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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:30:10 PM |
I what find funny on here is when you write people that you're interested in and show interest they won't aknowlegde you and delete your note but yet they'll still keep checking you out without saying nothing back? what's up with that? > blk archangel7
W-w-w-what?
- Soul Union. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:38:27 PM | My profile is hidden so I have to do all of the first contacts unless someone finds me through the forums. I have been here a very long time and having an open profile just left me with a lot of garbage emails. I also live in a VERY rural area so I have met or dont care to meet the locals. When I lived in a more populated area I enjoyed having a public profile and it was worth the time to decifer wna cht szy cll me smetime! UGH!
I even have better luck doing first contacts as you can see I am on a date right now. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:54:03 PM | You are the last two people on earth, two guns, one bullet, hmm!!!! think of the quandary, this is no different. Tell your friend to hurry up and find that bullet and use it as he/she sees fit. If they were smart they would start sweating bullets, but I don't see that happening here.  | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 9:56:20 PM | Very interesting question, SARS, and I understood it.
This is new for me, because I usually have a hard time understanding text with misplaced references for he and she both being substituted by they; with referring to two people and after the third reference not knowing who is doing what to whom; and understanding text that are, well, just written down or typed, really.
I've had two experiences with this. In the first kind, I am frozen to the bone and put on an electric blanket and crank it up to max, while I shiver in my thermal under- and outerwear. I live in Canada.
In the other experience, I like to think I have dignity, pride, and stuff like that. So I usually contact a "person" (ssssh! no gender! Get it?) . Then I wait for an answer... and I decide to the hell with "that person". I decide I shall play cool. It lasts five minutes. Within ten minutes I've already sent her two angry letters, two letters apologizing for my being me, and three letters full of lies why I left my lucrative practice of ornytholaryngitis, and joined Greenpeace. (I don't even know how to spell Greenpeace. I can recognize the picture on the can: small, round, green vegetables.)
In the past I used to get reproached by the organizers of the dating site, and then re-reproached. But lately everyone just leaves me alone and I cry in my beard.
So lonely. It hurts. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 10:32:30 PM |
I think everyone should occasionally take a risk and let someone know you're interested... no doubt you will sometimes be shot down, but then this gives you empathy and admiration to those that take the first step towards you.
Excellent perspective! Janet4ever, you're a smart cookie. I've noticed you have a lot of great insight. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 10:52:57 PM | If I can only get over the fear of making first contact. I just freeze! For me it's not even about the possibility of being rejected. Sure rejection sucks, but I can deal with it. I think, in my case, it has more to do with still being somewhat shy at first. But I'm calm, cool, collected and not shy at all when someone makes first contact with me.
Sometimes I don't even make sense to myself.  | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/7/2008 11:32:12 PM | To me this is a complicated situation.
Being a guy there's the whole "nice guy" mentality that says if I contact a woman too much it means I'm clingy and insecure. It also can give off a 'stalker' vibe to some women.
I don't mind contacting a woman to talk to her but I never go past 2 types of messages regardless of how I feel about a woman and how much I want to get to know her. This is because (a) she might not be interested and (b) I am not clingy.
I want a woman that wants to be with me / talk to me. If she doesn't talk to me then why would I talk to her? Two types of contact is fair in my opinion and shows I'm interested. I'm not into playing BS games like waiting/wondering for her to contact me and don't expect her to be the same way. Dating is already over-complicated enough as it is, why add more games? | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/8/2008 1:09:48 AM | | I rarely contact any one first either...and those I have (3 in all)..one didnt reply (how rude)..one said he had met some one..but he is still gaily playing on the site...and I am still writing to the third...I find too that those who do contact me..and I DO reply to everyone...keep it up for a while then fade away into the sunset...Is it ME I wonder..am I boring...even for 'talking' om IM..that lasts for a bit then ends abruptly..I shall never understand mens minds!!!! | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/8/2008 1:44:01 AM |
I what find funny on here is when you write people that you're interested in and show interest they won't aknowlegde you and delete your note but yet they'll still keep checking you out without saying nothing back? what's up with that?
Well, there is a rational explanation to everything.
The reason they delete your letters is because they don't wish to develop a relationship with you.
The reason they keep looking at your profile is because your small picture may look good, on the search pages or on the forum posts, but they have already forgot about you. When they click on you again and again, they realize (maybe) that they've seen you, and remember your correspondence and not wanting your friendship.
Add to this that sometimes a person may look attractive to someone else, but their scripts are a total turn-off for them, especially if they're replete with incorrect spelling and grammar, and unclear writing.
Add to this that some small pics can show a person as a really good looking homo sapiens, but once you look at the larger version, the person is ugly.
This is oftentimes this way because wide pictures get sqeezed into the shape of a square, without an loss of data. This means that the person's photo on the small picture shows a very thin version of the person. This may translate into the forgetfulness or re-checking theories. The people who look at you forget your script or picture, but remember it when they open your profile.
I hope this answered your question. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/8/2008 2:00:33 AM | Hi sarsss, Not that many years ago,it was practically unheard of for a woman to ask a man for a date etc.,and it was only the men that had to deal with the put-downs and rejection(I know,I've been there.) Life moves on,and whilst women ,in my opinion,still have a bit to go to be really men's equal(not their fault,some men still have to deal with skinned knuckles),they should initiate contact ,if they like someone.
I have friends on here,and I contacted them mostly,but ,I have found that the most enduring of all my friendships were nearly all initiated by the woman. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/13/2008 1:39:59 AM |
I what find funny on here is when you write people that you're interested in and show interest they won't aknowlegde you and delete your note but yet they'll still keep checking you out without saying nothing back? what's up with that?
I believe if you notice--it says they have looked at your profile at somepoint. Their photo is continually rotated in your 'viewed me' file forever after, as long as they are active.
Does not matter if you contact first or wait to be contact.........time passes by.
What if you are both to shy to make the first contact? Then nobody wins.
You have to open yourself to hurt to be open to be loved.................. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/13/2008 2:57:48 AM | I have absolutely no problem contacting men that I find interesting. Why should I wait and see if they are going to contact me? They might not, and who knows what might have been. I don't want to be filled with regrets and what ifs. What if that charming man who's profile I just read could really be someone special. But I'll never know because he didn't write to me first. Boo hoo! Not this lady! If I find a man fascinating, attractive, amusing, intelligent, sexy or whatever other adjective you want to use, I will not hesitate to contact him. If he chooses to respond, that's terrific. If not, that's okay too.
I never send an email to a man with the presumption that he will definitely answer. The emails I send are very casual, what you would send to a friend. Many of the emails I send out, have absolutely nothing to do with us being a potential match. They are sent because something about this person, male or female, has struck a chord within me and I want to connect with them. That's the best way, I've found, to begin a relationship... as a possible friend. If we remain just friends, that's wonderful. If it develops into something more, so much the better. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/13/2008 3:33:19 AM | A co-worker and I were driving to work one morning and we were rear-ended by a truck. 911 was called and the policeman showed up. Tall, average looking, glasses, crooked grin, obviously about my age. Twinkle in his eye, I was intrigued.
As he was gathering the facts, he asked my birthdate and I grinned at him and said 'how awful'--his reply was sorry, but I have to ask--I knew it was part of the report. I told him and he said we are about the same age--I teased--can I be younger and he said no. He complimented me on my ring--cladaugh and he had one also--commented that we both had Irish names-------it suddenly dawned on me that he was flirting!--give a girl a break--I am rusty.
I asked him for a business card, he said he did not have any, but repeated his name and badge number and said you can reach me through the department if you need to. I knew he had my name and number but is was against police policy to use it for personal use.
The more I thought about it....nothing ventured.....nothing gained.
When I got back to the office, I was telling a co-worker about it and she mentioned another woman was dating an officer with the same department. I went to her told her what happened and asked if her boyfriend would find out if the officer was single. She said she would ask. I told her if he was not single or not interested...no hard feelings. She asked if they could give him my phone number if he was interested. I said sure.
A phone call later..........he was indeed single........did indeed remember me and was interested if he had not just started dating someone. It didn't work, but I don't have to wonder.
On the other hand, if it had of worked, knowing how he flirted with me while dating someone, I would have always had to wonder if he was flirting with all the women he came in contact with.
If you are interested in someone, why not make a contact.............you never know. | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:00:12 AM |
I what find funny on here is when you write people that you're interested in and show interest they won't aknowlegde you and delete your note but yet they'll still keep checking you out without saying nothing back? what's up with that?
I've had women put me on their favorites list. Then I contact them and they don't reply, or maybe I'll get one short reply and then no replies to subsequent emails...but they still have me on their favorites list! How weird is that? If you're interested, reply! If you're not, why am I still on your favorites list? | |
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| Leaving it up to Him/Her to Contact you/Show you Interest
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:03:05 AM | | Well I have read all of you nice gentlemans view points on here and I guess that I had no idea what to do. I have been waiting for the men to contact me but it seems like you feel it is ok for us women to contact you first so that is what I plan on doing. Thanks for the information and being so straight forward.. I appreciate it. | |
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elisko
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Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 45 | |
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elisko
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Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 46 | |
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