| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/25/2008 7:55:28 AM | Well, she is STUPID. Being with her 3 years says a lot. She shouldn't want you to purpose to her if you weren't ready, I would NEVER force someone, or make them feel pressured to give me a ring, that is pathetic. It seems that she was bored with her life, insecure about herself, and was just in a rush to get married. Moving in with a guy after 2 months, cheating on you... she sounds stupid. I think you are much better without her. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/25/2008 8:38:04 AM | I am sure there is much more to the story that we are not getting here.
If you keep putting things off until it is the ideal scenario than it more than likely is not what you wanted to do.
You could have proposed and had a long engagement.
It's pretty simple that if you want something then you will MAKE it happen.
As far as her moving on so quick, she knows what she wanted and went after it, I see nothing wrong with that.
A quick engagement does not mean a quick wedding.
It sounds like it was not the ring after all but your complete commitment that she wanted and was not getting. 3 years is a long time and yet you still could not make up your mind?
You snooze....You Lose! | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/25/2008 8:48:57 AM | | You snooze You win,,You have a career now and just starting out so actually you've got the world in your hands. Wish her well and enjoy your freedom. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/25/2008 8:56:24 AM | Dear OP
I feel for you, just I want to give my 0.02...
A ring is a symbol of union and commitment, and if doesn't ring a bell on you, that is it to face, you both haven't been at the same page, and therefore you're not supposed to expect her to wait you to bloom at your pace and time...
Glad you have got your career now, don't you?
So, move on ... | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:12:30 AM | I think a ring does matter some women equate a ring with being your one and only and that's fine this is something that most of us were raised seeing and hearing about, the promise ring, the engagement ring then the wedding ring. however if you didn't give it to her it's because we all have gut feelings and somewhere in your head you knew she was not THE ONE. I am happy for you that you didn't end up with a woman that is more worried about how things appear rather than what they really are. I've been in a relationship for 7yrs and he's bought 3 rings for me and i won't wear them because i'm not ready and he thinks he is but he's not . Good luck and don't worry there are plenty of fish in the sea:)
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:28:56 AM | | it is quite possible that the fact that she put more importance on the ring then the relationship was the reason why he didnt give her a ring.the ring represents trust,it doesnt give it.if she needed the ring to trust him then there is not enough trust for her to recieve one. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/25/2008 10:23:03 AM | Stingray, I agree.. he has his career now.. think how much quicker he will be financially
secure with his one income!
Arpeggia | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/25/2008 1:44:53 PM | | Dude there are 2 possibile reasons of what she did so (quickly) 1. she" nuts anybody would do as long as she got Married.2. Shes very cunning and dated this guy for quite some time-on the side, while she was with you.never underestimate a women /or a girl remember you all lived 45 miles from each other this is very easy to do.Trust me women can play a guy just as easy as a guy can play them.In either of these 2 examples your the better off without her, she looks bad in both lights.be gratfull you did not marry her. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/25/2008 2:16:39 PM | | I dont blames you. If you wanted to finish school. get your career going and stable before you went into that phase thats the right thing to do. If she actually married this guy, she will be divorced within a year. Then will probably come crawling back to you. Then its up to you if you want her back. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/25/2008 2:29:28 PM | eazymeezy you were right and she was right.
She wanted to be married and you didn't feel ready so it ended the relationship. That's OK.
You've got to take care of your needs first and she has to take care of her own and that's how it is.
It's no different from a business person asking another business person if they want to start a business partnership and the other says 'not ready yet' and the business person who asked then sets up with another business person instead.
Stick to your guns and don't you do no rebound stuff either. When it's right it'll be right. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/25/2008 3:29:21 PM | | To some women, a ring IS the commitment... to others, its an extension of your commitment. I think that if you love someone, they will be able to tell. And if you don't they will be able to tell that too. If you've been with her for 3 years and not talking about spending your life with her -- she's probably not THE ONE. And deep down, you know that but you don't want to admit it. When you're in a longterm relationship, it can be very difficult to get out of that comfort zone you're so use to. I made that mistake before. 3 1/2 years with someone who I knew I could not grow old with. It was such a relief when we broke up. I felt like I was free! | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/25/2008 4:24:33 PM | | I am no guy but I can say this from a ladys view she told you well ahead in plain to read signs and words if you listened "claim me or i am gone"You moved too slow she got bored she found someone that did love her or at least made her happy.To start with I did not think it mattered but I was looking for him to want me for me and show it.Basically it ended up he a cheap skate and user just wanting convience but I married for what and married or not I never felt loved so we split . Rather I left him.A ring says a lot . To some it says claimed , to some a ring means security but what it dont means is fidelity. Id just be happy if I found the one man that would be faithful but now without the ring and actually papers no way would I keep staying.I does not have to be 5 carots to mean just as much but a bubble gum machine or just zirconia is not gonna do long either.She needs to feel you can show your love visually and behind closed doors and more than internet and paper roses or pretty words or letters . Women need all those things.More so we need to feel loved and appreciated.A necklace I dont care if its 18ct gold with 10 cts diamonds is still not that ring and heart felt vows.Big screen picture painted for you I hope. Best of luck next round. by the way obviously you were not for her and I think Guy 2 was already playing in that sand box long before she decided she was board.Thank God and move forward.The right lady won't be asking you when you'll know and be the one wanting an answer. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/25/2008 4:40:37 PM | If you are in a relationship for 3 years.. there should be some type of token of your committment. That is the purpose of a ring.. call it a tangeble symbol that cost the guy some $$ to assure the woman that he is indeed commtted to her.
It might be crazy she got engaged in 2 months.. but that guy was willing to put his money where his mouth is evidently.. you were not.
A ring is a promise to fullfill a committment and a promise of a covenant that will be entered into at a later date. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/25/2008 4:50:19 PM | Yes, it can, but not always! lol
Some women use/view it as a symbol. Show off to her friends, especially if they are married/engaged. Makes her feel like she is worthy in others eyes. "See someone wants to marry me!" Not all of course but those type are the "others directed" of the group.
As was mentioned before, to the right girl, no it probably wont. She would cherish and appreciate it, but no it wouldnt be a deal breaker.
If shes going to marry a guy in 2 months time, then she probably has a schedule to keep and probably is going to end up divorced before she knows what happened. Of course, maybe she hit the jackpot of love and found her soulmate. If that is the case, it was meant to be and you probably saved yourself even more heartache.
I know it has to hurt, but it will go away eventually.
Good luck OP. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/25/2008 4:55:30 PM | | CRAZY THINGS PEOPLE DO! THEY MEET SOMEONE AND TWO MONTHS LATER READY TO MARRY! WOW. WELL IF YOU WERE NOT READY THEN YOU DO HAVE YOUR OWN CHOICE. OBVIOUSLY SHE DIDNT CARE MUCH ABOUT YOU. I DONT THINK A RING MAKES A DIFFERENCE! IF SHE WAS HAPPY WITH YOU SHE WOULD NEVER HAVE GONE OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE! | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/25/2008 6:46:48 PM | CRAZY THINGS PEOPLE DO! THEY MEET SOMEONE AND TWO MONTHS LATER READY TO MARRY! WOW. WELL IF YOU WERE NOT READY THEN YOU DO HAVE YOUR OWN CHOICE. OBVIOUSLY SHE DIDNT CARE MUCH ABOUT YOU. I DONT THINK A RING MAKES A DIFFERENCE! IF SHE WAS HAPPY WITH YOU SHE WOULD NEVER HAVE GONE OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE!
in other words.it didnt matter how commited you were in the relationship,she didnt believe you were.i understand how this goes.no ring no commitment.to me i say,if you dont believe in my words than you are not going to believe me period.i imagine you believed she was commited to you.guess you found out otherwise. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/26/2008 5:31:11 AM | Yeah Arpeggia2 sure career can boost and give us some confidence...
And the OP, although seemingly caught by surprise in personal life, he might have a chance to use his lesson for better into career... We always should try instead giving up... no matter what.
As far girls awaiting being romanced with a ring... hmmm, what's about turning the page just for a lit'l change, huh?
I would not only give a ring to my guy but flowers and any other gesture of love and attention... and certainly it takes two to tango...
Best wishes!!! Gotta go for it, though...
Never await or expect a ring to fall from heaven - gravity would make out of it a fireball weapon..., IMHO...    | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/26/2008 10:19:03 AM | SarsotaGal…
If a woman wants an actual marrige she has the right to do so because it is her choice. She may want a man as her husband and has every right to walk away from him if he doesn't see that it will be given to her. This is her choice to have a husband the same way as your choice to have a bike or swimming pool or my choice to have awesome hiking stuff.
Are you actually comparing the union of marriage to tangible goods such as bicycles and hiking equipment? You do not simply HAVE the right to a marriage. A marriage is not something you run out and pick up at Walmart or grab on your way through the drive through at McDonalds. This is the attitude that inflates the divorce rate.
A marriage should be looked at as your Mona Lisa...your greatest achievement...your holy grail. There is a saying we hold in marriage, an oath; “Until DEATH do we part”. Marriage should never be taken so lightly and all too often is trivialized as barely a commitment anymore. You must be certain that the person you are about to marry is worthy of all of your courage, strength and conviction. Your commitment to each other will be challenged and tested routinely and if you do not answer the call you WILL be a divorce statistic. That’s my guarantee! | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/26/2008 11:43:14 AM | | It just sounds like OP and the girl are young and probably the new guy too. Just because the new guy gave her a ring doesn't mean that he will ever make the commitment. He knew she wanted the ring so he gave her one, but who knows if they will ever actually get married or not. This type of situation happens alot especially in that age group. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/26/2008 12:11:30 PM | A marriage should be looked at as your Mona Lisa...your greatest achievement...your holy grail. There is a saying we hold in marriage, an oath; “Until DEATH do we part”. Marriage should never be taken so lightly and all too often is trivialized as barely a commitment anymore. You must be certain that the person you are about to marry is worthy of all of your courage, strength and conviction. Your commitment to each other will be challenged and tested routinely and if you do not answer the call you WILL be a divorce statistic. That’s my guarantee!
unfortunately you are right marriage is taken lightly.thats because it is so easy to get out of.i believe it should be law that if you get a divorce for any other reason but adultry our abuse,you should never be able to marry again.this would probably make people take marriage a little more seriously. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/30/2008 4:06:47 AM | Just to update everyone on the situation here. Recently I was getting phone calls from my ex. On one of these calls she tells me she wants to meet. So I agree and we meet at Starbucks. In her car I notice she has all her things packed. She tells me that she left the house. So I am thinking that we might still have a chance to work things out.
We talk about things and come to find out she got married sooner than expected. As of now she is married, so it took less than 3 months and she married the guy. But now she regrets it and wants to be with me, but it is too late. I told her it is best that we stop talking and go on our separate ways. She insisted that we keep in touch. I finally convinced her that we are no longer going to talk or see each other. So it has been about a week and I have not heard from her. She wanted to keep talking to me while she was with her now husband until she completed school and began her teaching career. Which is going to take about a year. Afterwards she was going to look into divorce because as of now she does not have the financial resources to do that.
She has no place to go other than stay there. She cannot go to her parent's house because they totally disowned her after she betrayed me and married someone else so soon. They didn't even go to her engagement party. I told her just to go back to his house and just try to work things out because what else can she do, right?
So I guess she made a wrong decision by marrying someone else so soon. As for me I am not waiting for her. I have been moving on with my life and no longer want anything to do with her. I do not want to be second best or the guy to fall back on if things do not work out. She made a choice and now she has to live with it. I am out of the picture and now she can deal with her own situation.
My conclusion is that a ring does make a difference when the person who gives is to you is the person you really want to spend the rest of your life with. Do not just do it for any other reason than love and do not marry so soon. If it takes longer than expected, do not worry because love is forever and a ring is not. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:30:15 PM | | wow, she is in a sad situation. What else can she do? Get a job, even student loans or something to pay for school and living expenses the last year of school. Live on campus. Graduate, get a job. Grown people pay their own expenses every day. So she is going to just use the guy she married for the next year? Does he know???? Of course, he willingly entered into this. Maybe he thought he adored her and wanted to please her or whatever. Well, you made the choice to not give her a ring and get engaged, so you won't ever really know if she would have accepted that for awhile or not. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:25:32 PM | Shug you're just hurt, and surprised that the gal had a different schedule then you.
Apparently what was important to you, was different in her eyes. What was important to her was different in your eyes... Two ideals have to meet before they can become a commitment.
As for who would move in with a guy after two months a lot of silly 21 yr old girls, and maybe some older... Us old chicks, we know the score, and don't like playing a fool that easily....
Edit....
From your update sounds like she really has found herself in a HUGE mess, and was expecting you to bail her out. You did right by telling her the two of you will not talk ever again. She has to learn the hard way, which is sometimes communicating heart to heart, and not being in such a hurry is the best way to go.
She may need to get out of school for a while and take a job to get herself on her feet. Using this guy for financial support is going to smack her harder in the face, but I guess she has created her own bed.
You did say something ODD.... You stated that you had seen stuff packed, and thought the two of you had a chance... Seems to me you still l0ve her as deeply as you did before, it will take time, but she made a choice that she has to fix on her own...
Try not to feel so much victory that her family disowned her, that is NOT good karma, and believe me even though it is NICE to see someone get a taste of the bitter pill after doing you wrong...It is the greatest strength of all, to be able to have humility and kindness even when the other doesn't deserve it...
I am NOT suggesting you talk to her, because that is NOT RIGHT or FAIR to the man she chose to marry...
Good luck | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 7/18/2008 7:58:48 AM | Wowwww!!!! I am really surprise how that woman can move so fast.
I can understand you taking you time about finishing you career, but I than that she was desperate to get a ring. Yes, women like ring, but acting like that to the point of breaking a realtionship of three years just to run to the first man to offer a ring?????
Come on, I can guaranties you that marriage would be a desaster????
Where is the love????? That is not love, a woman who broke up a relationship after that long would be broken heart.
Crystal. | |
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| Does a ring make a difference?
Posted: 7/18/2008 8:09:39 AM | I think a ring makes a difference, when two people are contemplating having children. I creates a legal framework for the formal creation of a family, and lends structure for the "raising of the young".
There are other legal considerations, both pro and con, to marriage vs. cohabitation or having an intimate relationship outside of marriage.
Then, too, there are those who are "legalistic" from a religious perspective, somehow thinking it's "ok" to remarry, despite the literal biblical instructions, but not "ok" to have a close and intimate relationship without the legal structure.
So, yeah, it can make a difference. | |
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