| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/13/2008 6:24:48 AM | | OP is a smart young man! I commend you for not being pressured into marriage just because a female is READY and WAITING...... | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:50:25 AM |
Seriously unless there is something in it for you as in marrying into money or some other financial gain don't get married, ever.
So you are happy to marry for money
Of course a ring makes a difference because even though women have achieved equality they still can sucker guys into buying them stuff.
but you think women are all fortune hunters 
(scratches head) | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/13/2008 3:05:21 PM | | At 21, all she wants is too get married, obviously to WHO is not a big issue with her. When I was in my early 20's it was all I wanted too. As I got older I realised what a mistake I made. I think being apart is a wise decision, you shouldn't be trying to find your life partner or soulmate at 21. Enjoy your youth, travel, get your career going sow some oats. You'll be happy you did. | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/13/2008 3:41:53 PM | Sounds like she wanted marriage more than she wanted you !!!
Let her get on with it and she will soon find out what a mistake she made. | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/13/2008 3:52:54 PM |
When asked the question: "does a ring make a difference?"
My answer is always: "to the one woman that is actually worth it, it won't"
This lady of yours was clearly desperate for something and/or living on a schedule, as that's the only way I can possibly rationalize agreeing to marry someone you've only been dating for two months if you didn't even know them before that...
Take the high road and simply wish her well because she's likely going to need it a year or two down the road when she's disillusioned and divorced, probably knocked up once or twice for her trouble and back on the singles market yet again...
I thought women understood that you bang the Rebound Guy, you don't actually MARRY him...
This has to be the absolute smartest answer in this entire forum.
As far as the idea that the 3 years you were given was more than enough time... ignore that! YOU weren't ready for marriage and would have set yourself up for failure. NEVER let anyone pressure you into ANYTHING you aren't ready for.
Wish her luck... and I wish you luck as well.  | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/13/2008 4:52:36 PM | | A ring makes NO difference. You either love each other or you don't. Jewelry is insignificant. | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/13/2008 5:03:49 PM | I think it DOES make a difference. I am not talking about price, shape and etc. If someone wants to get married and start a family I do not think they should stick for a prolonged period of time with someone who can't take relationship on the next level.
He can be absolutely great in many ways but how do you know that there will be a desirable outcome on your part? You can stcik with someone for 3 years sure n ot to see any one else and believe one day it will happen?
If you are ready for marrige and children you are ready and wait for someone who is not ready for a prolonged period of time doesn't make any sence for me. Some people ready in 20 some are not ready at 40. | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/13/2008 5:28:24 PM | She went off and accepted a random guy because he was foolish enough to ask her. Personally, I'd be thanking him if I were you because it sounds like she cares more about the symbolism of the ring than she does about the guy who is giving it to her.
Eazy,
Now, here is a statement by a young woman....collegegirl....[who is probably around the age of your girl/ex.]....but this girl sounds like she has her stuff waaay together. See how different people can be? In fact, her entire post was right on the money. (Msg.7)
I believe a ring / marriage can be wonderful, if two people are both ready and willing, and in the right place to make that commitment together.
What frightens me is when two people are not communicating, perhaps even polar opposites, and the woman 'believes' that a ring will make it all better.
And gals, it's getting pretty old hearing...'well, a woman want's a commitment'.
This man was with her for three years...and planning to do things in a way that makes sense at a young age. What part of any of that is not a commitment??
It's pretty sad commentary that we may live in a time of 'symbols' where one would throw off a human being for a symbol of love. That's no world I live in.
Again, I have to refer to the Don Henley tune...What part of us makes us throw off our contentment, and beg for something more?
tsk tsk
Eazy...you will be fine...you're a young good looking man and thankfully the Universe just rerouted you arond a major, major disaster.
Believe in Miracles
````````````````````````````` 'Kimbo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/13/2008 8:02:34 PM | | Funny story here, I gave my guy a ring...not a wedding band....but I thought it would mean everrything to him..like the ring I got from him meant to me...wrong..he didn't wear it. Broke my heart and I had him move out...now I think..I never should have bought the darn ring...now I lost the guy I wanted to spend my life with...he won't talk to me...he will probably marry the next girl he dates! We were together almost three years.. | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/13/2008 8:55:24 PM | This scenario reminds me of when I was 17. My 'first' love bought me a promise ring which meant a lot. He worked as a grounds keeper and didn't have a lot of money so it was really a surprise. That night my brothers girlfriends were at the house and started fights with my brothers because 'they wanted one'. Tears, screaming, locking themselves in the bathrooms.... they didn't get rings, they were given the boot.
A ring, even it is a cheap promise ring with a diamond 'chip' given from the heart means a lot more than one that is 'demanded' because everyone else has one. However, don't try to recycle 'used' engagement rings - even if your feelings are sincere.... just a really heartless thing to do to a girl.
When you meet the right one - you'll find the means to make it happen and buy the ring. A career or house and a nice car won't take precedence over asking her to spend the rest of your life with her. Think about it, poor people who work meniel jobs get married all the time ! You can work as a team and meet your career goals, buy a home and other material things. That's half the fun of getting married - making a home and a life together!
Don't be goaded into getting engaged out of pressure... I speak from experience. | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/14/2008 4:07:54 AM | well what happened really was you was with her 3 hours and you thought it sounded better if it was three years. I like it when a guy lies and hopes that he will get some pitty from the women. I wonder if it works. I wish this site had statistics on this kind of stuff. I think if you had ring in your nose you would be so hot. | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/14/2008 4:41:35 AM |
Three years with a woman you're not marrying?
Do any of you read? He was planning to propose to her, but he wanted to finish school and get started in a job in his career. That's called "being responsible," to those of us old enough to remember what "responsibility" is. This girl isn't much more than a teenager, and if she thinks she can hook up with a new guy and marry him within a couple of months and everything will be hunky-dory, she's too silly to know what marriage even is.
I still say the OP dodged a bullet. | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/14/2008 4:44:31 AM | I find it interesting that society has brainwashed women to believe their sense of self-worth should come from being married.
Marriage, serves no useful purpose (aside from certain legal benefits regarding possessions and banking). It cures no disease, confers no physical benefits. Its only function historically was to give control to the church. It definitely doesn't mean that the relationship is permanent (doh) - look at divorce rates.
As a woman, if you are so insecure about a man that you feel the need for him to marry you in order to be safe, he is obviously not the one for you. In a real relationship, when you know that your partner loves you unconditionally, in my opinion it is manipulative and emotionally abusive to give them an ultimatum. i.e. "marry me or else I will dump you". Seriously, that is f---ked up behavior.
The woman I eventually marry, will be the one who still loves me even when I tell her I don't ever want to get married. | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/14/2008 4:50:34 AM | | You asked a guy to move out over him not wanting to wear a ring that wasn't a wedding ring? My ex rarely wore his wedding ring, he wasn't allowed to wear jewelry on his job of any kind. But it never occurred to me to ask him to move out because of it. | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/14/2008 6:23:02 AM | | Congrats on dodging that crazy bullet. You should have faked your own wedding too. Come to Vancouver, I'll give you a deal on the photoshoot *LOL* You'd have to provide your own bride or I could rent one to you. | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/14/2008 6:36:13 AM | Like a previous poster mentioned, I think the lack of communication over a two week period means more than a ring at that point in your relationship. This being said three years it getting to be a long time and I would wonder how far in she began asking about a ring -- marriage is a big decision with it's own share of give and take.
Her marrying some guy for a two month relationship is a bit messed up -- it could work out but I would think it to be doubtful. I think it's hard to know the true measure of a person over a span of two months -- maybe a year gives you a good gauge but not two months.
Regards,
-John | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/14/2008 6:48:34 AM | | Sounds like she is more interested in being married (to anyone) than being with the right guy. I don't know how a few months could possibly be a reasonable amount of time to get to know someone well enough for marriage. Anyone I know who got engaged in six months or less and was married soon after had marriages that fell apart just as quickly. | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/14/2008 6:49:00 AM | | The girl just spent 3 years with you shes thinking that her clocks ticking and if she doesnt feel the commitment from u and feels like she cant waste any more of her youthful years then I guess it mattered a lot to her. | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:36:28 AM | EazyMeezy,
Sounds like you were being smart and responsible; getting a good education, getting set up in a good career - taking the right path. Good for you, that shows a lot of maturity. You were setting the foundation to building a good life together. Unfortunately, she didn't see it that way and it would appear her desire to 'get hitched' was all she cared about - such that she jumped in very quickly with someone new. perhaps it was an emotional rebound move on her part? But it doesn't matter, really. You did nothing wrong. Youre only 24 for god's sake........she was asking too much of you and not respecting the life and foundation that you were trying to build. Once you get over her, you will find someone who will respect your maturity.......and who won't give you selfish ultimatums. | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:41:02 AM | These posts are very interesting.. but a lot of people are missing what the original post that OP sent.. They were having issues BEFORE and the ring was not the ONLY issue. ;) Keep in mind, We all know the saying, "Why buy the cow if your getting the milk." No woman wants to be a free cow. ;) If you respect her you wouldn't either. The ring has nothing to do with insecurity either. It is all about putting words into action. Also, what I find interesting is that there are truly awesome benefits to being married. The sad part is a lot of people are demanding these benefits without the promises that marriage brings. Who would want to be with a person like that? Once again, this has nothing to do with insecurity.
Okay, answering the obvious question.. YES, the ring matters especially after 3 years. First off regardless of age, if you want someone to stay around and NOT see others then and you would like to SEE what marriage would be like with this person, then you get engaged - not married, but engaged. It is a trial period. Marriage is not something to rush into. She wasn't asking to be married right then and there, just a ring. Hell, you could have been engaged for another 5 years if she agreed to that. ;) It sounds as if there were other things and issues besides this that were going on that you have not and will not mention here (rightly fully so). A ring shows that you are serious about being committed to her/him. No ring, no commitment, no promises. Words are meaningless, it all comes down to action after a point. Also, you stated that you gave her the signal to go on after the arguing by not talking to her for weeks. YOU gave her that, so why are you shocked? Sorry, don't mean so sound harsh. But my Dad raised me with this, "Honey, no ring no commitment, keep dating."
I base this off of years of exspirence and the fact that I dated/lived with a guy for 3 years (ironically) and he gave every verbal commitments through out the entire time. One the day that we were going ring shopping after 3.5 years, he dumped me... even though the night before he was passionate about how happy he was that we were getting married and how loyal and faithful I was to stay and wait for him all this time while he sorted things out. Then three days later he was dating my girlfriend! So much for the words and verbal promises and the 3 years invested. So, bottom line... if your not ready your not ready the key thing is to communicate this and be honest about it regardless if it hurts or your afraid of hurting the other person. Lying or not communicating is way worse and leading them on into thinking that there was a change of an engagement when there wasn't isn't fair to the other person and they have every right to be upset when this happens. But I'm glad he acted this way, because it showed me that in a true relationship crunch he would be unreliable. I'm just sad that I waited this long to find out.
It doesn't make you the bad guy to not be ready, but what does is if you demand the other person continue to put their life on hold when they are at another point in the relationship. So, it sounds as if you two were not really meant to get married. Learn from this. ;) I hope that you do find the one that will happy with. Cheers. | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/14/2008 8:35:14 PM | | Who saw Sex in the City?? One line in that movie stood out ... A RING SEALS THE DEAL.... If the only deal going on was I like doing you for 3 yr ok. | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/14/2008 10:20:12 PM | Marriage is meaningless.
I was married twice, both of my exes cheated on me after five year relationships. Both of them sent me these long love notes, telling me how great I was and how much they loved me and couldn't live without me. Both times, my exes met a man within a few months after writing me these love notes. I never cheated on my wives and I never would have. I was completely committed to them. They obviously had no regard for the fact that they were married to me and had children to raise with me. I would have given my right arm for these women, married or not. Committment is in your heart and in your mind. Anyone who thinks a ceremony or a piece of paper or even having children, will keep people together is fooling themselves. I was fully committed to my wives in my heart and mind. They were not. Both of them have told me that I am now their standard for what a husband should be. They both have even had arguments with the men who came after me, saying that they know what a good husband or boyfriend should be like, because they had one and they dumped him. I told them both the same thing. "I was good, because I was 100% committed to you, but you were only able to see your own needs and wants and not those of your spouse and your children." Marriage won't change the way people think about each other. I still loved my wives for several years after I divorced them. They forgot about me within a few months of meeting a stranger. The OP's girl is like a lot of women, who think marriage is some magical committment potion and if you both just drink it, you won't have work on the relationship and everything will be wonderful. Well, as we all know, some women are spitters and some are swallowers.  | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/14/2008 10:57:20 PM | Marriage is only meaningless to those that think of it that way. I understand you saying that they left you even though you were committed to them. I'm sorry to read that. But it wasn't Marriage that did that, it was just those two women.
Life is a wonderful thing.. Stuff happens and what matters most is what you do with it. Do you learn and move on and adapt? Or do you continue to repeat the same patterns but expecting different results? (Thats insanity) They say to be what you want to attract.
(Pollyanna moment here) I'm sorry that all of these horrible and painful things have happened to a lot of people. But, all I can say is that it's awesome that these relationships didn't work! It just means that the person who is totally compatible for us is out there and we are not being occupied by those that will make our lives miserable. Think about how frustrating your life was when you were with them. Would you really want to be with that life for the rest of your life? Or continue to move on and find that one that feels like a vacation every time you come home to them?
I wish everyone the best of luck. Cheers. ;) | |
|
| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/15/2008 7:49:40 AM | sorry dude..'I was gonna'..doesnt cut the mustard...she dropped all the hints in the world..and 3 years is certainly enough time to at least pacify her and give her a 'promise' ring..thats the rage right now..it'll maybe set you back $500 or so..but at least you'll still be having sex..
You're young..someone else will come along and 'float your boat'...dont dwell on her and her 'new marriage'..she may have wanted to start a family and such...i wouldnt be surprised if she pops one out in the next year..and then is divorced from this dude in less than 5 years..its time you moved on and focused on your 'career'..which you said was the priority anyways..
I dont think you were really into her..she was just convient at the time..good luck.. | |
|
| |
Home
login 
