| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/9/2008 11:50:28 AM | Oh dear god. Bad boys? Alpha males? Beta males? Who decides who is who?
Smuggler do you honestly think you aren't an alpha male?
I'm considered an alpha female does that make me a bad girl? Wow I just blushed with a dirty memory.
Just because a man is an alpha doesn't mean he is a Neanderthal, looking to spread his seed or use women. Many alpha males are very confident and have no need to validate themselves through the use of women. Just as not all beta males are nice guy, looking for a nice gal to settle down with.
To blame chemistry for personality flaws is looking for excuses. | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/9/2008 1:59:58 PM | Being a single mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world. You think guys who would want someone with stability would look at us and be amazed. Yet, they turn us down, saying the ever popular, "I don't want to be dad". I know this most be hard for most men to understand, but some of us single parents have been both mom and dad for many years. Maybe they did not have such a great dad growing up, I don't know and I am not going to make any excuse for them. They do a great job on there on. So, to all the single parents out there, we do one hell of a job for our children, don't let one idiot make you think otherwise.
God Bless! | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/9/2008 2:15:00 PM |
You think guys who would want someone with stability would look at us and be amazed.
just because you have kids doesnt give you "stability", I have dated women who were great moms, but were emotional rollar coasters, one doesn equal the other....
we do one hell of a job for our children, don't let one idiot make you think otherwise.
no one is questioning that single mothers work hard, but if someone doesnt want to date you because of it, doesnt make them an idiot...
I love kids, and I dont mind dating moms, but again, I have dated single moms, and I haved dated women with no children, and yes, both can be fricking pyscos!!!!....kids or no kids... | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/9/2008 2:20:40 PM | | I see many many times that single parenting is the hardest job in the world, well seriously I must be doing something wrong because Ive had a real easy time bringing up my son for the last 10 years. Genuinely dont get this. | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/9/2008 2:20:52 PM | Smuggler:
Those men who defend the single moms are hoping that the single moms will fall for them. It does not work though.
A general post:
I have known many single moms... some great people, some whre not so great people just like any other group of people you meet in life some a great and some are not. I try to aviod the low quality single moms and for those who do not have time to put into a relatiionship...do not date you are short changing the man, yourself and other single moms because your behavior reflects poorly on others. | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/9/2008 2:23:14 PM | LOL....
Smuggler do you honestly think you aren't an alpha male?
I'm considered an alpha female does that make me a bad girl? Wow I just blushed with a dirty memory.
Just because a man is an alpha doesn't mean he is a Neanderthal, looking to spread his seed or use women. Many alpha males are very confident and have no need to validate themselves through the use of women. Just as not all beta males are nice guy, looking for a nice gal to settle down with.
To blame chemistry for personality flaws is looking for excuses.
How about you re-read the post. I never said anything about me being an alpha, bravo, charlie, or delta male...
I do my own thing, if a woman wants to come along, great... if not... she can always go shoe shopping... I couldnt care less.
But I do, and have... noticed that most of these threads that seem to be springing up, are doing so within the light of "poor me" .... and of course, there are the followers who feel the need to ride around the threads playing the sugar jockey shining knight role, because apparently you women cant handle a decent conversation by yourselves... Hello Pet.. You there??? Done with that Quilt yet?
I didnt bring up the Alpha/Beta male.... that was a statement by a Single mom friend of mine... Want to complain about it, start a thread.. But, coming from another woman, it seems that there is some truth to the example she gave. You can either accept it, or not, I couldnt care less. Truth of the matter is still there. Look around you... I believe some of these guys have been branded as Deadbeat Dads, as well as Ex-A$$holes, or any number of ajectives for some guy who created kids, then left.
Trying to side track it, and say that Im blaming chemistry for character flaws is insanity....
Its that very "chemistry" that we are talking about.... | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/9/2008 2:40:12 PM | Women can be just as narrow minded.
I think what it comes down to is if the person (man or woman) is capable of dealing with children, if the parent can separate "parenting time" from "adult time", how the children behave, and a few other things.
A lot of people have had bad experiences dating single parents and unfortunately carry that with them when looking at another potential partner. Sometimes it is hard to get past a bad experience or not let that experience bleed over. I can't say I blame them either. I've seen single parents who have very well behaved children and have their act together and I've seen single parents who have the spawn of the devil and live in total chaos. I often wonder when a man contacts me and he is a single parent is he contacting me for me or is he looking for a mom for his children (as I'm sure many men wonder if I'm looking for a father for my child). Unfortuately, many single parents are only looking for a replacement parent. There are many of us though that aren't.
Add to the "looking for a parent" factor the single parent who is also looking for someone to support them and their child. I see why many guys (and women) are hestitant to date someone who has a child.
Some single parents can only bash the child's other parent. Not cool. I keep my opinions about my ex to myself. If someone asks, I tell, otherwise my mouth is shut. I know from experience it is a turn off to hear someone bash their ex and leaves me wondering "am I going to be next in line"?
In today's world, a lot of single parents (both men and women) are only out for what they can gain for them and their child in a potential mate. It sickens me to see those that are this way. Thankfully I'm not one of them. But I'm not going to look down on a man not wanting to date me because I have a child... I'm sure he has very good reasons and I respect that.
I have to say though, these threads have really opened my eyes about a lot of questions I've received from men. I was once confused by questions such as "is his father in his life?", "do you receive child support?", and "why did you two divorce?" but I see now that the guy was feeling me out to see where he possibly might end up in my world.  | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/9/2008 2:58:34 PM | | Not just men that are that way. I am a single dad of a 7 year old girl and most ladies the minute they know I have a young child run. I thought women were supposed to be nuturing? Not from what I have seen. | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/9/2008 4:46:52 PM |
I see many many times that single parenting is the hardest job in the world, well seriously I must be doing something wrong because Ive had a real easy time bringing up my son for the last 10 years. Genuinely dont get this.
I really don't understand this either, after my first husband passed away, I was forced into the word of single motherhood. I was sure it was going to be the most difficult thing I've ever had to do... when really, it was pretty simple. | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/9/2008 5:32:04 PM |
I see many many times that single parenting is the hardest job in the world, well seriously I must be doing something wrong because Ive had a real easy time bringing up my son for the last 10 years. Genuinely dont get this. I really don't understand this either, after my first husband passed away, I was forced into the word of single motherhood. I was sure it was going to be the most difficult thing I've ever had to do... when really, it was pretty simple.
Carefull ladies... You're airing the truth... you're about to be tossed out on your butt by the martyr sisterhood.....
ROFL.....   | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/9/2008 6:39:12 PM |
Carefull ladies... You're airing the truth... you're about to be tossed out on your butt by the martyr sisterhood.....
Oh crap... did I say all of that out loud?
Smuggler, what I meant to say was that being a single mother was the toughest thing I will have ever gone through... I had no money, no time, no help and everyone hated me... is that better?!?!
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/9/2008 6:54:28 PM |
Smuggler, what I meant to say was that being a single mother was the toughest thing I will have ever gone through... I had no money, no time, no help and everyone hated me... is that better?!?!
ROFL... Not sure.. | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/9/2008 9:47:28 PM |
Those men who defend the single moms are hoping that the single moms will fall for them. It does not work though.
Is that from personal experience?? | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/9/2008 10:11:50 PM | Well quirkyfishy,
you've loaned them money so you should know. | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/10/2008 8:18:22 AM | I stil do not see how not wanting to date a single mom is narrow minded. The OP haas not posted since she got bashed. This is wgat I keep erfering to, single moms start these threads and do not like the honest answers. So answer my question how is it narrow minded?
I used to be the type that would try to cater to a single mom and her needs when I was dating her....after being used too many times and with the govenment of Canada passing laws forcing ex step parents to pay child support for ex step children...the idea of dating a single mom is now a turn off for me.
We all have our critera..OP how is it when you do not meet someone's criteria they are narrow minded? | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/10/2008 8:29:37 AM |
how is it when you do not meet someone's criteria they are narrow minded?
cause people cant handle rejection...plain and simple..everyone thinks they have great qualities, and when someone cant see them they are shallow, and narrow minded...just like you said, the op doesnt want to answer anymore cause she didnt get the answers she wanted....
she wants to hear..."your a great catch, and he is an a-hole for not wanting to be with you and your kids" | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:19:53 AM | Johne102,
Canada is forcing exstep-parents to pay child support?? What happened to the biological parent being responsible for the child they brought into this world???? Good lord, no wonder you're hesistant to date someone with kids. I'll probably get bashed for saying this but I couldn't imagine being forced to support a child that wasn't mine unless I adopted the child. | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/10/2008 3:37:02 PM | I tried to send you a private message disturbedangel but you are not allowing messages from men outside the USA. To answer your question the biological parent that does not have custody still has to pay child support but so do any ex step parents that were married (or lived common law for the allowed amount of time which varies in each province.) to the custodial parent.
A general post:
I do not see how loking at your options and what you want out of life in narrow minded. To many single moms start threads complaining men will not date them and bashing them for it when they provide answers. Well would a single mom date a drug dealer and child molester? Would it be fair to eliminate certain people from the dating pool that you did not want to deal with? Of course it is. Some people do not want to raise and provide for someone else's responsibility. People other than single moms are entitled to have criteria for who they want to date as well. If it is not a single mom it does not make them a bad person. | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/10/2008 4:35:43 PM | laneybird said:
Bloody Hell Johne, you really are very bitter arent you?
And there you go again stereotyping all women.
I for one dont go after "bad guys". I go for men that attract me in some way and to be honest, men with a "bad boy " reputation dont interest me one bit.
Gosh! I am sick and tired of single moms accusing men or single people with no children of being bitter because they do not think that a single parents kids are the cutest things on earth, deserving of everything WE have to offer. Just because we don't look at the single mom situation as being "desirable", we are the bad guys?
Why do single moms think like this. Yes single moms, I'm sure your children are the light of your eye, but to resonable thinking man, your child is a little crumb snather that needs a continous flow of attention and money.
I feel this way but I am not bitter. I adore children. I reach out to children by getting involved in the community and giving back. My idea of helping the children is not by dating a single parent and becoming obligated to an already established family that I did not create. | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/10/2008 4:35:52 PM | laneybird said:
Bloody Hell Johne, you really are very bitter arent you?
And there you go again stereotyping all women.
I for one dont go after "bad guys". I go for men that attract me in some way and to be honest, men with a "bad boy " reputation dont interest me one bit.
Gosh! I am sick and tired of single moms accusing men or single people with no children of being bitter because they do not think that a single parents kids are the cutest things on earth, deserving of everything WE have to offer. Just because we don't look at the single mom situation as being "desirable", we are the bad guys?
Why do single moms think like this? Yes single moms, I'm sure your children are the light of your eye, but to resonable thinking man, your child is a little crumb snather that needs a continous flow of attention and money.
I feel this way but I am not bitter. I adore children. I reach out to children by getting involved in the community and giving back. My idea of helping the children is not by dating a single parent and becoming obligated to an already established family that I did not create. | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/10/2008 4:38:16 PM | laneybird said:
Bloody Hell Johne, you really are very bitter arent you?
And there you go again stereotyping all women.
I for one dont go after "bad guys". I go for men that attract me in some way and to be honest, men with a "bad boy " reputation dont interest me one bit.
Gosh! I am sick and tired of single moms accusing men or single people with no children of being bitter because they do not think that a single parents kids are the cutest things on earth, deserving of everything WE have to offer. Just because we don't look at the single mom situation as being "desirable", we are the bad guys?
laneybird, you say that you don't like bad guys? Well where is that perfect guy who you had your child by? Seems that he wasn't the guy for you, so why have his child? Are you going to tell us that he's a great guy? Why didn't he do everything to keep his family together?
Why do single moms think like this? Yes single moms, I'm sure your children are the light of your eye, but to resonable thinking man, your child is a little crumb snather that needs a continous flow of attention and money.
I feel this way but I am not bitter. I adore children. I reach out to children by getting involved in the community and giving back. My idea of helping the children is not by dating a single parent and becoming obligated to an already established family that I did not create. | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/10/2008 4:39:17 PM | laneybird said:
Bloody Hell Johne, you really are very bitter arent you?
And there you go again stereotyping all women.
I for one dont go after "bad guys". I go for men that attract me in some way and to be honest, men with a "bad boy " reputation dont interest me one bit.
Gosh! I am sick and tired of single moms accusing men or single people with no children of being bitter because they do not think that a single parents kids are the cutest things on earth, deserving of everything WE have to offer. Just because we don't look at the single mom situation as being "desirable", we are the bad guys?
laneybird, you say that you don't like bad guys? Well where is that perfect guy who you had your child by? Seems that he wasn't the guy for you, so why have his child? Are you going to tell us that he's a great guy? Why didn't he do everything to keep his family together?
Why do single moms think like this? Yes single moms, I'm sure your children are the light of your eye, but to resonable thinking single men, your child is a little crumb snather that needs a continous flow of attention and money, and this is not their responsibility.
I feel this way but I am not bitter. I adore children. I reach out to children by getting involved in the community and giving back. My idea of helping the children is not by dating a single parent and becoming obligated to an already established family that I did not create. | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:03:40 PM | but to resonable thinking single men, your child is a little crumb snather that needs a continous flow of attention and money
Thats a strong statement seeing as how i met a guy (from here actually lol) whos single and is pretty reasonable when it comes to thinking, with no children of his own and he totally understands my situation. He also knows Im not asking nor do I WANT him to be the father of my children they have one, hes a great dad and yes I will say it hes a GREAT guy, hes just not the guy for ME.
Back to the guy I recently met, we are DATING not planning a life, he knows i have children and if it were to go beyond dating to a more serious relationship they would become a part of THAT relationship. But would he have to dish out one single dime NO. I would never expect him to pay for one thing. Respect and kindness I would however. IF and this would never happen without a LONG drawn out relationship of dates and one on one time to get to know eachother id hope, a single mom and a guy decide to live together then still the children are not his responsibility unless he CHOOSES to take them on as such. I would expect for that man to pay half the bills and rent/mortgage just as I would a roommate. But would I want him to pay for soccer, ballet, music lessons, clothes and toys, no. Its simple they are MY children not his and they have a father who takes care of them in partnership with myself.
Maybe some women dont think this way or dont care to take the time to explain how they feel about having someone in their life and the expectations of that person but I am not one to be stereotyped. I created these beautiful children and it is nobodys responsibility to help me with them other than their father. Children take time yes, money yes, attention yes, but moms who truly love their children and want the best for them will also realize they themselves need to make time to be themselves to be happy and be an effective parent. So to all you dating single moms (and dads too) quit worrying so much about these dates who runat the sign of your kids, obviously they arent for you and it doesnt mean they are narrow minded or useless, its just not what THEY are looking for just like we arent looking for are people like them! | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:40:31 PM | Got Candy,
You are only 21 and you have a child, and then another child by a guy who is not the one for you? That doesn't make much sense. And did instead of focusing on your children you immediately start dating? I would say that yes you are looking for a father for your kids. No matter what single moms say, any woman in that situation needs help and are looking for the missing link to their ready-made family. I can correctly assume that your children are very young, probably 5 years and younger.
As for the guy you met, if he has not children, I am sure that he is one of those guy's who do not have much experience with women and probably a "push-me-over" nice guy. Too bad he wasn't the one you chose to have your children by, and then you would not be a single mom. | |
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| Narrow minded men
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:44:51 PM | Got Candy,
You are only 21 and you have a child, and then another child by a guy who is not the one for you? That doesn't make much sense. And did instead of focusing on your children you immediately start dating? I would say that yes you are looking for a father for your kids. No matter what single moms say, any woman in that situation needs help and are looking for the missing link to their ready-made family. I can correctly assume that your children are very young, probably 5 years and younger.
And regardless of what single moms say, guy's will have to pay. Dating single moms are an added expense because you come as a package. When Christmas comes around you would be offended if he only got you a gift and not your kids, and same for birthdays. You say they have a father, but what if your boyfriend get's seriously involved with, or marries you, and something happens to the bio dad as to where he cannot support your kids, who are you going to look at as next in line to step in to take care of your children?
As for the guy you met, if he has not children, I am sure that he is one of those guy's who do not have much experience with women and probably a "push-me-over" nice guy. Too bad he wasn't the one you chose to have your children by, and then you would not be a single mom. | |
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