| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/8/2008 1:33:36 PM | Johne,
I am getting really tired of your attack on single moms especially here in Canada. Unless you have personally spoken to every single mom in Canada and have documented proof that everyone of them is out for what they can get don't lump us together. I work full time. I own my own home. I do not NEED any man to take care of me so really stop with the assumptions of every single woman, times have changed.
As far as the original question to this post I don't know that married moms would envy single moms unless they felt sufficated in their marriage. Single moms are no doubt extremely independant and learn to do alot of things we may not of otherwise and yes in some ways have the freedom to do what we want in life, we still have times we would like to share it with a partner so its a bit of a double edge sword. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/8/2008 1:38:13 PM | | Here's an idea....single mom's switch with the married moms for 6 months...I bet the grass would not be any greener on he other side. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/8/2008 1:43:21 PM | | ^ That makes alot of sense. I'm pretty sure thats the why we are single because either out of our hands or whatever reason we were married and learned from our mistakes. If a marriage is happy then yes it will likely be envied Johne, if its not, then no, you couldn't pay me enough to enter into a doomed relationship again. I would however like to see you be a parent for 6 months Johne, I am really curious how that would play out. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/8/2008 1:47:21 PM |
I would however like to see you be a parent for 6 months Johne, I am really curious how that would play out.
That would be REALLY interesting | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/8/2008 2:04:48 PM |
I think it boils down to what kind of marriage they have. If they have a crap marriage, they do. If they have a good marriage, they don't. And the definition of what constitutes a good marriage is subjective so THEIR perception of their marriage is the only one that counts.
BINGO... this poster siad it right. I know some married women who are in a miserable marriage and who envy the single life, but as for myself, I have been a single mom and after finding a wonderful man who I married, I'd never go back.
I have plenty of freedom with my husband looking after the kids while I go on weekends with my girlfriends and other outtings. But most of all for me, it's going out with my family that brings me the most happiness. I don't envy single moms because I love my life with my husband and kids more than anything, but I do applaud them!
As for Johne, you should really stop talking about something you have no experience in. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/8/2008 2:23:17 PM |
Here's an idea....single mom's switch with the married moms for 6 months...I bet the grass would not be any greener on he other side.
No thanks! I dont want someone moaning about my frequent work trips away and them feeling neglected, I dont want someone moaning about how I earn more than him and this interfers with his male ego, I dont want someone moaning about how I spend all day working and not getting his dinner on the table and ironing his shirts, and I dont want someone telling me how I should or should not be spending my salary.
Nope, its not for me thanks. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:39:41 PM | XO_XO_XO. Most women have some situations when they just feel weak and need to be comforted. It is a female nature I guess. Who needs a robot but let's admit we in many case need a good male to support us, be there for us when we need it and I guess it falls into category of natural female instincts.
I also can't underestimate an importance of regular sexual interscourse for a grown peoplw. I am somewhat stereotyping but I guess there is indeed a need for a woman to have that connection with that special somenone. Just those little private moments. Does it make you feel better if your loving hubby could also be a great daddy and will be able to be for you when it is needed in your eyes or your 5 y.o eyes (they think different).?????????
I am surprised by women who do not need a man in their lives and feel all cool about it .... | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:42:04 PM |
Really? Do take a look at my profile and then point out to me where a married woman would feel pity and sadness at my 'obvious' poor and suffering life as a single mum.
Who said anything about pity? Not I.
I 'm simply saying that anyone who is not a single parent that envies those of us who are are basing their envy on some unrealistic ideal of what they think a single parent's life is like (things like you can date anyone you want whenever you want, etc.). I'm a 24/7 dad. I do all of the things that any single mom does and I relish the involvement with my kids. When other singles are out enjoying their free time, I'm feeding kids, doing homework, getting baths and putting the kids to bed like all of you single moms. I certainly don't need pity but it's not all fun and games. It's hard work. Fortunately, it's worth it! | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:42:24 PM |
No thanks! I dont want someone moaning about my frequent work trips away and them feeling neglected, I dont want someone moaning about how I earn more than him and this interfers with his male ego, I dont want someone moaning about how I spend all day working and not getting his dinner on the table and ironing his shirts, and I dont want someone telling me how I should or should not be spending my salary.
Don't generalize.
For the single moms out there, the grass definatly isn't always greener on the other side. If your happy where you are and what your doing, married or not, then all the more power to you... but don't assume that just because you get married that your going to be "tied down" and that you'll have to become the "lil miss house maid" to the man in your life. If that's your experience from past relationships, then you've made bad judgements in who who chose to be with... if you just think this is how all married men are... then your probably better off single anyways.
I would however like to see you be a parent for 6 months Johne, I am really curious how that would play out.
lol... good call spirit! | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:45:01 PM |
Why would married moms envy single moms? If that were true single moms wouldnot be looking for a relationship...unless they live in Canada where they can collect child support from multiple men..then maybe they night envy single moms...but I do not think most single moms are envied by married women.
You need to change your profile to state:
"I do not want your kids, I do not want spawn that has been created by someone other than myself~"
And you also need to post something about the laws in Canada in your profile. That way, you won't feel the need to let the community at large know this in every....single....post...you feel compelled to write. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:45:59 PM |
Don't generalize.
For the single moms out there, the grass definatly isn't always greener on the other side. If your happy where you are and what your doing, married or not, then all the more power to you... but don't assume that just because you get married that your going to be "tied down" and that you'll have to become the "lil miss house maid" to the man in your life. If that's your experience from past relationships, then you've made bad judgements in who who chose to be with... if you just think this is how all married men are... then your probably better off single anyways.
I was married, and yup I am definately better off single!!
Oh, and I'll generalise however I like. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/8/2008 6:06:28 PM |
I think it boils down to what kind of marriage they have.
Precisely! The only people who would be envious are those who have chosen the wrong partner.
I think that's the tricky part... since most people here are single, separated, or divorced, this has become our reality and some people have a hard time realizing that not every relationship is destined to end in failure. We are not getting many opinions from happily married people because there are very few of them that have profiles on a "singles" site. If there were more of them around, we might get a slightly different perspective. There are a lot of married moms who are not envious of single moms, and never will be, because they've got it good the way it is. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/8/2008 6:16:12 PM | | Well, what I think we are forgetting here is the fact that all relationships, all lifestyles, life in general goes through phases. My friends have phases where they think they cannot wake up looking at 'that man' lying next to them for one more day. It passes. I have phases where I'm wildly happy being single, and phases where I wish I had a partner in crime. So I think of course they are going to see us with no one to answer to and no belching, farting la-z-boy (to quote Roseanne) and think gee....bliss. But there are also times when they see what it's like to not have someone to call when your tire gets a flat and say gee....I love my husband. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/8/2008 6:59:55 PM | ....the grass is always greener on the other side, untill you have to mow it twice as often. Like anything in life there are pro's and con's to both sides.
Speaking as a single dad raising three boys I'm not sure about the freedom thing. Having two days out of fourteen isn't what I call freedom and that's the position most of you are in. Seems the ex is the one who has the freedom and finds a new care free life. On top of that it seems whenever there is a schedule change (I have plans this weekend) you the custodial parent are the one who loses. So much for freedom.
I've tried to write and write on the rest and keep deleting...all I can say is tell the married that they need to work on their relationship and rediscover why they came together and of course share responsibilities. Everybody needs time to themselves. But, let's be honest with ourselves, finding someone better? Who in their right mind really wants to be dating in their 30's, 40's and beyond. Every marriage expert will tell you relationships take work, try adding in all the issues of blending a family and household- ahhhhhhh. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/8/2008 7:12:43 PM | Bad relationships take work... good relationships just work.
Ba-loney! Every relationship takes work, whether its a friendship a couple's relationship, even familial relationships. You have to constantly nurture it or it falls by the wayside. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/8/2008 8:20:46 PM |
So I think of course they are going to see us with no one to answer to and no belching, farting la-z-boy (to quote Roseanne) and think gee....bliss.
After 10 years single, I would see having a belching farting la-z-boy as bliss. See, it's all about your perspective. Grass is always greener? Maybe, but I never wanted to be here in the first place. I never looked over the fence.
Bad relationships take work... good relationships just work.
You're in fantasyland! | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/8/2008 8:36:11 PM |
Every relationship takes work, whether its a friendship a couple's relationship, even familial relationships.
Well then I'm glad I don't have your friends or family. Loving my friends and family is easy and requires no work.
You have to constantly nurture it or it falls by the wayside.
There's a difference between nuturing and working. You won't know what I'm talking about until you learn to differentiate the two. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/8/2008 9:04:15 PM | If so they are seriously mislead in what being a single mom is about. Im not saying I hate it in any way shape or form. But when me and my husband were together (and he wasnt a huge help and was rarely home) life was always easier when it came to the kids and money. I mean yeah now I get the occasional weekend to have me time which usually consists of catching up on all the stuff I cant get done during the week when the kids are here. At least with a husband you have extra hands around! My ex wasnt great but he did do some of the work, dishes changing a diaper if I was busy, watching the kids so I could go get groceries with no hassle of little hands. I dont see how anyone would envy the life of a single parent. That is just my opinion though and to each their own.  | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/9/2008 6:24:06 AM |
Bad relationships take work... good relationships just work.
There's a difference between nuturing and working. You won't know what I'm talking about until you learn to differentiate the two.
I never say this on here, but I have to this time: It's NO wonder why you are single. You're a blithering idiot if you think that relationships just work with no effort whatsoever. It takes WORK to NURTURE. So there. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/9/2008 12:50:33 PM | I could see how married women would be envious.
Get divorced from lousy spouse. New not so lousy next spouse is waiting on your door step.  Yep, I want in on that one too.
Cept you left out a couple of details. When you have kids you're not 'in a position to start over', you're just cleaning up that mistake you made(the ex) and hoping someone else will want to share the family you've already made.
And I don't know about you but, all my free time disapeared soon as I filed for the divorce. Or that free time started costing me per/hr to watch the kids.
There is nothing to be envious about. Our independence comes at a very heavy price. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/9/2008 4:13:31 PM |
a blithering idiot if you think that relationships just work with no effort whatsoever. It takes WORK to NURTURE.
Like I said... until you understand the difference between the two, you will never understand what I am talking about, hence your outburst. When I think of work, I think of a burden. My family and friends never have been and never will be a burden. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/9/2008 4:21:46 PM | | ^^ So does that mean that it's just an all-around love fest? You don't have to do small things to make your S.O. smile once in a while? You don't have to make sure you call Mom on Mother's Day and go do some handyman work around the house when she needs something? You don't have to call your buddy to see how it's going with his job search? That's all effort. Work and effort are getting confused here. If you are saying that things just magically fall into place with no effort whatsoever, that's just wrong. | |
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| Single moms - envied by married moms?
Posted: 6/9/2008 4:30:31 PM |
Work and effort are getting confused here.
That's precisely my point. I put effort (which you referred to as nurturing previously) into relationships, but it is not work. Work is something you've got to try and motivate yourself to do, whereas that sort of stuff you've mentioned is easy. That's why I don't refer to it as work... it's not a task or a chore to do things for people who mean something to you. | |
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