or they wouldn't have IMed in the first place. They usually have something else in mind. They must type pretty well with one hand, is all I can say about that.) | |
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