| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/9/2008 5:09:52 AM | Hi OP.
Sometimes things happen for a reason - we don't know why nor do we realize how beneficial it will be in the long run?
You are right--- you both have your life ahead of you! Hang in there and get our careeer going your way and build a future for yourself that will offer a lady a stable future.
There are to many variables that comes into play to burn your energies about why she left, I could say she is on a a man hunt to be married- an instant quick relationship is a rebound relationship and it proves itself not to be concrete? Having given her a ring doen't prove nothing even after a marriage? think about it?
This type of relationship breakup has happened to many a man - your not alone?
good luck and but your future! JMHO | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/9/2008 6:08:59 AM | Well, I was with a fella for 5 years, & after that time i got fed up that he hadn't made a proper commitment to me. We didn't live together, but he would stay over 2 or 3 times a week. I came to the conclusion that if he "wasn't ready" to make that commitment to me after all those years, he never would. So yes, to certain degrees a ring does make a difference.....You don't wanna just be someones girlfriend especially as you get older.
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/9/2008 6:17:33 AM | Man you dodged a bullit there my friend. If anything she did you a favour.
Seriously unless there is something in it for you as in marrying into money or some other financial gain don't get married, ever.
If you want offspring you can have that without the misery of marraige and you and the bio mom will be much happier in the long run and you won't lose it all when she divorces you.
Of course a ring makes a difference because even though women have achieved equality they still can sucker guys into buying them stuff. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/12/2008 7:47:21 PM | I can't answer for your gal, but I can tell you what a ring means to me...
Be it a class ring back in high school, a promise ring, engagement ring, or even a wedding band...
To me, as a gal, its one of the most serious examples of showing commitment a man can do for a woman. It's a symbol. It's not necessarily that the you (as a gal) are his, but that he (as a guy) is yours...
I'm not someone who wants to jump into a marriage, only to find out a few years later, that we don't have enough in common. But if I got into a serious relationship, a promise ring would mean the world to me...
Just because that one gal didn't value your time or commitment, doesn't mean that someone else isn't out there, that will. Just think... This one did you a favor... You still have the rest of your life to find the RIGHT one!!!
CowTrucker
(What's left of...) Chapman, Kansas | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:00:32 PM | If she left and got engaged to someone else quickly... well, I would imagine that she had a set idea in her mind of what state her life would be in by now, and she jumped on the opportunity to "fast pass" it.
It happens.
I feel that an ideal marriage is a result of a relationship that already has marriage level commitment in place.... but then, I really don't have the experience to say much on that subject... other than observations. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:09:43 PM |
I was with my girlfriend for 3 years and we just recently broke up because she said I was not committed enough. She constantly would ask me about when I was going to propose to her.
You mean nagged you about marriage..........man I hope you blow that scene any woman who rants about marriage has ulterior motives. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:09:57 PM | Three years with a woman you're not marrying? That's called "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?"
She was right to go for somebody who was willing to cross the finish line. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/12/2008 8:15:22 PM |
She was right to go for somebody who was willing to cross the finish line.
Yep the "other finish line" where She takes hubby for almost everything he is worth in a divorce. I've seen the type too many times this girl is on a mission. OP be happy you with drew from the race............finish line....thats funny. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/12/2008 9:46:21 PM | | Did some of these responders even read the posts from the OP!? He is 24 or 25, and she is 21, which means they were 21 and 18 respectively when they started their relationship. In that context, three years of waiting for marriage is no big deal. Yes, if they were in their late 20s, or 30s or more, than yes, 3 years is a little excessive, but when they are that young, getting your education and then your career on track should be the top priority. This guy had the sense to realize all of that, and was committed to this girl enough to tell her they would get married, eventually, but she was in way too much of a hurry for that stage of life. If she managed to run out and find someone else to marry in less than 2 months, it sounds to me like she is more interested in being married, and not necessarily worried about WHO she marries. I agree that the OP dodged a bullet on this one. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/12/2008 10:07:56 PM |
We had our whole lives ahead of us.
Lucky for you she found that other dude. That would have been one sh*tty whole life you would have had ahead of you if you had succumbed to her pressure. Good on ya! Hopefully if you ever come across another one like that she won't waste 3 years of your life... she'll just get on with the gettin' on within a few months. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/12/2008 10:11:42 PM |
The bottom line is, does a ring really make a difference? My 3 years with her, was that not enough commitment? I mean I was going to give her a ring at some point.
count yourself lucky bro. you dodged a bullet. the fact that she was pressuring you means she was only thinking about her wants and needs and wanted you to submit to her demands. someone like that only gets worse after you marry them. if she demands a ring and you give it to her just to appease her whats to stop her from asking for more stuff? where does it end?
find someone who actually cares about your feelings and what you want. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/12/2008 10:43:57 PM | This is becoming a habit but I agree with verygreeneyez once again.
She wanted something out of the relationship you did not want. It was not a match and it took you 3 years to figure it out. I wouldn't look back. Just look forward to finding someone who you really match.
She wanted the status and attention a ring, wedding and what marriage means to society not what the nitty gritty of what a committed relationship really is beside all of the "dressing" and "labels" You wanted the nitty gritty.
But I will offer this advice, don't make decisions based on fear. It is like steering a car, look where you want to go not where you don't. If you look where you don't want to go, like a light pole, you will steer towards it and not be aware of it. Think of that light pole as divorce. Look and steer where you want to go not the pole that isn't even there. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/12/2008 11:24:46 PM | She met him while you guys were in a relationship.
About six weeks later, you don't speak for various reasons, including her phone being out of order hmmm
then she contacts you to say she's met someone and is marrying him.
oh my. It hurts op, but move on and be glad you didn't marry someone who wanted to get married whivh is distinct from someone who wsntrf to marry you]/b]. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/12/2008 11:32:50 PM | The bottom line is, does a ring really make a difference?
To me it would but I believe in the sanctity of marriage...and I still believe if I had my time again...Id prefer to have children under the age of 30.
My 3 years with her, was that not enough commitment? I mean I was going to give her a ring at some point.
Yeah well...as I said ...I believe in marriage...so after 3 years if it wasnt forthcoming and I was waiting around for YOU to tell me what was gonna happen with the rest of MY life...Id move on too. Im nearly 40...Id "wait" 2 yrs maximum.
How long does someone have to "wait"?
3 years are up...then promise another year...then thats up...then something else happens and its another year after that.
For a woman...its probably the best decision if she wants to marry and have children before coming down to the wire with her biological clock cos few women make the choice to never have children and usually only put them off till 35-40 after their careers are established because its practical.
Take a look at the Artificial Insemnation thread going on in the forums...and how much debate there is in there.
Should she keep wasting her life with men that dont move forward?
I do not understand is how she leaves me and decides to marry a guy she hardly knows! What do you guys think on this issue?
I honestly dont think whether she rushed off to get engaged to someone else is relevent. Personally *I* wouldnt do it...cos I dont think you can love someone and just hook up with someone else that easily.
But nonetheless...if he's ready and she's ready...then for all intents and purposes...its the right decision for HER.
She probably started "letting go" of you ...when you didnt step up to bat the first time she mentioned it.
She could be silly and its all about the wedding...who knows...but she's made a choice.
Honestly...if someone wants something THAT much and it means THAT much to them and you're gonna do it anyway....if it does nothing to compromise your self respect...and it comes down to you losing them over it...give it to them.
It'll make them happy...and it'll make you very happy too. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/13/2008 12:18:50 AM | | I am sorry to hear that you went through this. Obviously for whatever reason she wanted to get married. I personally would not become engaged after a couple months. I can understand where you're coming from on this. If you were not ready and were having discussions with her on this then she should have understood your reasoning and respected it. Maybe she did feel like you never would be or whatever, but in any event it doesn't matter. She decided she was getting married with or without you obviously! You can wonder all you like about if you had given a ring, even with a long engagement and so forth....but the truth is, if it was meant to be and she really loved you and wanted to spend the rest of her life with you, it seems to me the proposal would have been well worth the wait. I mean, if you are going to spend an eternity together, does the paper really matter that much as to when it is signed? I think not. I guess everyone is different and looks at things differently, but I think anyone who wants to push you to do something isn't the right person for you. She didn't understand and wanted something different. When you couldn't give it to her, she walked away.... | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/13/2008 12:20:03 AM | | She wanted a commitment and apparently you didn't. There is no time limit to marriage. It is when a person is ready. She was ready and you weren't, so deal with it. If you really wanted to be with her then you never would have let her go. You did, so deal with it. Money isn't everything in life. The sooner you realize that, the happier you will be. Sometimes what we lose, means more than what we have. This has nothing to do with material means. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/13/2008 1:13:32 AM | To add to my earlier reply, I understand where the OP's ex was, even at that young an age. When I was 21, I was also coming out of a long term relationship, for some of the same reasons. We were together five years. He talked a good game about commitment, but never really showed it. I look back on it now and realize we were both young (and rather stupid, if I do say so myself) At the time, though, I was finished with college, on track with starting my career and wanted to get other areas of my life in order as well. The funny thing was, years later, he told my mother that he had bought a ring and planned on proposing, but I broke up with him first. Granted, the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back wasn't the lack of a proposal, but it did help to speed things along.
Edited to add: I guess it was lucky for me I didn't find a marriage-minded man right away after that relationship ended. I might have done the very same thing the OP's ex did. There's no way I'd do that now, but still... | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/13/2008 2:11:37 AM | | A ring? Ha! Even a marriage doesn't make a difference any more. People get bored with one relationship, they bail out. Nothing is forever, and there's no way to know when suddenly a woman is going to fall 'out of love'. A ring is a sign of YOUR commitment to HER. She didn't spend a cent on it, remember that. And marriage is a legal contract guaranteeing your financial responsibility, not love. There's never any distribution of 'love' in a divorce, but you can be assured your ex partner will want their 'fair share' of your belongings, and future income if they want it. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/13/2008 4:44:39 AM | Oh yeah...right...
A ring makes such a difference anymore that people leave them in the glove compartment...before entering the striptease!
Come to think of it...That's about as much as a marriage and family are worth to some individuals anymore...
I'm so glad I never got on the marriage and/or family train! | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/13/2008 5:00:41 AM | It isn't the ring it is the feelings that cause the ring to happen. It may also have been more than 2 months...you just didn't realize she had him as a friend.
My husband had a long distance relationship for over 2 years when I met him. He was in the dating mode but wanted a LTR or marriage. This other woman thought that she was his gf but they didn't get along very well for many reasons..drugs...distance..bad communication..inability for her to commit. They were always fighting...and that is when he would date others including me. She kicked him to the curb one last time and we were friends and realized that we had always wanted to be a couple but because of this relationship he was trying to make work..and I was dating...we both thought that we weren't looking for a LTR. When we finally joked about getting married since we were such good friends, we realized that what we were looking for was actually right in front of us all along. So...from the outside it looked like our engagement came out of the blue, as if we had only known each other a couple months when we got engaged. We actually had known each other a year and half when we got engaged. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/13/2008 5:16:17 AM | i'm not a guy but i sure do think some sort of commitment needs to take place after 3 years.
you left her hanging like she was nothing! so what's a girl to do? moving in with a guy right away was a little rash. she must be hurting. if you in fact love her and want to marry her now's the time to let her know. good luck to you both! | |
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